HAM'S CAN COOK!!

THIS SITE IS DEDIICATED TO THE FOLLOWING GREAT WOMEN I KNOW...MY WIFE...MY PAL CANDACE(KA7NDI)AND BRENDA...(KB8LUP) FOLLOWING RECIPIES.... Potato Soup 3 t. butter 3 C. sliced or chopped leeks or onions 3 T. flour 2 qts. water Salt and pepper to taste 4 C. potato chopped 1/2 C. heavy cream 3 T. chopped parsley Melt butter in a 5 quart pan. Add leeks or onions and cook slowly for 5 minutes without browning. Blend in flour and cook for 2 minutes. Gradually add water, stirring to prevent lumps. Add potatoes, bring to a boil and simmer partially covered 45 minutes. You can prepare ahead to this point if you like. Before serving bring soup to a simmer and stir in cream, parsley and 3 T. more butter. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Mint Jelly 4 lbs of tart apples (e.g. Granny Smith), unpeeled, chopped into big pieces, including the cores 1 1/2 cups of fresh mint, chopped, lightly packed 2 cups water 2 cups white vinegar 3 1/2 cups sugar (7/8 cups for each cup of juice) Combine apple pieces with water and mint in a large pan. Bring water to a boil then reduce heat and cook 20 minutes, until apples are soft. Add vinegar, return to boil. Simmer covered, 5 more minutes. Use a potato masher to mash up the apple pieces to the consistency of apple sauce. Spoon the apple pulp into a muslin cloth (or a couple layers of cheesecloth) suspended over a large bowl. Leave to strain for several hours. Do not squeeze. Measure the juice, then pour into a large pot. Add the sugar (7/8 a cup for each cup of juice). Heat gently, stirring to make sure the sugar gets dissolved and doesn't stick to the bottom of the pan and burn. Bring to a boil. Cook for 10-15 minutes, using a spoon to skim off the surface scum. Continue to boil until a candy thermometer shows that the temperature has reached 8°F above the boiling point at your altitude (boiling point is 212°F at sea level). Pour into sterilized jars to within 1/4" from the top and seal. Makes approx. 4 half-pint jars. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Cajun-Style Sauteed Fish 1 pound tuna steak, or other firm fish 1 teaspoon paprika 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin 1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1/4 teaspoon crushed dried thyme 1/4 teaspoon crushed dried oregano 1/4 teaspoon crushed dried basil 1 tablespoon minced peeled onion 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic 1 lemon, juiced 1 tablespoon white distilled vinegar 1/8 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley 1 lime, cut into wedges Rinse fish, drain and set aside. In a small bowl, combine paprika, pepper, cumin, cayenne, thyme, oregano and basil. Heat a 10-inch nonstick pan or skillet on medium heat. Add spice mixture and toast, stirring constantly, for 30 to 50 seconds or until fragrant. Add onion and garlic and cook, stirring constantly, 1 minute. Add fish, lemon juice, vinegar and salt. Cover, reduce heat to low, and cook 3 minutes. Turn fish over and cook for another 5 minutes or until fish is tender. Raise heat to reduce some of the liquid. Transfer to a serving plate and spoon on spicy juices. Serve with parsley and lime wedges. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Baby Ruth Brownies Lift your brownies out of the ordinary with an extra dollop of richness from cream cheese and Baby Ruth Candy Bars. Prep Time10 minutes Cooking Time35 minutes Servesmakes 24 brownies 1 pkg. (about 18.25 oz.) chocolate brownie mix 3 (2.1 oz. each) NESTLE BABY RUTH Candy Bars, finely chopped 1 pkg. (8 oz.) cream cheese, at room temperature 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 large egg 2 teaspoons milk PREHEAT oven to 350 degrees F. Grease 13 x 9-inch baking pan. PREPARE brownie batter according to package directions; stir in chopped BABY RUTH. Pour into prepared pan. BEAT cream cheese and sugar in small mixer bowl until smooth. Beat in egg and milk. Using knife or spatula, swirl cream cheese mixture into brownie batter to create a marbling effect. BAKE for 35 to 40 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out almost clean. Cool completely in pan on wire rack. Cut into bars using wet knife. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Hawaiin Punch Smoothie 8oz unsweetened pineapple juice 2 Tbsp Vanilla 1, 1/2 banana 6-8 frozen strawberries hand full of ice ( optional ) blend together in blender until completely mixed,then enjoy Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Yogurt Cake 1/2 cup butter, softened 1 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 egg 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1 cup yogurt (any flavor at all) 1. Preheat the oven to 350*F. Grease and flour a 9 inch Bundt pan. 2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar and vanilla until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg until smooth. Combine the flour, baking soda, and baking powder; stir into the batter alternately with the yogurt. Spread the batter into the prepared pan. 3. Bake for 50 minutes in the preheated oven, until a knife inserted into the crown comes out clean. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Cornmeal Cheese Crackers 1 cup cornmeal 1 cup whole wheat flour 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup water 2 tablespoons oil 3 ounces sharp cheddar cheese Preheat oven to 300*F. Combine water, oil, and cheese in container of electric blender and blend until smooth before stirring in the dry ingredients. Bake in preheated oven for 20 minutes. If desired, top with grated cheese & cumin seeds and toast under broiler to melt cheese before serving. Yield approximately 4 dozen crackers, each 2 inches square. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner PEANUT BUTTER FUDGE CAKE 2 cups flour 2 cups sugar 1 tsp. baking soda 1 cup margarine ¼ cup cocoa 1 cup water ½ cup buttermilk 2 large eggs, slightly beaten 1 tsp. vanilla extract 1 ½ cups creamy peanut butter Chocolate Frosting (see below) Preheat oven to 350°. Combine flour, sugar and baking soda in a large mixing bowl; set aside. Melt margarine in a heavy saucepan; stir in cocoa. Add water, buttermilk and eggs, stirring well. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until mixture boils. Add to flour mixture; stir until smooth. Stir in vanilla extract. Pour batter into a greased, floured 13 X 9 inch baking pan. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes. Spread peanut butter on warm cake. Cool completely for 30 minutes. Spread Chocolate Frosting on top; cut into squares. CHOCOLATE FROSTING 1 lb. (1 box) powdered sugar, sifted ½ cup margarine 1/3 cup buttermilk ¼ cup cocoa 1 tsp. vanilla extract Put powdered sugar in a large bowl. Bring margarine, buttermilk and cocoa to a boil in a saucepan over medium heat; stir constantly. Pour cocoa mix over sugar, stirring until smooth. Mix in vanilla extract. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Southwest Spaghetti Pie 8 oz Spaghetti or Linguine, uncooked 1/2 cup skim milk 1 egg 8 oz ground pork 1 cup chopped onion 1 medium green bell pepper, chopped 1 large clove garlic, minced 1 jalapeño pepper, minced 1 Tbs chili powder 1/2 tsp ground cumin 1/2 tsp dried oregano Salt to taste Pepper to taste 1 16-oz. can low-sodium tomato sauce 8 oz Monterey Jack or Cheddar cheese Preheat oven to 425° F. Prepare pasta according to package directions; drain. Whisk together the milk and egg and mix in the hot pasta in a greased 9 x 12 x 2-inch baking dish. Cook the pork, onion, green pepper, garlic and jalapeño together in a large skillet over medium heat for about 6 minutes, until the pork is cooked through. Drain off excess fat. Stir the chili powder, cumin, oregano, salt and pepper into the pork and cook for about 2 minutes. Spread the meat over the pasta in the baking dish. Sprinkle both cheeses evenly over the top. Bake in the lower third of the oven for about 10 minutes, until the cheese is melted and the casserole begins to bubble. Let stand 5 minutes before serving. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Chocolate Waffles with Caramel-Banana Topping 2 servings Waffles 1 1/2 cups buttermilk baking mix 1 cup granulated sugar 1/3 cup baking cocoa 3/4 cup water 2 tablespoons vegetable oil 2 eggs Caramel-Banana Topping 1/2 cup packed brown sugar 1/4 cup whipping (heavy) cream 1/4 cup light corn syrup 2 tablespoons butter or margarine 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 3 medium bananas, sliced Make Caramel-Banana Topping; keep warm. Heat waffle iron; grease if necessary. Waffles: Stir remaining ingredients until blended. Pour batter for waffle onto center of hot waffle iron. Repeat with remaining batter. Bake about 5 minutes or until steaming stops. Carefully remove waffle. Serve with topping. Topping: Mix all ingredients except bananas in 1-quart saucepan. Heat to boiling over medium heat, stirring occasionally; remove from heat. Gently stir in bananas until well coated. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Caramel Braid 1 package yeast 1/4 cup warm water 2 eggs 1 cup lukewarm milk (scalded, then cooled) 1/4 cup butter softened 1/4 cup granulated sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 4 to 4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour Dissolve yeast in warm water. Stir in eggs, milk, margarine, sugar and salt. Stir in 1 cup flour. Stir in remaining flour, continue stirring until soft. Cover and let rise in warm place till double-about 1 hour. Caramel Filling 1 cup chopped nuts, 2/3 cup brown sugar 1/3 cup soft margarine Stir dough down by beating about 25 strokes. Turn onto well floured surface, roll into rectangle 18 x 12-inches. Spread with Caramel filling. Cut into 3 strips 18 x 4 inches. Roll each into rope, pinch edges and ends. Place diagonally and close together on greased cookie sheet. Braid ropes gently and loosely. Do not stretch. Pinch ends, tuck under. Cover and let rise about 30 minutes. Place oven rack below center of oven. Bake 25-30 minutes at 350 degrees F. Brown Butter Glaze Heat 1/4 cup butter over medium heat till brown; remove from heat; stir in 2 cups powdered sugar and 1 teaspoon vanilla extract. Stir in 1 to 2 tablespoons milk till smooth. Add a little hot water if needed. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Bear Claws Basic Sweet Dough 1/2 cup milk 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1/4 cup butter or margarine 1/2 cup warm water (105-115 degrees) 2 packages active dry yeast 2 eggs, beaten 4 1/2 cups unsifted flour Scald milk. Stir in sugar, salt, and butter. Cool to lukewarm. Measure warm water into large bowl and sprinkle on the yeast. Stir until dissolved. Stir in lukewarm milk mixture, eggs and half of the flour - beat until smooth. Stir in remaining flour to make a stiff dough. Turn out on a floured board and knead 8 minutes or place in an electric mixer with a dough hook until smooth and elastic. Place in a greased bowl, turning to grease top of dough. Cover and let rise until doubled in bulk. Punch down and shape as desired. Preparation and Filling 2 tablespoons melted butter (for brushing on the dough) 1 1/2 cups chopped dates 3/4 cups raisins 3/4 cup chopped nuts, divided 5 tablespoons granulated sugar, divided 1 teaspoon lemon rind 1 egg yolk, combined with 2 tablespoons water Divide dough in half. Roll out half of dough on floured board into a 9 x 18-inch rectangle. Brush with 1 tablespoon of the melted butter. Combine dates, raisins and lemon rind with 1/2 cup of the nuts and 3 tablespoons of the sugar. Sprinkle half of this filling over the dough. Fold outside third of dough over center; fold again to make a 3-layer strip 18 inches long. Pinch ends to seal. Cut and divide into 9 (2-inch) sections. Make four 1/4-inch cuts in one side of each section. Place on greased baking sheets and shape into bear claws by separating the four cut sections. Repeat with remaining dough and filling. Combine egg yolk and water. Brush rolls and sprinkle with 1/4 cup nuts and remaining sugar. Let rise, uncovered, until doubled in bulk, about one hour. Bake at 400 degrees F for 10 to 15 minutes or until golden. Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner Here is the "Poke" cake or Jell-O cake recipe: 1 standard white cake mix 1 large package Jell-O - the flavor is up to you! - Bake cake as directed on box. - Let cake cool for appox. 15 min. - With large fork, (preferably, 3 or 4 long tined fork), poke several holes in the cake…all the way to the bottom of the pan. - Mix Jell-O powder with 1 cup of hot tap water. Stir Jell-O until all powder has dissolved. - Immediately pour Dissolved Jell-O over entire cake. - Place cake in refrigerator for at least 3 hrs. (6 hrs is best) - Top with Cool Whip before serving. I WELCOME ANY RECIPIE...WRITE TO ME VIA E MAIL

I have a good HAM friend Phil Pierce(KK0CW)Him and Steve Baer KC7FLP is opening a HAM Radio Shop in Lincoln City Oregon...Called HAM RADIO HOG HEAVEN......they will feature Pre-Owned Radio,Computer Equipment and Accesories For Amateur Radio Operators and Electronic Hobbyists... They will be located at 945 US Highway 101 Lincoln City Oregon, 97367 (541)921-1718 or(503)922-1280...Website: ENTER HERE FOR HAM RADIO HOG HEAVEN!! or E mail:sales@hamradiohogheaven.com or philup64@hotmail.com It will be a AMAZON site...that is very secure and it will be local....I can tell you that I bought a KENWOOD MIC/SPKR for my KENWOOD- HT...for 25.00...he came to my house and delivered it to me....no EXTRA CHARGE....I will never go to ANOTHER HAM STORE....DO NOT BUY FROM MFJ....(MIGHTY FINE JUNK)...I bought a Microphone/Spkr for the handheld....with a KENWOOD STYLE ADAPTER....it did not work....they will rip you off... SO GO TO HAM RADIO HOG HEAVEN....GIVE PHIL A CALL....IT IS WORTH IT....AND SUPPORT THE LOCAL ECONOMY.... This is from Today's DH...Editor's mailbag...THIS IS MY OPINION.....and I have very right to do so....under freedom of speech!!! Albany’s hostile to HAMs? I am an amateur radio operator (KE7GGV) here in the city. I feel that Albany is not a HAM-radio-friendly city because the city officials are not clear on what you can and cannot do with the construction of your antenna. I feel that HAM operators are unfairly attacked for certain construction height limits of antennas. I was told myself by the city planner I do not need a permit because I was a HAM radio operator and later was told I needed one and it had to be certified by a structural engineer from Oregon. HAM radio is a very vital service. I also feel that Mr. Bob Lund is being treated unfairly for his HAM radio tower in downtown. I would be confused on where the city stands and the city has no right and legally cannot restrict HAM radio tower heights. According to FCC rules, “Conflicts between amateur operators regarding radio antennas and local authorities regarding restrictive ordinances are common. The amateur operator is governed by the regulations contained in Part 97 of our rules. Those rules do not limit the height of an amateur antenna but they require, for aviation safety reasons, that certain FAA notification and FCC approval procedures must be followed for antennas which exceed 200 feet in height above ground level or antennas which are to be erected near airports. Thus, under FCC rules some antenna support structures require obstruction marking and lighting. “On the other hand, local municipalities or governing bodies frequently enact regulations limiting antennas and their support structures in height and location, e.g. to side or rear yards, for health, safety or aesthetic considerations. These limiting regulations can result in conflict because the effectiveness of the communications that emanate from an amateur radio station are directly dependent upon the location and the height of the antenna. Amateur operators maintain that they are precluded from operating in certain bands allocated for their use if the height of their antennas is limited by a local ordinance.” We are providing a service, so rather complain about antenna height by a HAM operator in downtown and cause a stink, concentrate on other issues in the city like meth, crime and other important matters. Gerald Gaule (KE7GGV), Albany (OH YES..THANK GOD THE F.C.C. AND THE A.R.R.L IS ON OUR SIDE WITH THE LAWYERS!!!!) Now for the part about your ideas being welcomed and your article in the editorial. Yes your ideas would be welcomed and we are always opened for new things and ideas, that is what getting together is all about. New things are coming up all the time and maybe you have an expertise that we don't have and you can improve what we are doing. One thing, remember it's hard to train an old dog new tricks and the same goes for old hams. Last, your article. I personally felt that you gave the community the wrong impression about hams radio operators and their antennas. 1st, here in the state we have a statute PRB-1 that states that we can have an antenna up 70 feet, but it doesn't say that they have to allow us to put that structure up, but says that they must find a way to accommodate us. 2nd the FCC only regulates as to what you have to do for antenna structures that are up to 200 feet tall. The FCC does not say that we have the right to put up that tall of a structure up, only if we do, how it will be done. The cities, counties, and states still have the final say as to what we can and can not put up for a structure for our antennas. I have been to the city and know what their rules are and so did Mr. Lund when he talked to them. I'll tell you for one thing, if you want to put up a tower and keeps it height under 20 feet, then the city has no say in your putting it up. It's when you go over 20 feet in a private residential area that they require a permit. Now back to your statement, yes you really ticked off some of the hams and yes you were not favorably welcomed but wounds heal with time and that it might take time for people to warm up to you. Everyone one has made a statement or did something the upset a lot of people and over time it was forgotten and we all learn from our mistakes. I just wish that you would have taken more time and researched your information before you put the article in the paper. A couple of us has talked to Mr. Lund and we knew what he was wanting to do and we felt that he was using ham radio as a work around to his solution. We as hams don't like to upset the apple cart and draw more attention to our towers as we have enough problems with our neighbors. I was at a meeting today and Mr. Lund's antenna came up in the conversation and these people said that they wish he would have checked into what he was doing a little more before he put up that tower. They felt that everyone was going to feel the brunt of what his actions might cause and these people were not hams, but they wanted to do some work and it was on the fringe of do we need a permit to do this or can be just do it. Now they are wondering what is going to happen if they put a pole up to put a light on with out getting special permission. See what I mean, people don't like it when the apple cart gets upset and it affects them in some way or another. Jerry I have rambled on long enough, I hope that I have answered your questions and if you have more let me know and I'll try to answer them for you. 73 Roger W7ACW

welcome!!!

HAMS!...CAN COOK…..welcome to this site….if I can you can…I had NO formal training…I had to survive….this site is not for the calorie counting…faint hearted…weight watching…and such…this is for the person that enjoys life and the good lord put upon this earth the food we are provided….just a warning….to tell you…this is flavor and simplicity at it’s best…and even you do not have a creative bon e in your body…you can do it…I can…again out of survival….and some of my on the fly recipes…that my family loves and I am sure all will like….some out of necessity…and for on the spot dinners and lunches and such…

Now these recipes contain FAT…CALORIES AND FLAVOR!!!!.....there I like to do often…like My Greasy TACOS….

Get 1-2 lbs of Hamburger….put it in a HOT FRYING PAN….cook…until done….and brown…but do not stir much while cooking…get it kind of chunky……coarse grind if you can get it…but cook it good…..

Now you can use a left over piece of meat…roast…or such. A cheap cut….shred it up ass well….now back to the TACOS!!...

When the hamburger is done…add frozen or canned whole corn….drain the juice if canned….stir it in….cook more…..add some TACO SEASONING…..the spices and the flour in the seasoning will soak up the grease…if not add some flour or cornstarch….

Cook more…….NOW if you like it spicy and HOT like I do add pepper flakes….or extra Chili Powder…..mix it well….add tomato paste or sauce to add some smoothness….USE MEXICAN spice mixes……for tacos or enchiladas….and for HOT SAUCE….the cheaper the better…and if you cannot pronounce it….the better……TRUST ME….it will pay off….go to the MEXICAN SECTION of the store…again if not improvise…

BE CREATIVE!!!....I like to use HABANERO sauce……then set the mixture to the side….chop up tomatoes….onions…(I USE RED ONIONS)….lettuce….cheddar cheese…I use sharp….on any condiments….you like….you are the cook!!!!!

Then get a HOT FRYING PAN….get some CORN…OR CANOLA…on any good OIL…heat up good…until bubbly….then get CORN TORTILLAS….fry them up for a few seconds….if you can get homemade ones from a place that makes them fresh…..get them……it will pay off….put cooked tortillas on a paper towel….or get a plate...put 2-3 paper towels…drizzle some grease on the paper towels….put 4-6 tortillas on it spread the grease around….flip them over…grease them up good…then put another paper towel…put in microwave…2-3 minutes…they heat and steam up good….

You can use flower ones too…heat them up in a microwave…top be pliable…..

Cook up some refried beans….add some onions to it…and some melted cheese to the pot or what ever you cook it in…..and enjoy…..NOW when you eat them…it will be messy….and greasy…

That is the fun…..DO DRINK SWEET MILK…LIKE CHOCOLATE OR STRAWBERRY….OR SUCH(OR THE SWEET TEXAS ICE TEA BELOW)….sweet and dairy is the key to kill the heat….and spiciness….NOT WATER OR POP….OR BEER…now ice cream does help….or get HORCHATA…it is a sweet rice milk…with vanilla….or cinnamon…mixed…or get strawberry….get from the MEXICAN food section or specialty store…..do explore the store…you will find much and establish a friendship with the owner….IT WILL PAY OFF….

Now for quick and easy SWEET TEXAS ICE TEA…MY WAY…..now get a pot….with about 2-3 cups of water….BOIL……for about 15 minutes…ADD TEAS BAGS……then brew/boil for TEN MINUTES…..take bags out and cool…before throwing them away…..add 2-3 cups of sugar…Boil for another 10 Minutes….(YOU ARE MAKING THE TEA SYRUP…CONCENTRATE)…..set to the side when done…

Get a pitcher….add the above….add water…STIR TO TASTE…..it is good…and sweet….you will like it….

Now fast and easy…CHEESE AND ONION ENCHILADAS….

Get a baking dish….preheat oven to 350…..grease up pan….add corn tortillas….make them greasy too….shred cheese….chop and add onion….add some enchilada sauce…put the tortillas and cheese with the onions in layers…..bake until melted…and golden brown…the grease will make the cheese gooey and with a crust….it is good….serve…and enjoy…

NOW for fast Chili…..in a pot…cook some hamburger….2-3 lbs…..the same way you would cook tacos above…….add 2-3 BIG CANS of Pinto Beans….Kidney Beans…it will be good…..when done with the meat…add beans…..get 6 GUN CHILI MIX or Shelby’s Chili Fixing’s….add ROTELL tomatoes with chilies….and cook good….to thicken use the provided….MASA FLOUR….or add some flour or cornstarch….

ADD SPICES and heat to your likeness…..again DRINK SWEET STUFF. Like mentioned above….

With the leftover….you can DO FRITO CHILI PIE….GET SOME FRITOS…IN A BOWL….PUT CHILI ON TOP WITH ONIONS AND CHEESE…THAT IS GOOD….or get a baking dish….2-3 lbs of hamburger….flatten out….to fit the pan….preheat oven to 350…..when you press the meat to fit the pan….add salt and pepper….poke 2-3 holes…with a wooden spoon….it makes it cook faster…cook till well done…..drain grease……add the chili on top….bake some more….scoop the mix on a bun….boy that is good…..

NOW easy sloppy jo’s cook hamburger(2-3 lbs)the same way…as above…add some onions…(chopped)……add chopped pickles….and add some tomato sauce….or BBQ SAUCE…..

Mix and cook well…..put on buns…..Now if you want a good Italian dinner….

Get a baking dish….cook hamburger the same way…..BAKE until done at 350…..add some pasta sauce on top…..bake on low…..for a long time….then cook your favorite pasta…according to the directions…..drain….pasta…put back in pot….but add some oil or butter so it will not stick……for easy GARLIC BUTTER…..

Get room temp butter…..add some garlic powder or minced garlic….some Italian spices…some pepper….and put on bread….broil till done…..I will add some more…good stuff in the future. Thanks 73’s…and? Contact me via email…

gaules@msn.com

ke7ggv@yahoo.com

I love Reuben Sandwiches….with Potato salad…a pickle and or clam chowder soup or salad…but here is my version…of course the ICE TEA!!!

Get 2-3 lbs of deli sliced(from the deli)or a real delicatessen…..of Pastrami or Corned Beef….if not get Jenny O Turkey Pastrami…the whole thing about 5 lbs….or from the deli again…have them deli slice it…or thin slice it yourself. It gets messy….

Then grease pan(baking dish)preheat at 350….or use wax paper…not foil…the cheese will get stuck…it is a mess…but grease it up so it will not stick….get every bit of it….

Get a package of dark rye. or Jewish rye bread….lay down 4-6 slices in the baking dish….lay down the big pile of meat….big pile….add some drained sauerkraut all over…cover the meat….then add 2-3 lbs of sliced Swiss cheese….cover the sauerkraut… Bake until golden brown…check it often…..it will pay off….then eat it anyway. It will be hot….

Then I use 1000 island dressing….do dip it in…love it much…it is good…..MORE TO COME!!!

I love BULL FRIES….OR MONTANA TENDERGROINS…OR ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTERS….good with Hot Sauce….and such…..here is how to do it right….about it more….

Anything that walks, swims, crawls, or flies can be eaten. It just takes an open mind and a willing stomach. Of course, there are some people who will eat anything. Rocky Mountains oysters - also known as prairie oysters, Montana tendergroins, cowboy caviar, swinging beef, and calf fires - are true Western delicacies.

What are Rocky Mountain oysters? They are that part of the bull that is removed in his youth so that he may thereby be more tractable, grow meatier, and behave less masculine. When the calves are branded, the testicles are cut off and thrown in a bucket of water. They are then peeled, washed, rolled in flour and pepper, and fried in a pan. They are considered to be quite a delicacy. Like other organ meats, testicles may be cooked in a variety of ways – deep-fried whole, cut into broad, thin slices, or marinated. At roundups in the old West, cowboys and ranch hands tossed the meat on a hot iron stove. When the calf fries exploded, they were done? Eating animal genitalia dates back to ancient Roman times, when it was believed that eating a healthy animal’s organ might correct some ailment in the corresponding human organ of the male person eating it. Because of this belief, the practice continues to the present day, especially in Asia, where animal genitalia are considered an aphrodisiac.

The rugged folks of the Rocky Mountain region are not squeamish. Testicle festivals are held every spring and fall in Montana. These festivals can be very rowdy and may not be the best place to bring your children. If you can’t get to a festival, many restaurants and bars in Montana, Idaho, and Kansas serve Rocky Mountain oysters all year long and with less fanfare.

Rocky Mountain Oysters 2 pounds calf testicles* 2 cups beer 2 eggs, beaten 1 ½ cups all-purpose flour ¼ cup yellow cornmeal Salt and ground black pepper to taste Vegetable oil** 1 tablespoon hot pepper sauce

* Be sure to ask your butcher for calf testicles, not bull testicles. Calf testicles are the size of a walnut and are much more tender than the larger bull testicles. ** Use enough vegetable oil to fill your frying container halfway to the top (to allow for bubbling up and splattering) and to completely cover calf testicles while frying.

With a very sharp knife, split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each testicle. Remove the skin (you can remove the skin easily if the testicles are frozen, then peel while thawing). Slice each testicle into approximately ¼- to ½- inch-thick ovals. Place slices in a large pan or blow with enough beer to cover them; cover and let sit 2 hours.

In a shallow bowl, combine eggs, flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper. Remove testicles from beer; drain and dredge thoroughly in the flour mixture. In a large, deep pot, heat oil to 375 degrees F. Deep fry 3 minutes or until golden brown (will rise to the surface when done). Drain on paper towels. Serve warm with your favorite hot pepper sauce.

Easy Carnitas….you can use a PORK TENDERLOIN or Beef Tri-Tip or flank steak……put it in a crock pot…..on AUTO….with a small amount of water…add…some taco seasoning and or chili powder….not much….cook it till tender and it falls apart…..do not remove lid much….

Put it on tortillas and add what you want…boy….mmmmmm is it good…get greasy tortillas….

MY MAC N CHEESE…

Cook elbow pasta according to directions...(rule of thumb)fill pot almost to the top….boil water….add some salt and oil….cook for 10 minutes…drain well….some rinse some do not. I do to stop cooking and sticking…….add back in pot….add butter or oil not to stick….now what I do is add some shredded SHARP cheddar….then a can or two…depending of cheddar cheese soup…..mix well….add salt and pepper….bake in oven…in a proper dish…at 350….until melted good….and brown….then add some bread crumbs….it will be good…

If you have left over pasta….add some garlic….some butter and parmesan cheese…for a quick…dinner…make some garlic bread…on the side…it will be good…oh boy…or for a quick dinner…get some sliced tomatoes…add some Italian dressing and some basil…chill well…..

Or cook some rigatoni pasta…as above…add some good pasta sauce…and sliced…Italian sausage. It will be great……

TODAY…I made a poor man’s Reuben Sandwich….

I melted Cheddar Cheese on broil on rye bread….then when done…added Sauerkraut and 1000 island dressing…boy was it good….

Here is another good one…

LIMBURGER CHEESE AND ONION SANDWICH (with optional variations from visitors using liverwurst, sardines or anchovies

Variation I

• Thinly sliced pumpernickel or whole grain bread • Limburger cheese • Thinly sliced onions • Pepper to taste Variation II Sliced pumpernickel or rye bread • Limburger cheese • Thinly sliced onions • Sliced liverwurst or braunschweiger • Horseradish to taste Or

• Hard-crusted rye bread • Limburger cheese • Bermuda onion, sliced 1/2-inch thick • Coarse brown mustard • Sardines Or • Pumpernickel bread, preferably German, or crusty seeded rye bread • Limburger cheese • Anchovy fillets in olive oil "Spread two slices thickly with the cheese, then cover one slice with anchovy fillets. Drizzle a little of the olive oil from the anchovies on top of the fish, but not too much, and close the sandwich. I like to eat it with a few pickled herring snacks on the side (the ones pickled in wine vinegar, not the creamy ones), taking a few of the pickled onion slices from the jar as well. And you have to make sure to lean forward over the plate when you eat it, because there's no exposed bread to absorb the oil from the fish, so it tends to drip out!"

Limburger «

Limburger is creamery, washed-rind cheese. The smooth, sticky, washed rind is reddish-brown with corrugated ridges. The yellow interior hints at sweetness but the taste is spicy and aromatic, almost meaty. Milk is pasteurized at a temperature of 161 degrees F, then cooled to 86 degrees F. The milk is then inoculated with cultures, then rennet is added for curdling. Curd is cut up, then heated to 95 degrees F. The cheese is formed in rectangular moulds, then it is salted and left to ripen in high-humidity conditions for two weeks. The temperature is lowered to 50 degrees F and the cheese matures for several months. Limburger has a legendary aroma which is due to enzymes, breaking down proteins on the surface of the cheese. The cheese ripens in 6 to 12 weeks and has a fat content that fluctuates between 20 and 50 per cent.

Though there are MANY Variations...and made MANY WAYS...even with Chicken...Serve it with a Dill Pickle...it is Heaven...

A bit of history

The sandwich has a long history. It begins with Rabbi Hillel, who lived during the first Century B.C. He started the Passover custom of spreading a mixture of apples, nuts, spices, wine and bitter herbs between two matzohs serving it up as a reminder of what the Jewish People had to endure during their years of slavery in Egypt. Then, in the Middle Ages, the sandwich took the form of two thick slices of bread called trenchers used as an ideal replacement for plates. Finally, the modern sandwich is considered to be an invention of John Montague, the fourth Earl of Sandwich, who loved gambling so much that he could not leave the poker table even at meal time. Instead, he asked his valet to prepare him some meat tucked between two slices of bread. His teammates found this compromise very appealing and started to order "the same as Sandwich!" The rest is history…

REUBEN SANDWICH FILLING

1 (12 oz.) can corn beef, chopped 2 c. shredded Swiss cheese 1 (16 oz.) can sauerkraut, drained and snipped 3/4 c. mayonnaise or salad dressing 3 tbsp. chili sauce

Mix all of the above together. Spread on rye bread which has been buttered on the outside and grill until the cheese melts. This may be kept in the refrigerator for use when needed. Makes 5 cups, or enough for a crowd.

REUBEN SANDWICH MEAL IN A DISH

1/4 c. butter 2 tbsp. finely chopped onion 1/4 c. flour 2 c. milk 1/4 c. Thousand Island dressing 1 tsp. prepared mustard 1 1/2 c. drained sauerkraut 1 tsp. caraway seed 2 c. sliced cooked potatoes 4 frankfurters, sliced 4 slices Swiss cheese 4 slices Monterey Jack cheese 4 slices rye bread, cut into triangles

Melt butter over low heat; add onion and cook until tender. Blend in flour until smooth. Gradually add milk and cook, stirring constantly, until thickened. Remove from heat; blend in dressing, mustard and caraway seed. Reserve 1/2 cup each sauce, frankfurters and kraut for topping. In 1 1/2 quart lightly greased casserole, spoon enough of remaining sauce to cover bottom. Arrange layers of half the potatoes, frankfurters, kraut and sauce. Layer with remaining sauce, frankfurters and kraut. Cover and bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes.

Uncover; arrange bread triangles around edge of casserole, points up. Bake, uncovered for 5 minutes.

PARTY RYE REUBEN SANDWICH

1/4 c. mayo 1 tbsp. chili sauce 1/2 tbsp. horseradish 1/4 lb. corned beef Swiss cheese Sauerkraut rye bread (party size)

Bake slices of bread on cookie sheet for 5 minutes at 350 degrees. Meanwhile in small bowl, mix mayo, sauce and horseradish until blended. Spread on toasted side of bread. Top each with corned beef, sauerkraut, and cheese. Bake 10 minutes or until cheese is melted. Makes 3 dozen

COCKTAIL REUBENS

Mix and match your choice of cheese, meat, and toppings for these open-faced mini sandwiches.

36 slices party rye or pumpernickel bread (one 16-oz. pkg.) 6 oz. Monterey Jack cheese with caraway or jalapeno peppers 1 (8 oz.) can (1 c.) sauerkraut, well drained and snipped 8 oz. thinly sliced smoked turkey or corned beef 1/2 c. Thousand Island salad dressing Whole sweet pickles, halved lengthwise, or cherry tomatoes, cut into wedges(optional)

Arrange 10 slices of bread around the edge of a microwave-safe dinner plate or a 12-inch microwave-safe pizza plate. Place 2 slices of bread in the center of the plate. Thinly slice cheese to fit bread. Place cheese on bread. Top sauerkraut with turkey or corned beef; top with a scant teaspoon of dressing. Assemble remaining 24 sandwiches. (Appetizers may be covered and refrigerated at this point until ready to serve, or for up to 2 hours.)

To serve, micro-cook one plate of appetizers, uncovered, on 50% power (medium) for 5-6 minutes or until cheese is melted, rotating once during cooking. Repeat with remaining plates of appetizers as needed. Garnish each with pickles or tomatoes, if desired. Makes 36 appetizers.

REUBEN PATTY MELT

7 oz. ground turkey 4 slices reduced calorie rye bread 1 tbsp. plus 1 tsp. reduced calorie Thousand Island dressing 1/2 c. rinsed drained sauerkraut 2 slices Swiss cheese, 1/2 oz. each 2 tsp. butter, divided

Shape turkey into 2 equal patties. Spray 10-inch non-stick skillet with non- stick cooking spray and heat; add patties to skillet and cook over medium heat, turning once, until patties are browned and cooked through, 3-4 minutes on each side. Set each patty on 1 bread slice; top each with 2 teaspoons dressing, 1/4 cup sauerkraut, 1 cheese slice, and then a remaining bread slice.

Wipe skillet clean; add 1 teaspoon butter and melt. Add sandwiches, cover, and cook until bottom is lightly browned, 2-3 minutes. Add remaining butter and turn sandwiches over; cover and cook until bottom is lightly browned, 2-3 minutes longer.

FRANK REUBEN

butter 4 slices toasted, dry rye bread 6 frankfurters, sliced lengthwise 1 (8 oz.) can sauerkraut, drained 4 tbsp. Thousand Island dressing 4 slices Swiss cheese

Lightly butter toast. Arrange 3 frankfurter halves on each toast slice. Divide sauerkraut among sandwiches. Spoon 1 tablespoon dressing on each. Top with 1 slice Swiss cheese. Wrap each sandwich in paper towels. Place 2 sandwiches on microproof plate. Cook on HI for 2 to 2 1/2 minutes, or until cheese is melted and sandwich is hot. Repeat with remaining sandwiches. Top with additional dressing, if desired. Serves 4.

RYE - REUBEN SIZZLER

1 slice rye bread 2 tbsp. reduced calorie Thousand Island salad dressing

Toast the slice of rye bread. Spread the toasted bread with the Thousand Island salad dressing. 1 (1 oz.) slice mozzarella cheese 1/4 c. sauerkraut, rinsed, drained & snipped Place corned beef, mozzarella cheese and sauerkraut atop the toasted bread slice. Place the sandwich, bread side down, on a piece of foil. Bring foil up and around sandwich to seal.

Ruben Burgers

INGREDIENTS:

1 pound ground beef 8 ounces sauerkraut, drained 4 ounces corned beef 5 slices swiss cheese 1/4 cup onion, chopped finely 1 clove garlic, minced 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon pepper PREPARATION:

Mix together everything except the sauerkraut and swiss cheese. Divide into five equal parts and form into hamburger patties. Place on preheated grill and grill on each side until nearly done. Top each patty with 1/5 of the sauerkraut and a slice of cheese. Close grill lid and continue grilling until cheese is melted. Serve on toasted rye buns.

Classic Potato Salad

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup mayonnaise 2 tablespoons vinegar 1 1/2 teaspoons salt 1 teaspoon sugar 5 to 5 med. potatoes, peeled, cubed, cooked 1 cup sliced celery 1/2 cup chopped onion 3 eggs, hard-boiled 1 to 2 Tbs chopped green onions, optional garnish 1 tomato, cut in wedges, optional garnish PREPARATION:

Combine mayonnaise, vinegar, salt, sugar, and pepper in a large bowl. Add remaining ingredients; toss gently to combine well. Cover; chill for 2 or more hours for best flavor. Garnish with chopped green onion and tomato wedges if desired. Serves 6 to 8.

Reuben Roll-Ups

Pastry Ingredients 1/4 cup shortening 1 (3 ounce) package cream cheese 1 cup flour 2 teaspoons caraway seeds 1/2 teaspoon salt 2-3 tablespoons cold water Filling Ingredients 1/4 cup thousand island dressing 2 (3 ounce) packages corned beef 1 cup grated swiss cheese 1/2 cup drained sauerkraut 1 hour 5 minutes 45 mins prep

Braided Reuben Roll

Ingredients:

1 loaf bread dough (your own recipe or thawed frozen bread dough)

1/4 cup thousand Island dressing

3/4 pound shredded or thinly sliced cooked corned beef

8 slices Swiss cheese

2 cups sauerkraut, drained

1 egg, beaten

caraway seeds (about 2 tablespoons)

Method: Prepare bread dough, either from a home recipe or thaw frozen bread dough according to package directions. Allow bread dough to rise until double in bulk (first rising). Spray cookie sheet with non- stick spray. Roll dough out on cookie sheet to a form a 12x18 inch rectangle. Along both long sides of the rectangle make 9 four inch cuts. Cuts should create an uncut proportion in the center of the dough about 4 inches wide.

Spread center of dough with dressing, leaving 1 inch of uncovered dough at top and bottom of rectangle. Place corned beef on top, layer with Swiss cheese, and top with drained sauerkraut. Seal filling inside the bread by braiding dough over top the sandwich. Begin braid by folding top of dough toward filling. Fold strip from one side of dough over filling, then alternate with strip from opposite side, continue down braid. Tuck the end at the bottom under braid to finish seal.

Brush braid with beaten egg. Sprinkle with caraway seeds. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 30-35 minutes or until golden brown. Serve warm or cold. Spread additional dressing over slices of sandwich, if desired. Refrigerate leftovers within 2 hours.

Reuben Raps

Ingredients:

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 8 large slices rye or pumpernickel bread 3 1/2 ounces Heluva Good Swiss Cheese Heluva Good Horseradish Mustard 8 thin slices deli corned beef 1 can sauerkraut -- 8oz, drained 1/4 cup Heluva Good Sour Cream 1/4 cup ketchup

Preparation: Cut off bread crusts leaving a 3 x 4 1/2 inch rectangle of bread. If there's a hole, patch with a small piece of bread and roll bread rectangle flat with a rolling pin. Cut swiss cheese into 1/2 inch high x 1/2 inch wide x 3 inch long sticks. Spread each piece of bread lightly with mustard. Fold a piece of corned beef to fit bread leaving 1/2 inch border along one short side exposed. Place 1 tablespoon of sauerkraut along one short end of each piece. Top with a stick of swiss. Roll up from the end with the fillings. Squeese Raps tightly to close. Place Raps on a lightly greased cookie sheet, seam side down, and bake for 15 to 18 minutes at 375 degrees F until the cheese just starts to ooze out the ends. While the Raps are baking, mix the sour cream and ketchup together. Serve sauce with the warm Raps. Makes 4 to 6 servings. Baking Time: 18 minutes.

Reuben Wedges

Ingredients:

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 1 package jiffy pizza crust mix 1/2 pound deli corned beef 2/3 cup sauerkraut -- drained 3/4 pound swiss cheese -- shredded 1/3 cup thousand island salad dressing 1 tablespoon worcestershire sauce

Preparation: Mix pizza crust according to package directions and let rest in warm place for 5 minutes covered. Press dough with greased fingers onto greased 13 inch glass cake plate. Brush edges of crust with worcestershire sauce and microwave on power level 10 (high) for 6 minutes. Turn crust every 2 minutes or use a turntable. Spread crust with thousand island dressing and sprinkle corned beef, sauerkraut and cheese on top. Microwave on power level 10 (high) for 4 minutes. Turn plate every 2 minutes while microwaving or use a turntable. Makes 8 servings.

Zingerman's Reuben Sandwich

1 loaf unseeded and unsliced Jewish Rye bread 2 pounds corned beef, sliced (see Cook's Note) 12 ounces Russian dressing, recipe follows 12 ounces sauerkraut 12 slices Swiss cheese 4 tablespoons butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Sprinkle the corned beef with a little water, wrap it tightly in aluminum foil and steam it in the oven.

Meanwhile, put the whole loaf of rye bread (unwrapped) into the oven. Bake the bread until the crust is very crunchy, about 15 minutes. Set the bread on the counter and let it cool for about 5 minutes.

When the rye bread is cool enough to handle place it on a cutting board. Hold the bread knife at a 45-degree angle and cut 12 slices.

Take the corned beef out of the oven and unwrap it. Spread each slice of bread with Russian dressing. Layer half of the slices with corned beef, sauerkraut and slices of Swiss cheese, then top the sandwiches with the remaining slices of bread (dressing-side down).

Heat 2 large heavy skillets over medium heat. Brush the bread with butter. Put the sandwiches in the pans and weight them with a lid or heat proof bowl topped with something heavy. Cook until the first sides are crisp and golden about 7 minutes then flip the sandwiches. Cook until the second sides are also well toasted and the cheese is melted. Lift the sandwiches onto a cutting board. Cut each in half diagonally and serve.

Cook's Note: Buy high quality corned beef for this recipe. Avoid corned beef that is very lean.

Russian Dressing: 3/4 cups mayonnaise 1/4 cup plus 2 to 3 tablespoons chili sauce 2 tablespoons sour cream 2 teaspoons chopped curly parsley leaves 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon minced Spanish onion 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon minced dill pickle 1/2 teaspoon fresh lemon juice 1/2 teaspoon grated horseradish 1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce Combine the mayonnaise, chili sauce, sour cream, parsley, onion, pickle, lemon juice, horseradish and Worcestershire sauce in a bowl and mix well.

Yield: 2 cups

Portabella Reuben Sandwich

Ingredients:

2 pounds portabella mushrooms ½ cup extra virgin olive oil 2 tablespoons garlic, minced 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard ¼ cup fresh basil, minced, or 1 tablespoon dried basil 2 tablespoons lemon juice 2 teaspoons salt 2 teaspoons black pepper 16 slices rye bread 1 pint Thousand Islands dressing 16 thin slices Swiss cheese 1 28-ounce can sauerkraut, drained ¼ pound soft butter

Directions:

Wipe mushrooms with a damp towel to remove any soil. Remove stems. Slice into ¼-inch-wide strips. In a small bowl combine the oil, garlic, mustard, basil, lemon juice, salt and pepper. Add mushrooms and stir to coat evenly. Let stand for at least one hour. Preheat oven to 500 degrees F. Put mushrooms onto an oiled baking sheet and bake until browned and all liquid has evaporated (about 15 minutes). Spread a thin coating of dressing on each piece of bread. Top each piece with a slice of cheese. Put about ¼ cup of sauerkraut on half of the slices. Top the sauerkraut with slices of mushroom. Put the remaining piece of bread on top and spread butter on the outside of the top slice. Put the sandwiches, buttered side down, on a preheated griddle or skillet over medium low heat. Spread butter on the top and cook sandwich until golden brown, flipping to cook on both sides.

Reuben Loaf

Ingredients

1 tablespoon vegetable oil 1 carrot, chopped 1 small onion, chopped 1/2 pound cooked corned beef 1 pound lean ground chuck 1 cup rye bread crumbs 1/2 cup well-drained sauerkraut 2 ounces Swiss cheese, cut into small cubes (about 1/2 cup) 1/2 cup prepared Thousand Island salad dressing 2 teaspoons dry mustard 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper 1 egg

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. In a medium skillet, heat the oil and cook the carrot and onion over medium-low heat until the vegetables are softened, about 5 minutes. Cut the corned beef into pieces and finely chop them in a food processor. In a large mixing bowl, use your hands to gently but thoroughly combine the ground chuck, bread crumbs, sauerkraut, cheese, 1/4 cup of the Thousand Island dressing, mustard, pepper, egg, cooked vegetables and corned beef.

2. Pat the mixture into a shallow 2-quart baking pan. Spread the top with the remaining 1/4-cup Thousand Island dressing. Bake until the meatloaf is firm and the top is browned, 45 to 50 minutes. Let the meatloaf stand in the pan for 5 to 10 minutes before cutting into squares to serve.

Yields: 6 servings.

Leftovers

Cut into slices and serve on toasted rye or pumpernickel bread with lettuce and more Swiss cheese and Thousand Island dressing.

MORE TO COME!!!

DO NOT FORGET THE ICE TEA!!

This site is for discussion...of all topics...recipies and RUBEN LOVERS FROM ALL AROUND....Thanks...ALL IS WELCOME TO JOIN!!!

Though there are MANY Variations...and made MANY WAYS...even with Chicken...Serve it with a Dill Pickle...it is Heaven...

A bit of history

The deficient documentation of food terms is a serious issue if you want to go beyond folklore and get at some real history. But I know the evidence is out there. I got an object lesson back in 1989 when I got in a tussle with an Omaha newspaper columnist over the origin of "Reuben sandwich". The tussle began when R.G. Cortelyou, an Omaha resident, sent me the July 24, 1989, column by Robert McMorris in the "Omaha World-Herald". McMorris had read the etymology of "Reuben sandwich" in the "Random House College Dictionary", which read "after Arnold Reuben (1883-1970), U.S. restaurateur who first created it." Random House, it turned out, had trod on a local legend (not by my foot--the etymology was written before my tenure at Random House).

According to Omaha lore, the combination of rye bread, corned beef, Swiss cheese, and sauerkraut had been dreamed up in 1925 to feed participants in a late-night poker game at the Blackstone Hotel in downtown Omaha by a local grocer, Reuben Kulakofsky. Charles Schimmel, the hotel's owner, was so taken with the sandwich that he put it on the hotel restaurant menu, designated by its inventor's name. Fern Snider, a one-time waitress at the Blackstone, entered the Reuben in a national sandwich competetion in 1956; her entry won- -hence one of the earliest pieces of documentation for the name of the sandwich, an OED cite from 1956 from the food services journal "Institutions".

In a reply to Mr. Cortelyou I questioned the existence of Reuben Kulakofsky outside of Omaha folklore and challenged him to come up with evidence documenting an Omaha origin for the Reuben sandwich. Cortelyou--not very ethically to my mind--sent my letter without my permission or knowledge to McMorris, who pilloried me in his column for Aug. 23 ("Amazing. The man admittedly knows nothing about the Reuben, but he has doubts about Reuben Kulakofsky, somehow equating him with folklore figures like Paul Bunyan. One wonders how Rader feels about the Earl of Sandwich.") To my delight, though, he challenged his readers to come up with evidence for the sandwich ("Any of you out there have older Blackstone menus that document the Reuben's existence?").

One of McMorris's readers produced a Depression-era menu--though datable only by its reference to "world confusion" and exaggerated pessimism," as a sort of apology for the sumptuous decor--from the Plush Horse, a newly opened restaurant in the Blackstone Hotel that offered under sandwich specialties a "Rueben" [sic] for 50 cents. Another reader produced a menu containing the sandwich from the coffee shop of the Cornhusker Hotel in Lincoln, Nebraska, which was actually dated: October 9, 1937. McMorris stated in his column of Sept. 13 that he planned to send copies of this material to me. Unfortunately, he never came through, despite a couple of pleading letters on my part.

Mr. Cortelyou, who initially provoked the exchange, did some research on his own, however. He sent me a copy of a menu from the Plush Horse held in the library of the Douglas County Historical Society. The "Rueben" (same spelling as above) is now 60 cents. This menu too is undated but a note at the bottom states "All prices are our ceiling prices or below. By O.P.A. regulation, our ceilings are based on our highest prices from April 4 to 10, 1943." The Office of Price Administration, which regulated prices during World War II, ceased operations in 1946, so it is probably safe to date the menu from somewhere in the period 1943-46 (assuming prices were raised as soon as regulations were lifted). This is the earliest attestation of at least a variant of "Reuben (sandwich)" that I have in hand.

Another item Cortelyou sent me was a copy of an obituary for Reuben Kulakofsky that appeared in the "Omaha World-Herald". Kulakofsky, who had been co-owner of a wholesale grocery, the Central Market, died in Omaha on March 6, 1960, at the age of 86. The obituary says nothing about the Reuben sandwich.

In a letter sent directly to McMorris, I relented and said that Random House would change its etymology to reflect Reuben Kulakofsky's role as the probable originator of the sandwich. In retrospect, I think this was a hasty decision. At the time, I had not really examined Arnold Reuben's claim.

Arnold Reuben, a German immigrant, opened his first restaurant in New York at 802 Park Ave. ca. 1908 (sources differ on the exact year); he relocated to Broadway and 82nd St. several years later, to Broadway and 73rd St. (near the Ansonia Hotel) in 1916, and to 622 Madison Ave. in 1918. In 1935, the formal opening of Reuben's Restaurant at 6 East 58th St. was attended by Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia. Reuben's Restaurant remained at this location until 1965 or 1966. The "N.Y. Times" columnist Marian Burros recalled the decor in a Jan. 11, 1986, column: "Italian marble, gold-leaf ceiling, lots of walnut paneling and dark red leather seats--to a small-town girl it was the quintessential New York restaurant."

Burros recalled the apple pancakes and cheesecake, but she says nothing about Reuben sandwiches. About 1964, Reuben sold his interest in the restaurant to Harry L. Gilman and retired to Palm Beach. He died Dec. 31, 1970, at the age of 87. His obituary in the "Times" (Jan. 1, 1971) contains most of the above information, but says nothing about Reuben sandwiches. The restaurant's offerings are described as follows:

The after-theater diner typically orders one of the outsized sandwiches or may have the house specialty -- cheese cake. Or he may order one of Reuben's more ambitious sandwiches which bears the name of a show business celebrity. Chopped-liver connoisseurs favor Reuben's. Its Jewish delicacies include matzoth-ball soup and borscht. I have not pieced together all of the subsequent history of the restaurant, but by the early 1980's it was on the corner of 38th St. and Madison Ave.; the current Manhattan phonebook gives its address as 244 Madison Ave. Arnold Reuben had a son, Arnold Jr., who worked in the restaurant from ca. 1930 to the time of the 58th St. place's closing in 1965/66. I have not been able to determine if Arnold Jr. retained any relation with the restaurant afterward, though he was associated with a firm that sold by mail-order "Arnold Reuben Jr.'s Cheesecakes, A Slice of New York" into the early '90's. Arnold Jr. died in Seminole, Florida, on May 30, 1997, at the age of 88 (obit in "St. Petersburg Times", June 1, 1997).

Now to the origin stories. In 1976, Craig Claiborne in the "N.Y. Times" "De Gustibus" column queried his readers about the origin of the Reuben sandwich. The replies were summarized in his May 17 column. The Omaha origin was given more serious consideration, though Reuben Kulakofsky was identified as "Reuben Kay." (Probably via the Claiborne article this name found its way into the "Webster New World" 3rd ed. etymology of "Reuben sandwich"; according to another McMorris "Omaha World-Herald" column (Jan. 31, 1986), Reuben and various other members of the Kulakofsky clan were sometimes referred to by the first letter of their surname.) However, Claiborne also printed extracts from a letter from Patricia R. Taylor of Manhattan, the daughter of Arnold Reuben Sr. (and presumably brother of Arnold Jr.), part of which runs as follows:

I would like to share with you the story of the first Reuben's Special and what went into it. The year was 1914. Late one evening a leading lady of Charlie Chaplin's came into the restaurant and said, "Reuben, make me a sandwich, make it a combination. I'm so hungry I could eat a brick." He took a loaf of rye bread, cut two slices on the bias and stacked one piece with sliced baked Virginia ham, sliced roast turkey, sliced imported Swiss cheese, topped it off with cole slaw and lots of Reuben's special Russian dressing and the second slice of bread.... He served it to the lady who said, "Gee, Reuben, this is the best sandwich I ever ate. You ought to call it an Annette Seelos Special." To which he replied, "Like hell I will. I'll call it a Reuben's Special." The most interesting thing about this story is that the "Reuben's Special" is not a Reuben sandwich, though it has certain features thereof: it includes meat, some form of cabbage, and cheese. During the Reuben sandwich debate with McMorris, one of his researchers phoned Reuben's Restaurant in Manhattan and was told that the restaurant carried both a "Reuben's Special"--described exactly as Ms. Taylor described it--and a Reuben, described as "corned beef, sauerkraut, and melted cheese" (McMorris "World-Herald" column of July 27, 1989). This would seem to settle the matter in favor of the Nebraskans--the sandwich created in New York is connected to the Nebraskan sandwich by onomastic coincidence--were it not for a story told late in his life by Arnold Reuben Jr., who himself claimed credit for the sandwich's origin. As related to the "St Petersburg Times" (Dec. 1, 1993),

The sandwich, he [Arnold Jr.] says, goes back to the 1930's. The restaurant, which his father founded in 1915 [sic!], was open 24 hours a day, and the younger Reuben worked from noon until 3 or 4 in the morning. He didn't take time to sit down to eat. He had too many customers. So every day, Reuben asked the chef to make him a hamburger. One day, chef Alfred Scheuing said he was sick of seeing Reuben eating the hamburger. The chef said, "I've made some nice, fresh corned beef." He layered slices onto Russian dark pumpernickel bread, which he had buttered and toasted. Then Scheuing said, "Let's see what we can do now to make it tastier," adding Swiss cheese. The chef also had a huge pot of fresh sauerkraut, which he made the sandwich's finishing touch. I suppose that if Reuben had told this story about his father, it would be family folklore. The fact that he makes himself a participant means that it is either truth or (charitably) very faulty memory. The only thing that could possibly validate it would be evidence from old Reuben's Restaurant menus attesting to the antiquity of the corned beef-Swiss cheese-sauerkraut Reuben (as opposed to the Reuben Special). For the moment, based on the menus, I must favor the Nebraskan origin, though there is one quite significant thing about the Reuben Kulakofsky story that gives me pause. According to Kulakofsky's obituary, services were held for him "at the Beth El Synagogue." He "was active for many years in Jewish circles." Kulakofsky was born in Lithuania and emigrated with his family in 1890. "He was one of four sons and two daughters of the late Lazar Gershon Kulakofsky." So Kulakofsky was most likely a practicing Jew; his cultural background was unquestionably Jewish. Would this man have improvised a sandwich mixing meat and a dairy product? Even if he didn't eat the sandwich himself, would such a thoroughly goyish concoction have naturally occurred to him as a treat for his poker partners? After all, he was, as far as we know, a grocer, not a chef.

I suppose the same objection might be made about Arnold Reuben, though I really know nothing about the details of his ethnic background. To be sure, a man who supposedly created a sandwich containing both ham and cheese, as he did in his daughter's retelling, was most likely not an observant or even ethnic Jew. Despite a possibly Ashkenazic surname, and the fact that his restaurant served some New York Jewish deli-style dishes, Arnold Reuben may not have been Jewish or may have lost all his Jewish roots. The fact that his son was also named Arnold certainly does not suggest Jewishness; as far as I know, it is not the norm for Americans of even weakly felt Jewish heritage to name a child after a living relative. If I am wrong about this, may someone correct me.

How much evidence is there, really, for the Kulakofsky story? As far as I know, neither Reuben himself nor anyone in his family ever took credit for the sandwich. McMorris claimed, in "World-Herald" columns of Jan 31, 1986, and several columns of August and September, 1989, that Ed Schimmel, the manager of the Blackstone Hotel, told him the story personally in 1965, and told a Chicago radio talk show host the story on Feb. 28, 1968. Of course, Schimmel was not a participant in the 1920's poker games--he was relating a story told him by his father, Charles, who was a participant. No one who was actually there tells the story firsthand. McMorris (column of Sept. 7, 1989) quotes one Louise Ware, who was a niece of Harvey Newbranch, a one-time editor of the "World-Herald":

"My Uncle Harvey played regularly in those poker games at the Blackstone," Mrs. Ware said. "One time when I was visiting him he asked the cook to make sandwiches 'like we have at the Blackstone poker parties.' He gave her the recipe. "I don't remember what he called the sandwich, but it was definitely a Reuben because the ingredients were the same--corned beef, sauerkraut, and so forth."

She said she was equally sure of the year, 1922 [not 1925 as in Schimmel's account--JLR] because: "I was living in Nebraska City then, and I had to come to Omaha to buy clothes for my first year of college. That's a date you remember."

Note that in this version the sandwich exists, but is unnamed, and there is no mention of Reuben Kulakofsky.

The first actual--or at least reported--documentation of "Reuben (sandwich)", as mentioned above, is a menu not from Omaha, but rather from the Cornhusker Hotel in Lincoln, Nebraska, from 1937. This meshes with the first cite in Merriam files, from a "Hotel Cornhusker" menu, Lincoln, Neb., which described the "Reuben" as "corned beef, Sauer Kraut, Swiss cheese on Russian Rye"; the first date on the cite slip is Jan. 19, 1956. Interestingly, Robert McMorris reported (column of Sept. 1, 1989) that an unnamed caller on a local radio talk show claimed that the Cornhusker Hotel was indeed the birthplace of the Reuben sandwich.

So what do I conclude about the etymologies of "Caesar salad" and "Reuben sandwich"? "Caesar salad" does seem to be named after Caesar Cardini; if it isn't, we are looking at a very elaborate hoax and many hoodwinked people. As for "Reuben sandwich", I'll stick with "probably" after Reuben Kulakofsky for now, but I have serious misgivings. I hope more evidence shows up. Those old menus are out there somewhere. I suspect the real history of the Reuben sandwich has yet to be written.

Jim Rader , Merriam-Webster Inc.

The MANY WAYS...OF RUBEN...THE CLASSIC!!!

INGREDIENTS: 2 tablespoons butter 8 slices rye bread 8 slices deli sliced corned beef 8 slices Swiss cheese 1 cup sauerkraut, drained 1/2 cup thousand island dressing

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DIRECTIONS: Preheat a large skillet or griddle on medium heat. Lightly butter one side of bread slices. Spread non-buttered sides with thousand island dressing. On 4 bread slices, layer 1 slice Swiss cheese, 2 slices corned beef, 1/4 cup sauerkraut and second slice of Swiss cheese. Top with remaining bread slices, buttered sides out. Grill sandwiches until both sides are golden brown, about 15 minutes per side. Serve hot.

ANOTHER VERSION

2 tablespoons butter or margarine 1 (10-ounce) package shredded cabbage 2 tablespoons white vinegar 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 (16-ounce) bottle Thousand Island dressing 18 rye bread slices 12 sandwich size Swiss cheese slices 2 pounds corned beef, thinly sliced Softened butter or margarine

Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a nonstick 5 quart saute pan over medium-high heat; add cabbage, vinegar, and salt, and sauté until tender. Drain, if necessary, and let stand 30 minutes. Spread dressing evenly over 1 side of each bread slice. Layer 12 bread slices evenly with cheese, cabbage mixture, and corned beef. Stack layered bread to make 6 (2-layer) sandwiches, and top with remaining bread slices. Spread softened butter over the top of each sandwich. Wipe pan clean, and cook sandwiches, buttered side down, over medium heat 4 minutes or until golden. Spread butter on ungrilled side of sandwiches; turn carefully, and cook until golden. Serve immediately.

REUBEN SANDWICH SQUARES

1 13 3/4 oz. pkg. hot roll mix 1 oz. can (1 cup) sauerkraut, rinsed and well drained 1/3 cup Thousand Island salad dressing 1/4 cup tomato sauce 8 1 1/2-oz. slices Swiss cheese 3 3-oz. packages very thinly sliced corned beef 2 tsp. cooking oil Caraway seed (optional)

Prepare hot roll mix according to package directions just through mixing step. Divide dough in half. Let rest, covered, for 10 minutes.

Set aside 1 half of dough, covered, for top crust. On a lightly floured surface roll the remaining half to a 13x9" rectangle. Place in a greased 13x9" baking dish. Cover; let rise 20 minutes. Bake in a 350°F oven for 10 minutes. Baked layer will be lightly golden.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl combine sauerkraut, dressing, and tomato sauce. Mix well and set aside.

Arrange 4 slices of the cheese over the baked bread layer. Arrange all of the corned beef slices atop the cheese layer. Spoon the sauerkraut mixture over the corned beef. Top with the remaining slices of cheese.

Roll remaining dough into a 13x9&34; rectangle. Place over corned beef and cheese filling. Crimp edges. Cover; let rest 10-15 min. Brush the top with cooking oil. Sprinkle lightly with caraway seed, if desired.

Bake in a 350° oven for 30-35 min. or till top is light brown. Cut into 6 squares. Remove each square and cool up to 1 hour on a wire rack. Pack each cooled square in a freezer bag. Store up to 1 month in the freezer. Makes 6 servings.

Cocktail Reuben's

2.5 ounces processed sliced corned beef, chopped 1 cup sauerkraut, drained 1/2 cup shredded Swiss cheese 1/2 cup Thousand Island salad dressing 1 loaf cocktail rye bread, thinly sliced

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Mix together corned beef, sauerkraut, cheese, and dressing. Arrange slices of bread on an ungreased baking sheet. Top each slice of bread with Reuben mixture.

Bake 10 to 12 minutes, until cheese is melted. Serve warm.

Makes about 24 slices.

The Classic Reuben with Chili-Horseradish Dressing

Most restaurants use Thousand Island dressing, try this and you will never be satisfied with that again!

Dressing: 1/2 cup dairy sour cream 2 tbsp. chili sauce 1 tsp. prepared horseradish 1/4 tsp. salt

8 slices large rye bread 1/2 cup well-drained sauerkraut 8 slices corned beef 8 slices Swiss cheese

For the dressing combine sour cream, chili sauce, horseradish and salt; blend until smooth.

Spread dressing on each slice of bread. Spread about 2 tbsp. sauerkraut on each of 4 slices of bread. Top each with 2 slices corned beef, 2 slices Swiss cheese and remaining 4 slices bread.

Butter each side of sandwich. Brown on both sides in a lightly buttered skillet until cheese is melted.

ANOTHER VERSION

Classic Reuben Sandwich

Ingredients

2 slice marbled rye bread

Thinly carved leftover corned beef brisket

Drained sauerkraut

Drizzle of Thousand Island dressing

Sliced Swiss cheese Preparation Layer thinly carved leftover corned beef brisket on a slice of marbled rye bread. Top with drained sauerkraut, a drizzle of Thousand Island dressing and sliced Swiss cheese. Top with second bread slice and grill in heated nonstick skillet over medium heat until golden brown on both sides and cheese is melted.

ANOTHER VERSION

INGREDIENTS: 2 slices rye bread 1 tablespoon butter, softened 2 ounces thinly sliced corned beef 2 ounces sauerkraut 1 slice mozzarella cheese

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DIRECTIONS: Heat medium skillet over medium heat. Butter bread on one side. Place one slice of bread, buttered side down, in skillet. Layer corned beef, sauerkraut and mozzarella on bread. Top with remaining slice of bread. Cook, turning once, until bread is browned, sandwich is heated through and cheese is melted. Serve immediately.

Reuben Sandwich Casserole

Dark rye and whole wheat breads are layered with corned beef and sauerkraut and topped with a creamy dressing and Swiss cheese to make a hearty casserole your family is sure to enjoy." Original recipe yield: 12 servings.

INGREDIENTS: 1 1/2 cups fat-free Thousand Island dressing 1 cup fat-free sour cream 1 tablespoon minced onion 6 slices dark rye bread, cubed 6 slices SARA LEE® Soft & Smooth™ Whole Grain White Bread, cubed 1 pound sauerkraut, drained 1 1/2 pounds corned beef, cut into bite-size pieces 1 1/2 cups reduced-fat Swiss cheese 1 tablespoon olive oil

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DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9x13 inch baking dish. In a bowl, mix the Thousand Island Dressing, sour cream, and onion. Arrange the dark rye and multigrain bread cubes in the bottom of the prepared baking dish, reserving about 1/2 cup each for topping. Layer the bread with sauerkraut and corned beef. Spread the dressing mixture over the corned beef. Spread Swiss cheese evenly over casserole. In a small bowl, toss remaining bread cubes with olive oil; sprinkle over cheese. Cover, and bake 15 minutes in the preheated oven. Uncover, and continue baking 10 minutes, or until bubbly and lightly browned.

Reuben Sandwich VERSION 3

INGREDIENTS: 8 slices rye bread 3/4 cup thousand island dressing 1 (16 ounce) can sauerkraut, drained 8 slices Swiss cheese 8 slices pastrami 1/4 cup margarine, softened

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DIRECTIONS: Spread each slice of bread with thousand island dressing. Top 4 of the bread slices with sauerkraut, cheese and pastrami. Place remaining bread slices on sandwich. Spread margarine on the outsides of each sandwich. Heat a large skillet over medium high heat. Grill until browned, then turn and grill until heated through, and cheese is melted.

Reuben Sandwich 4

INGREDIENTS: 1 tablespoon chili sauce 1/3 cup mayonnaise 1/4 cup butter, softened 8 slices rye bread 1/2 pound thinly sliced corned beef 1/2 pound sliced Swiss cheese 1 pound sauerkraut

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DIRECTIONS: Preheat oven broiler. Mix chili sauce and mayonnaise until smooth. Spread mayonnaise mixture and butter on bread slices. Layer corned beef, Swiss and sauerkraut on 4 slices and top with remaining slices. Place on baking sheet under preheated broiler and broil until browned, turning once, 2 minutes.

Reuben Pizza 2

INGREDIENTS: 1 (1 pound) loaf frozen whole wheat bread dough, thawed 1/2 cup thousand island dressing 2 cups shredded Swiss cheese 6 ounces deli sliced corned beef, cut into strips 1 cup sauerkraut - rinsed and drained 1/2 teaspoon caraway seed 1/4 cup chopped dill pickles (optional)

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DIRECTIONS: Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease a large pizza pan. On a lightly floured surface, roll the bread dough out into a large circle about 14 inches across. Transfer to the prepared pizza pan. Build up the edges, and prick the center all over with a fork so it doesn't form a dome when baking . Bake for 20 to 25 minutes in the preheated oven, or until golden. Spread half of the salad dressing over the hot crust. Sprinkle with half of the Swiss cheese. Arrange corned beef over the cheese, then drizzle with the remaining salad dressing. Top with sauerkraut and remaining Swiss cheese. Sprinkle with caraway seed. Bake for another 10 minutes in the preheated oven, until cheese melts and toppings are heated through. Sprinkle with chopped pickle. Let stand for 5 minutes before slicing.

ANOTHER VERSION

Ingredients: 14 slices dark rye bread, toasted prepared mustard 1 can (16 ozs.) sauerkraut, drained and chopped 5 ounces sliced corned beef, finely chopped 2 cups shredded lowfat Swiss cheese 1/2 cup lowfat mayonnaise or salad dressing

Directions:

Heat oven to 375 degrees. Spread toast lightly with mustard; place on ungreased cookie sheet.

Mix sauerkraut, corned beef, cheese and mayonnaise.

Spread about 1/3 cup sauerkraut mixture on each toast slice.

Bake about 10 minutes or until sauerkraut mixture is hot and cheese is melted. Cut sandwiches in halves.

TURKEY RUBEN

Ingredients: 4 teaspoons Dijon mustard 8 slices rye bread 8 ounces thinly sliced turkey breast 1 1/3 cup sauerkraut -- drained 4 slices swiss cheese

Directions:

Spread 1 teaspoon mustard on 4 slices of rye bread. Divide the sliced turkey among the bread slices. Evenly divide the sauerkraut on each sandwich; top with one slice of cheese and remaining bread.

CROCK POT VERSION

Ingredients: 1 cup thousand island salad dressing 1 cup sauerkraut 12 ounces can corned beef 10 ounces grated swiss cheese

Directions:

Combine all in crock pot on low for 2-4 hours. Serve on rye bread.

ANOTHER VERSION

Ingredients: 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon minced bell pepper 1 tablespoon chili sauce 8 rye-bread slices 4 swiss-cheese slices 1/2 pound sliced corned beef 1 cup canned sauerkraut, drained butter or margarine

Directions:

In small bowl, combine first 3 ingredients. spread approx 1 Tbsp mixture on each bread slice. Halve cheese slices cross-wise. On each of 4 bread slices, place a cheese slice, 1/4 of corned beef, 1/4 of sauerkraut, another cheese slice and another bread slice, mixture side down.

In 12" skillet over medium heat, in 2 Tbsp hot butter/margarine, brown sandwiches on one side. Turn and cook until bread is brown and cheese

1950 VERSION..ORIGINAL

Ingredients: 4 slices Swiss Emmenthaler cheese 4 slices Kosher style corned beef 2 ounces chilled, well drained sauerkraut 1 ounce or less Thousand Island dressing Soft butter 4 slices Dark rye bread ***Garnishes***

Kosher dill pickle rose radishes potato chips

Directions:

Mix Thousand Island dressing with drained sauerkraut. Spread the outside of each slice of bread with butter. Lay bread unbuttered side up side by side and place Swiss cheese on each piece, corn beef on each piece, sauerkraut on corned beef and then put together for grilling on sandwich grill or skillet. Press together with spatula and cook until brown and hot through so cheese oozes. Eat immediately. Garnish with Kosher dill pickle, rose radish and potato chips.

MORE!!!

Ingredients: 4 slices corned beef 1 slice swiss cheese 2 slices dark rye or pumpernickel bread 4 tablespoons sauerkraut 1 1/2 tablespoon bottled Russian or Thousand Island dressing 3 tablespoons butter.

Directions:

Put two slices corn beef and 1 swiss cheese on one piece of bread heap on sauerkraut spread dressing over sauerkraut put on other 2 slices of corned beef top with other piece of bread melt butter in skillet or on griddle over med. heat, grill sandwich on both sides serve warm.

Spicy Coleslaw Reubens Recipe

Ingredients: 1 package (10-ounce size) finely shredded cabbage 4 green onions, sliced 1 teaspoon olive oil 1/2 cup Thousand Island dressing 3 tablespoons spicy brown mustard 12 sourdough sandwich bread slices 6 slices Monterey Jack cheese with peppers 1 pound thinly sliced corned beef

Directions:

Saute the cabbage and green onions in hot oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat 3 to 5 minutes or until cabbage is wilted. Remove from heat, and stir in dressing.

Spread mustard evenly on 1 side of half of the bread slices. Layer evenly with cheese slices, corned beef, and cabbage mix ture. Top with remaining bread slices.

Grill sandwiches on a lightly greased nonstick griddle or skillet 3 to 4 minutes on each side or until golden brown.

Reuben Sandwich (rice cooker)

If I can't get to a real deli, this is how I prepare it at home… The end result is excellent.

I take the bread and Thousand Island, the piles of good corned beef, sauerkraut and Swiss cheese, and assemble. Roll it in aluminum foil and seal it.

Put about a cup of water in bottom of Rice Cooker. Add the steamer basket (place the wrapped sandwich in the steamer basket) and simply push the button as if I were steaming rice. Soon as the chime goes off, it is done.

The bread is crisp and firm. (Don't ask me how.) Meat is hot and cheese is melted. Sauerkraut is lovely and incorporated with the cheese and meat just so. Modify this method according to size and brand of cooker.

The amount of water has to be played with too perhaps. Before you laugh, try this, just once. It is the quickest way to a good Reuben. Perhaps not great, but it is very very good.

Classic Diner Reuben Sandwich Prepared in: T-Fal 3-in-1 Indoor/Outdoor Griddle/Grill

Makes 4 Sandwiches.

8 slices rye bread with caraway seeds 1/4 cup butter, room temp 1 cup 1000 Island dressing 1/4 pound corned beef, thinly sliced 1 cup sauerkraut, well-drained 1/2 pound Swiss cheese, shredded Potato chips Lay out the bread slices, Spread one side of each slice with the butter, then turn them and spead the other side evenly with the dressing. Lay the sliced corned beef on the dressing side of the bread, making sure there's no overhang. Spread the sauerkraut evenly on the corned beef, then sprinkle the cheese evenly on top of that. Top with the remaining bread slice, buttered side out and press to compact the sandwich. Heat a large non-stick fry pan or griddle until hot. Place the sandwich on the griddle and cook, pressing down on the sandwiches 3 or 4 times to keep compact. Cook for 3-4 minutes until golden on the one side, then flip carefully and press down again and cook until the cheese has melted and the sandwich is golden on the other side. Serve immediately with the potato chips

THE TURKEY VERSION 3

Reuben Sandwich

(Serves 4)

I N G R E D I E N T S

1 pound sliced Norbest Turkey Pastrami 1 can (16 ounce) sauerkraut, well drained 8 slices Swiss cheese mayonnaise soft margarine or butter 8 slices rye bread

D I R E C T I O N S

Spread mayonnaise on one side of each slice of bread. Layer turkey pastrami, sauerkraut and cheese on each sandwich. Spread softened margarine or butter on outside of bread slices, and grill slowly on each side until golden brown and cheese is melted.

REUBEN LASAGNA CHEF

1 can (27 oz.) sauerkraut, rinsed and drained 1 lb. sliced deli corned beef, coarsely chopped 1 can (10-3/4 oz.) condensed cream of mushroom soup 1 bottle (8 oz.) Thousand Island dressing 1-1/4 cups milk 1 medium onion, chopped 1 tsp. dry mustard 9 oven-ready no-boil lasagna noodles (See note.) 1 cup (4 oz.) Swiss cheese, shredded 1/2 cup plain bread crumbs 1 Tbsp. butter, melted

Preheat the oven to 350°F degrees. Coat a 9X13 baking dish with nonstick cooking spray. In a medium bowl, combine the sauerkraut and corned beef; mix well. In another medium bowl, combine the soup, dressing, milk, onion and mustard; mix well then spread 1/2 cup of the mixture over the bottom of the baking dish.

Place three lasagna noodles over the soup mixture. Top with half of the corned beef mixture then half of the remaining soup mixture. Layer with 3 more lasagna noodles then the remaining corned beef mixture. Add the remaining 3 lasagna noodles, then cover with the remaining soup mixture.

Sprinkle the Swiss cheese then the bread crumbs over the top and drizzle with the butter.

Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until bubbly. Uncover and bake for 5 to 10 more minutes or until golden. Allow to sit for 5 to 10 minutes, then cut and serve.

Makes 6 to 8 servings.

NOTE: Oven-ready lasagna noodles are thinner than traditional lasagna noodles, so they don't need to be boiled before using. You can usually find them near the regular lasagna noodles at the supermarket.

Creamy Reuben Soup Servings: 8 1 cup Frank's or SnowFloss Kraut, well drained 1/2 cup onion, chopped 1/4 cup celery, chopped 3 Tbs butter or margarine 1/4 cup unsifted flour 3 cups water 4 tsp beef flavored bouillon or beef bouillon cubes 1/2 lb corned beef, shredded 3 cups half and half 12 oz pkg swiss cheese, shredded 6 to 8 slices rye or pumpernickel bread, toasted and cut into quarters

In a large saucepan cook onion and celery in butter until tender.

Stir in flour until smooth.

Gradually stir in water and bouillon and bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer uncovered 5 minutes.

Add corned beef, kraut, half and half and 1 cup cheese.

Cook 30 minutes until slightly thickened, stirring frequently.

Ladle into 8 oven-proof bowls. Top each with toasted bread and 1/2 cup cheese. Broil until cheese melts. Serve immediately.

Prep Time: 20 minutes Cook Time: 45 minutes

Chicken Rueben

4 boneless chicken breasts 32 oz sauerkraut, drained but not rinsed 1/4 lb Swiss cheese 1 cup Thousand Island dressing 1 T chopped fresh parsley

Trim fat from chicken, pound lightly and cut each in half. Place a layer of sauerkraut in the bottom of large casserole. (2 1/2 qt). Pour about 1/3 of the dressing evenly over the kraut. Place about 1/3 of the cheese (sliced thinly or crumbled) over the kraut and dressing. Arrange 4 pieces of chicken over the layer.

Repeat with a second layer in order. Spread remaining kraut on top and top with more cheese (optional).

Cover and microwave on high for 20 minutes or until chicken is done. Sprinkle with chopped parsley.

SPAM™ Reuben Sandwich

Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients - 1 (8-ounce) can sauerkraut - 1 cup grated Swiss cheese - 1/4 cup Russian dressing - 8 slices rye bread - 3 tablespoons butter or margarine - 1 SPAM® Classic (12-ounce) can

Directions Rinse sauerkraut; drain well. Combine with cheese and Russian dressing; mix well. Spread each bread slice on one side with butter. Cut SPAM® into 8 slices. Spread half of sauerkraut mixture on unbuttered side of 4 bread slices; top each with 2 slices SPAM®. Cover with remaining sauerkraut mixture. Top with remaining rye bread, butter-side up. Grill slowly in skillet or griddle until cheese melts and sandwiches are browned on both sides.

POCKET REUBEN SANDWICHES

1 pkg. pocket or pita bread 1 tbsp. milk 1/4 c. mayonnaise 1 tsp. dillweed 1 tsp. Dijon mustard 1/2 tsp. onion salt or powder 2 pkg. (4 oz.) corned beef, thin sliced 1 c. grated Swiss cheese 1 c. drained sauerkraut

Cut pocket bread in half and set aside. Cut corned beef in narrow strips and mix well with cheese and sauerkraut. Mix milk, mayonnaise, dillweed, mustard and onion salt or powder; mix with meat, cheese and sauerkraut. Pack into pockets of pocket bread. Stand in baking dish. Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes.

DRESSING FOR REUBEN SANDWICHES

1 c. mayonnaise 1 tsp. Worcestershire sauce 1/4 c. chili sauce or catsup 1 tsp. grated onion

Mix all together. On sandwich bun place corn beef, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut and dressing. You may use rye bread

REUBEN'S NEW YORK SANDWICH

1/4 c. mayonnaise or cooked salad dressing 2 tbsp. chili sauce 1 tsp. onion, grated 1 tsp. lemon juice 1 c. cabbage, shredded 4 slices rye bread 2 slices turkey 2 slices ham, baked 2 slices Swiss cheese

In small bowl, combine mayonnaise, chili sauce, onion and lemon juice; mix well. Add cabbage, toss to coat cabbage well. Refrigerate until well chilled. For each sandwich on 1 slice rye bread, layer 1 turkey slice, top with half of drained coleslaw, then with 1 slice ham (folded over) and 1 slice cheese (folded over). Place rye bread slice on top. Makes 2 sandwiches.

A dedicated site to the wonderful Fruitcake in all sizes and shapes...This is a site to the grand cake that has a rich history..grand taste and full appreciation of this cake(NO KIDDING)...enough Fruitcake Bashing....how to make it...store it...buy it..and recipies...Gerald Gaule(friutcakelover)

Blame the fruitcake plague on the cheap sugar that arrived in Europe from the colonies in the 16th century. Some goon discovered that fruit could be preserved by soaking it in successively greater concentrations of sugar, intensifying color and flavor. Not only could native plums and cherries be conserved, but heretofore unavailable fruits were soon being imported in candied form from other parts of the world. Having so much sugar-laced fruit engendered the need to dispose of it in some way—thus the fruitcake. By the early 19th century, the typical recipe was heavy as lead with citrus peel, pineapples, plums, dates, pears, and cherries. The expression "nutty as a fruitcake" was coined in 1935.

Fruitcakes are holiday and wedding cakes which have a very heavy fruit content. They require special handling and baking to obtain successful results. The name "fruitcake" can be traced back only as far as the Middle Ages. It is formed from a combination of the Latin fructus, and French frui or frug.

The oldest reference that can be found regarding a fruitcake dates back to Roman times. The recipe included pomegranate seeds. Pine nuts, and raisins that were mixed into barley mash. Honey, spices, and preserved fruit and such..

1400s - The British began their love affair with fruitcake when dried fruits from the Mediterranean first arrived.

1700s - In Europe, a ceremonial type of fruitcake was baked at the end of the nut harvest and saved and eaten the next year to celebrate the beginning of the next harvest, hoping it will bring them another successful harvest. After the harvest, nuts were mixed and made into a fruitcake that was saved until the following year. I love Egg Nog...here are a few I like..it goes good with FRUITCAKE!!

Jerry

gaules@...

Rich Eggnog! - Recipe 1 6 Large eggs 3/4 c Sugar 1 1/2 c Brandy 1/2 c Rum 4 c Milk 4 c Cream 1/2 c Icing sugar Nutmeg to sprinkle

Separate the yolks from the whites of the eggs. Beat the yolks slowly while simultaneously adding the sugar; do this until the mixture is pale and golden. Now slowly add in the brandy and rum, then beat in the milk and half the cream.

Set aside until just before serving, then whisk the egg whites until stiff and fold them into the eggnog mixture. Whip the remaining cream and icing sugar until thick. Top each glass of eggnog with whipped cream and a shake of nutmeg. This yields eight servings.

Eggnog! - Recipe 2

Basic Versatile Nog 6 seperated 1 cup sugar 1 1/2 quarts thick cream 1 1/4 tumblers whiskey, brandy or rum Dashes of cinnamon or nutmeg

Beat egg yolks and sugar together until they are senseless (or lemon- colored). Set aside while you beat the egg-whites stiff followed by some harshly thrashed cream. Dump all this into the yokes along with your choice of liquor. Then chill.

Eggnog! - Recipe 4

Basic Non-alcoholic Eggnog 12 eggs 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 quart cream to taste vanilla dash of nutmeg

Seperate eggs at room temp. Beat yolks till creamed with about half of sugar, whites till peaked then add other half of sugar. Beat cream till stiff. Then fold all together. Add vanilla to taste - but remember that a little bit of vanilla goes a long way.

Place into containers keep in refrigerator for at least one day. Shake before serving

Eggnog! - History Many believe that eggnog is a tradition that was brought to America from Europe. This is partially true. Eggnog is related to various milk and wine punches that had been concocted long ago in the "Old World". However, in America a new twist was put on the theme. Rum was used in the place of wine. In Colonial America, rum was commonly called "grog", so the name eggnog is likely derived from the very descriptive term for this drink, "egg-and-grog", which corrupted to egg'n'grog and soon to eggnog. At least this is one version...

Other experts would have it that the "nog" of eggnog comes from the word "noggin". A noggin was a small, wooden, carved mug. It was used to serve drinks at table in taverns (while drinks beside the fire were served in tankards). It is thought that eggnog started out as a mixture of Spanish "Sherry" and milk. The English called this concoction "Dry sack posset". It is very easy to see how an egg drink in a noggin could become eggnog.

The true story might be a mixture of the two and eggnog was originally called "egg and grog in a noggin". This was a term that required shortening if ever there was one.

With it's European roots and the availability of the ingredients, eggnog soon became a popular wintertime drink throughout Colonial America. It had much to recomend it; it was rich, spicy, and alcoholic.

In the 1820's Pierce Egan, a period author, wrote a book called "Life of London: or Days and Nights of Jerry Hawthorne and His Elegant Friend Corinthina Tom". To publicize his work Mr. Egan made up a variation of eggnog he called "Tom and Jerry". It added 1/2 oz of brandy to the basic recipe (fortifying it considerably and adding further to its popularity).

Eggnog, in the 1800s was nearly always made in large quantities and nearly always used as a social drink. It was commonly served at holiday parties and it was noted by an English visitor in 1866, "Christmas is not properly observed unless you brew egg nogg for all comers; everybody calls on everybody else; and each call is celebrated by a solemn egg-nogging...It is made cold and is drunk cold and is to be commended."

Of course, Christmas was not the only day upon which eggnog was popular. In Baltimore it was a tradition for young men to call upon all of their friends on New years day. At each of many homes the strapping fellows were offered a cup of eggnog, and so as they went they became more and more inebriated. It was quite a feat to actually finish one's rounds.

Our first President, George Washington, was quite a fan of eggnog and devised his own recipe that included rye whiskey, rum and sherry. It was reputed to be a stiff drink that only the most courageous were willing to try.

Eggnog is still a popular drink during the holidays, and its social character remains. It is hard to imagine a Christmas without a cup of the "nog" to spice up the atmosphere and lend merriment and joy to the procedings. When you try out some of the recipes on this site, remember that, like many other of our grand traditions, there is history and life behind that little frothy brew.

Eggnog! - Safety Current estimates show that there is a 1 in 10,000 chance that the eggs in your nog could contain a harmful bacteria. To avoid the possibility of food poisoning the Center for Science in the Public Interest recommends that you slowly heat the eggs to 160 F before using. Another way to tell if the eggs are ready is if they coat a metal spoon.

Eggnog made in dairies is usually pasteurized, which means that harmful bacteria have already been eliminated through a heating process. It generally is also sans alcohol.

So when you whip up a batch of eggnog play it safe. Heat your eggs, or buy it from a dairy and add your own finishing touches.

Eggnog! - Experimentation

Experiment with your nog. Have fun with it. There are many variations possible on the recipes given, cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla are spices that can be utilized in varying quantities. Different liquors can be used in conjunction with eggnog, rum, brandy and whiskey are not the only possibilities.

Next you might try finding other outlets for your eggnog fancy. For example, try including eggnog in some of your favorite food recipes. How about "Eggnog French Toast", or "Eggnog Cheesecake"?

Finally, do not limit yourself to merely consuming eggnog during the holiday period. Why not have a "Christmas in July party"? Eggnog can be a pleasant drink on a warm summer day, especially in conjunction with your favorite sporting event. Remember, it's always nice to have a bit of that "eggs and grog in a noggin".

Christmas Egg Nog

6 Eggs 2 c Heavy cream 1 c Milk 3/4 c Sugar 1/2 c Rum 1/2 c Brandy 1/2 c Whisky 1 tb Nutmeg Separate the eggs and set the white aside.

Mix yolks well, gradually adding the cream, milk, and sugar.

Now back to the egg white, whip them until "soft peaks" form. Fold the white into the yolk mixture. Gradually add the Rum, Brandy and Whiskey.

Sprinkle the Nutmeg over top right before serving.

Let the egg nog sit, uncovered, in the fridge for at least 2 hours.

Cooked Eggnog

1 qt Non-fat milk 4 Eggs; lightly beaten 1/4 c Powdered sugar 1 ts Vanilla extract Ground nutmeg for garnish In a heavy saucepan, combine milk, lightly beaten eggs and powdered sugar, and mix well using a wire whisk. Slowly bring to a simmer, over low heat, for 5 minutes, stirring frequently with the whisk. Remove from heat.

Add vanilla extract and mix well. Refrigerate until cold.

To serve, heat eggnog in the microwave, garnish with nutmeg, and serve warm as a morning drink.

For a cold variation, pour mixture into blender container and add one cup of crushed ice. Blend until eggnog is frothy.

Makes 10 one cup servings.

Christmas Eggnog (contains alcohol)2

12 Eggs, separated 1 c Granulated sugar 1 c Bourbon whiskey 1 c Cognac 1/2 ts Salt 3 pt Heavy cream Grated Nutmeg

In an electric mixer, beat the egg yolks with the sugar until thick and lemon colored. Slowly add the bourbon and cognac, while beating at a slow speed. Chill several hours.

Add the salt to the egg whites and beat until almost stiff, or until the beaten whites form a peak that bends slightly.

Whip the cream until stiff. Fold the whipped cream into the yolk mixture, then fold in the beaten egg whites. Chill one hour.

When ready to serve, sprinkle the top with freshly grated nutmeg. Serve in punch cups with a spoon.

If desired, add one or two cups of milk to the yolk mixture for a thinner eggnog.

EGG NOG (Rompope)

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Ingredients: 4 egg yolks 6 cups of milk 1 cup of sugar 1/2 cup of almonds rum as desired

Procedure: Soak the almonds in boiling water and peel them. Liquify the almonds in a little milk until smooth. Boil the milk and add the sugar and liquified almonds. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon or spatula until thickened. Remove from heat.

Whip the egg yolks with the rum and add them gradually, stirring constantly, until well mixed with the milk. Chill and serve in a glass container.

Kentucky Egg-Nog

6 eggs, separated 1 cup sugar 2 cups (1 pint) Kentucky bourbon 1 quart heavy whipping cream ¼ cup rum (optional) 2 quarts commercial egg-nog (Lucerne brand)

Separate eggs and beat yolks until light. Add 2/3 cup of sugar and beat at least 5 minutes in mixer, or until frothy and lemon-colored. Add bourbon, very, very slowly. If desired, ¼ cup rum may be combined with the bourbon. Beat the egg whites until stiff, but not dry, together with the remaining 1/3-cup sugar. Slowly pour the whisky-sugar-egg yolk mixture into the whites, folding in gently to avoid separation. Whip the cream and fold it into the egg-nog. Fold several times and then let it stand again. Repeated folding and standing helps "ripen" a good egg-nog. Egg-nog should be made 2 to 3 days in advance, kept cool and stirred frequently. (It's also wonderful when served immediately as well.) Before serving, add 2 quarts of Lucerne (Safeway brand) commercial eggnog. ENJOY!

Old-Fashioned Egg Nog 2

INGREDIENTS:

6 eggs 1 cup sugar 1/2 tsp vanilla 1/4 tsp nutmeg 2 cups milk 2 cups heavy whipping cream 3/4 cup brandy 1/3 cup dark rum PREPARATION:

Chill everything before starting, for best results. Beat eggs until frothy, then beat in sugar, vanilla and nutmeg. Slowly stir in brandy, rum, cream and milk. Chill again, and serve eggnog cold.

Whistling Elves' Easy Eggnog

6 eggs separated 1 cup sugar 1 1/2 quarts thick cream 1 1/4 tumblers whiskey, brandy or rum Add cinnamon or nutmeg to taste

Beat egg yolks and sugar together until they are well blended. Set that mixture aside, and beat the egg whites until stiff and add the cream followed by some harshly thrashed cream. Dump all this into the yokes along with your choice of liquor. Then chill.

Holiday Eggnog Cheesecake

1 cup graham cracker crumbs 1/4 cup Sugar 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg 1/4 cup melted margarine 1 package unflavored gelatin 1/4 cup cold water 8 ounces softened cream cheese 1/4 cup Sugar 1 cup Eggnog 1 cup whipped whipping cream

Combine crumbs, sugar, nutmeg and margarine; press onto bottom of 9" springform pan. Soften gelatin in water; stir over low heat until dissolved. Combine creamcheese and sugar, at medium speed on electric mixer until well blended. Gradually add gelatin and eggnog, mixing until blended. Chill until slightly thickened; fold in whipped cream. Pour over crust; chill until firm. VARIATION: Ingrease sugar to 1/3 c. Substitute milk for eggnog. Add 1 tsp vanilla and 3/4 t rum extract. Continue as directed.

Eggnog Ice Cream

6 eggs, separated 10 tablespoons sugar pinch of salt 1/4 cup brandy 1/4 cup rum 2 tablespoons dry sherry 1 cup milk 2 cup heavy cream 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, freshly grated

Cook the egg yolks, sugar, salt, brandy, rum and sherry in a double boiler until very light and thickened. Remove from heat, add the milk and cream; cool. Beat the egg whites until stiff, fold them in the cream mixture. Pour into a ice cream machine and process according to manufacturer's directions. Sprinkle with nutmeg before serving.

Baltimore Eggnog recipe

1 oz Jamaican dark rum 1 oz brandy 1 oz madeira 1 whole egg 1 tsp powdered sugar 3/4 cup milk

Shake all ingredients well with cracked ice and strain into a collins glass. Sprinkle nutmeg on top and serve.

Egg Nog #3 recipe

6 large eggs freshly ground nutmeg 1 cup powdered sugar 750 ml dark rum 4 cups whipping cream 1/2 cup apricot brandy

Separate eggs and refrigerate the whites. Beat ylks until light in color. Gradually beat in sugar, then slowly beat in 1 cup of rum. Let stand covered for atleast 1 hr. Add rest of liquor, cream, and peack brandy, beating constantly. Refrigerate, covered, for 3 hours. Beat egg whites until stiff, fold in. Serve sprinkled with nutmeg. Serve in a punch bowl or another medium sized bowl.

Egg Nog #4 recipe

6 egg yolks 1 tsp vanilla ground nutmeg 1/4 cup sugar 1/4 tsp salt 2 cups milk 1 cup whipping cream 1/2 cup light rum 6 egg whites 1/2 cup bourbon whiskey 1/4 cup sugar

In a small mixer bowl beat egg yolks till blended. Gradually add 1/4 cup sugar, beating at high speed till thick and lemon colored. Stir in milk, stir in rum, bourbon, vanilla, and salt. Chill thoroughly. Whip cream. Wash beaters well. In a large mixer bowl beat egg whites till soft peaks form. Gradually add remaining 1/4 cup sugar, beating to stiff peaks. Fold yolk mixture and whipped cream into egg whites. Serve immediately. Sprinkle nutmeg over each serving. Serve in a punch bowl or another big bowl. NOTE: For a nonalcoholic eggnog, prepare Eggnog as above, except omit the bourbon and rum and increase the milk to 3 cups.

Boiled Custard Eggnog Recipe

Ingredients: 1 1/2 cup Sugar 1/4 cup Flour 1/8 teaspoon Salt 8 Egg yolks 6 cups Milk 2 cups Light cream 1 teaspoon Vanilla extract 1/8 teaspoon Nutmeg 1 1/2 cup Whiskey

Directions:

Mix sugar, flour, and salt in heavy 6-qt saucepan. Add egg yolks and mix well. Using wire whisk, stir egg mixture and slowly pour in milk and cream. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until custard is thickened and just coats the back of a wooden spoon.

Remove from heat and let cool. The custard will thicken as it cools. When cold, stir in vanilla, nutmeg, and whiskey.

Layered Egg Nog Recipe

Ingredients: 12 Egg whites 1/2 cup Sugar 12 Egg yolks 1 cup Sugar 1/4 teaspoon Salt 4 cups Heavy cream, beaten 4 cups Milk 4 cups Bourbon 1 cup Dark rum

Directions:

Beat whites stiff; beat in about 1/2 cup sugar. Beat yolks until very light with about 1 cup sugar and the salt. Combine and stir until thoroughly blended. Add cream, then milk, then Bourbon. Beat well. Add rum. Store in a cold place for one week.

Do Not Stir! The result is a very interesting layered beverage. Use a ladle to serve it. Serve topped with freshly-grated nutmeg.

what is a fruitcake??

Pity the poor, maligned fruitcake. Who hasn't heard of the same fruitcake that gets passed around every year and then sits on a shelf until the next holiday season? The poor things are often referred to as bricks, paperweights or doorstops. Most people either love it or hate it. Don't blame the fruitcake, blame the recipe! There are many different styles and recipes to choose from, so give fruitcake another chance.

What is fruitcake? Fruitcakes have been making the rounds for centuries. In general, fruitcakes can include any and all of the following: candied fruit, dried fruit, fruit rind, nuts, spices and some sort of liquor or brandy. The ratio of fruit and nuts to batter is fairly high, with just enough cake batter to hold it all together. This naturally results in a very dense, moist, heavy cake, no doubt giving rise to the doorstop reference. There are two basic types:

• Light Fruitcake: This type is made with light-colored ingredients such as granulated sugar, light corn syrup, almonds, golden raisins, pineapple, apricots and the like.

• Dark Fruitcake: Darker ingredients are used such as molasses, brown sugar, and darker-colored fruits like raisins, prunes, dates, cherries, pecans and walnuts.

The dreaded citron Those who don't like fruitcake generally point the finger at the candied citron or fruits used in the cake. Candied citron is made from the thick peel of the citrus fruit of the same name. Candied fruit, most commonly pineapple, cherry and citrus rind, is made by dipping or boiling pieces of fruit in a heavy syrup and then drying them. They are often rolled in granulated sugar after the drying process. If you don't like candied fruits or peels, try substituting plain dried fruit pieces in your fruitcake

After being slowly baked, the finished fruitcakes get their preservative treatment. Cheesecloth is soaked in brandy, bourbon, whiskey, rum or other liquor and then wrapped around the cooled fruitcake. The whole shebang is then wrapped in foil to ripen and age

Fruitcake storage Fruitcakes soaked in liquor can literally last for years if you periodically add more liquor. Some fruitcake fans won't even touch a fruitcake until it has aged at least three years, although it's generally recommended that soaked fruitcakes be consumed within two years. Fruitcake should be tightly wrapped and stored in the refrigerator. Unwrap every few months and drizzle with liquor. Re- wrap tightly. Interestingly enough, although fruitcake can be frozen, its life is shorter than if refrigerated, only one year.

Fruitcake tips and cooking hints • Line cake pans with greased foil to prevent over-browning, being sure to leave a generous amount of foil overhanging the sides of the pan to act as handles to lift the cake from the pan when it's done. • Fill pans no more than two-thirds full. • Placing pans in a tray half-filled with hot water will also help prevent over-browning during the long, slow cooking period. • Before removing the cake from the pan to cool, let it rest about 10 minutes in the pan. • The standard cake testing method applies to fruitcakes: a wooden skewer inserted in the center should come out clean. • For easy slicing, the cake should be cold. Use a thin knife. • For liquor-soaked cakes, refrigerate at least three weeks before eating to let it ripen. • Substitute plain dried fruit for candied fruit if you wish. • Fruit juice can be substituted for liquor as a soaking liquid. Be sure to refrigerate and consume within two months.

In the Kitchen When serving liquor-soaked fruitcake, remember a little goes a long way. One fruitcake provides double the amount of servings of a standard cake or loaf of equal size.

Dark Fruitcake The author says: "This recipe is more than 100 years old and rich enough to make 40 servings. It takes two days to make and at least three weeks to ripen. If properly stored, the cake can be made as much as two months before Christmas." --Jean Anderson

Ingredients Fruit Mixture 1/2 pound candied citron, chopped fine 1/4 pound candied orange peel, chopped fine 1/4 pound candied lemon peel, chopped fine OR 1 pound mixed candied fruit, chopped (use in place of the above 3 ingredients) 2 ounces candied ginger, chopped fine 1/2 pound seedless raisins 1/2 pound golden seedless raisins 1/2 pound dried currants 1/4 pound candied cherries, coarsely chopped (save 4 whole cherries for decoration, if you like) 1/4 pound shelled walnuts or pecans, finely chopped (save 8 halves for decoration, if you like) Finely grated rind of 2 lemons 1/2 cup orange marmalade 1/4 cup lemon juice 1/4 cup brandy or orange juice 1 teaspoon vanilla 1/4 teaspoon almond extract

Cake Mixture 2 cups sifted flour 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon mace 1/4 teaspoon cloves 1/4 teaspoon allspice 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 pound butter or margarine 1 cup sugar 6 eggs

Instructions Preheat oven to 300 F.

Place all fruit mixture ingredients in a large bowl, toss well, cover, and let stand overnight at room temperature.

Grease, then line bottom of a 10-inch tube pan with wax paper. Preheat oven to 250 degrees F. Sift together twice the flour, spices, baking powder, and salt, and set aside. Cream butter until light, add sugar gradually, and continue creaming until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.

Add to dry ingredients, about 1 cup at a time, beating just to blend. (Note: Unless you have an extra-large mixing bowl, you will have to transfer batter to a large kettle at this point.) Mix in the fruit mixture. Spoon batter into pan and, if you wish, decorate top with halved candied cherries and walnuts. Place on center oven rack; half fill a roasting pan with water and place on rack below. Bake, uncovered, 4-1/4 hours until cake shrinks slightly from sides of pan and a metal skewer inserted midway between edge and central tube comes out clean.

Cool cake upright in pan on wire rack 1 hour. Carefully turn out, peel off wax paper, turn right-side-up, and cool thoroughly. Wrap in brandy- or rum-soaked cheesecloth, then in foil, and store in an airtight container about 3 weeks to ripen. If you wish to store the cake longer, sprinkle cheesecloth wrapping with 2-3 tablespoons brandy or rum at 3-week intervals.

Yield: 40 servings

Fruit Cake Ingredients 1-1/2 cups liquid coffee 1 (15-ounce) box raisins 1-1/2 tsp baking soda 3/4 cup cooking oil 2 cups sugar 3 eggs 3 cups flour 1/4 tsp baking powder 2 tsp salt 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp allspice 1/2 tsp ground cloves 1/2 tsp mace 8 ounces walnuts, chopped 1 jar maraschino cherries, undrained 1 pound mixed fruit

Instructions Boil raisins in coffee. (Use leftover coffee.) Add baking soda and let stand until cool.

Cream together oil, sugar and eggs. Add flour, baking powder, spices and nuts, adding cherry juice and coffee to make mixing easier. Fold in cherries, raisins and mixed fruit. Spoon into 4-5 small greased and floured loaf pans.

Bake at 325 degrees F. for about 1 hour and 20 minutes. Cake is done when it springs back to a light touch. When completely cooled, wrap in aluminum foil.

Yield: makes many servings

German Fruitcake Ingredients 1 pound fresh sausage 2 cups very hot water 2 cups sugar 2 tsp baking soda 2 tsp vinegar 1 tsp nutmeg 1 tsp ground cloves 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp salt 1 pound raisins 1 pound currants (optional) 1 pound candied fruit 3-1/2 to 4 cups all-purpose flour 1 pound walnuts, coarsely chopped

Instructions Place sausage in a large bowl and pour hot water over sausage, stirring until sausage breaks apart.

Add sugar, soda and vinegar and mix well. Add all remaining ingredients and mix well. Pour into one large tube pan or 2 medium- sized loaf pans.

Bake at 375 degrees F. for 30 minutes. Cover and bake another 30 minutes or until done.

Notes: Before baking, decorate top with candied fruit, nuts or cherries. Do not store in closed container. The best way to store fruitcake is to wrap it in cheesecloth. It may also be frozen.

Yield: 15 to 20 servings

Creole Christmas Fruitcake with Whiskey Sauce Ingredients For the Simple Syrup: 2 cups granulated sugar 2 cups water Strips of zest of 2 lemons (about 3 tablespoons) Juice of 2 lemons (about 1/4 cup)

For the Cake: 1 pound of a combination of dried fruits, such as blueberries, cranberries, cherries, raisins, and chopped apricots 1 pound (4 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature 2 1/4 cups granulated sugar 4 ounces almond paste 8 large eggs 1 cup Grand Marnier or other orange-flavored liqueur 4 cups bleached all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/8 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg 1 cup slivered blanched almonds 1 cup pecan pieces 1 cup walnut pieces 1/2 cup bourbon Whiskey Sauce (click for recipe)

Instructions Make a simple syrup by combining the sugar and water in a medium- size heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium-high heat. Add the lemon zest and juice and bring to a boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Boil for 2 minutes and remove from the heat.

Combine the dried fruits together in a large mixing bowl. Pour the simply syrup over them, toss to coat, and let steep for 5 minutes. Strain and reserve the syrup.

Cream the butter, sugar, and almond paste together in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle at low speed, occasionally scraping down the sides of the bowl. Beat until the mixture is fluffy and smooth, about 2 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time, mixing in between each addition on low speed and scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Add 1/2 cup of the Grand Marnier and mix to incorporate.

Combine the flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a medium-size mixing bowl and blend well. Add this mixture 1/2 cup at a time to the butter mixture with the mixer on low speed, each time mixing until smooth, about 2 minutes. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as necessary. The batter will be thick.

Add the warm fruit and all the nuts a little at a time, mixing well. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and the paddle.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Lightly grease twelve 1-pound loaf pans. Spoon about 1 cup of batter into each pan. Bake until golden and the tops spring back when touched, about 45 minutes (rearranging them after 25 minutes if necessary to brown evenly).

Cool for 10 minutes in the pans. Remove cakes from the pans and cool completely on wire racks.

Wrap each cake in a layer of cheesecloth. Store in plastic storage bags until they are slightly stale, 3 to 4 days.

Combine the reserved simple syrup with the remaining 1/2 cup Grand Marnier and the bourbon. Without removing the cheesecloth, make tiny holes with a toothpick randomly on the top of each cake. Pour 2 tablespoons of the syrup over the top of each cake once every 2 to 3 days until all of the syrup is used. Let the cakes age for up to 3 weeks before eating..

Whiskey Sauce Ingredients 3 cups heavy cream 1/2 cup bourbon 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons cornstarch

Instructions Combine 2-3/4 cups of the cream with the bourbon and sugar in a medium-size nonstick saucepan over medium heat. Stir to dissolve the sugar.

In a small bowl, dissolve the cornstarch in the remaining 1/4 cup cream. Add this to the cream-and-bourbon mixture and simmer stirring often, until the mixture thickens, 4 to 5 minutes. Remove from the heat and serve warm with the fruitcake.

The sauce may be stored, after it has cooled, in an airtight container for 24 hours. When ready to serve, warm over low heat.

Old-Fashioned Fruitcakes Ingredients 3 cups dried figs, stemmed and chopped 2 cups pitted dates (14 ounces), chopped 2 cups golden raisins (12 ounces) 2 cups dark seedless raisins (12 ounces) 1 box (10 ounces) dried currants (2 cups) 1-1/2 cups diced candied citron (about 11 ounces) 1 cup diced candied pineapple (7 ounces) 1 cup red candied cherries (8 ounces), coarsely chopped 1 cup diced candied orange peel (7 ounces) 1 cup brandy 3 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves 1/4 teaspoon baking soda 2 cups butter or margarine (4 sticks), softened 1 box (16 ounces) dark brown sugar 6 large eggs 1/3 cup dark molasses 2/3 cup milk 5 cups pecans or walnuts (1-1/4) pounds

Instructions In large bowl, combine figs, dates, golden and dark raisins, currants, citron, pineapple, cherries, orange peel, and brandy. Cover and let stand 8 hours or up to overnight, stirring several times.

Preheat oven to 275 degrees F. Grease twelve 5-3/4-inch by 3-1/4- inch by 2-inch mini-loaf pans. Line bottoms with waxed paper; evenly grease paper.

In medium bowl, combine flour, cinnamon, allspice, cloves, and baking soda.

In large bowl, with mixer at low speed, beat butter and brown sugar until blended. Increase speed to medium-high; beat until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes, frequently scraping bowl with rubber spatula. Reduce speed to medium. Beat in eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in molasses. Reduce speed to low; beat in flour mixture alternately with milk, beginning and ending with flour mixture, until blended, scraping bowl. Turn batter into larger bowl (for easier mixing). Stir in fruit mixture, including any brandy not absorbed by fruit, and pecans.

Spoon batter into prepared pans; spread evenly. Bake until toothpick insterted in center comes out clean, about 1 hour 30 minutes. Cool in pans on wire racks 15 minutes. Run thin knife around cakes to loosen from sides of pans and invert onto racks. Turn cakes, right side up, and cool completely. Remove waxed paper. Wrap cakes in plastic wrap, then in foil. Let stand in cool place, or refrigerate at least 1 month or up to 6 months before serving.

Yield: 12 cakes, 4 servings each

Each serving: About 387 calories, 4g protein, 59g carbohydrate, 17g total fat (6g saturated), 48 mg cholesterol, 126mg sodium.

Plum Pudding For Christmas Recipe Ingredients 3 cups (lightly packed down) crumbs from homemade type white bread, a 1/2-pound loaf, crust on, will do it 1 cup each: black raisins, yellow raisins, and currants, chopped 1-1/3 cups sugar 1/2 tsp each: cinnamon, mace, and nutmeg or more if needed 8 ounces (2 sticks) butter, melted 4 large eggs, lightly beaten Few drops of almond extract 1/2 cup bitter orange marmalade 1/2 cup rum or bourbon whiskey, heated before serving Sprigs of holly, optional 2 cups Zabaione Sauce (recipe included herein)

Zabaione Sauce: 1 large egg 2 egg yolks small pinch of salt 1/3 cup rum or bourbon whiskey (or Marsala or sherry) 1/3 cup dry white French vermouth 1/2 cup sugar

Instructions Special equipment suggested: A food processor is useful for making the bread crumbs and chopping the raisins; an 8-cup pudding container, such as a round bottomed metal mixing bowl; a cover for the bowl; a steamer basket or trivet; a roomy soup kettle with tight-fitting cover to hold bowl, cover, and basket.

Timing note: Like a good fruitcake, a plum pudding develops its full flavor when made at least a week ahead. Count on 6 hours for the initial, almost unattended steaming, and 2 hours to reheat before serving.

The pudding mixture: Toss the bread crumbs in a large mixing bowl with the raisins, sugar and spices. Then toss with the melted butter, and finally with the rest of the ingredients, except, of course, the holly and Zabaione Sauce. Taste carefully for seasoning, adding more spices if needed.

To microwave Plum Pudding: Butter the dish you are cooking the pudding in, then cover the bottom of the dish with a buttered piece of wax paper. Pour in batter. Cover dish with plastic wrap and pierce the plastic with a knife in several places. Cook at "defrost" (low speed) for 30 minutes. If your microwave oven does not have a carousel which turns the dish during cooking, stop the process several times during the cooking and rotate the dish manually. Finally, cook at 5 minutes on "bake" (high speed). Let the pudding set for a few minutes before unmolding. The pudding is ready when it is firm to the touch. The microwaved plum pudding is somewhat paler than its steamed counterpart.

To steam a Plum Pudding: Use a special pan made for this purpose. You must have a container with a very tight lid on it which will stay sealed throughout the cooking. Steaming -- about 6 hours: Pack the pudding mixture into the container; cover with a round of wax paper and the lid. Set the container on the steaming contraption in the kettle, and add enough water to come a third of the way up the sides of the container. Cover the kettle tightly; bring to the simmer, and let steam about 6 hours. Warning: check the kettle now and then to be sure the water hasn't boiled off!

When is it done? When it is a dark walnut-brown color and fairly firm to the touch.

Curing and storing: Let the pudding cool in its container. Store it in a cool wine cellar, or in the refrigerator. Ahead -of-time note: Pudding will keep nicely for several months.

Resteaming: A good 2 hours before you plan to serve, resteam the pudding -- it must be quite warm indeed for successful flaming. Unmold onto a hot serving platter and decorate, if you wish, with sprigs of holly.

Flaming and serving: Pour the hot rum or whiskey around the pudding. Either ignite it in the kitchen and rapidly bring it forth, or flame it at the table. Serve the following Zabaione Sauce separately.

Zabaione Sauce: Whisk all the ingredients together for 1 minute in a stainless saucepan. Then whisk over moderately low heat for 4 to 5 minutes, until the sauce becomes thick, foamy, and warm to your finger -- do not bring it to the simmer and scramble the eggs, but you must heat it enough for it to thicken. Serve warm or cold. Ahead-of-time note: The sauce will remain foamy for 20 to 30 minutes, and if it separates simply beat it briefly over heat. If you wish to reform the sauce, whisk in a stiffly beaten egg white. Makes about 2 cups.

Yield: 12 servings

Dark Fruit Cake Recipe 2 Dark Fruit Cake Recipe 2 ingredients 3 cups flour ¾ cup butter 1½ cups sugar 3 teaspoons baking powder 1 cup currants 1 cup chopped figs 3 tablespoons molasses 2 teaspoons cinnamon and cloves 2 tablespoons chopped nuts 1 cup raisins 4 egg whites, beaten stiff pinch of salt

instructions To prepare this Dark Fruit Cake Recipe 2, first cream butter and add the sugar gradually. Add the flour, baking powder and salt mixed together. Beat and mix well. Add the currants, chopped figs, chopped nuts, raisins, cinnamon, cloves and the molasses. Fold the beaten whites of egg lightly into the mixture. Bake in tube cake tin for 1 3/4 hours in slow oven.

English Fruit Cake Recipe English Fruit Cake Recipe ingredients 1 lb. butter 1 lb. light brown sugar 9 eggs 1 lb. flour 2 teaspoons mace 2 teaspoons cinnamon 1 teaspoon soda 2 tablespoons milk 3 lbs. currants 2 lbs. raisins, seeded and finely chopped ½ lb. almonds, blanched and shredded 1 lb. citron, thinly sliced and cut in strips

instructions To prepare this English Fruit Cake Recipe, first cream the butter, add sugar gradually, and beat thoroughly. Separate yolks from whites of eggs; beat yolks until thick and lemon-colored, whites until stiff and dry, and add to first mixture. Then add milk, fruit, nuts, and flour mixed and sifted with mace, cinnamon, and soda. Put in buttered deep pans, cover with buttered paper, steam three hours, and bake one and one half hours in a slow oven, or bake four hours in a very slow oven. Rich fruit cake is always more satisfactory when done if the cooking is accomplished by steaming

Martha Washington Fruit Cake Recipe Martha Washington Fruit Cake Recipe ingredients ½ pound butter or shortening 1-½ pounds of sugar 6 eggs 1-¼ pounds flour 1 teaspoon soda ¼ teaspoon salt 1 grated nutmeg ¼ teaspoon mace 2 cups sour cream 1 pound chopped raisins 1 pound well-cleaned currants ½ pound sliced citron Juice and rind of 1 lemon

instructions To prepare this Martha Washington Fruit Cake Recipe, first cream the butter or shortening and add the sugar. Gradually add the well- beaten egg yolks. Mix and sift the dry ingredients and add alternately with the cream. Add the raisins, currants, citron well floured, and lemon. Mix well. Fold in the stiffly beaten egg whites. Turn into paper-lined loaf cake pans and cover the tops with greased paper. Bake slowly at 320 degrees F., about two and one-half hours.

Somewhere in the recent past, society took a turn and a long- standing holiday tradition was transformed into a joke. So complete was this societal change that those daring to speak up for or defend fruitcake were virtually stoned by an angry mob. Fruitcake lovers were outcast, rejected and ridiculed by popular culture. So vitriolic was the anti-fruitcake feeling that those with differing views were forced to quietly seek out others who, like them, still appreciated the fruitcake. Soon, the outcasts began to find each other, and so, the fruitcake subculture was formed.

It may surprise you how many people number themselves among the Fruitcake Underground. Just tell a fruitcake joke to a group of people and carefully watch the reactions. Oh yes, there will more than likely be one or more people in the group laughing nervously, trying to blend in without making a scene, wondering if anyone will ever come to the rescue of the defamed fruitcake.

Other evidence is the amount of fruitcake out there in the world, and it is spreading. Right now, someone somewhere (maybe even someone you know) is enjoying a dense, moist piece of fruit-and-nut- laden, spirit-drenched cake behind closed doors, and probably feeling a little guilty about it.

I can tell you, after extensive research, that the movement is about to come out of the basement. Fruitcake is about to become the next great thing in the world of special occasion food items. The movement has firm roots in many areas of food manufacturing and marketing, as well as suspected endorsements from many famous chefs and food critics. That's right, fruitcake is on its way back in. It's almost conspiratorial the way everything is falling into place. Have you noticed the abundance of dried fruits available in your local markets these days? Not your nuclear green candied fruit substances, but real dried fruits. They are even putting them in the cereal to get you acclimated to them. And where did the dried cranberries come from? It's all part of the plan.

The next step is to gain broad acceptance by changing the name. Let's face it. The term "fruitcake" has all kinds of negative associations. But what about Jack Daniels Bourbon Cake? Or Meyer's Rum Cake? Yesterday, I saw the first of these commercially marketed fruitcakes in the holiday section of the gourmet grocery store in my town.

What can you do to stop it? It's too late to try - it's already gone too far. So just embrace it; give it a try. Who knows, you may actually like some of these cakes. The new cakes blend the best of the new world with the best of the old world. Gone are the crazy candied fruits, and in are the modern dry fruits. Don't hide this in your closet anymore. Dice it up into small squares and dip it into chocolate for some delicious treats. With the outstanding shelf life built in to a fruitcake, what do you have to lose?

Basic Fruitcake

1/3 cup chopped dried cherries 2/3 cup dried cranberries 2/3 cup currants ½ cup plus 2 tablespoons light rum 2 cups all-purpose flour ½ teaspoon baking powder ¼ teaspoon salt ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon 8 tablespoons butter ¾ cup packed brown sugar 2 eggs 2 tablespoons milk ¼ cup un-sulfured molasses 2/3 cup chocolate chips or chopped pecans In a plastic container or zip-lock bag, soak the dried fruit in ¼ cup of the rum for at least a day, covered tightly and at room temperature. Then preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Butter and line a 6-inch round pan or 4 x 8½ inch loaf pan with parchment paper.

Whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Cream the butter and sugar until fluffy and add the eggs, one at a time. Add the flour in three batches, alternating with the milk and molasses. Stir in the fruit/rum mixture and chocolate and/or nuts.

Pour into prepared pan and bake for 55 minutes to 1 hour. Let cake cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then sprinkle with 2 tablespoons of rum.

Place a piece of parchment paper, large enough to wrap entire cake, on a flat surface. Moisten a piece of cheesecloth, large enough to wrap the cake, with 1-tablespoon rum. Place the cheesecloth on top of the parchment paper, and unmold the cake on top of it. Sprinkle the top and sides of the cake with the remaining rum. Wrap the cake, pressing the cheesecloth closely to the surface of the cake. Place the cake in an airtight tin (or plastic container, and let age for at least 4 weeks. If storing longer, douse with additional rum for every 4 weeks of storage.

Variations

Tropical Fruitcake: Substitute the following fruit; 2/3 cup dried pineapple cut into small chunks, 2/3 cup diced mango, 1/3 cup diced papaya, 1/3 cup coconut, 2/3 chopped macadamia nuts and use Malibu rum instead of regular rum.

Berry Berry Fruitcake: 2/3 cup dried strawberries. 2/3 cup dried raspberries. 1/3 cup dried blueberries. 1/3 cup currants, 1/3 cup dried cranberries and use Kirsch (cherry flavored liqueur) instead of rum.

Southern Delight Fruitcake: 2/3 cup dried diced peaches, 2/3 cup dried blueberries, 2/3 cup chopped pecans and use a good Whiskey or Bourbon.

Generations Fruitcake 4 cups all-purpose flour, divided 1 pound chopped dates 1 pound candied citron 1 pound chopped pecans 1 pound dried figs, coarsely chopped 1 (15 ounce) package raisins 1 (10 ounce) package currants 1 cup butter or margarine, softened 2 cups granulated sugar 12 large eggs, lightly beaten 1 cup milk 3/4 cup light corn syrup 2 teaspoons baking soda 2 teaspoons ground nutmeg 2 teaspoons ground allspice 1 teaspoon baking powder 1 cup brandy 15 pecan halves (optional) Brandy 3 red candied cherry halves (optional)

Make a liner for a 10-inch tube pan by drawing an 18-inch circle on brown paper (not recycled). Cut out circle; set pan in center, and draw around base of pan and inside tube. Remove pan, and fold circle into eighths, with lines on the outside.

Cut off pointed tip of triangle along line. Unfold paper; cut along folds to the outside line. Place liner in pan; grease and set aside. Repeat procedure for second pan.

Combine 1/2 cup flour, dates and next 5 ingredients in a large bowl, tossing gently. Set aside.

Beat butter at medium speed with electric mixer until creamy; gradually add sugar, beating well. Add eggs, beating until blended after each addition. Add milk and corn syrup, mixing well.

Combine remaining 3 1/2 cups flour, baking soda and next 4 ingredients; add to butter mixture alternately with 1 cup brandy, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Mix at low speed after each addition until blended. Pour over fruit mixture; stir well. Spoon batter into prepared pans. Place pecan halves in flower designs on top of batter, if desired.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 1 hour or until a wooden pick inserted in center of cake comes out clean. Remove from oven; cool completely in pans on wire racks.

Remove cakes from pans; peel paper from cakes. Wrap in brandy-soaked cheesecloth; store in airtight containers in a cool place. Pour a little brandy over cake each week for at least 1 month. Before serving, place cherry halves in center of pecan flowers, if desired. Yields 2 (5-pound) cakes.

No-Bake Fruitcake Fruits and Nuts 16 ounces candied pineapple 16 ounces candied cherries 8 ounces candied citron 8 ounces chopped dates 1 (5 ounce) box raisins 1 (15 ounce) box golden raisins 1 (10 ounce) box currants 1 (4 ounce) can flaked coconut (optional) 12 ounces chopped walnuts 8 ounces chopped pecans or blanched slivered almonds

Liquids 1/2 cup molasses 1/2 cup strawberry or raspberry preserves 2 tablespoons frozen orange juice concentrate (straight from the can) 1 (12 ounce) can evaporated milk

Dry Ingredients l pound graham crackers 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Put fruits (and their syrup) and nuts into a big bowl and, using your hands, break up any stuck-together clumps.

Put the graham crackers in the food processor, one inner-seal package at a time, and process until they are ground as finely as flour. This is the secret of the recipe - graham crackers must be as finely ground as flour! No lumps! Dump into another bowl. Add spices and mix.

Pour the dry ingredients on the fruit and "toss" so the fruit pieces are dusted on all sides. Again, use your hands. Pour on liquids and mix (with hands) well until no dry graham cracker powder remains. If needed, add more liquid (evaporated milk, orange juice concentrate, jam).

Pack into prepared tins, pressing firmly. Don't worry; it will all fit even though it seems the tins will be too small. The cake will be sticky, but all the moisture will be absorbed.

Refrigerate 2 days and then start dousing with rum or brandy. Omit the liquor if you prefer. Store in refrigerator.

If you like another combination of fruits or nuts, certainly, feel free to alter as you prefer. Make sure you have approximately the total weight of approximately 90 ounces of fruit and 20 ounces of nuts.

Yields 10 pounds (2 (8-inch) in diameter tins). For a 2 pound batch, use 1/3 pound graham crackers (one inner-seal pack) and cut the fruit down to 4 ounces of each flavor and adjust the other ingredients accordingly.

Rich Italian Fruitcake 3 cups dried figs or dates 1/2 cup white seedless raisins 1/3 cup dried cranberries 1/3 cup almonds, toasted and finely chopped 1/2 cup cocoa powder 2 1/2 cups soft wholegrain bread crumbs 5 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 4 teaspoons honey Oil and dry breadcrumbs for pan 4 teaspoons pine nuts 1/2 cup walnuts

Soak figs or dates overnight in hot water.

The next day, bring them to a gentle boil and lower the heat, simmering gently until very soft. While the figs are cooking, soak the white raisins and dried cranberries in hot water.

When softened, drain figs or dates and place in large bowl. Drain other fruit, squeeze out excess water and add. Add remaining ingredients down to and including honey. Stir well to as smooth a consistency as possible. As you stir, the figs or dates become like a paste and you will have a very thick "cake-like" batter.

Rub a small springform pan or a layer cake pan with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with dry breadcrumbs, shaking out excess, like you would a flour coating. Spoon in the batter and smooth out. Cover the surface with pine nuts and walnuts or other nuts of your choice and press them lightly into the batter. Bake at 375 degrees F for 30 to 45 minutes, until firm.

Allow to cool on a rack for about 15 minutes.

Carefully run a spatula around the edges of the pan and invert onto a cake plate.

Cake is best served cold.

Diabetic Fruitcake

Ingredients:

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 1/2 cup diced orange peel 1/2 cup diced lemon peel 1/2 cup diced dates 1/2 cup golden raisins 1/4 cup brandy or orange juice 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice 1/3 cup vegetable oil 2 tablespoons brown sugar 2 eggs 1/2 cup chopped pecans 12 pinneapple chunks

Preparation: Combine first 5 ingredients in mixing bowl.Add the rest,except the pineapple.Mix well.Pour into baking cups,filling each 2/3 full.Top each with a pineapple chunk.Bake 30-35 min. at 325 degrees

Sherried Fruitcake

Ingredients:

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 1 pound butter 1 3/4 cups honey 2 teaspoons vanilla 7 eggs 5 1/2 cups flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 teaspoons nutmeg 1 cup sweet sherry -- (creamed) 1/2 cup unsweetened pineapple juice 8 ounces candied red cherries 8 ounces candied fruit -- mixed 8 ounces candied pineapple 3 cups shredded coconut 4 cups chopped walnuts or pecans 16 ounces golden raisins 8 ounces candied green cherries 1 cup candied orange peel 1/2 cup pineapple juice-up to 1 cup

Preparation: Grease and flour (3) 8 1/2 x 4 1/2 x 2 1/2 loaf pans or (1) ring pan and (1) loaf pan. Cream butter, honey and vanilla. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Sift 4 cups of flour with the baking powder and nutmeg. Stir into creamed mixture a1ternat~y with sherry and pineapple juice until smooth. In another bowl, mix fruit, nuts, and raisins with 1 1/2 cups flour and the coconut. Add to batter and mix thoroughly. Turn into prepared pans and bake in a 300F oven for 1 1/2 hours-to 2 hours. Cool partially. Loosen edges, turn onto a wire rack. Turn right side up. Cool completely. Sprinkle with sherry and wrap tightly in plastic wrap and foil. Will keep a long time if sprinkled about once a week. Better aged.

Southern Fruitcake

Ingredients:

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 4 cups pecans -- chopped 1 3/4 cups chopped candied pineapple 1 1/2 cups chopped dried apricots 1 1/2 cups golden raisins 2 cups all-purpose flour -- divided 1 cup butter -- softened 1 cup packed brown sugar 5 eggs 1 cup apricot nectar -- divided 1/2 cup honey 1/4 cup milk 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon 3/4 teaspoon baking powder 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon ground allspice

Preparation: Grease and flour two 9x5x3 inch loaf pans. Line the bottoms with wax paper; grease and flour the paper. Set aside. Combine the pecans, pineapple, apricots, raisins and 1/2 cup flour; set aside. In a mixing bowl, cream the butter and sugar; add the eggs, one at at time, beating well after each addition. Add 1/2 cup apricot nectar, honey and milk; beat well(mixture will appear curdled). Combine cinnamon, baking powder, salt, allspice and remaining flour; add to the creamed mixture and mix well. Add pecan mixture; stir well. Pour into prepared pans. Bake at 325 for 1 1/2 hours or until a toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes. With a skewer, poke holes in the loves. Spoon remaining nectar over loaves. Let stand for 10 minutes. Remove from pans to wire wrack to cool completely. Wrap tightly and store in a cool place. Slice and bring to room temperature before serving.

Fruitcake In A Jar

Ingredients:

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 2 2/3 cups sugar 2/3 cup vegetable shortening 4 eggs 2/3 cup water 2 cups fruit -- (see note) 3 1/2 cups all purpose flour 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1 teaspoon baking powder 2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 2/3 cup raisins or nuts

Preparation: USE WIDE MOUTH PINT SIZE CANNING JARS, DO NOT USE MAYONNAISE JARS, ETC. BE SURE TO STERILIZE THE JARS, AND TOPS ACCORDING TO MANUFACTURER'S DIRECTIONS. GREASE THE INSIDE BUT NOT THE RIM OF THE JARS TO MAKE BATTER: DREDGE THE RAISINS AND/OR NUTS IN SOME OF THE FLOUR. CREAM TOGETHER THE SUGAR AND SHORTENING. BEAT IN THE EGGS AND WATER. ADD THE FRUIT. SIFT TOGETHER THE FLOUR, CLOVES, CINNAMON, BAKING POWDER, BAKING SODA AND SALT. ADD TO THE BATTER, IF DESIRED, ADD RAISINS AND/OR NUTS AND MIX. NOTE - THE TWO CUPS OF FRUIT IS UP TO YOU. YOU CAN USE ANY MIXTURE OF FRUIT THAT YOU LIKE BUT NO MORE THAN TWO CUPS. TWO CUPS GRATED APPLE+- 1 1/2 CUP APPLESAUCE AND 1/2 CUP PINEAPPLE, 2 CUPS SHREDDED CARROTS, MASHED BANANAS, ETC. POUR BATTER INTO THE STERILIZED JARS 1 MEASURING CUP OF BATTER PER JAR. DO NOT USE MORE OR CAKE WILL OVERFLOW. AND THE JARS WILL NOT SEAL. PLACE JARS EVENLY SPACED APART FOR BROWNING ON COOKIE SHEET. PLACE IN PREHEATED 325-DEGREE OVEN. BAKE ABOUT 45 MINUTES, OR UNTIL A TOOTHPICK INSERTED IN THE CENTER COMES OUT CLEAN. REMOVE JARS ONE AT A TIME USING TWO POTHOLDERS (JARS WILL BE VERY HOT) LEAVE OTHER JARS IN THE OVEN BUT WORK FAST. WIPE THE RIM, . PLACE THE METAL DISC ON TOP IN PLACE, THEN TWIST ON SCREW RING TO SECURE. YOU WILL HEAR IT SEAL.WITH A "PING" SOUND QUITE FAST. OPEN THE OVEN REMOVE ANOTHER JAR AND REPEAT.GENERALLY, ANY QUICK BREAD RECIPE WORKS, BUT BE SURE TO MEASURE ONE CUP OF BATTER PER JAR. THE CAKE WILL SLIDE OUT WHOLE, OR CAN BE CUT INTO STICKS. THE CAKE SHOULD LAST FOR ONE YEAR

Minature Fruitcakes

Ingredients:

Amount Measure Ingredient -- Preparation Method -------- ------------ -------------------------------- 3/4 cup sugar 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1/8 teaspoon salt 1 1/2 cups chopped walnuts 1 cup chopped dates 3/4 cup mixed candied fruit 2 eggs -- separated 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract halved candied cherries

Preparation: In a bowl, combine the first seven ingredients. Combine egg yolks and vanilla; stir into dry ingredients. In a small mixing bowl, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form; fold into batter. Fill greased and floured muffin cups two thirds full. Cover muffin tin tightly with heavy duty aluminum foil. Bake at 275 for 1 hour. Uncover, top with cherries. Bake 5 minutes longer or until toothpick inserted near center comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes. Run a knife around the edges of each cup; remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

To age a fruitcake -

Dip a cheesecloth in rum, brandy or wine, then wrap it around the fruitcake.

Place the wrapped cake in an airtight container or wrap it securely in plastic wrap + foil.

Every few days, lightly dampen it with more rum, brandy or wine and, again, wrap it tightly.

A few more fruitcake tips -

Always cool a fruitcake in the pan and remove when cool.

To store - Wrap fruitcake in plastic wrap + aluminum foil or place it in an airtight container and store it in the refrigerator for added moistness.

Slice a fruitcake with a thin sharp knife, dipped in hot water.

When serving a tray of cookies, add small slices of fruitcake, wrapped in red or green plastic wrap.

MORE TO COME!!!WRITE AND SEND THEM TO ME... gaules@msn.com

I will post them and give your credit due!!..THANKS...

HAD TO DO THIS...(LONG)........SORRY!!!!!

Little Red Riding Hood - A Politically Correct Fairy Tale

by Jim Garner

There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house -- not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.

So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of food through the woods. Many people she knew believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was confident...

On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult."

The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."

Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be on my way."

Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.

Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch."

From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"

"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what a big nose you have -- only relatively, of course, and certainly attractive in its own way."

"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."

"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"

The Wolf said, "I am happy with and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the Wolf's apparent tendency toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.

Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding and the Wolf both stopped.

"And what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood.

The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him.

"Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" she said. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"

When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of the mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off. After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after. Three Little Pigs (Politically Correct Version)

Author unknown

Once there were three little pigs who lived together in perfect harmony with each other, as all siblings should. They had great respect for all of the other animals in the kingdom, celebrating the differences in physiognomy and physiology which made each animal distinct. They also lived in perfect harmony with their environment. And when they decided to each construct their own homes, they vowed to only use materials that were indigenous to the area to conserve precious resources. In point-of-fact, they each built a beautiful house, each house a personification of their individual values and personalities. One pig decided to build a house of straw. With his two brothers, he traveled to all of the fields in the region and gathered that which the reapers had missed in order to leave the land ready for the next crop. When the first structure was completed, and properly inspected and approved by the woodland authorities, the second one wanted a house constructed of sticks. Our three heros gathered only that woodfall not suitable for crafts, leaving the woods they gleaned safe for travel and replanting. The second house completed, the three constructed the third house of dung, clay and creeper vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small smokeless kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their work and settled back to live in peace and self-determination. But their idyllic life-styles were soon shattered. One day, along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew very hungry in both a physical and ideological sense. When the pigs saw the wolf, they ran into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in !" The pigs shouted back, "Your terrorist tactics impinge no fear for pigs who are defending their homes and culture." But the wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the straw house had stood, other wolves seized the land and planned a chicken farm, where they would cruelly force the birds to live in over-crowded coops and increase profits by ignoring any problems caused by manure polluting the near-by streams. Meanwhile, at the house of sticks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in !" The pigs shouted back, "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic oppressor !" At this the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to the house of bricks, with the wolf close at their heels. Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves made plans a time- share condo resort complex for vacationing wolves, each unit would be a fiberglass replica of the original house of sticks. They planned massive water canals and dams, long known to both wreck and flood the surrounding fragile landscape. Meanwhile, at the house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs, let me in !" This time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote strong letters of protest to the Editor of the Woodland Journal. By now the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and huffed and puffed, then grabbed his chest and fell over dead from a massive heart attack brought on from eating too many fatty foods. The three little pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around the house that had saved them. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They gathered together a band of other animals who had been forced off their lands. The brigade of brave lil' pigs attacked the wolves' Total Quality Management Planning Complex with machine-guns and rocket launchers and slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone. Goldilocks & The 3 Bears

Through the thicket, across the river, and deep, deep in the woods, lived a family of bears- A Papa Bear, a Mama Bear and a Baby Bear- and they all lived together anthropomorphically in a little cottage as a nuclear family. They were very sorry about this, of course, since the nuclear family has traditionally served to enslave women, instil a self-righteous moralism in its members, and imprint rigid notions of heterosexualist roles onto the next generation. Nevertheless, they tried to be happy and took steps to avoid these pitfalls, such as being naming their offspring with the non-gender-specific "Baby"

One day, in their little anthropomorphic cottage, they sat down to breakfast. Papa bear had prepared big bowls of organic porridge for them to eat. But straight off the stove, the porridge was too thermally enhanced to eat. So they left their bowls to cool and took a walk to visit their animal neighbours.

After the bears had left, a melanin-impoverished young woman emerged from the bushes and crept up to the cottage. Her name was Goldilocks, and she had been watching the bears for days. She was, you see, a biologist who specialised in the study of anthropomorphic bears. At one time she had been a professor, but her agressive, masculine approach to science (Ripping off the thin veil of nature, exposing its secrets, penetrating its essence, using it for her own selfish needs, and bragging about such violations in the letters columns of various magazines) had led to her dismissal.

The rogue biologist had been watching the cottage for some time. Her interest was to collar the bears with radio transmitters and then follow in their migratory or other life patterns, with an utter disregard for their personal (or rather, animal) privacy. With scientific espionage the only thing in mind, Goldilocks broks into the bears' cottage. In the kitchen she laced the bowls of porridge with a tranquillizing potion. Then in the bedtoom she rigged snares beneath the pillows of each bed. Her plan was, you see, to drug the bears and, when they stumbled into their bedroom to take a nap, lash radio collars to their necks as they were held in the traps.

Goldilocks chortled and thought "These bears will be my ticket to the top! I'll show those twerps at the university the kind of guts it takes to do real research!" She crouched in the corner of the bedroom and waited. And waited, and waited some more. But the bears took so long to come back from their walk that she fell asleep.

When the bears finally came home, they sat down to eat breakfast. Then they stopped, Papa bear asked, "Dows your porridge smell... off, Mama?" Mama bear replied, "Yes, it does. Does yours smell off, Baby?" Baby bear replied, "Yes, it does. It smells sort of chemicaly"

Suspicious, the rose from the table and went into the living room. Papa bear sniffed. He asked, "Do you smell something else, Mama?" Mama bear replied, "Yes, I do. Do you smell something else, Baby?" Baby bear replied, "Yes, I do. It smells musky and sweaty and not at all clean."

They moved into the bedroom with growing alarm. Papa bear asked, "Do you see a snare and a radio collar under my pillow, Mama bear?" Mama bear replied, "Yes I do. Do you see a snare and a radio collar under my pillow, Baby?" Baby bear said, "Yes, I do. And I see the human that put them there!"

Baby bear pointed to the corner where Goldilocks slept. The bears growled, and Goldilocks awoke with a start. She sprang up and tried to run, but Papa bear caught her with a swing of his paw, and Mama bear and Baby bear did the same. With Goldilocks now a mobility non-posessor, Mama and Papa bear now set on her with fang and claw. They gobbled her up, and soon there was nothing left of the maverick biologist but a bit of yellow hair and a clipboard.

Baby bear watched in astonishment. When they were done, Baby bear said "Mama, Papa, what have you done?! I thought we were vegetarians..." Papa bear burped. "We are," he said, "but we're always ready to try new things. Flexibility is just one more benefit of being multicultural. We are post-modern vegitarians, we eat meat ironically."

Politically Correct (PC) Terms: A Criminal - unsavory character A Crook - morally (ethically) challenged Abortion - Near-Life Experience Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist Alive - temporarily metabolically abled. An Immigrant - a newcomer Assassination - involuntary term limitation Bald - comb-free Bald - folically independent Bald - follicularly challenged. Battle Fatigued - shellshocked Blind - optically darker Blind - photonically non-receptive Blind - visually challenged Body Odor - nondiscretionary fragrance. Broken Down Automobile - mechanically challenged Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family Bum - Displaced Homeowner Bum - Homeless Person Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining Censorship - Selective Speech Cheating - Academic Dishonesty China - Porcelain Chronically Late - Temporarily Challenged Clumsy - uniquely coordinated Commercial Fisherman - Flipper Whipper Computer Illiterate - Technologically Challenged Corpse - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass Corpse / Stiff - Metabolically Challenged Corpse / Stiff - Terminally Inconvenienced Cowardly - Challenge Challenged Cowboys - bovine control officers Crackpot - certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist Crime Rate - street activity index Dead - Actuarially Mature Dead - biologically challenged Dead - environmentally correct human Dead - living impaired Dead - metabolically challenged Dead - persons living with entropy Deaf - Visually Oriented Delicatessen - Corpse Farm Dirty Old Man - sexually focused chronologically gifted individual Dish Washer - utensil sanitizer Dishonest - Ethically disoriented. Dorm - Residence Hall Drooling Drunk Idiot - person on floor Drowning - aquatically challenged Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged Drunk - spacially perplexed Drunk / Junkie - in recovery Earthquake - geological correction Fail - achieve a deficiency. Fat - Differently Weighted Fat - gravitationally challenged Fat - horizontally challenged. Fat - horizontally gifted Fat - People of Mass Fat - person of substance Fictional / Mythological - ontologically challenged Freshman - first-year student Frog - amphibian American Full of Crap - fecally plenary Gang - Youth Group Garbage Man - sanitation engineer Gas Station Attendent - petroleum transfer technician Geek, Nerd, whatever... - socially challenged Ghetto / Barrio - Ethnically Homogenous Area Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh Handicapped - Differently Abled, Handi-Capable Having PMS - cyclically challenged Hearing Person - temporarily aurally abled Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers Homeless - residentially flexible Homelessness - Mortgage-Free Living Housebroken - Family Disfunction Housewife - domestic engineer Hunter - Animal Assassin Hunter - Bambi Butcher Hunter - Meat Mercenary Ignorant - factually unencumbered Ignorant - knowledge-based nonpossessor. Incompetent - Differently Qualified Incompetent - Specially Skilled Incompetent - Uniquely Proficient Insane People - Mental Explorers Insane People - Selectively Perceptive Insult - Emotional Rape Janitor - sanitation engineer Klutz - kinesthetically challenged Large Nose - nasally gifted Lazy - motivationally dispossessed Lazy - motivationally deficient. Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability Library - Educational Resource Center Logger - Wood Weasel Logger - Paper Pirate Logger -Treeslayer Loser - Second Place Loser - uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path Man-hole - maintenance hole Mankind - humankind MANkind, HuMAN, PerSON - Earth Children Mercy Killing - Euthanasia Mercy Killing - Putting Down/To Sleep/Out of Misery Messy - differently organized Meter Maid - Parking enforcer Midget / Dwarf - Little People Midget / Dwarf - Vertically Challenged Mute/Dumb - verbally challenged Not with somebody at the moment - romantically challenged - Off - energy-efficient Old - chronologically gifted Old Person / Elderly - Gerontologically Advanced Old Person / Elderly - Senior Citizens Panhandler - Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding. Paper Bag - processed tree carcass Perverted - Sexually dysfunctional. Pimp-mobile / Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation Option Plagiarism - Previously Owned Prose Po' - financially inept Policeman, Policewoman - law inforcement officer Poor - economically marginalized Poor - Economically Unprepared Poor - monetarily challenged Postman - letter carrier Pregnant - parasitically oppressed. Prisoner - client of the correctional system Prostitute - sex care provider Psychobabble - constructivist feminist psychotherapy Psychopath - socially misaligned Racist - genetically discriminating Really Big Nosed - nasally disadvantaged Redneck - person of region Redneck - rustically inclined Refugees - asylum seekers Road Kill - Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form Rudeness - Tact Avoidance Runny Nose - nasally gifted Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim Serial-Killer - Person with difficult-to-meet needs. Shoplifter - Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist Short - vertically challenged Sighted Person - temporarily visually abled Slum - Economic Oppression Zone Slut - suffering from a sex addiction (female) Someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone - morally handicapped Spendthrift - negative saver. Stained - creatively re-dyed Steward, Stewardess - flight attendant Stoned - Chemically inconvenienced. Stud - suffering from a sex addiction (male) Stupid - differently-brained Stupid - intellectually impaired The Elderly - Senior citizens Thin - horizontally challenged Thirsty - osmotically challenged Tone Deaf - musically delayed Too old/young - other aged Too Tall - people of height Tree-Hugger - environmental activist Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units Ugly - aesthetically challenged Ugly - Cosmetically different. Ugly - facially challenged Unemployed - Involuntarily leisured. Used Books - Recycled Books Vagrant - Nonspecifically destinationed individual. Vegetable - noble unconscious hero Vice President - Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World Vocal Minority - target equity group Vomiting - Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices Waiter, Waitress - food server War-Monger - Peacekeeper, patriot Welfare Bum - economically disadvantaged Whaler - Blubber Lover White - melanin-impoverished White American - racially challenged White Boy - rhythmically challenged White Trash - caucasian culturally-disadvantaged Wife - unpaid sex slave Worst - least best. Wrong - differently logical.

Politically Correct Terms For Females: Her breasts will never sag, they will lose their vertical hold. She does not get drunk, she is accidentally over served or she becomes verbally dyslexic. She does not get PMS, she becomes hormonally homicidal. She does not hate sports on TV, she is athletically biased. She does not have a great butt, she is gluteus to the maximus. She does not have a hard body, she is anatomically inflexible. She does not have a killer body, she is terminally attractive. She does not have big hair, she is overly aerosoled. She does not have big hooters, her cups runneth over. She does not have great cleavage or a great rack, her breasts are centrally located. She does not have sexy lips, she is collagen dependent. She does not shave her legs, she experiences temporary stubble reduction. She does not shop too much, she is overly susceptible to marketing ploys. She does not snore, she is nasally repetitive. She does not sun bathe, she experiences solar enhancement. She does not wear too much makeup, she is cosmetically oversaturated. She does not work out too much, she is an abdominal overachiever. She does not: Get Drunk, She becomes Verbally Dyslexic She is not a bad cook, she is microwave compatible. She is not a bad driver, she is automotively challenged. She is not A Gossip, She is a Verbal Terminator She is not a gossip, she is a verbal terminator. She is not a Perfect 10, she is numerically superior. She is not cold or frigid, she is thermally incompatible. She is not easy, she is horizontally accessible. She is not hooked on soap operas, she is melodramatically fixated. She is not too skinny, she is skeletally prominent. She will never gain weight, she will become a metabolic underachiever. You do not ask her to dance, you request a precoital rhythmic experience.

Politically Correct Terms For Males: He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility. He does not: Hog the blankets He is: Thermally unappreciative He is not: Unsophisticated He is: Socially malformed He does not: Eat like a pig He suffers from: Reverse bulimia He is not: A sex machine He is: Romantically automated He is not a: Male chauvinist pig He has: Swine empathy He is not: Quiet He is a: Conversational minimalist You do not: Undress him with your eyes You have a: Introspective pornographic moment He is not: Afraid of commitment He is: Monogamously challenged He does not have a: Fabulous rear end He has achieved: Buttocks perfection He is not: Stupid He suffers from: Minimal cranial development He does not: Get lost all the time He discovers: Alternative destinations He is not: Balding He is in: Follicle regression You do not: Buy him a drink You initiate an: Alcohol-For- Conversation exchange He does not: Fart and belch He is: Gastronomically expressive His jeans are not: Too tight He is: Anatomically under circulated He is not a: Redneck He is a: Genetically-related American You do not: Kiss him You become: Facially conjoined He is not a: Cradle robber He prefers: Generationally differential relationships He does not get: Falling down drunk He becomes: Accidentally horizontal He does not: Act like a total jerk He develops a: Case of rectal- cranial inversion He is not: Short He is: Anatomically compact He does not have a: Rich daddy He is a: Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion He does not: Constantly talk about cars He has a: Vehicular addiction He does not have a: Hot body He is: Physically combustible

Politically Correct Phrases For Students: No one fails a class any more, he's merely "passing impaired." You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed." Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive." These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined." Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive." Kids don't get grounded any more. They merely "hit social speed bumps." Your homework isn't missing, it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience." You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness." You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time." You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome." You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear." No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced." You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective." You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal." You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations." It's not called gossip any more. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information." The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

from Candace..

Crispy Light Belgian Waffles

2 egg yolks 5 tablespoons white sugar 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/2 cup butter, melted 1 teaspoon salt 2-3/4 cups self-rising flour 2 cups warm milk 2 egg whites

In a large bowl, beat together the egg yolks and sugar. Beat in the vanilla extract, butter and salt. Alternately mix in flour and milk, only until blended well. In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites until they have formed soft peaks. Fold the egg whites into the batter and let stand for 40 minutes. Spray the preheated waffle iron with nonstick cooking spray. Pour the mix into the hot waffle iron. Cook until golden brown and fluffy.

Yield: 6 large waffles.

Enjoy this fun little recipe.

Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner

http://home.comcast.net/~guardian_angel_program/index.html

Spicy Chili

1 lb. ground beef 1 medium onion, chopped 5 teaspoons seasoning mix 1 qt diced tomatoes or tomato juice 1 can kidney beans

Spicy Chili Seasoning Mix 1/2 c. chili powder 5 teaspoons ground coriander 1 tablespoon garlic powder 2 teaspoons dried oregano 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Fry beef in oil with onion. Add 2 tsp seasoning mix. Heat tomatoes and beans: add meat mixture and 4 more tsp.seasoning mix. Simmer 10 minutes.

Enjoy!

Angel Hugs,

Candace Guardian Angel Program & Group Owner

P.S.

Thank you all for all of your prayers and well wishes.

Pumpkin Ice Cream Recipe 14 oz can of pumpkin 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/4 tsp. cinnamon 1/8 tsp. nutmeg 1/4 tsp. ginger 1/2 cup maple syrup 1 cup milk 2 cups whipping cream Mix ingredients, COOL, and pour into Ice Cream Maker. Green Tea ice cream recipe 1/3 cup water 1/3 cup sugar 2 teaspoon green tea 1 cup heavy cream 1 cup light cream Combine the water and sugar in a small saucepan over low heat, stirring, until the sugar melts, and simmer the syrup for 5 minutes. In a separate bowl, mix 1 tablespoon of the syrup with the powdered green tea, then add that mixture to the syrup in the saucepan, and stir until evenly mixed. Add the light cream and heavy cream , pour into an ice cream freezer, and freeze according to manufacturer's instructions.

Crazey Ice Caffee For one serving you will need: 1 cup of coffee - Some sugar - 1 scoop vanilla ice cream - Whipped cream - cocoa powder.

Make coffee add some sugar and let it chill. Scoop one ball of vanilla ice cream or gelato into a large cup and fill it up with chilled coffee. Add whipped cream on top and sprinkle with cocoa powder. It's delicious and refreshing especially on a hot summer day!!!

Better than Vanilla Gelato Made in your ice cream maker For 1 quart you will need: 5 large egg yolks - 3/4 cup sugar - 2 cups whole milk - 1 cup half & half - 2 tsp. vanilla extract.

Combine egg yolks and sugar in a mixing bowl. Beat at medium high speed until the mixture is thick and pale yellow in color. Heat milk to a simmer. Add half of the milk to the egg yolk mixture and whisk until blended. Stir in the rest of the milk and cook over low heat, stirring constantly. Remove from heat, when the mixture coats the back of your spoon. Stir in the half & half. Pass mixture through a fine strainer into a bowl and set over an ice bath to chill. Stir in the vanilla extract. Freeze in an ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instructions.

Chocolate Gelato recipe 1 cup sugar 2 cups milk 1 cup cocoa powder, sifted 3 1/2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped 4 egg yolks, beaten lightly

In a heavy saucepan cook 1/4 cup sugar, undisturbed, over moderate heat until it begins to melt and cook, stirring with fork, until melted completely and deep golden brown. Remove pan from heat and dip pan briefly into a bowl of ice water to stop cooking. (Caramel will harden). Cool pan about 5 minutes and return to heat. Add milk and cook over moderate heat, whisking until caramel is melted. Whisk in cocoa until combined well and keep mixture warm.

In a metal bowl set over a saucepan of barely simmering water melt chocolate, stirring, and remove from heat. In a bowl with an electric mixer beat egg yolks with remaining 3/4 cup sugar until thick and pale. Whisk in caramel mixture and chocolate in streams, whisking until combined. Pour custard into another 3 quart heavy saucepan and cook over moderately low heat until a candy thermometer registers 140 F. Cook custard stirring (do not let it boil), 4 minutes more and remove from heat. Cool custard completely and freeze in an ice cream maker.

Coffee Gelato recipe 2/3 cup sugar 4 egg yolks 1 cup milk; at room temperature 1/8 teaspoon salt 4 teaspoons instant coffee 1 cup heavy cream

Beat the sugar and egg yolks together until pale yellow and very thick. Slowly add the milk, beating gently to avoid a build-up of foam. Stir in the salt. Transfer mixture to the top of a double boiler with an inch of boiling water in the bottom half. Regulate heat so water remains at a low boil, and stir continuously 8 minutes. Custard will thicken enough to coat the spoon, and surface foam will disappear. Immediately remove top of double boiler and set it in a large bowl of cold water. Stir 2 minutes to cool custard somewhat. Then transfer it to a bowl and add the coffee, stirring to dissolve it thoroughly. Cover and set in refrigerator to chill thoroughly. Also chill heavy cream. When ready to proceed, whip cream into soft peaks and stir it into coffee custard. Transfer mixture to ice cream machine and proceed according to machine's directions.

Lemon-orange Gelato 2 cups milk 2 tablespoons orange zest 2 tablespoons lemon zest 5 egg yolks 3/4 cup sugar 4 tablespoons lemon juice

Scald the milk with the orange and lemon zest in a medium saucepan. Whisk the egg yolks and sugar to blend. Gradually whisk half of the hot milk into the yolks. Return the yolks to the saucepan with remaining milk. Stir over low heat until custard thickens and leave a path on the back of the spoon when you draw your finger across it. Do not let the mixture boil. Transfer the mixture to a large bowl and chill.

Once the mixture is cool stir in the lemon juice. Transfer to ice cream maker and process according to manufacturers instructions.

Peach Gelato 1 cup sugar 2 cups water 1 1/4 lb fully ripe peaches, peeled halved and pitted 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice 1 cup heavy cream

Put sugar and 2 cups water in a saucepan. Stir over medium heat until sugar dissolves, then raise heat, bring syrup to a boil and boil 5 minutes. Transfer syrup to a bowl and let it cool completely. Purée peaches in a food processor blender. Measure out 2 cups of purée and stir in lemon juice. Add purée to cooled sugar syrup and chill thoroughly. Whip cream into soft peaks and fold it into fruit mixture. Transfer mixture to ice cream machine and freeze according to machine's directions.

The Best Vanilla Ice Cream For 1 quart you will need: 1 cup whole milk - 3 cups heavy cream - 3/4 cups sugar - 4 egg yolks - 2 tbs.. vanilla extract.

In a heavy bottomed saucepan heat milk, cream and sugar stirring occasionally until the sugar is dissolved and the mixture is hot. In a mixing bowl start whisking the egg yolks. Take about one cup of the hot mixture and slowly pour it into the egg yolks and keep whisking. When your egg yolk mixture is smooth, slowly pour it into your hot mixture in the saucepan, whisking constantly. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon. Be sure not to let the mixture boil at any time or it will curdle. Pass mixture through a fine strainer into a bowl and stir in the vanilla extract. Freeze in an ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instructions.

Tasty Ice Cream Cones You will need : A non-stick cookie sheet - A cone shaped mold - 3/4 cup sugar - 2 tablespoons butter - 1 large egg 1/4 cup milk - 1 teaspoon vanilla extract -1/2 cup all-purpose flour.

Preheat oven to 300º F. In medium mixing bowl, beat the sugar into the egg. Beat in the butter, vanilla extract, and milk. Stir in the flour. Grease the non-stick cookie sheet and spread 1.5 tablespoons of the batter into a 6 inch circles using a spatula. Bake for 15 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove the cookies from the sheet and wrap around the cone shaped mold. The cookies harden as they cool so work as quickly as possible. Great with your homemade gelato or ice cream!!!

Cooool Tropical Shake For 6 servings you will need: 1 cup vanilla ice cream - ¾ cup light cream - 8 ¼ oz. crushed pineapple -1/3 cup frozen orange juice concentrate - 1 sliced banana - 3 to 4 ice cubes - Toasted coconut.

Blend together the ice cream, light cream, pineapple, frozen orange juice concentrate, and banana. Add ice cubes one at a time until mixture is foamy. Last, but not least, sprinkle ½ tsp. toasted coconut on top of each serving. Serve immediately. Mmmm refreshing and exotic!!!

Anna Banana™ Ice Cream Pie For 1 Pie you will need: 1 Pie Crust - 2 bananas - 1 quart vanilla ice cream - hot fudge sauce - pineapple preserves - chopped nuts - whipped topping - maraschino cherries

Slice bananas and lay out on the bottom of the pie crust. Spoon ice cream (softened) on top. Freeze for 2 hours. Top with pineapple preserves, hot fudge sauce, ad a dollop of whipped topping, sprinkle with chopped nuts and decorate with maraschino cherries. Makes a great pie for a summer garden party! Kids love it too!

Coconut Ice Cream 1 cup milk One 15 oz can sweetened cream of coconut 1 1/2 cups heavy cream 1 1/2 tightly packed sweetened coconut flakes

Place the coconut cream and milk in a food processor and blend thoroughly. Stir in the cream and coconut flakes. Pour the mixture into the bowl of the machine and freeze. Makes about 1 quart.

Quick Raspberry Ice Cream Two 10 oz. packages frozen raspberries packed in syrup, partially thawed 2 cups heavy cream

Lightly crush the raspberries while still in the bag. Pour into the bowl of the machine and add the cream and freeze. Makes about 1 quart.

Lemon Ice Cream Zest of 1 lemon 2/3 cup sugar 7 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 2 1/2 cups heavy cream 1 cup milk 5 egg yolks

Put the lemon zest and sugar in a food processor and process until the zest is finally chopped. In a saucepan, mix the lemon sugar with 1 1/2 cups heavy cream and all milk. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally to dissolve the sugar. Place the egg yolks in a large bowl and whisk briefly. still whisking the yolks, slowly pour in the hot cream. When the mixture is smooth, pour it back into the saucepan or into the top of a double boiler. Cook over low heat or over simmering water, stirring constantly, until the mixture becomes a thick custard, about 15 min. Do not let the mixture boil. Place the custard in a metal bowl set over a larger bowl of ice. Stir until very cold and thick. Mix in the lemon juice. Whip the remaining cup of cream until stiff. Fold in the lemon custard. Pour the mixture into the bowl of the machine and freeze. Makes about 1 quart.

Fried Mexican Ice Cream 1 pt Vanilla ice cream or other flavor 1/2 c Crushed corn flakes or cookie crumbs 1 tb Ground cinnamon 2 ts Sugar 1 Egg Oil for deep frying Honey Whipped cream

Scoop out 4 to 5 balls of ice cream. Return to freezer. Mix corn flakes crumbs, cinnamon and sugar. Roll frozen ice cream balls in half of crumb mixture and freeze again. Beat egg and dip coated balls in egg, then roll again in remaining crumbs. Freeze until ready to use. (For thicker coating, repeat dipping in egg and rolling in crumbs.) When ready to serve, heat oil to 350F. Place 1 frozen ice cream ball in fryer basket or on perforated spoon and lower into hot oil 1 minute. Immediately remove and place in dessert dish. Drizzle with honey and top with dollop of whipped cream. Continue to fry balls one at a time. Balls will be crunchy on outside and just beginning to melt inside. Makes 4 to 5 servings

Champagne ice cream recipe 2 egg yolks 1 cup milk 40 gr. - 3 tbs. icing sugar rind of 1/2 lemon 1 glass champagne 1/4 cup whipped cream

Put the milk, sugar and lemon rind in a saucepan and break in the yolks of two eggs, stir on low heat and continue stirring until it comes to the boil. Remove the rind and let it cool. When it is cold fold in the whipped cream and the champagne and place in an ice cold metal container.

Place in the freezer for an hour and stir every 20 minutes with an electric blender or whisk. Serve in champagne glasses and pour chilled champagne on top.

Mango Kulfi - Indian ice cream 1 tb Unflavored gelatin 3 tb Water 4 Ripe mangoes 1/2 c Sugar 1 tb Lemon juice 1 1/2 c Whipping cream, whipped stiff Shelled roasted pistachios ground Mango Kulfi is a delightful Indian ice cream. Although it does not have a custard base it does have a soft, creamy texture. You don't even need and electric ice cream gizmo to make it! Kulfi is usually molded into individual portions and garnished with lots of ground roasted pistachio nuts. Place water in a small saucepan; sprinkle with gelatin. Allow to soften for five minutes; cook over low heat until dissolved. Peel and pit mangoes. Puree flesh in a blender or food processor. You should have 3-1/2 cups puree. Place mango in a large bowl; add sugar, lemon juice and dissolved gelatin. Stir until the sugar dissolves. Fold whipped cream into mango mixture. Place bowl in freezer until mixture is half frozen; about one hour. Remove from freezer; beat until smooth. Pack into individual bowls or molds; return to freezer and freeze until about half frozen but still creamy. Garnish with plenty or ground roasted pistachio nuts. Makes 6 1 cup molds

Royal Crown vanilla ice cream recipe 5 egg yolks · 2/3 cups sugar · 1 cup half and half · 2 tablespoons butter · 1 cup whipping cream · 2 teaspoons vanilla extract Beat yolks and sugar until blended. Pour in top of double boiler. Stir in half and half. Cook and stir over boiling water until thickens. Set aside - stir in butter. While cooling on a rack, stir occasionally until room temperature. Stir in whipping cream and vanilla. Freeze according to manufacturers directions.

Ice Cream In A Bag Materials Needed: · 1 Tbs. Sugar · 1/2 Cup Half-n-Half · 1/4 tsp. Vanilla · 1/2 Cup Rock Salt · Ice · 1 Pint Size Ziploc Bag · 1 Gallon Size Ziploc Bag

Instructions: Combine the sugar, half-n-half, and vanilla in the pint size ziploc bag and seal tightly. Combine the ice and rock salt in the large ziploc bag. Place the small bag inside of the larger bag and seal. Shake the bag until the mixture turns into ice cream! This will take about 5 minutes. (You may want to wear gloves.) Add sprinkles, candy, nuts, or fruit and enjoy!

Almond ice cream 1/4 cup blanched almonds 2 cups milk 2/3 cup heavy cream 3 egg yolks 1/2 cup sugar Reduce the almonds to a powder. Add the milk and heavy cream, mix thoroughly together. In a saucepan, heat the almond mixture and bring it to a boil. Remove from heat and reserve. In a bowl, mix the egg yolks and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the almond mixture and mix well with wooden spoon. Return the mixture to the saucepan. Stir over medium-low heat until the custard thickens and coats the back of a spoon, do not boil. Strain custard into a clean bowl and refrigerate until cold. Process custard in ice cream maker according to manufacturers instruction. Transfer to covered container and freeze until firm.

American Ice Cream Recipe 1 pint milk 2 tablespoons flour 2 tablespoons water 3/4 cup sugar 2 egg yolks 1 cup heavy cream 1 teaspoon vanilla Scald the milk, stirring constantly. Mix the flour and cold water to a smooth paste and add to it slowly the scalded milk, continuing the stirring. When thickened, cook over hot water for about fifteen minutes. Add sugar and beaten egg yolks and cook two minutes. Strain the custard through a fine sieve and, when cold, add the cream and vanilla and freeze. This makes a smooth, rich cream. For variation, use dark brown sugar or maple sugar instead of the white sugar.

Caramel Ice Cream Recipe Follow the for French Ice Cream, using Karo, Blue Label and adding to the scalded milk two tablespoons granulated sugar, caramelized and melted in one-fourth cup boiling water.

French Ice Cream Recipe 3 cups milk 1-1/2 cups Karo, Red Label 1-1/2 tablespoons Argo or Kingsford's Cornstarch 3 egg yolks Few grains salt 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla 1 cup heavy cream 1/2 cup sugar

Scald milk, Karo and sugar and thicken with the cornstarch dissolved in an equal quantity of cold milk. Cook fifteen minutes, stir in the egg yolks well beaten and combined with a little of the thickened mixture. Chill, add salt, flavoring and cream, and freeze, packing with three parts of cracked ice to one of rock salt.

Chocolate Ice Cream Recipe In top of double boiler melt 1-1/2 squares chocolate, add 1/2 cup sugar or 1/4 cup sugar and 1/4 cup corn syrup; mix well, add slowly 1 teaspoon gelatin soaked in 1 cup evaporated milk. Scald and stir until blended. Chill, add 1 cup water and freeze. Beat with egg beater once during the freezing. Serve with or without whipped cream, or with Marshmallow Sauce, flavored with 1/2 teaspoon vanilla in place of peppermint.

Chocolate Pecan Cream Recipe 1 square chocolate 2/3 cup sugar 2 tablespoons boiling water 2 cups thin cream 1 cup pecan nutmeats 2/3 teaspoon vanilla 1/8 teaspoon salt

Melt the chocolate, add sugar, and cook with water until smooth and glossy. Add the cream slowly, then the salt, the pecan meats crushed into small pieces, and the vanilla. Cool and freeze. Serve with whipped cream and a few pecan meats. Other nuts may be used instead of the pecans, if desired.

Coffee Ice Cream with evaporated milk Recipe Put in saucepan 1 cup strong black coffee infusion, 1/2 cup sugar and 1 teaspoon gelatin. Heat until gelatin is dissolved, strain, cool in refrigerator and beat until very light. Scald 1 cup evaporated milk. Chill and beat until very light and gradually beat into the coffee mixture. Turn into refrigerator pan and freeze.

Fresh Fruit Ice Cream Recipe Prepare fruit by sprinkling sugar over it. Let it stand one hour, press through a coarse sieve and stir into American ice cream when the cream is frozen to a mush. If seed fruits, such as currants, are used, strain through a fine sieve or a piece of cheesecloth and use the juice only. The juice can be pout into the freezer with the cream and not served until later, as in the case of the mashed fruits. Grated pineapple with the addition of a little lemon juice makes a particularly fine fruit cream Ice Cream Pies Recipe

Cut Plain or Puff Pastry in circles and bake on the outside of muffin pans. Cool and when ready to serve put a layer of Apple sauce in the bottom of each pastry case. Cover with a scoop of Vanilla or Chantilly Mousse and with a thick Meringue piled high. Place on a board and put in broiling oven or in a very hot oven until meringue is delicately brown. Serve immediately.

Any fresh or canned fruit, crushed and sweetened to taste can be used in place of the apple sauce, and any simple mousse in place of those suggested.

Macaroon Ice Cream Recipe One pint thin cream, two-thirds cup sugar, one pint milk, one cup rolled macaroons, one tablespoon vanilla, two or three eggs, speck of salt. Make a custard of the milk, eggs, sugar and salt. Cool, add the vanilla and freeze. When nearly frozen add the macaroons, prepared by drying in the oven; they are then put through a meat chopper or rolled.

Maple Ice Cream Recipe Beat the yolks of two eggs until light; add two-thirds of a cup of maple syrup and half a cup of milk. Cook over hot water, stirring constantly, until the mixture thickens; then pour over the stiffly beaten whites of two eggs and cool. When cold add a cup and. a half of cream and freeze.

Maple Ice Cream Sauce Recipe Cook a cup of maple syrup and a tablespoon of butter until it drops thick but does not quite form a soft ball when tested in cold water. Serve hot over each portion of cream. Half a cup of chopped pecans or English walnuts is a delicious addition to the sauce. Serve with vanilla or macaroon ice cream.

Peach Ice Cream Recipe 3/4 cup of peach pulp Juice of 1/2 lemon 3/4 cup of granulated sugar 1 1/2 cups of thin cream

Pare and stone choice, ripe peaches and press the pulp through a "ricer;" add the sugar and lemon juice and turn into the can of a freezer, packed in ice and salt; add the cream and freeze as usual.

Peanut Ice Cream Recipe One quart of thin cream, one cup of rolled peanut meats, one cup of sugar, one tablespoon of vanilla. Mix all together and freeze.

Pineapple Ice Cream Sandwich Recipe Serve Vanilla Mousse between slices of Yellow cake. Cover with Crushed pineapple.

Vanilla Mousse: Beat 1-1/2 cups cream until light and beat in gradually 1/4 cup sugar, 2 tablespoons corn syrup, 1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla and Few grains salt. Put in refrigerator pan and freeze.

Basic cake recipe: 1/3 cup butter or shortening 1 cup sugar 2 eggs 1-3/4 cup flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 cup milk 1 teaspoon vanilla

Cream the butter or butter substitute, add sugar and continue creaming. Add well beaten eggs. Mix and sift the dry ingredients and add alternatively with the milk. Add flavoring. Bake in layers at 380 degrees for twenty minutes. Any good filling and frosting may be used. The batter may be varied by adding nuts, coconut, spices, etc., and may be baked as a loaf cake.

Strawberry Ice Cream Recipe 1 pint of milk 1/2 teaspoonful of salt 1/2 cup of sugar 1 basket of strawberries 2 level tablespoonfuls of cornstarch 1 1/2 cups of sugar (granulated) 1 pint of cream

Sift together, several times, the sugar, cornstarch and salt, then cook in the milk, scalded over hot water; stir constantly until the mixture thickens and is smooth, then cover and let cook fifteen minutes. Pick over, wash and drain the berries; mix them with the sugar and let stand an hour or more, then press through a fine sieve. Strain the cornstarch mixture into the freezer, and when cold add the cream and begin to freeze the mixture. When half frozen add the strawberries and sugar and finish freezing.

Vanilla Ice Cream, Junket Recipe 1 pint of milk 1/2 tablespoonful of vanilla extract 1/2 cup of double cream 1/2 cup of sugar 1/2 junket tablet 1 tablespoonful of cold water

Crush the half tablet and let stand in the cold water to dissolve. Heat the milk, cream, sugar and vanilla to about 90 deg F.; stir in the dissolved tablet, pour into the can of the freezer and let stand in a warm place until the mixture "sets" or jellies. Do not jar the mixture while it is jellying. When cold freeze as in the first recipe. This makes an exceptionally nice ice cream.

Vanilla Ice Cream, Philadelphia Style Recipe 1 pint of thin cream 1/2 tablespoonful of vanilla extract 1/2 cup of granulated sugar

Mix all together and turn into the can of the freezer. Pack with salt and crushed ice in the usual proportion and turn the crank until the mixture is well frozen. At first turn the crank slowly, later turn more quickly. Take out the dasher and scrape the cream from it into the freezer; beat the whole thoroughly, smooth over the top and put on the cover. If the ice floats, turn off the water and repack, using larger pieces of ice and one measure of salt to four or five of ice. Spread burlaps, carpet or newspaper over the top, to keep the ice from melting too fast. The cream may be scalded; in summer this is advisable.

Walnut Nougat Ice Cream Recipe Scald 1 cup milk with 1 teaspoon gelatin and add slowly to 3 egg yolks mixed with 1/4 cup sugar and a Few grains salt. Return to double boiler and stir constantly until coating is formed on the spoon. Strain and cool. Put 1/3 cup sugar in frying pan and stir until melted and slightly brown. Add 1/3 cup walnut meats, finely chopped and turn mixture into a slightly buttered pan. When cold put through food chopper, add to custard, then add 1/2 pint cream beaten stiff and 2 teaspoons vanilla. Freeze. Other nuts may be used in place of walnuts.

To make a rich fruit ice cream omit the walnuts, use sugar without melting it and add to the mixture, dates or prunes cut in pieces, or any desired fresh or canned fruit, allowing one cup or less of fruit. Use less sugar if fruit is very sweet.

Banana Rum Ice cream recipe 3/4 cup sugar 1 tablespoon cornstarch 2 egg yolks 1 egg 2 cups milk 3 tablespoons dark rum 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 cup heavy cream, chilled 5 bananas

In a bowl whisk together the sugar, cornstarch, egg yolks, egg. Scalded the milk and add it in a stream, whisking. In a heavy saucepan bring the mixture to a boil over moderate heat, whisking, and boil it, whisking, for a minute. Add the rum, boil the custard for one minute more, and strain it through a fine sieve into a bowl. Chill the custard until it is cool and stir in the vanilla and the cream. In a food processor purée the bananas and stir the purée into the custard. Chill the mixture until it is cold. Freeze the mixture in an ice cream freezer according to the manufacturers instructions.

Blueberry Ice cream 2 pints blueberries 1 1/2 cups sugar 3 tablespoons orange juice 4 cups light cream 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a 3-quart saucepan combines blueberries, sugar and orange juice. Mash berries slightly and cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the mixture comes to a boil. Simmer 5 minutes.

Remove from heat and puree in a food processor or blender. Push mixture through a strainer with the back of a wooden spoon. Cool the mixture.

In the chilled canister of ice-cream maker combine blueberry mixture, cream and vanilla. Freeze according to manufacturer's directions.

Butterscotch ice cream recipe 3 tablespoons butter 1/2 cup brown sugar 1 cup milk 1 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch 2 tablespoons cold milk 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon vanilla 1 cup heavy cream, whipped

Heat butter and sugar in top of double boiler until butter is melted and well blended with sugar. Add 1 cup milk and heat to boiling. Mix cornstarch with 2 tablespoons cold milk; stir into butter and sugar mixture. Add salt and cook, stirring constantly, until thickened. Cool and add vanilla. Fold in whipped cream. Let the mixture cool in the refrigerator. Transfer custard to ice cream maker and process according to manufacturer's instructions.

Cherry and chocolate ice cream recipe 1/4 cup chocolate shaving 1/4 cup fresh cherries, pitted and halved 2 large eggs 3/4 cup sugar 2 cups heavy cream 1 cup milk

Place the chocolate shaving and the cherries in separate bowls. Cover and refrigerate. Whisk the eggs in a mixing bowl until light and fluffy, 1 to 2 minutes. Add the sugar, a little at a time, then continue whisking until completely blended. Pour in the cream and milk and whisk to blend. Transfer the mixture to an ice cream maker and freeze following the manufacturers instructions.

Just before the ice cream is done, add the chocolate and the cherries, then continue freezing until the ice cream is ready.

Cherry Ice cream recipe 3/4 cup dried cherries 1/2 cup rum 21/2 cups light cream 1/2 cup sugar 4 egg yolks 1/4 teaspoon vanilla

Place the cherries in a bowl and cover with rum. Allow to soak for several hours or overnight.

Heat the light cream and sugar together until the sugar is dissolved and bubbles begin to form around edge of the pot. Whisk yolks until creamy. Add 1/2 cup of the warm cream to the egg yolks. Pour the warmed yolks back into the half-and-half and continue to cook, stirring, until the custard mixture coats the back of a spoon. Do not boil the mixture or it will curdle. Stir in the vanilla, allow to cool completely, then chill.

Pour into the ice-cream maker and freeze according to manufacturer's directions. Drain the cherries. When the mixture begins to thicken as it freezes, add the cherries and freeze until ice cream is the proper consistency.

Chocolate and Banana ice cream recipe 3 eggs 1 cup sugar 2 ounces bittersweet chocolate 2 cups light cream 1 1/2 cups milk 6 tablespoons cocoa powder 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 3 over-ripe bananas 3 tablespoons lemon juice

Lightly beat eggs and add the sugar. In a saucepan, melt the chocolate with the milk and cream. When the chocolate start to melt, add the cocoa powder and stir. Continue stirring the chocolate and cream mixture until hot but not quite boiling. Pour a little bit of cream in the egg mixture and stir. Slowly add the rest of the hot cream. Add the vanilla. Let the cream mixture cool completely.

Transfer the cream mixture to the ice cream machine and process according manufacturers directions. Meanwhile, mash the bananas and lemon juice together. When the ice cream is almost ready, add the bananas.

Chocolate Mint ice cream recipe 1 1/4 cup heavy cream 1 cup milk 1/3 cup sugar 1 cup mint chocolate chips 2 egg yolks 1/8 teaspoon salt

Combine 1 1/4 cups heavy cream, the milk, sugar and the mint chocolate chips in a saucepan. Cook over low heat, stirring with a wire whisk, until the chips are melted and mixture is smooth. Remove from heat. In a medium bowl, beat the egg yolks and the salt until thick. Gradually add the chocolate mixture. Beat until well blended and chill 30 minutes. Pour the chilled chocolate/egg mixture into an electric ice cream freezer; churn until thick. Cover and store in freeze until ready to serve.

Cinnamon ice cream 3 cups heavy cream 1 1/2 cups whole milk 2 vanilla beans, split lengthwise 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar 6 egg yolks 2 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Combine cream and milk in a large sauce pan. Scrape in seeds from vanilla beans; add beans. Bring just to simmer. Whisk sugar and yolks in large bowl to blend. Gradually whisk in hot cream mixture. Return mixture to same saucepan. Stir over medium-low heat until custard thickens and leaves path on back of spoon when finger is drawn across, about 6 min. (do not boil). Strain into large bowl. Whisk in ground cinnamon. Chill until cold, about 3 hours.

Transfer custard to ice cream maker and process according to manufacturer's instructions. Transfer ice cream to a covered container and freeze until firm. (Can be made 3 days ahead. Keep frozen).

Cookie Dough Ice cream 2 cups milk 1 3/4 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon vanilla 4 cups heavy cream 1 cup chocolate chip cookie dough 2 cups light cream

Scald milk until bubbles form around edge. Remove from heat. Add the sugar and salt. Stir until dissolved. Stir in light cream, vanilla, and the heavy cream. Cover and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes. Freeze as directed by your ice cream machine's instructions. Once ice cream has been through the entire ice cream machine process and is now a chilled soft ice cream, add the chocolate chip cookie dough. Just break up the dough as best you can with your hands and drop it in small clusters into the soft ice cream. Try to mix it around to ensure that the cookie dough is evenly distributed throughout the ice cream. Put the ice cream in the freezer for several hours until hard.

Cream cheese ice cream recipe 1 1/2 8 ounce packages cream cheese, softened 1 1/4 cups sugar 2 eggs 1 tablespoons lemon juice 1 teaspoons vanilla 2 1/2 cups light cream

In a large mixer bowl beat cream cheese and sugar with an electric mixer on until smooth. Beat in the eggs, lemon juice, and vanilla until well combined. Stir in the light cream. Freeze in a ice cream freezer according to the Manufacturers directions.

Eggnog ice cream recipe 6 eggs, separated 10 tablespoons sugar pinch of salt 1/4 cup brandy 1/4 cup rum 2 tablespoons dry sherry 1 cup milk 2 cup heavy cream 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, freshly grated

Fudge Chunk ice cream recipe 1/4 cup white chocolate; coarsely chop 1/4 cup semisweet chocolate; chop 1/4 cup pecan halves; chopped 1/4 cup walnuts; chop coarse 1/4 cup chocolate covered almonds, cut in half 4 ounces unsweetened chocolate 1 cup milk 2 eggs 1 cup sugar 1 cup heavy cream 1 teaspoon vanilla 1/4 teaspoon salt

Combine the coarsely chopped chocolate, pecans, walnuts and chocolate covered almonds in a bowl, cover and refrigerate. Melt the unsweetened chocolate in the top of a double boiler over hot, not boiling water. Whisk in the milk, a little at a time, and heat, stirring constantly, until smooth. Remove from heat and let cool. Whisk the eggs in a mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Whisk in the sugar, a little at a time, then continue whisking until completely blended. Add the cream, vanilla and salt and whisk to blend. Pour the chocolate mixture into the cream mixture and blend. Cover and refrigerate until cold. Transfer the cream mixture to an ice cream maker and freeze following the manufacturer's instructions. After the ice cream stiffens, about 2 minutes before it is done, add the chocolate and nuts, then continue freezing until the ice cream is ready.

Fudge ice cream 4 ounces unsweetened chocolate 1 cup milk 2 eggs 1 cup sugar 1 cup heavy cream 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 pinch salt

Melt chocolate in double boiler over hot (not boiling) water. Gradually whisk in milk, stir until smooth. Remove from heat and let it cool.

Whisk eggs in a mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Gradually whisk in sugar, then continue whisking 1 minute, until completely blended. Add the cream, vanilla, and salt; whisk. Add the chocolate mixture; blend well. Cover, chill, and freeze according to ice cream maker's directions.

Frangelico ice cream 1 1/2 cups heavy cream 1 1/2 cups milk 3/4 cup sugar 1 vanilla bean, split lengthwise 8 egg yolks 1/3 cup Frangelico

In a saucepan, bring to a boil the cream, milk, sugar and vanilla. Remove from heat. Whisk yolks in large bowl to blend. Gradually whisk hot cream mixture into yolks. Return to pan. Stir over medium heat until custard thickens and leaves path on back of spoon when finger is drawn across, about 7 minutes. Whisk in Frangelico. Refrigerate uncovered until cold. Process custard in ice cream maker according to manufacturer's instructions.

Ginger ice cream recipe 2 cups whole milk 2 cups heavy cream 1/2 cup chopped fresh ginger 8 egg yolks 1/2 cup sugar

Bring the milk, cream and ginger to simmer in a saucepan. Cover; let it rest for 20 minutes. Bring to simmer again. Strain into medium bowl. Discard the ginger.

Whisk the yolks and sugar in a large bowl until they are a pale yellow color. Gradually whisk in the milk mixture. Return mixture to the saucepan and stir over medium heat until custard thickens and leaves path on back of spoon when finger is drawn across, about 4 minutes (do not boil). Strain custard into clean bowl. Chill about 2 hours.

Process custard in ice cream maker according to manufacturers instruction. Transfer to covered container and freeze until firm.

German Chocolate Ice Cream recipe 1/2 cup sugar 2 tablespoons flour 1/8 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon cinnamon 2 cups milk 4 oz semisweet chocolate melted 2 eggs beaten 1/2 cup shredded coconut 2 cups light cream 1/2 cup pecans; chopped

Combine the sugar, flour, salt and cinnamon in a saucepan. Gradually add the milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until thickened. Cook for an additional 2 minutes. Remove from heat. Blend in the melted chocolate. Mix a small amount of hot mixture into the eggs; then add the eggs to the pan, stirring constantly. Cook for 1 minute, do not boil. Remove from heat; add the coconut. Let the mixture cool before adding the cream. Transfer to the ice cream machine and use according to manufacturers instructions. Add the nuts when the mixture starts to freeze. Transfer to a container and store in freezer.

Hazelnut ice cream 1 cup hazelnuts 4 cups light cream 3/4 cup sugar 3 egg yolks 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Preheat the oven to 350 F. Place the hazelnuts on a cookie sheet and bake for 15 minutes. Cover and let stand for 15 minutes. Wrap the hazelnuts in a kitchen towel and rub to loosen the skins. Cool completely. Finely grind the hazelnuts in a food processor and set aside.

Scald the cream in a saucepan. Whisk the egg yolks and sugar in a bowl. Gradually whisk in the hot cream. Return mixture to the saucepan and stir over medium heat until custard thickens and leave a path on the back of the spoon when you draw your finger across. Do not let the mixture boil. Remove from heat stir in the vanilla. Strain mixture in a large bowl, cover and refrigerate.

Transfer the mixture to the ice cream machine, add the nuts and process according to manufacturers instructions.

Anise ice cream 2 cups milk 2 cups heavy cream 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup star anise. whole 8 large egg yolks 3 tablespoons Per nod In a saucepan combine the milk, cream, sugar, and the star anise, bring the mixture just to a boil, and remove the pan from the heat. In a bowl whisk the egg yolks, add the cream mixture in a stream, whisking, and pour the mixture back into the pan. Cook the custard over moderately low heat, stirring, until it registers 170°F on a thermometer. Let the mixture cool completely. Stir in the Per nod and freeze the custard in an ice cream freezer according to the manufacturer's instructions.

Honey Apple Cinnamon Raisin Walnut Ice cream recipe 1/3 cup raisins 1 cup water 1 cup whole milk 1 cup half and half 1/2 cup honey 4 egg yolks 1/4 cup apple syrup 1 cup cream 1 tsp. cinnamon 1/3 cup chopped walnuts

Soak the raisins in water overnight. Beat egg yolks in a bowl. Mix milk, half and half, and honey in a pan. Heat to a boil. Pour half and half/honey mixture into egg yolks, beating while you pour. Beat well, and beat into remaining milk/honey mixture in pan. Mix over low heat for 3-5 minutes. Mix in apple syrup. Let COOL, and add cream. Right before adding to ice cream maker, beat in cinnamon. Drain raisins and mix with walnuts. When ice cream has stiffened (2 minutes before done), add raisins and walnuts.Chocolate Rum Ice Cream Recipe

Makes: 8 Servings 1 cup sugar 2 tablespoon all-purpose flour 2 cups milk 1 egg slightly beaten 2 oz unsweetened baking chocolate (2 squares) broken into pieces teaspoon Rum extract 2 cups heavy cream or light cream chilled In large microwave safe bowl combine sugar and flour; gradually stir in milk. Blend in egg and baking chocolate pieces. Microwave at HIGH (100%) about 2 to 2 1/2 minutes, stirring frequently, just until mixture boils and thickens. Add rum extract; blend with whisk until mixture is smooth. Chill thoroughly. Add heavy cream to chilled mixture; blend well. Freeze in 2 quart ice cream freezer according to manufacturer's directions.

Peanut Butter Ice Cream

Yield: 4 Servings 2 Egg yolks 14 1/2 oz can evaporated milk 1/2 c Peanut butter 2/3 c Sugar 1/8 tsp. Salt

Beat eggs well. Blend in the milk, peanut butter, sugar and salt and pour into freezer tray. Freeze until almost hard then pour into a bowl and beat until smooth. Return to freezer tray or molds and freeze until firm. Makes 4 to 6 servings *Try this with a hot fudge sauce and topped with peanuts. Chocolate bon bon Ice cream or other favorite flavor hard chocolate topping: Make sure the ice cream is hard frozen. Melt 12 oz of semi-sweet chocolate pieces and 1/2 cup margarine in the top part of a double boiler. Remove from heat but keep warm over hot water. Use a fork to dip ice cream balls into the chocolate, working as fast as possible. When you've dipped about 10 - 12 pieces, place then in the freezer and continue the dipping. After the chocolate is firm, you can wrap with foil or plastic wrap.

Peach Ice Cream Recipe

Serving Size : 8 MAKES 2 QUARTS - Double or Triple for size of your ice cream freezer 1 cup Sugar 2 Tbsp Flour 1 cup Milk 2 cups Mashed peaches 2 Tbsp Lemon juice 1/2 pint Whipping cream -- (half-pint carton)

Mix sugar, flour and milk and cook on medium heat until thick, stirring occasionally (you can do this in microwave at 50% power). Add peaches, lemon juice and whipping cream. This makes 2 quarts.

Freezing instructions:

Put mixture into ice cream freezer can, and assemble freezer. Pour ice (fine ice is better) until it is about 3-inches deep. Sprinkle 1/2 cup rock salt around the can. Layer ice/salt until it is just above the lid of the can. If too much salt is added the ice cream will freeze too fast around the edges of the can. Crank until the mixture becomes stiff. Open the lid, being careful not to get salt into the ice cream, and remove the paddle. Put Glad Wrap on top of the can and put the lid back on. Put a cork into the hole in the lid of the can. Pour out some of the water from the hole in the side of the ice cream freezer. Take out some of the ice and add more salt and put the ice back in, so the salt gets throughout the ice (makes it freeze harder). Cover the ice cream freezer with several layers of newspapers and a heavy blanket. Let set for about 30-45 minutes before serving.

Low fat banana and strawberry "Ice Cream" recipe

1 banana for each person. 1/2 cup of strawberries for each person. 1tbsp crystallized (candied) ginger for each person.

Slice fruit, retain 1 strawberry per person for garnish. Freeze bits overnight in plastic bag. Chop ginger finely. Remove from freezer and blend all the ingredients until they have the consistency of icecream. Put individual servings into bowls and garnish with strawberries. This is also really divine made with mangos and bananas.

Very Raspberry Granita 1 1/2 cups water 1/2 cup sugar 3/4 pound fresh or frozen raspberries, (about 2 generous cups) 1/2 cup raspberry preserves, (optional) 2 1/2 T. fresh lemon juice

Bring water and sugar to a boil in a pan. Reduce heat to a simmer and when the sugar has dissolved, stir the raspberries into the syrup and allow to cool. Place the preserves, if using in a food processor along with the raspberry syrup and puree. Press the mixture through a fine sieve, discarding the seeds. Stir in the lemon juice. Pour the granita in a wide shallow metal pan. Cover with lid, foil or plastic and allow to freeze for one or two hours, until it has frozen around the edges. Take container out of freezer and scrap the ice with a fork, mixing it from the edge to the center. Repeat this scraping and mixing process every 1/2 hour or so, at least 3 times until the entire mixture has turned into small sequined ice flakes. Serve at once. Quick Method: Pour the granita mixture into ice trays and cover with plastic wrap. Allow to freeze solid. Process the cubes in a food processor when ready to serve. The raspberry preserves give this granita a luxurious richness. If you like, drizzle a little creme de Cassis over the granita and serve it with tuiles and a dollop of creme fraiche.

Lemon Italian Ice

Yield: 6-8 servings

3 c Water 1 1/4 c Sugar 1 1/2 ts Grated lemon peel 3/4 c Lemon juice

Combine water, sugar and lemon peel in medium saucepan. Bring to a boil on medium heat, stirring constantly. remove from heat and allow to cool. Pour mixture into canister of ice cream maker. stir in lemon juice. Freeze according to manufacturer's directions. Makes 1 quart.

Low Fat Raspberry Sorbet

24ounces raspberries (2 bags if frozen) 1 cup sugar 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 teaspoon vodka (optional)

Puree the raspberries in processor or blender. Strain to remove seeds. Add sugar and blend until the sugar has completely dissolved. Mix in lemon juice and vodka, pour into ice cream maker, and process. Transfer to separate container and freeze for about 2 hours before serving.

Fresh Whipped Cream

1cup heavy or whipping cream -- cold 2 tablespoons sugar (optional) ½ teaspoon vanilla extract (optional)

Beat the cream in a large chilled mixing bowl until it starts to thicken. Gradually add the sugar and vanilla, if using, while continuing to beat. The whipped cream is ready when it holds a stiff peak. Be sure not to overheat or you'll have butter. Makes 1 pint

Fresh Peach Ice Cream

3 cups peach pulp and juice Juice from 1 large orange Juice from 3 lemons 3 cups sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 quart milk 1 pint cream

Mix together peach pulp, all juices, sugar and vanilla. Let stand at room temperature three hours. Mix with milk and cream and pour into an ice cream maker. Freeze.

FRESH GINGER ICE CREAM

1/3 cup water 1/2 cup sugar -- + 2 tablespoons 1/4 cup very finely minced -- (packed) pureed or grated fresh ginger 1 cup whole milk 2 extra large egg yolks 1 cup cold heavy cream 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice

Combine the water and 1/4 cup of the sugar in a small heavy saucepan. Bring to a steaming near-simmer over moderate heat, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Add the ginger, stir to blend, then bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce the heat to maintain a weak simmer and simmer for 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

Combine the 2 tablespoons sugar with the milk in a large heavy saucepan. Bring to a near simmer over moderate heat, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Remove from heat. Carefully scrape the sugar syrup into the milk mixture. Stir to combine, cover the pot to hold in the heat, and set the mixture aside to steep for 20 minutes.

Peach Frozen Yogurt with Sweet 'n Low 1/4 cup lowfat milk 1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin -- 2 2 ripe medium-large peaches -- peeled and coarsely chopped 5 (1-gram) packets Sweet 'n Low® sweetener 1/3 cup sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 cup plain lowfat yogurt -- stirred 1 egg white 1/3 cup nonfat dry milk 1/3 cup cold water

In small saucepan, combine 1/4 cup milk and gelatin; let stand 1 minute. Cook and stir over low heat until gelatin dissolves. Remove from heat; set aside. In blender or food processor fitted with metal blade, combine peaches, sweetener and sugar. Process until fruit is finely chopped. Stir in vanilla, dissolved gelatin and yogurt. In medium bowl, beat egg white, dry milk and water until stiff but not dry. Fold into peach mixture. Freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions; or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions on page 4. Makes about 1 quart. Servings per quart: 6-8 is about right for adults; for teens 4-5 is more realistic.

Pastel Mint Frozen Yogurt

1cup lowfat milk 1 (1.3-oz.) envelope Dream Whip whipped topping mix 1/3 cup sugar 1 1/2 cups plain lowfat yogurt -- stirred 3/4 cup (about 4 oz.) pastel after-dinner mints, coarsely chopped

In medium bowl, gradually add milk to whipped topping mix; stir until well mixed. Stir in sugar and yogurt. Add coarsely chopped mints and freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions. Or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions and add coarsely chopped mints after final processing or beating. Makes about 1 quart.

Serving Sizes: 6 to 8 servings per quart is about right for adults; for teens, 4 to 5 servings is more realistic.

Maui Sherbet 1 ½ cups crushed pineapple 3/4 cup confectioners' sugar 1 1/2 cups banana -- mashed 1/3 cup pineapple juice 1/4 cup lemon juice 1/4 cup lime juice 2 egg whites -- stiffly beaten

Drain pineapple, reserve Juice. Combine sugar and pineapple. Add banana and all juices. Place in freezer trays; freeze until almost firm. Turn frozen mix into bowl and fold in egg whites gradually. Beat until light and fluffy. Return to trays and freeze. 6-8 servings

French Cream 4 ripe bananas Sugar -- to taste Heavy cream

Freeze each whole banana in separate piece of foil. Immediately before serving, remove from freezer. Unwrap and cut very thin slices directly into well-chilled dessert glasses. Sprinkle quickly with sugar and pour enough cream over each to coat banana. The cream will freeze to sliced banana. Must be served immediately! (Serve with vanilla or lemon wafers)

Nectarine Frozen Yogurt Creme

3 fresh nectarines -- chopped 1 cup sugar 2 egg whites 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 cup whipping cream 1/2 cup plain yogurt additional nectarine wedges and mint 1 sprigs -- for garnish

Combine nectarines, sugar, egg whites and lemon juice in large mixture bowl. Beat at high speed until very fluffy and stiff (approximately 7 minutes). Whip cream until stiff peaks form. Fold whipped cream and yogurt into nectarine mixture. Turn into plastic freezer containers. Cover and freeze until firm. Scoop or spoon into stemmed glasses or dessert dishes. Garnish with additional nectarine wedges and mint sprigs. Makes about 2 quarts.

Chocolate Fudge Ripple 4 large egg yolks 100 grams caster sugar 300 milliliters milk 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract or 1 tsp. vanilla essence 300 milliliters double cream

CHOCOLATE FUDGE SAUCE 100 grams dark chocolate broken into small pieces 3 tablespoons golden syrup 2 tablespoons hot water 1 teaspoon coffee essence -- (optional)

Use the method from the blueprint for Vanilla Ice Cream to prepare a custard using the eggs, sugar and milk. Allow to cool completely, then add the vanilla and cream, and chill.

Prepare the chocolate fudge sauce while the custard is cooling. Using a small, heavy-based pan, melt the chocolate with the syrup, water and coffee essence, if used. Remove from the heat as soon as the chocolate has melted, then beat thoroughly. Allow to cool, then chill until required.

Freeze-churn the ice cream until ready to serve. Pack spoonfuls of the finished ice cream into a suitable freezer container, drizzling or spooning the sauce randomly over the scoops. Harden the ice cream in the freezer before serving, or store until required.

Peach Custard Ice Cream 2 eggs -- beaten 1 1/2 cups whole milk 1 cup sugar 1/8 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 1/2 cups whipping cream 1 1/2 cups peach puree -- (3 to 4 peaches)

Combine eggs, milk, sugar and salt in saucepan. Cook over Low heat, stirring constantly, until mixture coats metal spoon lightly. DO NOT BOIL. Remove from heat; stir in vanilla and cream. Cool. Peel and pit peaches, then puree to make 1 1/2 cups. Add to custard mixture. Pour into 2 quart ice cream freezer and freeze according to manufacturer's directions.

Apple Strawberry Ice Cream 1 pint fresh strawberries -- hulled and sliced Juice of 1/2 lemon Sweet Cream Base (pages 28-29) 1/2 cup apple cider jelly 1 cup peeled diced apples

1. Combine the strawberries and half the lemon juice in a bowl. Cover and refrigerate at least 1 hour. 2. Prepare the Sweet Cream Base. Drain the juice from the strawberries into the base, add the apple jelly, and blend. Return the strawberries to the refrigerator. 3. Toss the apples and remaining lemon juice together in a separate bowl. Cover and refrigerate. 4. Transfer the base to an ice cream maker and freeze following the manufacturer's instructions.

5. After the ice cream stiffens (about 2 minutes before it is done), add the strawberries and apples, then continue freezing until the ice cream is ready, Makes generous 1 quart

Peach Custard Ice Cream 1 quart whole milk 1 cup cream -- or evaporated milk 3 eggs 1 cup sugar 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour 1/8 teaspoon salt 2 quarts mashed peaches 1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Scald milk and cream. Beat eggs and combine with half of the sugar. Mix flour and salt with remainder of sugar. Bend all with hot milk and cream. Cook until it thickens. Add mashed peaches, vanilla and freeze according to manufacturer's instructions. Frozen Coffee Parfait Makes 6 to 8 servings. We recommend one of the following coffees for this recipe: Yemen _Mocha, Mexico Bourbon de Coatepec, or, Java Blawan Washed.In a large bowl, combine The sweetened condensed milk and the coffee with mixer on high whip for three to five minutes and then, by hand, fold in the whipped whipping cream. Make sure the mixture is evenly distributed. 1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk Spoon the mixture in 6 to 8 serving dishes, then freeze for 3 hours or until firm. 1/3 cup double strength coffee (sweetened with 4 tablespoons of sugar while hot) allow to cool before using Garnish before serving with a chocolate covered coffee bean and chocolate syrup if desired. Return leftovers to the freezer. 1 cup whipped heavy whipping cream

Rich Strawberry Frozen Yogurt

1/2 cup sugar 2 teaspoons cornstarch 1 cup half and half or whipping cream 1/4 cup light corn syrup 1 egg -- slightly beaten 2 cups fresh or frozen unsweetened strawberries 1 cup plain lowfat yogurt -- stirred

In medium saucepan, combine sugar and cornstarch; stir in half and half and corn syrup. Cook and stir over moderate heat until mixture simmers; cook 1 minute longer. Remove from heat; stir in beaten egg. Return to low heat; cook and stir 2 minutes. Remove from heat; cool. In blender or food processor fitted with metal blade, purée berries. Add to cool egg mixture; stir in yogurt. Freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions; or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions on page 4. Makes about 1 quart. Serving portions: 6 to 8 servings

Raspberry Ice Cream 1 pint fresh raspberries 1/2 cups sugar Juice of 1/2 lemon 2 large eggs 2 cups heavy or whipping cream 1 cup milk

1 Toss the raspberries, s/4 cup of the sugar, and the lemon juice together in a bowl. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours, stirring every 30 minutes.

2. Whisk the eggs in a mixing bowl until light and fluffy, 1 to 2 minutes. Whisk in the remaining cup sugar, a little at a time, then continue whisking until completely blended, about 1 minute more. Pour in the heavy cream and milk and whisk to blend. 3. Drain the juice from the raspberries into the cream mixture and blend. Mash the raspberries until pureed and stir them into the cream mixture. 4. Transfer the mixture to an ice cream maker and freeze following the manufacturer's instructions.

Makes generous 1 quart

Note: If you prefer a chunkier raspberry ice cream, return the raspberries to the refrigerator after pouring off the juice. After the ice cream stiffens (about 2 minutes before it is done), add the whole raspberries, then continue freezing until the ice cream is ready.

Pineapple-Orange Ice Cream - Frozen Custard

6 eggs 2 cups milk 1 1/3 cups sugar 3 cups fresh pineapple puree* (about 1.5 lb.) 2 cups whipping cream 1/4 cup frozen orange juice concentrate (about 1.5 oz.) 2 teaspoons grated orange peel 1 teaspoon vanilla

In medium saucepan beat together eggs, milk and sugar. Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until mixture reaches 160 F and coats a metal spoon with a thin film. Cool quickly by setting pan in ice or cold water and stirring for a few minutes. Cover and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, at least 1 hour.

When ready to freeze, pour chilled custard, puree, whipping cream, juice concentrate, peel and vanilla into 1-gallon ice cream freezer container. Freeze according to manufacturer's directions. Transfer to freezer and freeze until firm. *To puree, peel and core pineapple. Cut into chunks and place in 5-cup blender or food processor container Cover. Blend at medium speed until smooth.

Low Fat Rum Raisin Ice Cream

1 Very ripe banana 1 ts Lowfat yogurt 1/4 ts Rum extract 1 tb Raisins

Peel banana, wrap in plastic and freeze 24 hours. Thaw slightly, combine in blender with remaining ingredients except raisins. Blend until smooth. Stir in raisins. Serve.

Banana Split

There are as many theories on what constitutes a "proper" banana split as there are on how to cure the hiccups. Here is a basic split with variations.

Halve one large banana lengthwise for each serving. Brush halves with lemon juice. Place in "split" plates with halves facing each other. Place a scoop each of vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate ice cream in center of plate.

Variations: Top with whipped cream. Sprinkle with nuts and top with maraschino cherry. Fill center of plate with banana, coconut, and pineapple ice cream. Top with shredded coconut and pineapple syrup or pineapple preserves. Use any 3 flavors of ice cream. Top with same flavor jam, jelly, or preserve and sprinkle with toasted slivered almonds. Use vanilla fudge, chocolate chip, and chocolate ice cream. Top with chocolate-flavored whipped cream and curls of chocolate. Use any flavors of ice cream and top with chocolate hot fudge sauce and nuts in syrup.

Chocolate Cookie Dough Ice Cream COOKIE DOUGH 125 grams plain flour 1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder -- sieved 75 grams butter 75 grams caster sugar 50 grams roughly chopped chocolate chips water to mix -- if necessary

Make up a quantity of Extra-Rich Vanilla Ice Cream following the method in the blueprint.

Prepare the cookie dough while the custard for the ice cream is cooling. Blend together the flour, cocoa and butter. Stir in the sugar and chocolate chips, then bring the mixture together into a firm dough, adding a few drops of water to mix if necessary. Knead the dough thoroughly, then cover with cling film and chill. (You will need about half the dough for the ice cream, but it is difficult to make a smaller quantity. Add more it you wish, or freeze the remainder for later use—you could bake it up into cookies!) Chop the dough roughly before you add it to the ice cream.

Freeze-churn the ice cream until thick, then fold in as much chopped dough as your conscience will allow. Continue churning, or harden in the freezer before serving.

Cherry Amaretto Ice Cream

850 ml milk 125 g caster sugar 1 tsp. vanilla extract -- or 2 tsp. vanilla essence 1 pinch salt 75 g cherries -- roughly chopped 50 g amaretti biscuits -- roughly chopped

Prepare the basic ice milk following the blueprint recipe for Vanilla Ice Milk. Freeze-churn the cooled mixture until almost ready to serve, then scoop it out of the ice-cream machine into a bowl. Fold in the chopped cherries and biscuits, then allow the mixture to harden slightly in the freezer for 10-15 minutes before serving.

MINT-CHIP ICE CREAM

1 1/2 tsp. (7 mL) unflavored gelatin 2 Tbsp (30 mL) boiling water 2 tsp. (10 mL) green peppermint flavoring 1/4 tsp. (1 mL) salt 1 env. (1 env.) lo-cal whipped topping mix 1/2 cup (125 mL) cold water 1 tsp. (5 mL) vanilla extract 1/4 cup (60 mL) small semisweet chocolate chips

Instructions: Sprinkle gelatin over boiling water, stirring to dissolve. add peppermint flavoring and salt; stir well. Let mixture cool. Combine topping mix, cold water and vanilla in bowl, and whip mixture until stiff. Fold in peppermint mixture and chocolate chips. POur into freezer tray and freeze until firm. (Yield: 6 servings).

Nectarine Custard Ice Cream

2 eggs -- beaten 1 1/2 cups whole milk 1 cup sugar 1/8 teaspoon salt 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon almond extract 1 1/2 cups whipped cream 1 1/2 cups nectarine puree

Combine eggs, milk, sugar and salt in saucepan. cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until mixture coats metal spoon lightly. DO NOT BOIL. Remove from heat; stir in vanilla and almond extracts and cream. Cool. Bland and peel nectarines; halve or slice, then puree to make 1 1/2 cups. Add to custard mixture. pour into 2 quart ice cream freezer and freeze according to manufacturer's directions.

Pumpkin Ice Cream Pie Amount 1 quart vanilla ice cream -- softened 3/4 cup canned pumpkin 1/4 cup honey 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg 1/8 teaspoon ground cloves 1 baked 9-inch pie crust -- cooled 1/3 cup chopped pecans Whipped cream -- (garnish) Pecan halves -- (garnish)

Combine first 8 ingredients in mixing bowl and blend well. Pour into pie crust. Sprinkle with chopped nuts. Freeze until serving time. Garnish with whipped cream and pecan halves just before serving.

Pear Sorbet 1 can pears -- (29 ounce) drained (reserve 1/2 cup syrup) 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 cup eau de vie de poire* -- or pear brandy (optional) 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

For sorbet: Combine all ingredients in processor and puree until smooth. Turn into ice cream maker and process according to manufacturer's instructions. Transfer to plastic container and freeze 3 hours. *Available at most liquor stores

Praline Ice Cream 3 Eggs 1 3/4 c Light brown sugar; firm pack 3 c Milk 3 c Whipping cream 1 tb Vanilla 1/4 ts Maple flavoring (opt) 1 c Slated pecans; chopped

Beat eggs until foamy in a large mixing bowl. Gradually add sugar; beat until thickened. Add milk, cream, vanilla, and maple flavor; mix well. Stir in pecans. Chill. Churn-freeze. Makes 3 quarts.

Maple Walnut Ice Cream

2 1/4 c whipping cream 1/2 c Granulated maple sugar 1/4 c Maple syrup 1 x Pinch of salt 1/2 c Chopped walnuts 1/2 c Chopped hard maple sugar

Scald cream, dissolving into it the 1/2 cup maple sugar and 1/4 cup maple syrup (or use 3/4 cup maple syrup) and the salt. Chill overnight in a glass container. Freeze in a crank ice cream freezer, adding nuts and chopped hard maple sugar before the last 20 cranks. Pack and freeze until hard. Makes 3 pints.

Cherry Berry Ice Cream 2 Envelope of unflavored gelatin 1 1/2 c Sugar 1/2 c Water 10 oz Frozen sliced strawberries 2 c Dark sweet cherries 4 c Light cream or half & half 2 c Whipping cream 2 ts Vanilla

In a small saucepan combine unflavored gelatin and sugar. Add water and strawberries. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture just comes to a boil. Remove from heat and cool to room temperature.

Caramel-Pecan Ice Cream Ingredients: 3/4 cup sugar 1/2 cup water 1-1/2 cups half and half 6 egg yolks, beaten 1-1/2 cups heavy cream 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 2 teaspoons unsalted butter 1/2 cup pecans, walnuts, or brazil nuts, chopped

In a heavy saucepan, combine the sugar and 1/4 cup of the water. Cook over medium heat, shaking the pan, until the sugar melts and caramelizes to a light amber color. Be careful, as the syrup is very hot. (If the sugar should crystallize before melting, put a lid on the pan to wash down the sugar crystals on the sides, rather than stirring the mixture.) Carefully pour in the remaining 1/4 cup water--it will steam and bubble. Carefully add the half-and-half and cook, stirring, until the syrup Re-melts. Whisk some of the hot half-and-half mixture into the egg yolks. Pour the mixture into a double boiler and cook over barely simmering water, stirring constantly, until the custard coats the spoon. Immediately place the pan in a pan of cold water and stir to cool. Stir in the cream and vanilla. Cover and refrigerate for 2 to 3 hours, or until thoroughly chilled. In a saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat and saute the nuts until golden brown; let cool. Freeze the mixture in an ice cream maker according to the manufacturer's instructions. When partially frozen, mix in the nuts. Serving Size = 1/2 cup

Ginger Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich

For Cookies: 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces 2/3 cup granulated sugar 1/3 cup firmly packed light or dark brown sugar 1/4 cup light or dark molasses 1 large egg 2 cups all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking soda Pinch of salt 1 1/2 teaspoons ground ginger 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

For Ice Cream: 4 cups half and half 1 cup granulated sugar 1/4 cup grated fresh ginger 6 large egg yolks

Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F. Position a rack in the center of the oven. Grease a baking sheet or line with parchment paper, and set aside.

FOR COOKIES: In a large bowl, beat together the butter, 1/3 cup granulated sugar, and brown sugar, using an electric mixer, until light and creamy. Beat in the molasses and egg until well blended. Sift the flour, baking soda, salt, ginger, cinnamon, and nutmeg into the molasses mixture, and beat until well blended. With clean hands, form balls 1 1/2 inches in diameter (the size of large walnuts). Roll each ball in a bowl filled with the remaining 1/3 cup granulated sugar. Place the dough balls 4 inches apart on the prepared sheet. With the bottom of a custard cup or small bowl, flatten each ball into a 2-inch disk. Bake until the cookies are firm to the touch, about 12 minutes. Let the cookies cool slightly on the sheet before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. Repeat with remaining dough. You should have about 32 cookies. Store or freeze the cookies in an airtight container at room temperature or in a freezer until ready to use.

FOR ICE CREAM: In a saucepan, combine the half-and-half and sugar over medium-high heat and scald (bring almost a boil). Remove from the heat and let the half-and-half cool to nearly room temperature; otherwise, when the fresh ginger is added, the liquid may curdle. Stir in the grated ginger, cover, and allow to steep overnight in the refrigerator. Remove from the refrigerator and strain the liquid through a fine- mesh sieve. Discard the grated ginger. In a large bowl, whisk the egg yolks until light yellow. Slowly whisk in the half-and-half. Pour the liquid into the top of a double boiler. Cook over water that has been brought to a boil and reduced to medium, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon, until the custard thickens and covers the back of the spoon, about 10 minutes. Strain the custard through a fine-mesh sieve into a container. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate until thoroughly chilled, at least 3 hours or as long as overnight. Place the mixture in an ice-cream maker and freeze according to the manufacturer's instructions. Transfer the ice cream to a container, cover, and freeze for several hours. Serving size = 1 sandwich

Bing Cherry Ice Cream

1/2 cup water 1 1/2 cups sugar -- divided 2 cups Bing cherries -- stemmed, pitted, and halved 6 ounces cream cheese -- at room temperature 1 ½ cups milk 1 cup heavy cream 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a small saucepan, combine water, 3/4 cup sugar, and cherries. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until the sugar dissolves. Remove from heat; let the cherries steep for 30 minutes. Drain the cherries, discarding the syrup. Transfer the cherries to a bowl, cover, and refrigerate for at least 30 minutes or up to 8 hours.

In a food processor, process cream cheese until smooth, about 30 seconds. Scrape down the sides of the bowl.

Meanwhile, combine the milk, cream and remaining 3/4 cup sugar in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally to help dissolve the sugar, until bubbles form around the edges of the pan, about 5 minutes.

Add about 1/2 cup of the hot milk mixture to the cream cheese; process until smooth, about 30 seconds. Add the remaining milk mixture and process for another 30 seconds. Strain through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl. Add vanilla; stir to combine. Cover and refrigerate until chilled, at least 3 hours or up to 24 hours.

Inside-Out Sundae

4 ounces hot fudge 4 ounces caramel candy 1/4 cup honey-roasted peanuts 1 scoop vanilla ice cream 4 ounces strawberry topping

Paint hot fudge on half of the exterior of a tulip glass and caramel on the other half. Sprinkle chopped peanuts on the hot fudge and caramel. Freeze the glass for up to an hour. Scoop vanilla ice cream into pre-coated glass. Cover ice cream with strawberries and top with whipped cream and cherry. Top contents inside the glass with hot fudge. Drizzle medium-size round plate with hot fudge and place sundae in the center of plate.

Sprinkle plate with chopped peanuts. Pour the cream mixture into an ice cream maker and freeze according to the manufacturer's instructions. When nearly frozen and the consistency of thick whipped cream, add the cherries. Churn or stir just until mixed. Transfer the ice cream to a freezer safe container. Cover and freeze until firm, at least 3 hours or up to 3 days, before serving.

Mango Apricot Frozen Yogurt

2 medium mangoes -- peeled and cubed 1/2 cup apricot-pineapple juice 1/3 cup sugar 1/8 teaspoon ground mace 3/4 cup plain lowfat yogurt -- stirred

In blender or food processor fitted with metal blade, combine mangoes, apricot-pineapple juice and sugar. Puree until smooth. Freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions; or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions. Makes about 1 quart.

Chocolate Raspberry Ice cream

3 Tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder -- sieved 600 ml milk 125 g caster sugar 1 tsp vanilla extract -- or 2 tsp vanilla essence 125g raspberries grated rind and juice of half a lemon sugar to taste

Blend the cocoa to a thin paste with a little of the cold milk. Heat the remaining milk with the sugar until the sugar has dissolved and the milk is almost boiling. Add the hot milk to the cocoa, stirring all the time. Flavour with the vanilla, then leave until completely cold. Whizz the raspberries with the lemon rind and juice in a food processor, and add sufficient sugar to sweeten them to taste. Rub the puree through a sieve, if you wish, then chill it until required. Turn the chocolate milk into the ice-cream machine and freeze-churn until ready to serve. Remove the dasher from the machine, pressing the ice milk back into the machine. Make some holes in the ice milk, using a thick skewer or a thin spoon handle, and fill with the raspberry puree. Leave for a few minutes, then scoop out the ice milk across the puree, creating a ripple effect. Alternatively, drizzle the puree over the chocolate ice milk as you scoop it.

Crunchy Melody Cream

1 cup sugar 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour ¼ teaspoon salt 4 cups Half-and-Half 4 eggs -- beaten 2 cups banana -- mashed 1 tablespoon lemon juice -- or lime or orange juice 1/4 teaspoon almond extract 3 drops yellow food coloring 1/2 cup toasted chopped almonds -- or chopped filberts or chopped pecans ¾ cup mini-marshmallows 11 ounce square semisweet chocolate -- grated

Combine sugar, flour, and salt in saucepan. Gradually stir in Half-and-Half. Bring to boil and stir constantly over low heat. Simmer for 2 minutes. Add small amount of hot mixture to the eggs in separate bowl, mix well, and return egg mixture to saucepan. Simmer, stirring for 1 minute over low heat. Remove from heat and add banana, Juice, almond extract, and food coloring. Freeze in 2 freezer trays until firm around edges but soft in center. Turn into large chilled bowl. Beat until creamy and stir in chopped nuts, marshmallows, and chocolate. Return to freezer trays and freeze until firm.

Peanut Brittle Ice Cream with Caramel Sauce

Peanut Brittle 2 cups sugar 1/4 teaspoon fresh lemon juice 1 1/4 cups salted husked peanuts 1 tablespoon unsalted butter Homemade Rich Vanilla Ice Cream 2 cups whipping cream 1 vanilla bean -- split 6 jumbo egg yolks -- room temperature 3/4 cup sugar Caramel Sauce 1 cup sugar 1/8 teaspoon fresh lemon juice 3/4 cup whipping cream

For peanut brittle: Grease baking sheet. Melt 1//4 cup sugar in heavy medium saucepan over medium heat, stirring con- stantly. Add remaining sugar 1/4 cup at a time, stirring each ad- dition until melted before adding next. Add lemon juice and stir until syrup is brown, about 1 minute. Reduce heat to low and add peanuts and butter, stirring until nuts are well coated. Immediately pour onto prepared sheet, using greased spatula to spread to thickness of peanut. Cool until firm.

Break peanut brittle into 1-inch pieces. Coarsely chop 1/4 in pro- cessor. Measure % cup chopped pieces to use in ice cream. Store remaining peanut brittle in airtight container.

For ice cream: Scald 1 cup cream and freeze 30 minutes to chill. Combine remaining 1 cup cream with vanilla bean and bring to boil in heavy small saucepan over medium heat. Remove from heat. Remove vanilla bean and scrape seeds into cream. Beat yolks and sugar with electric mixer until pale yellow and slowly dissolving ribbon forms when beaters are lifted. Beat in 1/3 cup hot cream; return mixture to saucepan. Cook over low at until mixture leaves path back of spoon when finger is n across and registers 180 degrees F on candy thermometer, stirring constantly, about 5 minutes; do not boil. Strain custard through fine sieve into bowl set into larger bowl of ice water. Stir occasionally until cool. Strain scalded cream into custard.

Process vanilla custard in ice cream maker according to Manufacturer's instructions. Fold 1/2 cup chopped peanut brittle into ice cream. Freeze in covered container overnight to mellow. Serve with Caramel Sauce.

Melt 1/4 cup sugar in heavy medium saucepan over medium heat, stirring constantly. Add remaining sugar 1/4 cup at a time, stirring each addition until melted before adding next. Add lemon juice and stir until syrup is golden brown, about 1 min- ute. Cool 5 minutes. Bring cream to boil and gradually add to syrup, stirring until smooth. Strain sauce through fine sieve if necessary. (Can be prepared 1 day ahead. Spoon into glass jar. Reheat by placing jar in saucepan of simmering water.) Serve Caramel Sauce warm.

PURPLE COW POPSICLES

1 Envelope plain gelatin 2/3 C. cold water 2 2/3 C. dry milk 2/3 C. grape juice (concentrate)

Sprinkle gelatin in over cold water and let stand for 5 minutes. Cook over low heat about 1 minute. Add milk and stir in grape juice. Fill molds, ice trays, muffin tins or cups. Freeze about 6 hours or until solid. Put toothpicks in each one before freezing, then serve.

Rum Cream Pie (Frozen Dessert) -Crust-- 36 Oreo Cookies -- de-sugared 1 Stick Butter Or Margarine -- melted --Filling-- 6 Egg Yolks 1 C Sugar 1 Tbsp Gelatin ½ C Cold Water 1 pt Whipped Cream 1/2 C Rum Shaved Chocolate -- for garnish

FOR THE CRUST: Roll cookies fine and mix well with melted butter. Press into two 9" pie plates and freeze.

FOR THE FILLING: Beat egg yolks well. Add the sugar and beat until thick and creamy. Soak the gelatin in cold water. Place over a low flame and bring to a boil. Pour the gelatin over the egg mixture stirring briskly. Whip the cream until stiff. Fold into pie mixture and stir in the rum.

Pour into 2 frozen pie shells. Sprinkle with shaved chocolate. Freeze until firm. Each pie serves 8.

Pizza Sundae -

vanilla ice cream -- spread 2" deep over 8" round brownie chocolate sauce -- OR marshmallow sauce Nestle crunch -- topping Oreos -- crushed -- topping peanuts -- topping M & M's – topping

Peach Cobbler Frozen Yogurt

2 large or 3 medium fresh peaches, peeled and sliced (about 2 1/2 cups) 2 teaspoons lemon juice 3/4 cup sugar 1/2 cup nonfat milk 1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 tablespoon margarine or butter, optional 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/2 cup nonfat milk 1 cup plain nonfat yogurt -- stirred 3 vanilla wafers, broken into 1/2-inch -- (3 to 4) pieces

In blender or food processor fitted with metal blade, combine peaches, lemon juice and sugar. Process until chopped but not pureed. In 1- 1/2- or 2-quart saucepan, combine peach mixture and 1/2 cup milk. Sprinkle gelatin over peach-milk mixture; let stand 1 minute. Stir in cinnamon and margarine or butter, if desired. Simmer over medium-low heat about 3 or 4 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove from heat; stir in vanilla. Cool peach mixture. Set aside 3/4 cup peach mixture in refrigerator. Stir 1/2 cup milk and yogurt into remaining peach mixture. Freeze in ice- cream maker according to manufacturer's directions. When frozen fold in chilled 3/4 cup peach mixture and vanilla wafers just enough to create a swirled effect. Or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions and fold in chilled 3/4 cup peach mixture and vanilla wafers after final processing or beating just enough to create a swirled effect. Makes about 1 quart.

Passion Fruit Frozen Yogurt

1/2 cup lowfat milk 1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin 5 passion fruit 3/4 cup sugar 1 teaspoon lemon juice 1 1/2 cups plain low-fat yogurt -- stirred 1 egg white 1/3 cup water 1/3 cup nonfat dry milk

In small saucepan, combine milk and gelatin; let stand 1 minute. Cook and stir over low heat until gelatin dissolves; set aside. Cut each passion fruit in half crosswise; scoop out pulp and seeds. Discard shell. In blender or food processor fitted with metal blade, puree pulp and seeds. Strain; discard seeds. Combine passion fruit juice with sugar, lemon juice and dissolved gelatin. Stir in yogurt. In medium bowl, combine egg white, water and nonfat dry milk. Beat until stiff but not dry. Fold into yogurt mixture. Freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions; or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions. Makes about 1 quart.

Orchard-Fresh Plum FrozenYogurt 2/3 cup sugar 1 teaspoon cornstarch 1/2 cup lowfat milk 5 fresh plums -- peeled and quartered 3 tablespoons light corn syrup 1cup plain lowfat yogurt -- stirred

In medium saucepan, combine sugar and cornstarch. Stir in milk. Cook and stir over moderate heat until bubbly; then cook 1 minute longer. Remove from heat. Combine plums and corn syrup in blender or food processor fitted with metal blade. Process until finely chopped. add to cooked mixture; cool. Stir in yogurt. Freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions; or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions. Makes about 1

Honey Crunch Ice Cream

HONEY CRUNCH 1 tablespoon honey 1 teaspoon butter -- melted 1 teaspoon milk 1 teaspoon light brown sugar 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract 1/4 cup Grape-Nuts cereal ICE CREAM 1 1/2 cups whole milk 1 can nonfat sweetened condensed milk (14-ounce) 1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice 1/4 teaspoon salt

TO MAKE HONEY CRUNCH: 1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly oil a small baking pan or coat it with nonstick cooking spray.

2. In a small bowl, mix honey, butter, milk, brown sugar and vanilla until blended. With a fork, stir in Grape-Nuts until well coated. Spread in a thin layer in the prepared baking pan. Bake, stirring once or twice, for 5 minutes, or until the cereal has darkened and bubbling has subsided. Spread on a plate and let cool completely. Break up any large clumps and set aside. (The honey crunch can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days.)

TO MAKE ICE CREAM: 1. In a large bowl, mix milk, condensed milk and vanilla until blended. For best results, refrigerate the mixture until well chilled, at least 2 hours. 2. Stir lemon juice and salt into the chilled ice cream mixture. Pour into the canister of an ice cream maker and freeze according to manufacturer's directions. Halfway through freezing, when ice cream begins to thicken, sprinkle in honey crunch and continue freezing. If necessary, let the ice cream harden in the freezer for 30 minutes before serving. (Use within hours of freezing, if possible, or store in the freezer for up to 4 days. If the ice cream becomes very hard in the freezer, soften it in the refrigerator for about 30 minutes before scooping.)

Fruit and Nut Ice Cream 3 cups Chestnuts -- shelled 1 cup sugar 1 1/2 cups water 6 egg yolks -- beaten 3 cups Half-and-half ½ teaspoon vanilla 1/2 pound candied fruit -- finely chopped

Boil and rice chestnuts. Cook sugar and water 5 minutes. Add chestnuts, bring to boil. Stir syrup and chestnuts gradually into egg yolks. Stir until cold, add half-and-half, vanilla, and candied fruit. Freeze in ice-cream maker as per manufacturers instructions.

Frozen Cinnamon Nut Yogurt

4 cups Vanilla yogurt 1 cup Sugar 1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon Salt 1 cup Whipping cream 1 teaspoon Vanilla 1 cup Walnut pieces

Thoroughly combine yogurt, sugar, cinnamon and salt in mixing bowl. Stir in whipping cream and vanilla. Add nuts. Cover and refrigerate 30 minutes. Freeze according to manufacturer's directions

Papaya Sorbet 4 cups ripe papaya pulp -- 3-4 papayas 1 cup sugar -- up to 2 juice of 2 lemons 2 egg whites -- room temperature

Combine papaya with sugar and lemon juice in a bowl and mix well. Beat egg whites until stiff peaks form. Fold into papaya mixture. Pour into bowl or loaf pan and freeze, without stirring, until consistency of sherbet, approximately 60 minutes.

Lemon Freezer Pie

1 1/2 cups vanilla wafer crumbs 3 eggs -- separated 1/2 cup sugar 1 cup whipping cream -- whipped 1/4 cup fresh lemon juice

Butter 9 X 9-inch metal baking pan. Press 3/4 cup crumbs into bottom. Reserve remainder. Chill crust while preparing filling.

Beat whites in large bowl of electric mixer until frothy. Gradually add sugar and continue beating until soft peaks form. Add yolks 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Fold in whipped cream and lemon juice. Pour into prepared crust. Sprinkle remaining 1/4 cup crumbs over top. Freeze over- night before serving.

Strawberry Sherbet

2 pints strawberries -- hulled 1 tablespoon black cherry concentrate 3 tablespoons lemon juice fresh mint

Serves 4 to 6

Blend together the strawberries, black cherry concentrate, and lemon juice in a blender or food processor until smooth. Freeze in a sorbettier or ice cream freezer. Garnish with fresh mint

Almond Granita

2 cups whole almonds -- skin on, roasted &cooled 4 cups water 5 1/2 cups sugar 3/4 cup light corn syrup 2 teaspoons lemon zest -- grated 4 tablespoons almond-flavored liqueur

Pulse the almonds to a powder in a food processor. Transfer to a pot and combine with the water, sugar, corn syrup and lemon zest. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring occasionally. Cool completely and add the liqueur. Transfer to a 9- by 13-inch (23- by 33-cm) glass baking dish and place in the freezer. Freeze for 3 hours, stirring with a whisk every 30 minutes, until the granita has completely frozen into small granules. Serve the same day or cover and keep frozen for up to 2 days. Stir with a fork to break up the granita before serving..

President Ford's Butter Pecan Ice Cream – 4 whole eggs 4 egg yolks 3/4cup sugar 1 quart half-and-half 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 1/2 cups butter pecans

In a large mixing bowl, beat eggs with yolks and sugar. Add half the half-and-half and mix with a wire whisk. In a saucepan, heat the remaining 2 cups of cream to the boiling point; Slowly stir into the egg mixture. Transfer to the top of a double boiler. Cook, stirring constantly, until mixture coats the spoon; do not boil. Let cool over a bowl of ice, stirring often. Add vanilla and butter pecans. Place in an ice cream freezer and freeze to desired consistency, following manufacturer's instructions. Store in the freezer in an airtight plastic or stainless steel container.

PISTACHIO SPUMONI ICE CREAM 1 1/2 cup half and half 3/4 cup sugar 1/8 teaspoon salt 3 egg yolks -- beaten 2 cups heavy cream 3/4 cup pistachios -- shelled & chopped 1/3 cup candied maraschino cherries 1/3 cup orange peel -- finely chopped 3 tablespoons light rum

Heat but do not boil half and half in saucepan; stir in sugar and salt. Pour small amount of half and half into egg yolks, stir constantly. Return yolk mixture to half and half mixture. Cook and stir over medium heat about 5 to 10 minutes or until thickened and creamy; cool. Stir in heavy cream. Chill thoroughly. Pour into ice cream freezer container; follow manufacturer's directions for freezing. Add pistachios, cherries, orange peel and rum when almost frozen; finish freezing. Freeze at least 2 hours before serving.

Brandied Eggnog with Ice Cream

300 milliliters single cream 1 vanilla pod 4 large egg yolks 100 grams caster sugar 300 milliliters double cream 4 tablespoons brandy 2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg -- about 1 small

Heat the single cream with the vanilla pod until almost boiling. Remove the pan from the heat, cover and leave for at least 20 minutes, or until cold. Remove the vanilla pod; rinse it well, and store for future use. Continue following the blueprint for Extra-Rich Vanilla Ice Cream, from step 2, but add both the brandy and the nutmeg to the eggs and sugar before whisking them together. Freeze-churn until ready to serve. The grated nutmeg gives an appealing, slightly flecked appearance to this ice cream.

Pumpkin Ice Cream Freeze

1 1/4 cups ginger snaps -- crushed (about 25 co 1/4 cup sugar 1/4 cup butter -- melted 1 quart vanilla ice cream 1cup canned pumpkin 1 cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 teaspoon nutmeg 1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

Mix the first three ingredients, holding back 1/4 cup of the crumbs, in a bowl. Press the mixture into a 8 x 5" baking dish and set aside. Combine the remaining ingredients in a large bowl and pour over the crust. Freeze overnight. Serve with the reserved crumbs on top and maybe add some chopped nuts.

Key Lime Frozen Yogurt

1 cup plain low-fat yogurt -- stirred (1) 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk 1 6 ounce can frozen limeade concentrate, undiluted and partially thawed

In medium bowl, combine yogurt and condensed milk. Stir in undiluted and partially thawed limeade concentrate. Freeze in ice- cream maker according to manufacturer's directions; or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions. Makes about 1 quart.

Frozen Sherry Cream Glaze 1 quart vanilla ice cream -- softened 1/2 cup dry or medium-dry Sherry 1 cup mixed diced fresh fruits

Combine ice cream, Sherry and fruits in blender or mixing bowl and blend quickly. Pour into refrigerator freezing tray and me until mushy. Stir well, then continue freezing until mixture is firm.

Frozen Orange-Coconut Pie

Coconut Crust 3 tablespoons unsalted butter 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate 1 tablespoon whipping cream 1 teaspoon instant coffee powder 1/2 cup powdered sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla 1/2 teaspoon almond extract 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon 7 ounces flaked toasted coconut Filling 1 can sweetened condensed milk -- (14 ounce) 3 1/2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 1/2 cup orange marmalade 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 teaspoon orange extract 1 1/2 cups whipping cream -- whipped 1 large orange -- peeled and thinly sliced 2 1.65 ounce chocolate-coconut candy bars -- chopped

For crust: Generously grease 9-inch deep-dish pie plate. Melt butter and chocolate in medium saucepan over low heat. Stir in cream and coffee powder and mix until smooth. Add powdered sugar, vanilla, almond extract and cinnamon and blend well. Remove from heat and fold in coconut. Press mixture into bottom and sides of prepared pie dish. Refrigerate while pre-paring filling.

Mix milk and lemon juice in large bowl. Stir in marmalade, vanilla and orange extract. Fold in whipped cream. Spoon into crust. Freeze overnight.

Remove pie from freezer 10 to 15 minutes before serving. Garnish with orange and candy.

Thai Ice Cream

Thai ice cream is made from coconut milk, and as such is a totally non-dairy (ie vegetarian) product.

Ingredients

2 cups coconut milk (see also coconut cream as a richer alternative) 1 cup water 4 eggs 1 tsp of vanilla or rosewater (optional) pinch of salt 2 TBS. of shredded coconut (see below) sprigs of mint for garnish

Method.

Stir fry the coconut until golden (optionally use a few pieces of fresh corn. Thais often flavor ice cream with things considered unusual to western tastes). Heat the coconut milk and water over medium heat, stirring continuously for a couple of minutes. Do not allow to boil. In a bowl beat two eggs, plus two yolks, then add the other ingredients, and whisk gently.

Transfer the mixture to a double boiler over gently boiling water, and slowly blend in the hot coconut milk, stirring until the mixture thickens to form a continuous slightly sticky coat on the back of a spoon lifted from the mixture.

Remove from the heat and allow to cool, then transfer to a metal ice cream tray or similar container and place in the coldest part of the freezer for one hour.

Remove to a food processor and beat slowly until smooth (this incorporates some stir into the mixture and prevents it becoming too hard), then return to the freezer and complete the freezing process.

Creamy Lemon Chip Ice Cream

2 cups sugar 1 cup water finely grated zest of 1 lemon 3/4 cup fresh lemon juice (4 lemons) 1/8 teaspoon salt 1 cup half-and-half 1 cup heavy or whipping cream 3 large egg yolks 1/2 cup lemon drop candies -- crushed (see note)

1. Boil the sugar and water together, stirring constantly, for 4 minutes to get a syrup. Stir in the lemon zest, lemon juice, and salt. Set aside.

2. Heat the half-and-half just below a boil in a heavy medium saucepan. Combine half-and-half, flavored syrup, cream, and egg yolks in the top of a double boiler. Cook, stirring constantly, over but not touching simmering water until the mixture is thick enough to coat a spoon, about 4 minutes.

3. Refrigerate for 4 to 12 hours, then place in the refrigerator freezer for 5 minutes. Stir in the crushed lemon drops. Freeze in an ice cream maker following the manufacturer's directions.

Note: The lemon drops can be crushed by putting them in a freezer- type zip-top plastic bag and hitting them with a hammer or a meat pounder. They should be pounded into fairly fine pieces.

What this recipe shows:

Heating half-and-half above 175°F (79°C) produces a smoother- textured ice cream. Emulsifiers in egg yolks give the ice cream a smooth, creamy mouth feel. A small amount of salt enhances the flavors of the ingredients. Chilling and "aging" the mixture for 4 hours between 27° and 35°F (- 2.8° and 1.7°C) enable it to freeze at the proper rate for smooth ice cream and provide better body and texture.

Mocha Float 4 oz. chilled brewed espresso -- sweetened to taste 3 Tbsp. chocolate syrup 3 oz. milk 1 scoop coffee _mocha chip ice cream -- (1/3 cup) 1 scoop dark chocolate ice cream -- (1/3 cup) Chilled seltzer or club soda Whipped cream for garnish Sweetened cocoa for garnish

Pour espresso, chocolate syrup and milk into a chilled 16 ounce glass. Stir to blend. Add coffee, _mocha chip and dark chocolate ice cream. Fill glass with seltzer and stir. Garnish with dollop of whipped cream and dust with cocoa.

Irish Cream Frozen Yogurt

2 tablespoons water 1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin 3 ounces semi-sweet chocolate, coarsely chopped 3/4 cup lowfat milk 1/4 cup light corn syrup 1/4 cup sugar 3 tablespoons Bailey's Irish Cream liqueur 1 cup plain lowfat yogurt -- stirred 1 egg white 1/3 cup water 1/3 cup nonfat dry milk

In small saucepan, combine 2 tablespoons water and gelatin; let stand 1 minute. Stir over low heat until gelatin dissolves; set aside. In medium saucepan, combine chocolate, milk, corn syrup and sugar. Cook and whisk over low heat until mixture is smooth. Stir in dissolved gelatin mixture; cool. Add Irish cream and yogurt. Beat egg white, 1/3 cup water and nonfat dry milk until stiff but not dry. Fold into yogurt mixture. Freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions.

Serving portions: 6 to 8 servings per quart is about right for adults; for teens, 4 to 5 servings per quart is more realistic.

Brandied Eggnog Ice Cream

300 milliliters single cream 1 vanilla pod 4 large egg yolks 100 grams caster sugar 300 milliliters double cream 4 tablespoons brandy 2 teaspoons freshly grated nutmeg -- about 1 small

Continue following the blueprint for Extra-Rich Vanilla Ice Cream, from step 2, but add both the brandy and the nutmeg to the eggs and sugar before whisking them together.

Freeze-churn until ready to serve. The grated nutmeg gives an appealing, slightly flecked appearance to this ice cream.

Honey Ice 1 1/2 cups cold water 1/2 cup honey 1 cup fresh orange juice 2 Tablespoons fresh lemon juice 1 teaspoon grated orange peel 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon pinch salt 1 cup whipping cream 6 Tablespoons Grand Marnier 3 Tablespoons pistachio nuts -- chopped -- garnish

Beat water and honey in saucepan until thoroughly blended. Place over medium heat and bring to boil. Let boil 2 minutes without stirring. Remove from heat and add next 5 ingredients. Strain into ice tray or shallow dish. Freeze.

when ready to serve, whip cream. Scoop ice into bowls and pour 1 TBSP Grand Marnier over each. Top with whipped cream and nuts.

Vanilla Ice Milk

125 g caster sugar 1 tsp vanilla extract -- or 2 tsp vanilla essence 1 pinch salt

1 Heat the milk until almost boiling, when tiny bubbles are just rising to the surface. Add the sugar and stir until dissolved, then leave the milk to cool completely. 2 Stir the vanilla and salt into the cold milk, then pour it into the ice-cream machine. Freeze-churn until thick and ready to serve.

Green Tea Ice Cream

4 cups whipping cream 2 cups milk 1 1/2 cups raw sugar 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 1 teaspoon green tea -- ground to powder Lukewarm water

Combine cream, milk, sugar and ginger in bowl. Mix until sugar dissolves.

Place ground green tea in measuring cup and add enough luke- warm water to measure 3/4 cup. Mix tea and water and combine with cream mixture.

Hour into ice cube tray with dividers removed and freeze again.

Frozen Lemon Mousse

30 lemon or vanilla wafers 4 egg yolks 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice 1/4 cup sugar 1 1/2 Tablespoons lemon peel -- grated 4 egg whites 1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar 1/8 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup sugar 1 1/2 cups whipping cream

Line bottom & sides of 8" or 9" spring form pan with wafers. Combine next 4 ingredients in large bowl and blend well. Let mixture stand at room temperature.

Beat egg whites until foamy. Add cream of tartar and salt and continue beating until soft peaks form. Gradually add remaining 3/4 cup sugar, beating constantly until stiff and glossy. Whip cream until stiff. Gently fold whites and cream into yolk mixture. Carefully spoon into pan. Cover with foil and freeze overnight. Let mousse soften in refrigerator about 60 minutes before serving.

Apricot, Orange, & Lemon Sorbet

125 g caster sugar 425 ml water 1 tsp crushed cardamom seeds -- (optional) 175 g ready-to-eat dried apricots 1 orange grated rind and juice 250 ml orange juice 1 lemon grated rind and juice

Prepare the sugar syrup as for the Papaya Lime blueprint, adding the cardamom seeds, if desired. Leave to cool completely. Soak the apricots with the orange rind and juice, plus the extra orange juice, for 30 minutes. Whizz the apricot and orange mixture in a liquidizer or food processor until smooth. Mix the purée with the cold sugar syrup and the lemon rind and juice, then pour into the ice-cream machine. Freeze-churn until ready to serve. Pink Grapefruit sherbet (see instructions)

Fresh Lemon Sherbet (2 quarts)

4-6 lrg. lemons (enough for 1/2 cup zest and 1 cup juice) 2 1/2 cups sugar 4 cups water 2 egg whites, beaten into foam with 1/8 tsp. salt 1 cup iced aquavit (2 hr.. in freezer)

Pulverize zest with 1 cup of the sugar in food processor for 2 min., then add 1 1/2 cups of the water and pulverize 2 min. more. In pan, combine zest with remaining sugar, bring to simmer and swirl pan until sugar dissolves. Remove from heat. Add juice and remaining water, and chill. Whisk in egg whites and freeze according to instructions.

Pour a big spoonful of iced aquavit over each serving. Serve with candied citrus peel.

Fresh Orange Sherbet

Follow general directions for lemon sherbet. But substitute: 5-6 lrg. navel oranges for the lemons 1 quart orange juice for the lemon juice and water Puree only half the zests with sugar. (Reserve the rest to be candied.) Complete the sherbet and serve with spoonful of iced orange liqueur. Fresh Grapefruit Sherbet Follow general instructions for lemon sherbet. But substitute: 3-4 lrg. pink grapefruit for lemons Puree half the zest for sherbet. (Reserve remaining to be candied.) Cut grapefruit segments from dividing membranes. Add enough juice to segments to make 1 quart--no water. Proceed with recipe and serve with spoonful of iced kirsch.

Christmas Pudding Ice Cream

1 liter rich vanilla ice cream 1 liter caramel swirl ice cream 1 1/2 cups mixed dried fruit 1 cup mixed glaze fruit chopped 1/2 cup whole unblanched almonds -- roasted and chopped 1/2 cup whole hazelnuts roasted and chopped 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon seasonal fruits -- such as blueberries, and cherries

Remove the ice cream from the freezer approximately 30 minutes before using. It should have a soft folding consistency but not be fully melted. Place in large mixing bowl. Using a metal spoon, fold in the dried fruits, nuts and cinnamon. Spoon mixture into an 8 cup fluted or straight sided ring tin or mold. Store covered with plastic wrap in the freezer for several hours or until firm. Cover a flat tray with plastic wrap, turn ice cream out of the mold onto a tray and re-freeze overnight. Remove the Christmas pudding from the freezer 15 minutes before serving. To serve: place the pudding onto a serving plate (a flat bottomed plate is best) and pile berries, like blueberries, strawberries, cherries and loganberries into the centre.

Apple Cinnamon Ice Cream

1 large cinnamon sticks -- or 2 small 300 milliliters milk 4 large egg yolks 100 grams caster sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract -- or 1 tsp vanilla essence 300 milliliters double cream 2 crisp tart eating apples -- peeled and diced 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 50 grams unsalted butter

Heat the cinnamon sticks in the milk until almost boiling. Remove the pan from the heat, cover and leave for 20 minutes. Whisk the egg yolks and sugar together until thick and pale. Discard the cinnamon sticks, then reheat the milk, and continue making the custard following the blueprint for Vanilla Ice Cream, from step 2.

Prepare the cinnamon apples while the custard is cooling. Toss the chopped apples in the ground cinnamon. Heat the butter in a frying pan, and wait until the foam subsides, then add the apples with any remaining cinnamon and fry quickly until they just start to soften, stirring continuously. Allow to cool completely.

Freeze-churn the ice cream until well thickened, then gradually add the cold apples while the ice-cream machine is still running, continuing churning until the ice cream is ready to serve.

Bucket of Worms Sundae -

Vanilla Ice cream Chocolate syrup whipped cream -- topping oreos -- crushed -- topping gummy worms – topping

Coffee Alexander Shake

1/4 cup boiling water 2 teaspoons instant coffee granules 1 cup milk 2 tablespoons Chocolate Syrup 1 cup vanilla ice cream

Stir boiling water and coffee granules in small cup. Cool. Put milk, syrup, ice cream and prepared coffee into blender. Process until smooth. Pour into 2 fancy stemware glasses.

Classic Chocolate Syrup

6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate 1/2 cup evaporated milk 1/4 cup water

Melt chocolate in top of a double boiler. Gradually stir in evaporated milk, & continue stirring until sauce is fully blended and smooth. Remove from heat & stir in water until smooth.

Syrup may be refrigerated in an airtight container for up to 3 weeks. To reheat, set over a double boiler and stir until smooth. If re- heating over direct heat, use very low flame, and be careful not to let the sauce bubble or burn.

Grape 'n Lemon Frozen Yogurt 1/4 cup water 1 teaspoon unflavored gelatin 1 1/2 cups Concord grape juice 1/3 cup sugar 1/2 cup lowfat milk 1 tablespoon light corn syrup 1 cup lemon lowfat yogurt -- stirred

In small saucepan, combine water and gelatin; let stand 1 minute. Cook and stir over low heat until gelatin dissolves; remove from heat. In medium bowl, combine grape juice, sugar, milk, corn syrup and dissolved gelatin. Stir in yogurt. Freeze in ice-cream maker according to manufacturer's directions; or follow refrigerator-freezer instructions. Makes about 1 quart.

Coffee-Chocolate Jewel Pie

1 pint coffee ice cream -- slightly softened 1 baked 8-inch chocolate wafer crust 1/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips 1/4 cup marshmallow creme 1/4 cup fudge sauce 1/4 cup chopped pecans Whipped cream

Spread half of ice cream in pie crust. Sprinkle with half of chips. Spoon marshmallow creme over chips. Spread remaining ice cream over marshmallow creme. Pour fudge sauce over. Sprinkle with pecans and remaining chocolate chips. Freeze pie. Let stand at room temperature about 10 minutes before serving. Top slices with whipped cream.

WATERMELON POPS

4 cups watermelon cubes 4 paper cups -- 7 ounce size 4 popsicle sticks

Remove black seeds from watermelon cubes and puree in blender. Pour into paper cups. Place sticks in cups and freeze until firm. To eat, tear paper cup from the frozen pop.

Ice Cream Pie

1 cup brown sugar 1/3 cube butter 2 ounces semi-sweet chocolate -- 2 squares 2 cups corn flakes 1 quart ice cream Line greased pie plate. Mix brown sugar, butter and chocolate and put in a double boiler and cook until chocolate and sugar are melted. Pour over corn flakes. Mix with fingers and save 1/3 for topping. Put corn flake mixture in pie crust fashion. Fill with 1 quart ice cream, cover with rest of topping. Freeze. Take out of freezer 15 minutes before serving.

Freezer Punch

3 small cans frozen lime & lemonade 3 large bottles soda water fifth of bourbon

Freeze in 1/.2 gallon milk cartons. Take out of freezer 15 minutes before serving

Honey Vanilla Frozen Yogurt

14 ounces whole milk plain yogurt 1/2 cup sugar 1 envelope unflavored gelatin -- softened in 1/4 cup water 1 dash salt 1/2 cup evaporated milk 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 tablespoons honey

Scald evaporated milk over low heat stirring occasionally to avoid the "skin" formation over the top of the milk. Add sugar, salt and softened gelatin. Stir until thoroughly dissolved and mixture is completely smooth. Add yogurt, honey and vanilla. Mix well. Chill thoroughly in refrigerator for 2 hours or longer. Pour into salt on Ice Cream Machine and freeze.

Frozen Yogurt S'Mores Cups

1/2 cup crushed graham crackers (about 6 squares) 1 tablespoon melted margarine or butter 1 cup chocolate frozen yogurt -- slightly softened 1/4 cup marshmallow cream -- stirred 1/2 teaspoon lukewarm water

In small bowl, combine graham-cracker crumbs and margarine or butter. Line 4 custard cups with paper baking liners. Press about half of crumb mixture on bottom of liners; shill. Working quickly, lightly press half of frozen chocolate yogurt over chilled graham-cracker mixture. Stir marshmallow cream with lukewarm water until smooth; spoon over yogurt in each cup. Then top with remaining frozen yogurt. Sprinkle with remaining crumb mixture. Freeze in refrigerator-freezer at least 2 hours or until firm. Makes 4.

FROZEN STRAWBERRY ROCKY ROAD

1 quart strawberries 5 marshmallows -- cut in quarters 1/2 cup sugar 1 cup whipping cream -- chilled

Crush strawberries; stir in marshmallows and sugar. Let stand about 1 hour. Beat cream until soft peaks form; fold into strawberry mixture. Pour into refrigerator trays. Freeze until firm, stirring 3 or 4 times.

Chocolate-Almond Ice Cream Cake Cookie Crust 2 cups crushed chocolate wafers 1/2 cup butter -- melted 1/4 cup sugar Filling 1 1/4 cups sliced almonds 1/4 cup crushed amaretti cookies* 1 tablespoon butter 2 tablespoons armaretto liqueur 2 pints rich vanilla ice cream -- softened 3 tablespoons light corn syrup 1 1/2 tablespoons butter -- plus 1 tsp cut into small pieces 1 tablespoon water -- plus 1 1/2 teaspoons 2 ounces semisweet chocolate -- chopped 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate -- chopped 1 ounce white chocolate -- chopped 1 cup whipping cream -- well chilled 1/4 cup powdered sugar 2 tablespoons amaretto liqueur 1/2 teaspoon almond extract 3 egg whites -- room temperature 1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar 2 tablespoons sugar 1 tablespoon coconut extract 1/2 cup toasted unsweetened shredded coconut

For crust: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter sides only of 9-inch Spring form pan. Mix crushed chocolate wafers, melted butter and sugar in large bowl. Press onto bottom and sides of pan. Bake 10 minutes. Refrigerate crust while preparing ice cream filling. Retain oven temperature at 350 degrees.

For filling: Spread almonds evenly in 10-inch baking pan. Toast until golden, stirring occasionally, 12 to 14 minutes. Let cool. Set 1/4 cup aside for garnish.

Combine 1 cup toasted almonds, amaretti and 1 tablespoon butter in processor or blender and mix, stopping frequently to scrape down sides, until smooth paste forms, about 2 minutes. Transfer to large bowl and add amaretto, stirring to incorporate thoroughly. Add softened ice cream 1/2 pint at a time, stirring well and returning to freezer between additions if ice cream becomes too soft. Freeze 15 minutes. Spread ice cream mixture evenly over crust. Freeze until firm, at least 6 hours or overnight.

Combine corn syrup, butter and water in small saucepan over medium-high heat and bring to boil, stirring occasionally. Add chocolates and immediately remove pan from heat. Whisk until smooth. Cool to room temperature, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes. Pour glaze carefully over ice cream, spreading quickly with spatula. Freeze until firm, about 2 hours. Beat cream, powdered sugar, amaretto and almond extract in large bowl of electric mixer until soft peaks form. Beat egg whites and cream of tartar in another bowl of electric mixer until foamy. Gradually add 2 tablespoons sugar and beat until soft peaks form. Add coconut extract and continue beating until stiff. Gently fold cream mixture into egg white mixture, 1/3 at a time. Carefully spread over glaze and filling. Sprinkle with cocoa nut and reserved 1/4 cup almonds. Freeze at least 1 hour.

Blueberry Microwave Muffins

Cooking time about 4 minutes. Makes about 12. You'll need 2 cups wholemeal self-raising flour 1 tbsp raw sugar 2 tsp baking powder 2 eggs 1 cup 250ml milk 1 tsp vanilla essence 1 tbsp oil 125g blueberries, washed and drained Cinnamon for sprinkling Here's how Mix the dry ingredients. Beat in the liquids and fold in the blueberries. Spoon into patty cases or well-oiled muffin pans and sprinkle with cinnamon. Microwave, a tray at a time (elevated), for 3 to 4 minutes on high. Leave to stand, covered, for about 3 to 5 minutes after cooking

Enjoy,

HOME-STYLE APPLESAUCE

8-10 medium cooking apples, peeled and diced 1/2 cup water 3/4 cup sugar cinnamon

In slow-cooking pot, combine apples and water. Cover and cook on low for 4-6 hours or until apples are very soft. Add sugar and cook on low another 30 minutes. Sprinkle with cinnamon at serving time. Makes about 4 cups

Note: Applesauce will be slightly chunky. If smooth sauce is preferred, puree or sieve cooked apples.

Enjoy!!

Beef with Broccoli

3/4 lb lean beef, sliced thinly into bite sized pieces. Marinade: 1 egg 1/3 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon cooking wine 1 tablespoon cornstarch 2 tablespoons water 1 1/2 tablespoons oil 1 1/2 lbs broccoli, flowerets removed, sliced on the diagonal into thin slices. 1 cup cooking oil 2 1/2 tablespoons oyster sauce 2 tablespoons dark soy sauce 1 tablespoon sugar a few drops sesame seed oil 2 cloves of garlic crushed 1/2 cup chicken broth 2 tablespoons cornstarch, if desired Slice beef and mix together marinade ingredients. Add marinade to beef and marinate for 30 minutes. Add 1 1/2 tablespoons of oil to beef, mix in thoroughly, marinate beef for another 30 minutes. While the beef is marinating prepare the vegetables. Heat wok and add 1 cup of oil. When oil is ready, add beef and stir fry until it is nearly cooked. Remove beef and set aside on a plate. Drain the wok and wipe clean with a paper towel. Add 1/2 cup water to the wok. Bring the water to a boil and add the broccoli. Cover and cook until broccoli is cooked through. Drain the wok. Heat wok and add oil ( about 2 tablespoons)Add the garlic and stir- fry for about 1 minute. Add vegetables and beef and mix together. Make a well in the middle of the wok and add the sauce ingredients. Add cornstarch, stirring to thicken. Mix sauce together with other ingredients. Serve hot. Variations: add carrots and onions if desired. Boil in the wok with the broccoli.

LOW FAT PUMPKIN CAKE

1 box Betty Crocker Light Yellow Cake mix -- (1 lb 2.25= oz) 3 egg whites 1 cup canned pumpkin 1 cup orange juice 1/2 cup fat-free sour cream 2 teaspoons vanilla 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon allspice 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 1/4 teaspoon ground cloves 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg GLAZE: 1 1/4 cups powdered sugar -- sifted 1/4 teaspoon vanilla water Mix together all the cake ingredients for 2 minutes. Pour into a bunt pan coated with cooking spray. Bake 35-40 minutes at 350=B0 F. Cool. Makes 16 servings. Glaze: Mix together the powdered sugar and vanilla. Add water, one tablespoon at a time, to get a runny consistency. Drizzle over the warm cake. per serving: 192 Kcal 2g fat (1g sat fat) 9% CFF 228mg Na 1mg cholesterol (2.5g PRO/2.0g FAT/40.7g CHO) If made in 12 mini-bunt pans - per serving: 256 Kcal 3g fat (1g sat fat) 9% CFF 304mg Na 2mg cholesterol.

Snickers Candy Bar

1/4 cup light corn syrup 2 tablespoons butter 1 tablespoon vanilla extract 1/8 cup peanut butter 1 dash salt 3 cups powdered sugar 35 unwrapped Kraft caramels 1 cup dry-roasted unsalted peanuts 1 bag milk-chocolate chips -- (12-ounce) With the mixer on high speed, combine the corn syrup, butter, vanilla, peanut butter, and salt until creamy. Slowly add the powdered sugar. When the mixture has the consistency of dough, remove it from the bowl with your hands and press it into a lightly greased 9x9-inch pan. Put in the refrigerator. Melt the caramels in a small pan over low heat. When the caramel is soft, mix in the peanuts. Pour the mixture over the refrigerated nougat in the pan. Let this cool in the refrigerator. When the refrigerated mixture is firm, melt the chocolate over low heat in a double boiler or in a microwave oven set on high for 2 minutes. Stir halfway through cooking time. When the mixture in the pan has hardened, cut it into 2x1-inch sections. Set each chunk onto a fork and dip into the melted chocolate. Tap the fork against the side of the bowl or pan to knock off any excess chocolate. Then place the chunks on waxed paper to cool at room temperature (less than 70 degrees F). This could take several hours, but the bars will set best this way. You can speed up the process by placing the bars in the refrigerator for 30 minutes. Makes about 2 dozen bars.

This is a fun one to make with your children. :)

Earthquake Cake

1 cup of chopped pecans 1 cup of coconut flakes 1 box of German Chocolate Cake mix 1-1lb box of powdered sugar 1 8 oz pkg cream cheese 1 stick of margarine Spray 9 x 13' pan with Pam, put pecans and coconut at the bottom of the pan. Mix cake mix according to directions, then pour over pecans and coconut. Melt cream cheese and margarine in microwave, then add the powdered sugar......this will look like a batter when mixed.......then pour over cake batter. Bake at 350 for approximately 35 to 40 minutes

CHOCOLATE COBBLER Filling: 3/4 cup sugar 1 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 teaspoons baking powder 2 tablespoon cocoa 1/2 cup milk 3 tablespoon melted butter 1 teaspoon. vanilla 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Topping: 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/4 cup cocoa 1 1/2 cups water For filling, sift dry ingredients into a 9-inch pan. Stir in milk, butter and vanilla. Spread batter evenly in pan. For topping: Mix sugars with cocoa and sprinkle over batter. Pour water over all. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Serve warm or cold with ice cream or whipped cream.

~CHICKEN BEER BAKE~

INGREDIENTS: -3 Chicken breasts, halved -Salt & pepper to taste -3 ts Soy sauce -1 can Sliced mushrooms, drained -4 tb Flour (or more) -Cooking oil -2 cans Cream chicken soup -3 tb Slivered almonds -1/2 can Beer DIRECTIONS: -Coat chicken with four, season with salt & pepper & brown lightly in oil on both sides. -Place browned chicken breasts in Dutch oven or casserole. -Mix together soup, soy sauce, 2 tb. almonds, mushrooms & beer. -Pour over chicken. -Bake in preheated 350 degrees F. oven uncovered for 1 hr. -Sprinkle remaining tbs. of almonds over chicken when ready to serve.

Enjoy this one everyone!

Ranch Parmesan Chicken

3/4 c.crushed corn flakes 3/4 c. grated Parmesan cheese 1 envelope ranch salad dressing mix (dry) 6 boneless chicken breast (pounded is better but not necessary) 1/2 c. butter or margarine, melted

In shallow bowl combine first 3 ingredients. Dip chicken in butter. Roll chicken in crumb mix. Place in 13x9x2 pan after it is sprayed with cooking spray and heated in preheated oven, otherwise it will stick. Bake uncovered at 350 for 45 minutes turning once.

Kool Aid Pie

1 package Unsweetened Kool-Aid, any flavor 1 can sweetened condensed milk 8 ounces Cool Whip or other non-dairy whipped topping, thawed 1 prepared graham cracker crust

In a large bowl, mix the Kool-Aid and sweetened condensed milk until thoroughly blended. Fold in the whipped topping. Pour into graham cracker crust. Chill until set.

Ugly Duckling Cake

l pkg. yellow cake mix l can (16 oz) fruit cocktail 2 1/3 cups coconut 2 eggs 1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar 1/2 cup butter or margarine 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup evaporated milk

Combine cake mix, fruit cocktail with syrup, 1 cup of the coconut and the eggs in large mixer bowl. Beat at medium speed for 2 minutes. Pour into greased 13x9 inch pan. Sprinkle with brown sugar. Bake at 325 for 45 minutes or until cake springs back when lightly touched. Bring butter, sugar and milk to a boil in small saucepan. Boil 2 minutes. Remove from heat Stir in remaining coconut. Spoon over hot cake in pan. Serve warm or cool.

. Hogan's Heroes by Jerry Fielding Original Air Dates: 1965 - 1971 (CBS) Location: A Luftwaffe Stalag, somewhere in WWII Germany. THESE LYRICS WERE NEVER AIRED Heroes, heroes, husky men of war. Sons of all the heroes, of the war before. We’re all heroes up to our ear o’s. You ask questions - we make suggestions That’s what we’re heroes for. All good heroes love a good, big fight. Open up the bomb bays and brighten up the night. We applaud the people who laud us, you pull the roses, we punch the noses, That’s what we’re heroes for. What’s a hero do? Well, we’re not gonna tell ya 'cause we wish we knew. That’s why we heroes are so few. We’ve got a slogan from Colonel Hogan and Colonel Hogan’s a hero too. Never flinch, boys, never be afraid, heroes are not born, boys, heroes are made. Ask not why, boys, never say die, boys Answer the call, remember we’ll all be heroes forever more. GUNSMOKE Original Air Dates: 1955 - 1975 (CBS) Location: Dodge City, Kansas THE LYRICS WERE NEVER AIRED. Gunsmoke trail. Oh tell me of days gone by. Tho' alone you still wind your way? Are the ghostly horsemen riding, As they speed eastern mail? It's up to you see them through Gunsmoke trail. The Gunsmoke has now faded from the blazing forty-fours! The stage coach is rustin' on the hill. The wagon wheels you used to feel, will sing their song no more! The sound of the caravan is still! Gunsmoke trail. No trav'ler to care where you go, Sands of time are hidin' your way! Bet if heaven ever let you You could tell a rugged tale! That's why I hate to see you fade. Gunsmoke trail. Gunsmoke trail. STAR TREK (Original series) LYRICS NEVER AIRED Beyond the rim of the starlight, My love is wandering in star flight. I know he’ll find in star clustered reaches Love, strange love a starwoman teaches. I know his journey ends never. His Star Trek will go on forever. But tell him while he wanders his starry sea, Remember, Remember me. These lyrics were reportedly written by series creator Gene Roddenberry as an add-on to the music. While they were never used on air, Roddenberry received co-authorship over the theme, which did not please Courage, who said that the words were not suited to his music. Dick Van Dyke Show Lyrics by Morey Amsterdam (who played Buddy Sorrell on the show), Music by Earl Hagen. Original Air Dates: 1961 - 1966 (CBS) LYRICS NEVER AIRED So you think that you've got trouble. Well trouble's a bubble. So tell old mister trouble to get lost. Why not hold your head up high and Stop cryin', start tryin'. And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed. When you find the joy of living Is loving and giving, You'll be there when the winning dice are tossed. A smile is just a frown that's turned upside-down. So smile and that frown'll get lost, And don't forget to keep your fingers crossed. I Dream of Jeannie Jeannie by Hugo Montenegro Original Air Dates: 1965 - 1970 (NBC)Location: Cocoa Beach & Cape Canaveral, Florida. Jeannie, fresh as a daisy. Just love how she obeys me, Does things that just amaze me so. She smiles, Presto the rain goes. She blinks, up come the rainbows. Cars stop, even the train goes slow. When she goes by she paints sunshine on every rafter, Sprinkles the air with laughter, we’re close as a quarter after three. There’s no one like Jeannie. I’ll introduce her, To you, but it’s no use, sir, Cause my Jeannie’s in love with me. The Odd Couple by Sammy Cahn & Neal Hefti Original Air Dates: 1970 - 1975 (ABC) Location: Borough of Manhattan, New York. LYRICS NEVER AIRED No matter where they go they are known as the couple. They’re never seen alone so they’re known as the couple. As I’ve indicated they are never quite separated, They are peas in a pod. Don’t you think that it’s odd? Their habits, I confess, none can guess, with the couple. If one says no it’s yes, more or less, with the couple. But they’re laugh provoking; yet they really don’t know they’re joking. Don’t you find, when love is blind It’s kind of odd. Leave it to Beaver The Toy Parade by Dave Kahn, Melvyn Leonard & Mort Greene Original Air Dates: 1957 - 1964 (ABC) Hey! Here they come with a rum-tee tum they’re having a toy parade. A tin giraffe with a fife and drum is leading the kewpie parade. A gingham cat in a soldier’s hat is waving a Chinese fan, A plastic clown in a wedding gown is dancing with Raggedy Ann. Fee fie fiddle dee dee they’re crossing the living room floor Fee fie fiddle dee dee they’re up to the dining room door. They call a halt for a choc’late malt or cookies and lemonade Then off they go with a ho ho ho right back to their toy brigade. The Andy Griffith Show The Fishin Hole lyrics by Everett Sloane, music by Earle Hagen & Herbert Spencer. Original Air Dates: 1960 - 1968 (CBS) Location: Mayberry (fictitious), North Carolina (Mayberry is generally considered to be based on Griffith's home town of Mt. Airy, NC) LYRICS (never aired) Well, now, take down your fishin pole and meet me at the fishin hole, We may not get a bite all day, but don’t you rush away. What a great place to rest your bones and mighty fine for skippin stones, You’ll feel fresh as a lemonade, a-settin in the shade. Whether it’s hot, whether it’s cool, oh what a spot for whistlin like a fool. What a fine day to take a stroll & wander by The fishin hole, I can’t think of a better way to pass the time o’ day. We’ll have no need to call the roll when we get to The fishin hole, There’ll be you, me, and Old Dog Trey, to doodle time away. If we don’t hook a perch or bass, we’ll cool our toes in dewy grass, Or else pull up a weed to chaw, and maybe set and jaw. Hangin around, takin our ease, watchin that hound a-scratchin at his fleas. Come on, take down your fishin pole and meet me at The fishin hole, I can’t think of a better way to pass the time o’ day. Bonanza by Ray Evans & Jay Livingston Original Air Dates: 1959 - 1973 (NBC) Location: near Virginia City, Nevada Al Caiola charted with the theme in 1961. It reached all the way up to #19 in the Billboard Top 40 list. I believe his version was an instrumental. Al Caiola was a studio musician and composer in the 1950s and 1960s, he also had a Billboard Top 40 hit with the theme from the movie The Magnificent Seven. O.K., this show and its lyrics are probably the most curious TV lyric situation of which I'm aware. Here's what I know: 1) The lyrics were not part of the regular run of the show. 2) It's clear that there were lyrics written for the song, at the time the song was written and before the first show was aired. 3) The brothers and dad sang the lyrics on the original album soundtrack. 4) Lorne Greene sang lyrics to the song on a record album later on. What I've heard from several sources (though no source was definitive): 1) The lyrics were sung by a contingent of the four actors. I've heard that it was all four actors, some others say just Ben, Hoss & Little Joe (funny, I'd think that Pernell Roberts would have a nice voice . . . ) 2) They were sung only on the pilot episode. 3) Many people who saw the pilot on TV hated the lyrics (or the song, or for all I know, the singing). 4) NBC received many complaints and subsequently switched to an instrumental theme. Looking at the lyrics, it's not hard to imagine that even in 1959, they would be a bit strong. What is all the more odd is that Bonanza was known as a TV show with a fair amount of restraint when it came to fighting, and like all the TV westerns of the 1950s and 1960s, all four men were steadfastly chivalrous. Also, one can imagine the four (or three) of them singing and a shudder probably zips down the spine. Who knows what is the truth? Anyway, enjoy the lyrics below, I like to think of Hop Sing joining in on the chorus as well! The following lyrics come from one source and at least fit the music that begins the show. We got a right to pick a little fight - Bonanza! If anyone fights anyone of us he’s gotta fight with me! We’re not a one to saddle up and run: Bonanza! Anyone of us who starts a little fuss knows he can count on me. One for four. Four for one: This we guarantee. We got a right to pick a little fight: Bonanza! If anyone fights anyone of us he’s gotta fight with me! The following lyrics come from another source: (Little Joe) - I've got a flair for women everywhere - Bonanza! (Hoss) - Bonanza! (Barks and howls) (All three) - I'm not afraid of any pretty maid - Bonanza! Bonanza! But when I give a kiss to any little miss She'll learn a lot from me (Ben) - I'm not afraid of any pretty maid -- Bonanza! (All three) - Bonanza! When I give a kiss to any little miss She'll learn a lot from me Hair of brown, hair of gold - I take what I see We're not a one to saddle up and run - Bonanza! Bonanza! Any one of us who starts a little fuss knows he can count on me One for four, four for one - this we guarantee We got a right to pick a little fight - Bonanza! Bonanza! If anyone fights any one of us he's gotta fight with me! Lyrics as sung by Lorne Greene on the album Lorne Greene's American West We chased lady luck, 'til we finally struck - Bonanza With a gun and a rope and a hat full of hope, we planted our family tree. We got a hold of a pot full of gold - Bonanza With a horse and a saddle, and a range full of cattle, how rich can a fellow be? On this land we put our brand, Cartwright is the name, Fortune smiled, the day we filed the Ponderosa claim. Here in the west, we're livin' in the best - Bonanza If anyone fights any one of us, he's got a fight with me. Hoss and Joe and Adam know every rock and pine, No one works, fights, or eats, like those boys of mine Here we stand in the middle of a grand Bonanza With a gun and a rope and a hatful of hope, we planted our family tree, We got a hold of a pot full of gold - Bonanza With a houseful of friends where the rainbow ends, how rich can a fellow be? On this land we put our brand, Cartwright is the name, Fortune smiled, the day we filed the Ponderosa claim Here in the west we're living in the best - Bonanza With the friendliest, fightingist, lovingist band, that ever set foot in the promised land and we're happier than them all. That's why we call it Bonanza . . . Bonanza . . . Bonanza. The Flying Nun Original Air Dates: 1967 - 1970 (ABC) Location: Puerto Rico The lyrics were sung in the sixth episode (October 5, 1967), but were never used as part of the theme. Who needs wings to fly? Certainly not I. I prefer to take up on the breeze, Follow any swallow that may please my fancy. I just close my eyes, tiptoe through the skies. Long as there's a habit standing by, Who needs things like wings to fly? Gidget by Howard Greenfield & Jack Keller Original Air Dates: 1965 - 1966 (ABC) Location: Los Angeles, California If you’re in doubt about angels being real. I can arrange to change any doubts you feel. Wait’ll you see my Gidget! You’ll want her for your Valentine. You’re gonna say she’s all that you adore But stay away, Gidget is spoken for You’re gonna find that Gidget is mine! ALL IN THE FAMILY Complete Lyrics Boy, the way Glenn Miller played songs that made the hit parade. Guys like us we had it made. Those were the days. Didn't need no welfare state. Everybody pulled his weight. Gee, our old LaSalle ran great those were the days. And you knew who you were then, Girls were girls and men were men. Mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again. People seemed to be content. Fifty dollars paid the rent. Freaks were in a circus tent. Those were the days. Take a little Sunday spin. Go to watch the Dodgers win. Have yourself a dandy day that cost you under a fin. Hair was short and skirts were long. Kate Smith really sold a song. I just don't know what went wrong. Those were the days. Remembering You (Closing Theme - these lyrics were never heard on the show.) Got a feelin it’s all over now - all over now, were through. And tomorrow I’ll be lonesome, remembering you. Got a feelin the sun will be gone - the day will be long and blue. And tomorrow I’ll be crying, remembering you. There’s a far away look in your eye when you try to pretend to me, That everything is the same it used to be. I see it’s all over now. All over now, were through. And tomorrow I’ll be startin, remembering you. Love Lucy by Harold Adamson & Eliot Daniel Original Air Dates: 1951 - 1961 (CBS) Locations: New York City, New York (early years), Hollywood, California (later years) There’s a certain couple that I know. They’re strictly lovebirds, A pair of turtle dove birds. He’s a guy who wants the world to know. So ev’ry day You’ll hear him say I Love Lucy and she loves me, We’re as happy as two can be, Sometimes we quarrel but then again How we love making up again. Lucy kisses like no one can, She’s my missus and I’m her man; And life is heaven you see Cause I Love Lucy Yes I Love Lucy and Lucy loves me. Bewitched by Howard Greenfield & Jack Keller, Copyright Date: Aug. 27, 1964 Original Air Dates: 1964 - 1972 (ABC) Location: New York, New York (Darren worked there), Westport, Connecticut (their suburbia home) LYRICS THAT WERE NEVER AIRED Bewitched, Bewitched, you’ve got me in your spell. Bewitched, Bewitched, you know your craft so well. Before I knew what I was doing I looked in your eyes That brand of woo you’ve been brewin’ took me by surprise. M*A*S*H Suicide is Painless Lyrics by Michael Altman (the son of Robert Altman, director of the movie MASH) and music by Johnny Mandel. Original Air Dates: 1972 - 1983 (CBS)Location: near Seoul, South Korea Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be The pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see . . . That suicide is painless it brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please. I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate Without that ever-present hate but now I know that it’s too late, and . . .That suicide is painless it brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please. The game of life is hard to play. I’m gonna lose it anyway. The losing card I’ll someday lay so this is all I have to say. That suicide is painless it brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please. The only way to win is cheat and lay it down before I’m beat, and to another give my seat for that’s the only painless feat. That suicide is painless it brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please. The sword of time will pierce our skins it doesn’t hurt when it begins But as it works its way on in the pain grows stronger . . . watch it grin, but . . . That suicide is painless it brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please. A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key 'Is it to be or not to be' and I replied 'oh why ask me?' That suicide is painless it brings on many changes And I can take or leave it if I please. And you can do the same thing if you choose. These lyrics were used in the original movie and, I've been told, in the final episode of the show. The song was sung in the movie by Kenny Primus. If you haven't seen the movie - do. It is one of Altman's best. Lassie The Secret of the Hills by Les Baxter Original Air Dates: 1954 - 1971 (CBS), 1971 - 1974 (syndicated) One still night among the silent hills, I learned a secret that I will share with you. In the hush, I heard the whippoorwills reveal The Secret of the Silent Hills. Not a secret men scheme and plot for, Only true words, we should not forget. Love can cure the world of all its ills. And that’s the Secret of the Silent Hills. Gilligan's Island The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island by George Wyle & Sherwood Schwartz Original Air Dates: 1964-1967 (CBS) AIRED THEME LYRICS Just sit right back & you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip That started from this tropic port aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty sailing man, The skipper brave & sure. Five passengers set sail that day for a three hour tour, A three hour tour The weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed, If not for the courage of the fearless crew The Minnow would be lost, The Minnow would be lost. The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle With Gilligan, The Skipper too, The millionaire and his wife, The movie star And the rest. (only in season 1) The Professor and Mary Ann, (following seasons) Here on Gilligan's Isle. ORIGINAL THEME LYRICS (used in unaired pilot) Lost Pilot Theme In tropical sea is a tropic port, Vacation fun is the favorite sport. This is the place where the tourists flock, Renting the boats at the busy dock. Two secretaries from the U-S-A, Sail on the Minnow this lovely day. A high school teacher is next aboard, All taking trip that they can not afford. The next two people are millionaires, They got no worries, they got no cares. They climb aboard and they step inside, With just enough bags for a six-hour ride. Tourists come, tourists go, tourists touring to and fro. These five nice tourists, they take this trip, Relaxing on deck on this little ship. The weather is clear and the sun is hot, (Spoken) The weather is clear? I think it is not! Tourists come, tourists go, tourists tossing to and fro. The captain is brave, he's Carrrrumba! What a storm! The captain is brave, he's a fearless man, And Gilligan helps him all that he can. The wheel, she break and lose all control, S.S. Minnow do the rock-and-roll. The sea is now calm and the weather grand, Where is the Minnow upon the sand? What happen now will bring you a smile, The adventures of Gilligan, and the Skipper, And the Millionaire, and Mrs. Millionaire, And the other tourists, on Gilligan's Isle! ORIGINAL ENDING LYRICS (Same tune): We leave all our friends on this tropic shore, Perhaps they will be here forevermore. Maybe a rescue will set them free, Tune in next week and then you will see. Glossary of Sausages and Prepared Meats The sausages and meats are listed alphabetically. The group to which each sausage belongs is indicated next to the name of the sausage. Alessandri See Salami. Alpino See Salami. Arles See Salami. Bangers (British or Scottish Style, made in USA) Sausage-like product prepared with meat and varying amounts of rusk or other cereals. Beef Bologna See Bologna. Beef, Dried -- (prepared meat) Also known as "chipped"; long cured product made from beef round; cured, smoked, dehydrated and thinly sliced. Available in cans, jars and vacuum packages. Beef, Salami See Salami. Beef, Sliced -- (cooked meat specialty) Made from boneless beef; chopped, cooked, smoked and sliced; moist, not dehydrated; more perishable than dried beef. Available in vacuum packages. Beef Loaf, Jellied -- (cooked meat specialty) Cooked beef, shredded and molded with gelatin, and cooked in loaf or roll. Also available are Jellied Tongue, Jellied Corned Beef and Jellied Veal Loaf. Beerwurst See Salami. Berliner-Style Sausage -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Made of cured, coarsely ground pork and some mildly cured, finely chopped beef; contains no seasoning other than sugar and salt; available in rolls or packaged slices. Blood Sausage -- (cooked sausage) Diced, cooked fat pork, finely ground cooked meat, and gelatin-producing materials mixed with beef blood and spices. Blood and Tongue Sausage -- (cooked sausage) Cooked lamb and pork tongues are arranged lengthwise in the center of a roll of blood sausage. Blutwurst See Blood Sausage. Bockwurst (fresh sausage or cooked sausage) Made of veal and pork (generally higher proportion of veal), with milk, chives, eggs and chopped parsley; seasoning is similar to frankfurters, but may have additional condiments; available fresh or parboiled; highly perishable; requires thorough cooking. Bologna -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Originated in Bologna, Italy; made of cured beef and pork, finely ground, with seasonings similar to frankfurters; available in rings, rolls or slices of varying diameters; fully cooked and ready to serve. • BEEF BOLOGNA is made exclusively of beef and has a definite garlic flavor. • CHUB BOLOGNA is a smooth mixture of beef and pork with bacon added. • HAM-STYLE BOLOGNA contains large cubes of lean cured pork. Boterhamworst -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Dutch-style sausage made of veal and pork, finely chopped and blended with coarsely chopped pork fat and seasonings. Bratwurst -- (fresh sausage, cooked or smoked sausage) Pork or a pork and veal mixture; highly seasoned; made in links and available both fresh and fully cooked. Braunschweiger -- (cooked sausage) Liver sausage which has been smoked after cooking, or includes smoked meat as ingredients. Capacolla -- (prepared meat) Italian origin; boneless pork shoulder butt seasoned with ground red hot or sweet peppers, paprika, salt and sugar; mildly cured and air dried. Cervelat -- (semi-dry sausage) General classification for mildly seasoned smoked, semi-dry sausages. Popularly termed "Summer Sausage". • FARMER CERVELAT contains equal parts of coarsely chopped pork and beef; cured, dried and delicately seasoned, without garlic. • GOETTINGER CERVELAT is a high quality dry, hard sausage; pork and beef; delightfully spiced. • GOTEBORG CERVELAT is made of coarsely chopped pork and beef; heavily smoked, seasoning is salty and somewhat sweet from the spice, cardamon; of Swedish origin. • GOTHAER is a cervelat of German origin; made only of very lean pork, finely chopped and cured. • HOLSTEINER CERVELAT is similar to farmer cervelat, but packed in a ring-shaped style. • LANDJAEGER CERVELAT is a semi-dry sausage of Swiss origin; beef and pork; heavily smoked with a black, wrinkled appearance; in links the size of large franks, but pressed flat. • THURINGER CERVELAT is a popular semi-dry sausage made of beef and ham or pork fat; distinctive tangy flavor; mildly spiced. Chopped Ham See Ham, Chopped. Chorizo -- (dry sausage) Dry pork sausage of Spanish origin; meat coarsely cut; smoked; highly spiced and has a size similar to large frankfurters, one-inch links also made for sausage balls. Chub Bologna See Bologna. Corned Beef, Jellied -- (cooked meat specialty) Made from precooked, lean corned beef which is shredded and mixed with pure gelatin, formed into a loaf and cooked. Cotto Salami See Salami. Deviled Ham -- (cooked canned meat specialty) Whole hams are finely ground and seasoned. Popular as a spread or a base for dips. Dutch Loaf See Old Fashioned Loaf. Farmer Cervelat See Cervelat. Frankfurters -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Originated in Frankfurt, Germany; combination of beef and pork or all beef which is cured, smoked and cooked; seasonings may include coriander, garlic, ground mustard, nutmeg, salt, sugar and white pepper; fully cooked but usually served hot; terms "frankfurter," "wiener" and "hot dog" often used interchangeably; sizes range from big dinner frankfurters to tiny cocktail size; may be skinless or with natural casings. Frizzes -- (dry sausage) Cured lean pork, chopped coarsely and a small quantity of cured lean beef; highly spiced. Some varieties made with hot spices, some with sweet spices. Garlic Sausage See Knackwurst. Genoa Salami See Salami, Italian. Goetta -- (cooked meat specialty) Fully cooked sausage of German origin similar to scrapple; made with ground pork and/or beef, oats, herbs and spices; available in rolls and slab form. Goettinger Cervelat See Cervelat. Goteberg Cervelat See Cervelat. Gothaer See Cervelat. Ham, Cooked -- (prepared meat) Most prepared ham is steam or water cooked and therefore is generally known as "boiled ham;" cured, molded and fully cooked; sold whole or sliced and packaged. Ham, Chopped -- (cooked meat specialty) Firm loaf made of ground, chipped or cubed cured pork; ham-like in color and flavor. Ham and Cheese Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) Loaf made of ground ham with cubes of firm cheese. Head Cheese -- (cooked meat specialty) Made from chopped, cured pork head meat in a gelatin base; attractive and colorful. Honey Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) Meat mixture similar to franks and bologna; contains about equal parts of pork and beef. Flavorings include honey, spices and sometimes pickles and/or pimentos. Holsteiner Cervelat See Cervelat. Kielbasa See Polish Sausage. Knackwurst -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Similar in ingredients to franks and bologna with garlic added for stronger flavor; made in wide natural casings or in skinless styles; fully cooked, but usually served hot; also known as Knoblouch or Garlic Sausage. Knoblouch See Knackwurst. Kosher Salami See Salami. Landjaeger Cervelat See Cervelat. Lebanon Bologna -- (semi-dry sausage) Originated in Lebanon, Pennsylvania; made of coarsely chopped beef; heavily smoked; has a tart, tangy taste; dark surface appearance. Linguica -- (uncooked, smoked sausage) Portuguese sausage made from coarsely ground pork butts, seasoned with garlic, cumin seeds and cinnamon, cured in vinegar pickling liquid before stuffing; smoked; also called Longanzia. Liver Cheese or Liver Loaf -- (cooked sausage, sometimes called liver pudding) Ingredients and processing similar to liver sausage but with slight alteration to achieve more body for slicing. Molded in sandwich-size brick shape. Liver Sausage, Liverwurst -- (cooked sausage) Finely ground, selected pork and livers; seasoned with onions and spices; may also be smoked after cooking or may include smoked meat such as bacon. (See Braunschweiger) Lola or Lolita -- (dry sausage) Italian origin; made of mildly seasoned pork; contains garlic. Luncheon Meat -- (cooked meat specialty) Chopped Pork, ham and/or beef, tastily seasoned and ready to serve. Available in loaves, canned or sliced in vacuum packages, sliced. Lyons Sausage -- (dry sausage) An all-pork sausage with finely diced fat; of French origin; seasoned with spices and garlic; cured and air dried. Macaroni and Cheese Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) Made of finely ground pork and beef with generous quantities of Cheddar cheese and macaroni distributed throughout. Mettwurst -- (uncooked, smoked sausage) Cured beef and pork, ground and lightly spiced with allspice, ginger, mustard and coriander, smooth; spreadable consistency; cook before serving. Milano Salami See Salami, Italian. Minced Luncheon Specialty -- (sandwich spread; cooked meat specialty) Made of lean beef and pork trimmings; cured; finely ground, spiced. Mortadella -- (semi-dry sausage) Italian-style sausage composed of very finely chopped, cured pork and beef with added cubes of white fat; delicately spiced with garlic and anise; smoked at high temperature; air dried. Mortadella, German Style -- (cooked meat specialty) High grade, finely chopped bologna with cubes of fat pork and pistachio nuts added; smoked at high temperature. New England-Style Sausage -- (cooked, smoked sausage) A Berliner style sausage made of coarsely chopped cured lean pork. Old Fashioned Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) Made of carefully selected lean pork with enough beef to add flavor and firmness of texture to the loaf. Olive Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) Blend of lean pork and beef chopped to a fine texture, seasoned and mixed with whole, stuffed olives. Pastrami -- (prepared meat) Flat pieces of lean beef, dry cured, rubbed with paste of spices and smoked. Peppered Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) Pressed beef and pork loaf; distinctive seasoning of cracked peppercorns. Pickle and Pimento Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) Made from finely chopped lean pork and beef with sweet pickles and pimentos added. Polish Sausage -- (uncooked, smoked sausage) Coarsely ground lean pork with beef added; highly seasoned with garlic; frequently referred to as Kielbasa which was originally a Polish word for all sausage. Pork Sausage, Fresh -- (fresh sausage) Made only from selected fresh pork; seasoned with black pepper, nutmeg, and rubbed sage, or other spices; sold in links, packaged patties or bulk; thorough cooking is required. Pork Sausage, Italian Style -- (fresh sausage) Fresh pork sausage, highly seasoned; cook thoroughly. Pork Sausage, Smoked Country Style -- (uncooked, smoked sausage) Fresh pork sausage, mildly cured and smoked; cook thoroughly. Proscuitto -- (prepared meat) Dry-cured ham; flattened; surface rubbed with spices. Salami -- (dry sausage) General classification for highly seasoned dry sausage with characteristic fermented flavor. Usually made of beef and pork; seasoned with garlic, salt, pepper and sugar. Most are air dried and not smoked or cooked. The cooked salamis are not dry sausage. • ALESSANDRI AND ALPINO SALAMI are Italian-type salamis of American origin. (see below, Italian Salami). • ARLES is a salami of French origin; similar to Milano, but made of coarsely chopped meat. (See below, Milano Salami). • BEERWURST, BEER SALAMI is a cooked sausage of German origin; beef and pork, chopped and blended; seasoning includes garlic; cooked at high temperatures; smoked. Packaged in slices or in bulk rolls for slicing. (See below, Cooked Salami). • CALABRESE SALAMI is a dry sausage of Italian origin; usually made from all pork; seasoned with hot peppers. • COOKED SALAMI is made from fresh meats, which are cured, stuffed in casings, then cooked in the smokehouse at high temperatures. May be air dried for a short time; softer texture than dry and semi-dry sausages. Cooked salamis are not dry sausage. They belong to the cooked sausage group and must be refrigerated. • COTTO SALAMI is a cooked salami; contains whole peppercorns; may be smoked as well as cooked. (See cooked Salami). • EASTER NOLA is a dry sausage of Italian origin; coarsely chopped pork; mildly seasoned; spices include black peppers and garlic. • GENOA SALAMI is a dry sausage of Italian origin; usually made from all pork but may contain a small portion of beef; moistened with wine or grape juice; seasoned with garlic; a cord is wrapped lengthwise and around the sausage at regular intervals. • GERMAN SALAMI is less highly flavored and more heavily smoked than Italian; contains garlic. • HUNGARIAN SALAMI is less highly flavored and more heavily smoked that Italian salami; contains garlic. • ITALIAN SALAMI includes many varieties named for towns and localities, e.g., Genoa, Milano, Sicilian; principally cured lean pork, coarsely chopped and some finely chopped lean beef; frequently moistened with red wine or grape juice; usually highly seasoned with garlic and various spices; air dried; chewy texture. • KOSHER SALAMI is an all beef cooked salami. The meat and the processing are under Rabbinical supervision; mustard, coriander and nutmeg added to regular seasonings. (See Italian Salami). • SICILIAN SALAMI -- See above, Salami, Italian. Salsiccia -- (fresh sausage) Made of finely cut pork; highly spiced; unlinked; Italian origin. Scrapple -- (cooked meat specialty) Ground cooked pork combined with cornmeal; other flours may be used in small amounts; available in loaf, brick or rolls, canned. Souse of Sulz -- (cooked meat specialty) Similar to head cheese except for sweet-sour flavor added by vinegar pickling liquid; dill pickles, sweet red peppers and bay leaves sometimes added. Smokies -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Coarsely ground beef and pork; seasoned with black pepper; stuffed and linked like frankfurters. Thuringer Cervelat See Cervelat. Thuringer-Style Sausage -- (fresh sausage or cooked sausage) Made principally of ground pork; may also include veal and beef; seasoning similar to pork sausage, except no sage is used; may be smoked or unsmoked. Tongue, Cooked -- (prepared meat) Most cooked pork, lamb and veal tongue is cured and either canned or packaged in plastic; sometimes smoked. Beef tongue is available whole, jellied, or in slices. Veal Loaf -- (cooked meat specialty) The meat in the loaf is primarily veal with some pork. Vienna Sausage -- (semi-dry sausage) Properly refers to all dry sausage; generally refers to mildly seasoned soft cervelat. Vienna Sausage -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Ingredients similar to frankfurters. Term most often applied to small, open end sausages packed in cans of water. These are made into 80-foot lengths and cut into two-inch portions for canning. The name, vienna-style sausage, may also be used interchangeably with wiener or frankfurter. Weisswurst -- (fresh sausage) Of German origin, the name means "white sausage;" made of pork and veal; mildly spices; links are about four inches long and plump; very perishable. Wiener -- (cooked, smoked sausage) Both wieners and Vienna-style sausages take their names from the city of Vienna, Austria. Wiener-style, as originated, is sausage braided in groups of links. Vienna-style frankfurters are twisted into a chain of links. Terms are frequently used interchangeably with "frankfurter" and formula may be the same. (See frankfurter)

ON CHILLI Did You Know? Will Rogers (1879-1935), popular actor, cattleman, banker, and journalist, called chili "bowl of blessedness." It is said that Will Rogers judge a town by the quality of its chili. He sampled chili in hundreds of towns, especially in Texas and Oklahoma and kept a box score. He concluded that the finest chili (in his judgment was from a small cafe in Coleman, Texas. Jesse James (1847-1882), outlaw and desperado of the old American West, refused to rob a bank in McKinney, Texas because that is where his favorite chili parlor was located. Mrs. Lady Bird Johnson had "chili pangs" for President Lyndon Johnson's, 36th President of the United States, "Pedernales River Chili" and had cards printed with the LBJ chili recipe. "It has been almost as popular as the government pamphlet on the care and feeding of children." Eleanor Roosevelt (1894-1962) wife of the 32nd President of the United States, Franklin D. Roosevelt, sought the Chasen's Chili recipe but was refused it (a complimentary order was dispatched to her instead). It is said that Chasen's also send chili to movie actor Clark Gable (1901-1960), when he was in the hospital (he reportedly had it for dinner the night he died). Mrs. Owen's Cook Book Chili (1880) lean beef -- cut in small dice oil onions 1 clove garlic -- chopped fine 1 tablespoon flour 2 tablespoons espagnole 1 teaspoon ground oregano 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 teaspoon ground coriander dried whole peppers cooked beans This may be the earliest printed recipe for chili con carne and it is surprisingly authentic, save for the suspect addition of "espagnole", white sauce seasoned with hame, carrot, onion, celery, and clove. The words are Mrs. Owen's own. This might be called the national dish of Mexico. Literally, it means 'pepper with meat' and when prepared to suit the taste of the average Mexican, is not misnamed. Take lean beef and cut in small dice, put to cook with a little oil. When well braised, add some onions, a clove of garlic chopped fine and one tablespoon flour. Mix and cover with water or stock and two tablespoons espagnole, 1 teaspoon each of ground oregano, camino, and coriander. The latter can be purchased at any drug store. Take dried whole peppers and remove the seeds, cover with water and put to boil and when thoroughly cooked pass through a fine strainer. Add sufficient puree to the stew to make it good and hot, and salt to taste. To be served with a border of Mexican beans (frijoles), well cooked in salted water. Frijoles or Mexican brown beans. Boil beans in an earthen vessel until soft (four to eight hours). Mash and put them into a frying pan of very hot lard and fry until comparatively dry and light brown. Sometimes chopped onions are put into the lard before the beans are added and sometimes pods of red pepper or grated cheese. U.S. Army Chili (1896-1944) 1 beefsteak (round) 1 tablespoon hot drippings 2 tablespoons rice 1 cup boiling water flour salt onion -- (optional) 2 large dried red chile pods Soldiers of the U.S. Army on the Western frontier had been eating chili since the war with Mexico (1846) but not necessarily in their messes. The first Army publication to give a recipe for chili was published in 1896, The Manual For Army Cooks (War Department Document #18). By World War I, the Army had added garlic and beans; by World War II, tomatoes. This was a national pattern: Fannie Farmer did exactly the same. Chili con carne (1896) (per soldier). 1 beefsteak (round); 1 Tbs. hot drippings; 2 Tbs. rice; 1 cup boiling water; 2 large dried red chile pods; 1 cup boiling water; flour, salt, and onion (optional). Cut steak in small pieces. Put in frying pan with hot drippings, cup of hot water, and rice. Cover closely and cook slowly until tender. Remove seeds and parts of veins from chile pods. Cover with second cup of boiling water and let stand until cool. Then squeeze them in the hand until the water is thick and red. If not thick enough, add a little flour. Season with salt and a little onion, if desired. Pour sauce over meat-rice mixture and serve very hot. Texas Jail Chili (Circa 1950) 1/2 pound beef suet -- ground 2 pounds coarse ground beef 3 garlic cloves -- minced 1 1/2 tablespoons paprika 3 tablespoons chili powder 1 tablespoon cumin seeds 1 tablespoon salt 1 teaspoon white pepper 1 1/2 teaspoons ground dried sweet chile pods 3 cups water Texas prison chili got its good reputation from Sheriff Smoot Schmid's truly fine recipe for the Dallas County Jail. Recently, however, a Texas prison chili contest was won by Huntsville Penitentiary with a godawful recipe that called for twice as much cumin as chili powder and "2 handfuls" of monosodium glutamate. In Texas, this is called crime deterrence. Dallas County Chili Fry suet in a heavy kettle. Add meat, finely diced garlic and seasonings; cover. Cook slowly for four hours, stirring occasionally. Add the water and continue cooking until the chili has thickened slightly, about one hour. Serve plain or mixed with equal portion of cooked pink or red beans. FRIJOLES RANCHEROS 2 cups dried pinto beans water 1 cup diced bacon or salt pork or meaty ham bone 1 medium onion, chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced 2 T. chili powder 1 tsp. ground cumin 1 tsp. salt 1 fresh tomato, chopped 12 oz can beer 1 (4 oz) can chopped green chiles, drained 1 or 2 jalapeno peppers, stemmed, seeded and chopped (optional) Wash beans well. Combine beans, beer, and water to cover beans by 2". Soak overnight. Partially fry bacon or salt pork. Add to beans and liquid in pot. Add more water if necessary. Add rest of ingredients except salt and cook about 2 hrs. or until nearly tender. Add salt and cook until tender Refrigerate several hrs. or overnight before serving. Serve with tortilla chips. THIS IS TERRIFIC!! REFRIED BEANS (Frijoles Refritos) 8 oz. (1-1/3 cups) dried black or pinto beans (sort and wash well) 4-1/2 cups cold water 1/3 cup plus 1 Tbs. lard or oil 1 small white onion, sliced 1-1/2 tsp. salt 1 small white onion, finely chopped 1 small clove garlic, minced tortilla chips Combine beans, water, 1 Tbs. lard or oil and sliced onion in 3-quart heavy saucepan. Heat on high to boiling; reduce heat to very low. Simmer, covered, unst until beans are tender but not soft, about 1-1/2 hours. Stir salt into beans; continue cooking, covered, over very low heat until beans are very soft, 30-45 minutes longer. Do not drain. Heat remaining lard or oil in heavy 10” skillet over high heat until very hot. Add chopped onion and garlic; saute over med. heat until soft, about 4 minutes. Increase heat to high. Immediately add 1 cup undrained beans; cook and stir while mashing beans with bean or potato masher. As beans begin to dry, add another cup beans; cont. mashing and cooking until all beans and liquid have been added and mixture is coarse puree. Adjust heat to prevent beans from sticking and burning; total cooking time about 20 minutes. Transfer beans to serving dish; sprinkle with grated Monterey jack cheese and serve with chips. Makes about 2 cups. Carne de Puerco Cocido Tamales 5 pounds lean pork butt 6 cloves garlic -- halved crosswise 3 tablespoons shortening 3 tablespoons flour 5 cups red chili sauce 1/2 teaspoon black peppercorns 4 large bay leaves salt -- to taste RED CHILI SAUCE 3 dozen dried red chilies 1 teaspoon sugar 4 cloves garlic 3 quarts beef stock 4 tablespoons shortening 4 tablespoons all-purpose flour 2 tablespoons oregano salt and pepper -- to taste TAMALE WRAPPERS 1 1/2 pounds corn husks 4 1/2 cups masa harina -- packed 3/4 pound shortening 1 1/2 cups red chili sauce salt -- to taste Prepare meat a day in advance. Place pork butt in a large Dutch oven and add 3 cloves garlic, peppercorns, bay leaves and salt. Add enough cold water to cover by at least 3 inches. Over high heat, bring to a boil, reduce heat, partially cover and let simmer for 2 hours, skimming any scum/froth during the first 15 - 20 minutes. Remove pork from stock and let cool to room temperature. Strain and degrease stock. When meat is cool enough to handle pull into fine shreds. Place meat into reserved stock and refrigerate overnight. In a large pot, over medium heat, melt 2 tablespoons shortening and saute 3 cloves garlic until slightly browned. Remove garlic and discard. Add 2 tablespoons garlic and stir until lightly browned. Add 3 cups red chili sauce and 2 - 3 cups reserved pork stock. Sauce should be the consistency of a medium spaghetti sauce. Simmer 10 - 15 minutes. Remove 2 cups sauce and set aside. Add shredded meat to sauce and simmer an additional 15 - 20 minutes. Taste for seasoning and set aside to cool. Place chilies in a bowl and cover with warm water. Allow to soak until softened. When softened, split chilies open and remove seeds and veins and discard. (Leaving some seeds and veins will make for a hotter sauce) Place chilies, oregano, garlic, sugar, salt and pepper in a food processor, along with 1 cup stock and process until smooth. In a large saucepan, over medium heat, melt shortening and add flour, stirring constantly until flour is golden. Add pepper puree, bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer 15 - 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Set aside and keep warm. Separate corn husks and soak in warm water at least 30 minutes, preferably overnight. Wash each husk thoroughly under running water, making sure to remove all silk. Place on newspaper and drain well. Place shortening in a large bowl and beat until fluffy. Add masa harina a handful at a time, stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl. If mixture becomes to stiff add some stock. When masa harina is incorporated add salt and red chili sauce for color. Mixture should be the consistency of buttercream frosting for good spreadability. Pat drained corn husks dry and stack in an overlapping fashion. Spread about 2 tablespoons masa mixture over bottom half of each husk within 1/2 inch from sides and 1/4 inch from bottom. Top with a generous tablespoon of meat mixture then fold in half pressing lightly to seal. Continue until all ingredients have been used. At this point tamales may be either steamed and served or they may be place in a single layer on a cookie sheet and place in the freezer for 30 minutes. Remove from freezer, place into freezer bags or foil, usually 1 dozen per package, and place back into freezer. Do not thaw frozen tamales before steaming. The Cuisine of Tlaxcala POLLO TIZATLAN The most distinctive ingredient in this dish is amaranth (amaranto), native to Tlaxcala and cultivated for use in cooking (most notably moles and the homemade bars of candy called alegrías, sold in every plaza in Mexico.) The tiny dried amaranth seeds used in this recipe are found in health food stores everywhere. This is not surprising, because the Greeks believed that they contained life-prolonging properties. The name of the plant comes from the Greek amarantos, which means "not fading." I was told in a university class here in Mexico that one amaranth bar has more protein than a steak. Ingredients: 4 lbs. chicken pieces (breast halves, thighs, or a combination) 2 1/2 cups amaranth, lightly toasted in a dry skillet 1 lb. tomatoes, roasted and skinned (roast on an open flame or broiler until charred) 2-3 canned chipotle chiles adobados, seeds and veins removed 3 large garlic cloves, peeled and chopped 1/4 cup chopped onion 1 small whole clove 1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns 2" piece cinnamon stick 4 guajillo chiles, seeds and veins removed, soaked 25 minutes in hot water to soften 3 1/2 cups chicken broth 3/4 lb. potatoes, boiled, peeled and cut into cubes Salt to taste Preparation: In a large pot or dutch oven, saute chicken lightly in just enough oil to prevent sticking; add water to cover, with salt to taste. Cook until chicken is tender, set the chicken aside and strain the broth. In a blender or food processor, blend the toasted amaranth, roasted and skinned tomatoes, chipotles, garlic, onion, clove, peppercorns, cinnamon, drained guajillo chiles, and chicken broth until smooth. You will have to do this in two batches. Heat a little oil in a pan, add the sauce and cook it over a low flame for 25 minutes, stirring occasionally to make sure it doesn't stick or burn. Add salt to taste. Add cooked chicken and potatoes. Serve with plenty of warm tortillas. Serves 6-8. CHILES EN NOGADA There are probably about as many recipes for this dish as there are cooks in Puebla, where it originated. It is always associated with September, el mes patrio, because it features the red, white and green colors of the Mexican flag. An invention of the colonial Poblana nuns, chiles en nogada can be difficult but don't have to be. I obtained several different versions, the most complicated of which contained forty different ingredients and the simplest of which had ten. The following recipe is an authentic, uncomplicated version of the Puebla classic. Ingredients: For the filling: 1/2 lb. ground beef 1/2 lb. ground pork 2 large garlic cloves, finely chopped 1/2 medium onion, finely chopped 1 1/2 Tablespoons lard or vegetable oil 1 medium apple, peeled and cut into 1/2" cubes 1 medium pear, peeled and cut into 1/2" cubes 2 ounces blanched almonds, slivered 2 ounces raisins, soaked until soft, then drained 1 stick cinnamon salt and pepper to taste For the chiles: 8 large poblano chiles, prepared for stuffing (See Note) 4 eggs, separated, at room temperature 1/4 teaspoon salt Oil for frying For the sauce: 1 quart unsweetened heavy cream 4 ounces walnut meat, soaked in milk, drained and chopped For the garnish: 2 pomegranates, peeled and separated into seeds 4 sprigs parsley, leaves only, chopped fine Preparation: After preparing chiles as described in the note below, pat them dry and set them aside while you make the filling. The batter will not adhere to them properly if the chiles are not dry. Melt the lard or oil in a large skillet; saute beef, pork, garlic, onion, apple, pear, almonds, raisins and cinnamon stick until the meat has lost its pink color. Remove the cinnamon stick, add salt and pepper to taste and allow the filling to cool to room temperature. When cool, fill the chiles, dividing the mixture evenly. You will have fluffier and more uniform coating if you make the egg batter and fry the chiles in two batches. Beat two of the egg whites al punto de turron - that is, until they stand up in peaks, stiff but not dry. Lightly beat two yolks and half the salt together; fold them gently into the beaten egg whites. Dip each of four filled chiles into the mixture, turning them gently to coat evenly. Place each one immediately into a large skillet with hot oil. Fry them until golden on the bottom side (lift gently with a spatula to check) then turn and fry on the other side. Repeat this process with the rest of the chiles and the other two eggs. Remove and drain on paper towels before placing on serving dish. Put the cream and the walnuts in a blender or food processor and puree untill smooth. Pour over the chiles, and decorate with pomegranate seeds and chopped parsley. NOTE: The chiles are prepared for stuffing by roasting over a gas flame or under a broiler until charred all over. They are then placed in a plastic bag for 10-15 minutes. Peel by rubbing them gently, using rubber gloves, under a stream of running water. (Stems are not removed, but can be trimmed beforehand if very long.) After the chiles have been roasted and cleaned, make a lengthwise slit up one side of each and carefully remove the seed sac and any loose seeds. Avoid over-handling the chiles. MIXIOTES The word mixiotes refers to one of the most delectable dishes within the wide spectrum of Mexican cooking, as well as the wrapping used to contain these steamed individual meat stews. This wrapping, also known as a mixiote, is the outermost layer of a maguey leaf, called a penca. (Maguey is the century plant, a succulent from which the Mexican alcoholic beverage called pulque is derived. One legend has it that the god-prince Quetzalcoatl sent shooting stars to earth to form the first maguey plants.) This thin outer leaf layer is similiar to parchment paper in thickness and consistency. If you don't live near a Mexican market where you can buy mixiotes, you can use papel para mixiotes, which are simply plastic baggies, a commonly used substitute. If you use plastic baggies, wrap each bagged bundle in foil before steaming. Making mixiotes isn't as difficult as it sounds, and is really a fun project to undertake with a friend. They are so delicious that you will want to make a lot, either for a large gathering or to freeze some for later use. The following recipe uses chicken, but beef and lamb are also used. The day my Poblana cooking guru, Bernarda, showed me how to make them, the smell was so tantalizing that drop-in friends waited around until they were ready and bought some nice cold beer to go with them. Good thing we made plenty! Ingredients: 6 mixiotes, cut in half to make 12 pieces, or 12 plastic baggies and 12 8"x8" foil squares 12 chicken thighs or 6 chicken breasts, halved 1 cup fresh orange juice, from bitter oranges - naranja mateca. (If using sweet oranges, use 3/4 cup juice and 1/4 cup vinegar) 60 grams (about 2 ounces) achiote paste (a seasoning made from the seeds of the annatto tree, now available at markets in the U.S.) 4 garlic cloves, peeled and finely chopped 1/4 teaspoon each: dried marjoram, dried thyme, and dried oregano 6 ancho chiles, seeded and stemmed 6 guajillo chiles, seeded and stemmed 3 1/2 cups water 1 medium onion, chopped 1 medium tomato, roasted and peeled 12 small new potatoes, cut in 1" cubes 6 medium carrots, sliced 12 avocado leaves (these are dried, and sold where you buy your dried chiles) Preparation: Salt and pepper the chicken pieces and prick them in several places with a fork. Puree the orange juice, achiote paste, garlic and spices and pour this mixture from the blender into a large bowl. Place the chicken pieces in this marinade and put them aside while you make the sauce. Put the chiles, in a saucepan with the 3 1/2 cups water and bring them to a boil. When they have reached the boiling point, turn down the heat and let them simmer, covered, for about twenty minutes. Puree them in a blender with the onion, tomato and salt to taste. Strain back into saucepan and simmer the sauce for about 10 minutes. If using mixiotes, soak them for 5-10 minutes until pliable. Into each mixiote or plastic baggie, put one avocado leaf, a piece of marinated chicken, a few potatoes and carrots, and a few spoonsful of sauce. Tie each package with twine or string and, if using plastic baggies, wrap each bundle in foil, sealing well. Put water into a large pot with a rack (or, if you have one, a tamale steamer) and place the mixiotes on the rack. Cover tightly and steam 1 1/2 -2 hours. Thighs will take longer than breasts, so if you're using breasts, check one package after the first 1 1/2 hours. To serve, unwrap the foil if you used it, and place each mixiote in a soup or stew bowl. Each person unties and unwraps his own mixiote, letting the liquid flow into the bowl with the chicken. Serve with sliced avocado and tortillas. Frijoles Negros a la Veracruzana: Veracruz-Style Black Beans The small, distinctively-flavored black beans of Veracruz which so charmed the tastebuds of the early Spanish settlers are still famous throughout Mexico for their high-quality, tenderness and taste. The method of preparation is typical of the eastern coastal area of the country. Soaking beans in water overnight, and then changing the water before cooking, is said to cut down on the difficult-to-digest gases which have given rise to inumerable bean jokes. Ingredients: 1 1/2 lbs. small black beans, washed, soaked in water overnight, and drained 2 tablespoons lard or vegetable oil 6-8 large cloves garlic, peeled and chopped 1 medium white onion, peeled and chopped 2-3 sprigs epazote salt to taste Preparation: Place the beans in a large pot with water to cover (approximately 12 cups) and all remaining ingredients except salt. Cover and cook for 1 1/2 hours, or until the beans are tender. A pressure cooker may also be used, in which case the beans should take approximately 35-45 minutes from the time the pressure regulator is applied. Add salt to taste after the beans have been cooked; adding salt at the beginning may toughen them. Serve in bowls to accompany a meat dish, as is the custom in Mexico, or use in one of the following variations as a vegetarian dish. Serves 8-12 Variation I: Moros con Cristianos : Moors and Christians: Mix equal parts black beans, cooked according to the recipe above, with white rice and serve in soup bowls, accompanied by fresh, hot tortillas and salsa. Variation II: Frijoles Estilo Tuxtla : Tuxtla-Style Beans: Cook beans as directed above and refry by heating 1/4 cup vegetable oil in a large skillet and mashing the beans, 2 cups at a time, with a bean masher until smooth, adding cooking liquid as necessary to achieve a smooth consistency. Place all of the mashed beans in a large saucepan and cook over low heat until the mixture thickens. Serve garnished with chopped onions, chopped serrano chiles, and crumbled queso añejo or feta cheese. Arroz con Huitlacoche: Rice with Huitlacoche Also known as arroz negro, or "black rice", this is one of the easiest ways to start cooking with huitlacoche. It is prepared like the traditional Mexican red rice, which needs to be soaked in hot water, rinsed of its starch in a colander until the water runs clear, and left to dry before cooking. It makes a nice vegetarian meal served with a vegetable sauté of the season's bright green zucchini squash, tomatoes, onions and garlic cooked in a little olive oil. Ingredients: 1 cup rice, soaked 15 minutes in hot water, rinsed and allowed to dry 1/2 medium white onion, peeled and finely chopped 2 large cloves garlic, peeled and minced 2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil 1/2 can huitlacoche, or chopped, fresh-cut huitlacoche from two ears of corn 2 cups hot chicken or vegetable broth 1 cup fresh corn kernels (optional) salt to taste Preparation: Sauté the rice, onion and garlic in the hot oil until the rice is golden. Add the huitlacoche and cook until the juices that run out evaporate. Stir in the hot broth and the corn, if using, plus salt to taste, lower heat and cook, covered, until the liquid is absorbed. Frijoles Charros: Cowboy Beans A Norteño dish originating in Tamaulipas, this is the classic accompaniment to the grilled beef dishes of northern Mexico. It is an ideal make-ahead dish, especially good with barbeque, improving as the flavors come together. Although the initial cooking of the beans can be done in a pressure cooker, a slow-cooking pot, such as a clay casserole, should be employed once the other ingredients have been added. Ingredients: 2 lbs. pinto beans or frijol de mayo, washed, soaked in water overnight, and drained 2 medium white onions, peeled and chopped 8 large garlic cloves 2 tablespoons vegetable oil or lard 2 sprigs epazote 1/2 lb. bacon, diced (chorizo or vegetarian chorizo may also be used) 4 roma tomatoes, chopped 6 serrano chiles, chopped salt to taste Preparation: Place the beans in a large pot with half the onion, half the garlic, oil and epazote. Add 2 quarts water, bring to a boil, cover and simmer for 1 1/2 hours or until tender (35-45 minutes if done in a pressure cooker.) Add salt to taste. In a large saucepan or clay casserole, cook the diced bacon until some of its fat is rendered, add the remaining onion and garlic, and saute until the onion softens. Add the tomato and chile, and continue cooking until the tomato releases its juice. Add the cooked beans with their liquid and cook over a low flame for 20-30 minutes, stirring from time to time. Taste for salt. Serve in bowls, as an accompaniment to grilled beef or lamb, offering chopped onion as a garnish. Serves 12-15 Puerco Estilo Apatzingan: Spicy Braised Pork The area around Apatzingan is famous for its pork. The flavor of this dish is somewhat reminiscent of the carnitas for which Michoacán is famous. Unlike carnitas, the pork is baked in the oven instead of fried in lard, and the seasoning ingredients make serving a salsa unnecessary. Ingredients: 2 pound piece pork shoulder (do not substitute with loin) 2 guajillo chiles, seeded, deveined and soaked in warm water until soft 2 roma tomatoes, roasted but left unpeeled 4 large cloves garlic, peeled and crushed 2 tablespoons orange juice 2 peppercorns, crushed salt to taste 1 medium white onion, peeled and thinly sliced into rounds 1 orange, thinly sliced into rounds 1 sprig fresh marjoram or oregano 1 ½ cups white wine Cut shallow slits into the pork and place it in a cazuela or Dutch oven. It should be fairly crowded in the pan to prevent it drying out as it cooks. Grind the chiles, tomatoes, garlic, orange juice, peppercorns and salt into a paste in a blender, processor or molcajete and spread the paste over the meat. Top with the sliced onion and orange. Add the herb sprig and pour 1 cup wine over all. Cover tightly and bake in a 350º oven for 1 ½ hours or until the meat is tender. Uncover, raise the oven temperature to 425º and bake until the top of the pork is golden. Remove meat and keep warm. Add the remaining ½ cup wine to the pot and cook, stirring, until the sauce is reduced to the consistency of a glaze. Spread over the meat, slice and serve on a platter. Serves 6. Chongos Zamoranos: Sweet Milk Curd Dessert This dessert is so popular in Mexico that it comes in cans, but nothing beats home made. Chongo is the Spanish word for a chignon, which the curds resemble when they separate from the whey. This dessert should be prepared in an earthenware pot such as a Mexican clay cazuela. Ingredients: 2 quarts raw milk (goat or cow's milk, but not homogenized) 4 egg yolks 2 rennet tablets or 5-6 drops liquid rennet 4 cinnamon sticks 1 pound sugar Beat the egg yolks and milk together in the pot. Dissolve the rennet tablet in a little water and add to the egg yolk-milk mixture. Place this over a stove burner pilot, stirring from time to time, until the milk curdles. When the milk has curdled, make a cross-shaped cut in the contents of the pot and insert pieces of cinnamon stick into the cut. Pour the sugar over all and let stand until the sugar has been absorbed. Cook over low flame for 2-3 hours, or until the curds and syrup have separated and the syrup is golden brown. Curds should be removed from syrup as they form and set aside in a bowl. When all curds have been removed, continue cooking syrup until thick. Allow syrup to cool. Spoon curds into dessert bowls and pour syrup over curds. Serves 6-8. Ceviche de Pescado Ahumado: Smoked Fish Ceviche Although most commonly made with raw fish, ceviche, which originated in Peru and arrived via the Pacific coast of Mexico, is delicious prepared with smoked fish, and probably a bit more reassuring for those that have doubts about raw fish. Ingredients: 1 pound smoked fish, such as mullet, sable or tuna, boned and shredded 1 medium white onion, peeled and finely chopped 1 medium carrot, peeled and shredded 2 roma tomatoes, seeded and finely diced 2 fresh jalapeños, seeded and finely chopped 2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro juice of 2-3 limes, or to taste salt and pepper to taste Preparation: Combine all ingredients; allow to sit 1 hour to absorb flavors. Serve with tostadas and plenty of cold beer. Serves 6-8 as an appetizer or snack. Champurrado: Chocolate Atole My own personnal favorite atole, this ancient beverage brings together two Mesoamarican natives, corn and chocolate. Besides being a good breakfast drink, atole is nice late at night, perfect for those who want to avoid a late supper but don't want to go to bed on an empty stomach. Ingredients: 1/3 cup mix 4 cups cold water 2 tablets Mexican chocolate (4 ounces) 1 stick cinnamon 2 tablespoons dark brown sugar or piloncillo, or to taste Preparation: In a medium saucepan, dissolve the masa harina mix in the water and cook, stirring, over medium heat until the mixture reaches the consistency of heavy cream. Strain mixture into a larger saucepan, add the remaining ingredients and cook, stirring constantly, over medium heat until the chocolate and sugar have dissolved. The champurrado may be thinned with milk if desired. Serve in hot mugs. Serves 4. Enchiladas Serves 10 Unlike the Americanized version, these Enchiladas are not baked, but served freshly made on the spot. In Mexico we buy special tortillas which are made thinner in order to absorb less oil and not break when being rolled. If you can't get thin tortillas, don't worry, the regular ones (corn, of course) will work just fine. Ingredients: 2 1/2 C. oil 1 kilo thin corn tortillas 1 garlic clove 15 chilacate peppers, slit open, seeds, veins and core removed, cooked in 1 C. of water. 1 1/2 C. vinegar 2 1/2 C. crumbled farmer's or Cotija cheese 1 large onion, finely chopped 8 small tomatoes, cooked 1 head iceberg lettuce,washed and thinly sliced 12 radishes, washed and thinly sliced Salt 1 tsp. oregano Preparation: Grind the cooked chilacate peppers in a blender with a little salt, the garlic and the vinegar. Pass them through a sieve and place them in a deep dish or large bowl. In a blender, grind the tomatoes, with the oregano and salt to taste. Set aside. Heat the oil in a deep frying pan. Slide the tortillas through the chilacate sauce and then fry briefly (5 or 10 seconds) in the oil. Fill the tortilla with some cheese and some onion, roll up and serve immediately. Repeat for the remaining tortillas. Top these enchiladas with lettuce, radishes and the tomato sauce. If desired, serve picante sauce on the side. Mexican Bar-B-Que (Birria) Serves 6 Ingredients: 1/2 kilo of pork, cubed 1/2 kilo of beef, cubed 5 peppercorns 1 clove of garlic 1 small piece (cube) of sweet chocolate 1/2 onion 1 tsp. oregano 2 cloves 8 Tbsp.. vinegar 1/2 tsp. thyme 1 - 2" stick of cinnamon 1 pinch of cumin 2 large tomatoes 1 - 1/4" piece of ginger 2 chili anchos, seeds and veins removed, sautŽed in oil 2 bay leaves Salt to taste Oil for frying Water Garnish 1/2 onion, diced Corn tortillas Preparation: Allow the meat to soak in enough water to cover during half an hour to clean it. Drain. Grind all the ingredients except for the bay leaves and strain. Fry the meat in the bottom of a pressure cooker with a little oil. Add the sauce, the bay leaves and 1 1/2 cups of water, cover and cook until meat is tender. Once done, open the pressure cooker and adjust seasonings. If the sauce seems too thin, bring to a boil and reduce. Serve hot with the chopped onion and corn tortillas. CHILES EN NOGADA There are probably about as many recipes for this dish as there are cooks in Puebla, where it originated. It is always associated with September, el mes patrio, because it features the red, white and green colors of the Mexican flag. An invention of the colonial Poblana nuns, chiles en nogada can be difficult but don't have to be. I obtained several different versions, the most complicated of which contained forty different ingredients and the simplest of which had ten. The following recipe is an authentic, uncomplicated version of the Puebla classic. Ingredients: For the filling: 1/2 lb. ground beef 1/2 lb. ground pork 2 large garlic cloves, finely chopped 1/2 medium onion, finely chopped 1 1/2 Tablespoons lard or vegetable oil 1 medium apple, peeled and cut into 1/2" cubes 1 medium pear, peeled and cut into 1/2" cubes 2 ounces blanched almonds, slivered 2 ounces raisins, soaked until soft, then drained 1 stick cinnamon salt and pepper to taste For the chiles: 8 large poblano chiles, prepared for stuffing (See Note) 4 eggs, separated, at room temperature 1/4 teaspoon salt Oil for frying For the sauce: 1 quart unsweetened heavy cream 4 ounces walnut meat, soaked in milk, drained and chopped For the garnish: 2 pomegranates, peeled and separated into seeds 4 sprigs parsley, leaves only, chopped fine Preparation: After preparing chiles as described in the note below, pat them dry and set them aside while you make the filling. The batter will not adhere to them properly if the chiles are not dry. Melt the lard or oil in a large skillet; saute beef, pork, garlic, onion, apple, pear, almonds, raisins and cinnamon stick until the meat has lost its pink color. Remove the cinnamon stick, add salt and pepper to taste and allow the filling to cool to room temperature. When cool, fill the chiles, dividing the mixture evenly. You will have fluffier and more uniform coating if you make the egg batter and fry the chiles in two batches. Beat two of the egg whites al punto de turron - that is, until they stand up in peaks, stiff but not dry. Lightly beat two yolks and half the salt together; fold them gently into the beaten egg whites. Dip each of four filled chiles into the mixture, turning them gently to coat evenly. Place each one immediately into a large skillet with hot oil. Fry them until golden on the bottom side (lift gently with a spatula to check) then turn and fry on the other side. Repeat this process with the rest of the chiles and the other two eggs. Remove and drain on paper towels before placing on serving dish. Put the cream and the walnuts in a blender or food processor and puree untill smooth. Pour over the chiles, and decorate with pomegranate seeds and chopped parsley. NOTE: The chiles are prepared for stuffing by roasting over a gas flame or under a broiler until charred all over. They are then placed in a plastic bag for 10-15 minutes. Peel by rubbing them gently, using rubber gloves, under a stream of running water. (Stems are not removed, but can be trimmed beforehand if very long.) After the chiles have been roasted and cleaned, make a lengthwise slit up one side of each and carefully remove the seed sac and any loose seeds. Avoid over-handling the chiles. Enfrijoladas Serves 4 Chile de árbol is a long, thin, red pepper commonly referred to in the U.S.A. as a Szechuan pepper. It is very spicy so a little goes a long way. Enfrijoladas make a wonderful breakfast or light supper. Ingredients: 2 C. cooked beans 1/3 C. bean broth or water 1/4 C. oil 8 corn tortillas 3/4 C. farmer's or Manchego cheese 3 Tbsp.. chopped onion 1 or 2 chiles de árbol, toasted over a flame and finely chopped (optional) 1/2 C. cream (for topping) Preparation: Heat the oil in a skillet, add the beans and mash them, add the water or bean juice and let them simmer a few minutes, stirring occasionally. Place a tortilla on the beans so that one side is covered and let it sit for 10 seconds. Turn over to cover the other side and let sit for another 10 seconds. Remove from the beans and fill with cheese, onion and chili (if desired) and roll up. Do the same with the remaining tortillas. Serve warm and top with cream and cheese. Steamed Tacos (Tacos al Vapor) Ingredients: 3 whole chicken breasts Water 3 tsp. salt 3 Tbsp. oil 1 kilo (2.2 lbs) tomatoes - chopped 2 large onions - chopped 2 tsp. salt 1/2 Tbs ground cumin 1 kilo (2.2 lbs) corn tortillas 1 stick of butter or margarine - melted 1/2 kilo (1.1 lbs) farmer's cheese - crumbled 1 head of iceberg lettuce - chopped or shredded 1 C. or 8 oz. sour cream How to Prepare: The Chicken: Place chicken, water and salt in a pot and boil until chicken is tender. Remove meat from bone and "string", set aside. In another pan, sauté onion and tomato in 3 Tbsp. oil until onion is soft, about 5 minutes. Add cumin, chicken and 2 tsp. salt, cook for 20 minutes stirring ocassionally. The Toppings: Wash and chop lettuce into thin strips. Chill sour cream and shred cheese. The Tacos: Pull out your tamale steamer and add water to the bottom portion, line bottom of top half of steamer with cloth. Brush one side of a tortilla with a light coating of butter, on the other side add 2 Tbsp. chicken filling and lay taco flat on bottom of steamer. Repeat creating multiple layers until filling disappears. Cover steamer with aluminum foil and then the lid and let tacos steam for approximately 1 hour. Serve with sour cream, lettuce, cheese, jalapeños and any red salsa of your choice. Note: You may want to place cheesecloth or wax paper between layers to prevent one layer from sticking to the next. Dried Beef (Cecina) Serves 4 This dish is one of the most popular light suppers in my mother's home. Ingredients: 1 kilo of beef, preferably flank, cut very thinly, as if for jerky 10 limes Salt 1 C. oil Preparation Sesaon the beef with salt, place in a non-reactive bowl, and cover with lemon juice. Let rest for 15 minutes. Hang outside on clothesline to dry (approximately 24 hours) or, alternatively, place them in a food dehydrator until dry. Once dry, heat the oil in a frying pan and fry the steaks quickly just until they begin to brown, remove from the pan and drain on paper towels. Serve with beans, tortillas and picante sauce. POLLO EN MOLE VERDE (Chicken in Green Mole) A mole is a stew which incorprates ground chiles, seeds, and sometimes nuts. The basis of a mole verde is the tomate verde, called a "tomatillo" north of the border. In Mexico, it is the opinion of many cooks that the smaller the tomate verde, the tastier. Sometimes called tomate de cascara, they must be removed from their sticky husk before cooking. Their slightly tart taste is the perfect foil for the toasted pumpkin seeds and the piquant chiles in this recipe. This is one of the most popular dishes in Puebla's many marketplace restaurants. Ingredients: For the chicken: 1 whole chicken, cut into serving size pieces 1 small onion 1 medium carrot, cut into chunks 1 clove garlic, peeled 1 sprig cilantro For the mole: 3/4 cup ground toasted pumkin seeds (called pepitas, sold ground, or grind them yourself) 8 medium-size tomatillos, cut into quarters 1/2 medium onion, coarsely chopped 2 large cloves garlic, peeled and halved 4 serrano chiles, seeded or not, according to taste (seeds are the hottest part of chiles) 4 poblano chiles, skinned, seeded and chopped (See Note) 4 romaine lettuce leaves, chopped 3 sprigs cilantro 3 sprigs epazote (some people use parsley instead) 4 cups chicken stock, strained, from cooking the chicken 1 Tablespoon vegetable oil Preparation: Place the chicken, onion, carrot, garlic, and cilantro, along with salt to taste, in a stockpot with water to cover. Cook until tender, about 40 minutes, removing the white meat after 25-30 minutes so that it does not overcook and become rubbery. Remove from heat and set aside while you make the mole. Put the tomatillos, onion, garlic and serranos in a saucepan with two cups of the strained chicken broth. Bring to a boil and simmer for about five minutes, until the tomatillos become soft. Transfer this to a blender container, add the chopped poblanos and lettuce and puree until smooth. Add the ground pumpkin seeds, cilantro and epazote or parsley and puree again. Transfer this into a saucepan in which you have heated the vegetable oil, and stir continuously as you gradually add the remaining two cups of strained chicken stock. Simmer over low heat about thirty minutes, stirring frequently to make sure that the sauce doesn't burn or stick. Taste for salt. Serve in soup or stew bowls: place a piece of chicken in each bowl, ladle the mole over it, and accompany with plenty of warm tortillas. NOTE: To remove the skins from poblano chiles, roast them over a gas flame or in a broiler, turning until they are charred all over. Then place them in a plastic bag for 10-15 minutes. This loosens the skin and makes them easy to slide off under a stream of running water. The Cuisine of Tlaxcala CODILLO AQUIAHUAC Codillo, sometimes called chamorro, is the lower part of the pork leg, here cut crosswise into rounds, including the central bone. Nopales (paddle cactus) and verdolagas (purslane) are two of the most common plants found in Central Mexico. Because of their versatility and high nutritional value, they are used in a variety of dishes. Purslane, like nearly all greens, is a perfect complement to the flavor of pork. If you live in an area where purslane is not available, watercress is a perfectly acceptable substitute. If you cannot get fresh nopales (which are now widely available in U.S. supermarkets) you can use canned- just be sure to rinse and drain them well before using. Ingredients: 2 lbs. pork leg, bone in, cut crosswise into 1" rounds 1 1/2 lbs. tomate verde (tomatillo) husked and blanched 1 large fresh cuaresmeño or jalapeño chile, seeded and deveined 2 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced 1/4 cup chopped onion 3 tablespoons chopped epazote 1 hoja santa or avocado leaf 3/4 lb. purslane or watercress, cleaned and steamed 2 nopal paddles, cut into 1/2" squares, boiled till tender and rised well Salt to taste Preparation: Place the meat in a large pot or dutch oven and cover with 2 1/2 cups water and salt to taste. Pressure cook 25 minutes or bring the meat to a boil, lower flame and simmer until tender. In a blender or food processor, place the tomatillo, chile, garlic, onion, epazote, hoja santa or avocado leaf, and enough of the meat broth to blend until smooth. Transfer to a saucepan in which a little oil has been heated, add meat and remaining meat broth and simmer 15-20 minutes (see NOTE.) Add purslane and watercress and simmer another 10 minutes. Serve with sliced avocado and white rice. NOTE: Tomatillos vary in acidity. If you find that, after cooking, they are a bit too acid for your taste, take Señora Reyes' advice and add a pinch of sugar or bicarbonate of soda to reduce acidity. Chilmole: Turkey in a Dark Spice Sauce Chilmole - sometimes called relleno negro - is made from one of the classic recados, or seasoning combinations. This dish, said to have originated in Campeche, is eaten all over the Yucatan peninsula, especially around Christmas and the New Year, when there is an abundance of leftover holiday turkey. It is a nice change from the usual round of enchiladas, tacos, tostadas, and other leftover turkey dishes. Make the recado now, and freeze it for use during the busy holiday season. You don't have to tell anyone how easy it is. For the recado: Ingredients: 2 tablespoons achiote seeds 3/4 cup bitter orange juice (or a mixture of sweet orange juice and fresh lime juice) 2 lbs. dried ancho chiles, seeded and deveined 2 large whole cloves 4 large whole allspice 1 tablespoon black peppercorns 1 tablespoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds 1 head garlic, peeled (about 10 large cloves) salt to taste Preparation: Place the achiote seeds in a small bowl, pour the juice over them, and allow to soak 2-3 hours. Toast the chiles just until they give off their fragrance, soak them in hot water until they soften, and drain them well. Place all ingredients in a spice mill or food processor and process until they are well blended. They should form a thick paste, the consistency of a chilled cookie dough. Makes about 1 1/2 cups. For the chilmole: Ingredients: 6 cups leftover cooked turkey, skinned and boned 8 cups turkey or chicken broth 2 oz. recado negro (above) 2 hard boiled eggs, sliced Preparation: Heat the turkey in the broth. Mix the recado with a bit of broth to dissolve it, add it to the turkey and broth, and cook to desired consistency. (It usually has the texture of a medium-thin mole.) serve in bowls, garnished with hard-boiled egg slices. Slices of a homemade pork sausage called but are sometimes served as an additional garnish, but the dish is rich enough without it. Accompany with plenty of hot tortillas. Serves 6. Res con Rajas de Chile Poblano: Beef with Poblano Chile Strips My husband calls this "Mexican beef stroganoff." It uses the technique of "sweating" the chiles, described in the article, in order to remove the skin. The red bell pepper adds a nice color, but if you'd like the dish spicier, red jalapeño strips could be used instead. Ingredients: 1 tablespoon butter 1 tablespoon corn oil 1 pound beef filet or sirloin, cut into strips 1 medium white onion, cut into thin crescents 4 poblano chiles, roasted, peeled, seeded and cut or torn into strips ("rajas") 1 small red bell pepper, seeded and cut into strips 1 cup heavy cream or half-and-half salt to taste Preparation: Melt the butter with the oil in a large skillet. Saute the beef strips over high heat until they brown. Add the onion and continue cooking until it is transparent. Add the poblano and bell pepper strips and cook for 3 minutes. Add the cream and salt and cook for 3-5 minutes, stirring constantly. Serve immediately, accompanied by rice or noodles if desired. Serves 4. Tatemado: Marinated Pork Stew From tatemar, a Hispanic version of what the Diccionario Mexicano alternately gives as tlatemar, a Nahuatl term for putting something on or in the fire, this dish is cooked in a clay pot. If you do not have a Mexican cazuela, use any heavy-bottomed, lidded casserole or Dutch oven. Any mild vinegar is a fine substitute for the coconut palm vinegar used in Colima. Ingredients: 2 1/2 pounds pork shoulder, cut into cubes 1 cup mild vinegar, such as rice vinegar 3 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed 1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds, crushed 1/2 teaspoon ground pepper salt to taste 2 bay leaves 2 sprigs thyme 1 cup water 3 guajillo chiles, seeded and soaked until soft 3 ancho or pasilla chiles, seeded and soaked until soft 3 tablespoons lard or corn oil Preparation: Marinate the pork for 2 hours in a mixture of the vinegar, garlic, herbs and spices. Drain marinade and combine it with the water and chiles, ground together in a molcajete, mortar, food processor or blender. In a heavy casserole or Dutch oven, brown the pork in the lard or oil, add the reserved marinade-chile blend, cover and bake in a pre-heated 300º oven for 1 1/2 hours. Check from time to time to make sure the water level remains constant, adding more if necessary. Serve the meat in its juices right from the casserole, accompanied by marinated onions and refried beans. Serves 6. Labaneh Ingredients 2 liters sheep's milk or regular milk 3 spoons yoghurt or leben (sour milk) 1 tablespoon salt Olive oil Cotton cloth or diaper Heat the milk in a large pot, over a low fire, until it boils. Remove immediately from the fire and cool until you can put a finger in the milk and count to ten. Place 4 spoons of the milk in a bowl, add the yoghurt, stir, and add to the pot of milk. Transfer to a clay or glass bowl, cover well, and wrap in a thick, heavy blanket. Leave for 6-8 hours in a warm place. Keep the prepared yoghurt refrigerated. To prepare the labaneh: Place the cloth in a large strainer. Mix the yoghurt with the salt and pour over the cloth. Tie and hang above the sink, or above a bowl. The labaneh will be ready in 10-12 hours. Transfer the labaneh to a container, press, and cover with olive oil. It's worth making the effort to get sheep's milk for preparing the labaneh and the leben. Flampoyntes PERIOD: England, 14th century | SOURCE: Forme of Cury | CLASS: Authentic DESCRIPTION: Pork and Cheese Pie -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ORIGINAL RECEIPT: Take fat pork ysode. Pyke it clene; grynde it smal. Grynde chese & do therto with sugur & gode powdours. Make a coffyn of an ynche depe, and do this fars therin. Make a thynne foile of gode past & cerue out theroff small poyntes, frye hem & put hem in the fars, & bake it vp &c. - Hieatt, Constance B. and Sharon Butler. Curye on Inglish: English Culinary Manuscripts of the Fourteenth-Century (Including the Forme of Cury). New York: for The Early English Text Society by the Oxford University Press, 1985. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MODERN RECIPE: Pastry dough for 2 nine-inch pie crusts 1 pound ground pork 2 C grated, mild cheese 3/4 C sugar 1 tsp each, cinnamon and powdered ginger 1/8 tsp each mace and cloves Butter for sautéing 1. Preheat oven to 350°. 2. Line a pie pan with pastry dough. 3. In a frying pan, brown the ground pork. 4. In a bowl, combine pork, grated cheese, sugar, and spices. Fill the pie crust with this mixture. Bake for half an hour. Remove and allow to cool. 5. Roll out the dough for the second crust, and, with a sharp knife, cut it into little diamonds, about an inch and a half long. 6. In a frying pan, over low heat, melt butter and fry the pastry diamonds until they are golden brown. Take care they do not burn. 7. With a table knife, make incisions in the top of the pie, about three quarters of an inch deep, and laid out in an interesting pattern. Insert the pastry diamonds halfway into these incisions, so that a pattern of little points is made. Serves eight to twelve. NOTES ON THE RECIPE: This pie is a "flan" with "points;" I bake the pie completely before adding the pastry points. I have chosen to brown ground pork rather than grinding boiled pork. Pescodde PERIOD: France, 14th century | SOURCE: Le Menagier de Paris | CLASS: Authentic DESCRIPTION: Pea Pods -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ORIGINAL RECEIPT: In new peas cooked to be eaten in the pod, you must add bacon on a meat day: and on a fish day, when they are cooked, you separate the liquid and add underneath melted salt butter, and then shake it. - Power, Eileen. The Goodman of Paris (Le Menagier de Paris). A Treatise on Moral and Domestic Economy by A Citizen of Paris (c. 1395).New York: Harcourt, Brace and Company, 1928. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MODERN RECIPE: 2 pounds fresh new peas pods 3 slices of bacon 2 C water Salt to taste 1 T butter (optional) 1. Rinse the pea pods, and trim off stems. 2. In a pot, over medium heat, bring water to a boil, add bacon, reduce heat, and simmer, covered, for ten minutes. 3. Add pea pods, return to boil, reduce heat, and simmer, covered, for twenty minutes, or until the pea pods are tender. Remove the bacon, and drain. Put into a serving bowl, salt to taste. Add butter if desired. The bacon may be added as a garnish. Serves four to six. Notes on the Recipe: The Feast of the Holy Trinity falls at the end of May, or the first half of June, eight weeks after Easter. This menu item from In Festo Sancte Trinitatis in Cena indicates that advantage was being taken of the availability of fresh produce. Ryschewys Close and Fryez PERIOD: England, 15th century | SOURCE: Harleian MS 279 | CLASS: Authentic DESCRIPTION: Fig and Date Fritters -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ORIGINAL RECEIPT: Take Fygys, & grynd hem smal in a mortere with a lytil Oyle, & grynd with hym clowys & Maces; & þan take it vppe in-to a vesselle, & cast þer-to Pynez, Saundrys, & Roysonys of Coraunce, & mencyd Datys, Pouder Pepir, Canel, Salt, Safroun; þan take fyne past of flowre an water, Sugre, Safroun, & Salt, & make fayre cakys þer-of; þan rolle þin stuf in þin hond, & couche it in þe cakys, & kyt it, & folde hym as Ruschewys, & frye hem vppe in Oyle; and serue forth hote. - Austin, Thomas. Two Fifteenth-Century Cookery-Books. Harleian MS. 279 & Harl. MS. 4016, with extracts from Ashmole MS. 1429, Laud MS. 553, & Douce MS 55. London: for The Early English Text Society by N. Trübner & Co., 1888. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MODERN RECIPE: Pastry for three nine-inch pie crusts 1 C figs 1 C dates ½ C currants ¼ C pine nuts 2 tsp. oil 1/8 tsp. each cloves, mace, pepper, and saffron ¼ tsp. cinnamon Salt to taste Oil for deep frying 1. Halve the figs and put them in a bowl. Put the bowl in the freezer for fifteen minutes. 2. In a food processor, combine cold figs and two teaspoons of oil, cloves and mace, and purée them. 3. Cut the dates into four or five. In a bowl, combine dates, ground figs, pine nuts, and remaining spices. Mix thoroughly. 4. Roll out the pastry dough and cut into circle about four inches across. Mold the fig and date paste into walnut sized lumps and wrap them in the pastry circles, crimping the edges together. Trim off any excess pastry dough. 5. In a deep fryer or large, heavy skillet, heat the oil and deep fry the rischews until they are golden brown. Drain the oil off, and serve. Makes about a dozen. NOTES ON THE RECIPE: These fritters might be described as deep-fried Fig Newtons. Today, similar fritters are called rissoles. The instruction to fold hym as Ruschewys is a perfect example of how these recipe collections were not for novices; one needed to know what ryschewys looked like before one could fold them. The story behind a loaf of bread HISTORY OF BREAD Botham's Educational Pages Bread, in one form or another, has been one of the principal forms of food for man from earliest times. The trade of the baker, then, is one of the oldest crafts in the world. Loaves and rolls have been found in ancient Egyptian tombs. In the British Museum's Egyptian galleries you can see actual loaves which were made and baked over 5,000 years ago. Also on display are grains of wheat which ripened in those ancient summers under the Pharaohs. Wheat has been found in pits where human settlements flourished 8,000 years ago. Bread, both leavened and unleavened, is mentioned in the Bible many times. The ancient Greeks and Romans knew bread for a staple food even in those days people argued whether white or brown bread was best. Further back, in the Stone Age, people made solid cakes from stone-crushed barley and wheat. A millstone used for grinding corn has been found, that is thought to be 7,500 years old. The ability to sow and reap cereals may be one of the chief causes which led man to dwell in communities, rather than to live a wandering life hunting and herding cattle. According to botanists, wheat, oats, barley and other grains belong to the order of Grasses; nobody has yet found the wild form of grass from which wheat, as we know it, has developed. Like most of the wild grasses, cereal blossoms bear both male and female elements. The young plants are provided with a store of food to ensure their support during the period of germination, and it is in this store of reserve substance that man finds an abundant supply of food. Traditional Scottis Haggis recipe [1856] "Recipe from Lady Login 1 cleaned sheep or lamb's paunch 2 lb (900g.) dry oatmeal 1 lb (450 g.) Lamb's liver, boiled and minced 1 lamb's heart, boiled and minced 1 lamb's lights boiled and minced 1 large finely chopped onion 1/2 teaspoon each: cayenne pepper, ground allspice, salt and pepper 1 pint (600 ml.) Stock See that the paunch is well cleaned, then soak it in salt and water for about 2 hours, take out and let it dry. Put the oatmeal on a baking tray in a low oven and let it dry out and crisp up a little. Then cook the liver, heart (trimmed) and lights in salted water to cover and cook for about 1/2 hour. Strain, but reserve the stock, and chop the meats up finely, or mince. Mix all ingredients (except the paunch) together and season well. Then add the stock. Put into the cleaned paunch (fill to about half) and sew up loosely, but securely. Have ready a large pot of boiling water mixed with the rest of the liver stock, prick the haggis all oaver wirh a small knitting needle to prevent bursting, then cook in the water and stock, at a slow simmer uncovered, but keep up water level, for about 3 hours. Serves about 16." To make sauce for Capons or Turky Fowles Take Onions and slice them thin, and boyle them in faire water till they be boyled drye, and put some of the gravie unto them and pepper grose beaten. A.W. A Book of Cookrye. 1591 f.3 Sauce for a Turkie Take faire water and set it over the fire, then slice good store of Onions and put into it, and also Pepper and Salt, and good store of the gravy that comes from the Turkie, and boyle them very well together: then put to it a few fine crummes of grated bread to thicken it; a very little Sugar and some Vinegar, and so serve it up with the Turkey. Gervase Markham , The English Huswife, 1623 Modern Recipe Notes 6 medium onions, sliced thinly 2 cups of water 2 teaspoons of coarsely ground pepper 1 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon sugar ¼ cup red wine vinegar ¼ cup breadcrumbs (optional) Follow your favorite recipe for roast turkey. Remove the turkey to a platter reserving the pan juices. Place thinly sliced onions in a pot with water and salt. Bring to a boil over medium high heat and cook until the onions are tender but not mushy. A good deal of the water should have boiled away. Set aside for a moment. Place the roasting pan over medium heat and stir to loosen any brown bits. Stir in the onion sauce, sugar, vinegar and breadcrumbs if desired. Add pepper to taste and adjust seasonings. To serve, pour over sliced turkey or serve alongside in a separate dish. “Their food is generally boiled maize or Indian corn, mixed with kidney-beans, or sometimes without. Also they frequently boil in this pottag fish and flesh of all sorts, either taken fresh or newly dried These they cut in pieces, bones and all, and boil them in the aforesaid pottage. I have wondered many times that they were not in danger of being choked with fish bones; but they are so dexterious to separate the bones from the fish in the eating therof, that they are in no hazard. Also they boil in this furmenty all sorts of flesh, that they take in hunting; as venison, beaver, bear’s flesh, moose, otters, rackoons, or any kind that they take in hunting; cutting this flesh in small pieces, and boiling as aforesaid. Also they mix with the said pottage several sorts of roots; as Jerusalem artichokes, and ground nuts, and other roots, and pompions, and squashes, and also severall sorts of nuts or masts, as oak acorns, chestnuts, walnuts; these husked and dried, and powdered, they thicken their pottage therewith.” (Gookin 1674:10) French-beans, or rather American-beans, the Herbalists call them kidney beans from their shape and effects, for they strengthen the kidneys; they are variegated much, some being bigger a great deal than others; some white, black, red, yellow, blew, spotted…(Wood 16: 53) Modern Recipe Notes ½ pound dry beans (white, red, brown, or spotted kidney-shaped beans) ½ pound yellow samp or coarse grits 1 pound turkey meat (legs or breast, with bone and skin) 3 quarts cold water ¼ pound green beans, trimmed and cut into 1-inch lengths ½ pound winter squash, trimmed and cubed ½ cup raw sunflower seed meats, pounded to a coarse flour Combine dried beans, corn, turkey, and water in a large pot. Bring to a simmer over medium heat, turn down to a very low simmer, and cook for about 2 ½ hours. Stir occasionally to be certain that the bottom is not sticking. When dried beans are tender, but not mushy, break up turkey meat, removing skin and bones. Add green beans and squash, and simmer very gently until they are tender. Add sunflower flour, stirring until thoroughly blended. The use of Pease ...being dry they serve to boil into a kinde of broth or pottage, wherein many doe put Tyme, Mints, Savoury, or some other such hot herbs, to give it the better rellish, and is much used in Towne and Country in the Lent time, especially of the poorer sort of people. It is much used likewise at Sea for those of them that goe long voyages, and is for change, because it is fresh, a welcome diet to most persons therein. John Parkinson, Paradisi in Sole, Paradisus Terrestris (London, 1629) Facsimile reprint as A Garden of Pleasant Flowers. New York: Dover, 1976, p. 524 Pease Pottage was one of the most common dishes eaten at sea in the 1600s, using the shipboard staples of dried peas and salted meat. This simple dish, with perhaps a few herbs added was also frequently eaten by landsmen in the winter and spring. Many generations of New Englanders have grown up this dish by its modern name -- pea soup. Another Recipe for Pease Pottage: Take the best old pease you can get, wash and boil them in fair water, when they boil scum them, and put in a piece of interlarded bacon about two pound, put in also a bundle of mince, or other sweet herbs; boil them not too thick, serve the bacon on sippets in thin slices, and pour on the broth. Robert May, The Accomplish’t Cook (London, 1666), p. 95 Modern Recipe Notes 1 1/2 cup whole peas, rinsed and picked over 8 cups water (plus additional water for soaking peas) 4 oz. thick sliced bacon, coarsely chopped Place peas in a bowl and add water to cover by 3 inches. Leave overnight for cooking in the morning or soak all day to cook for dinner. Drain peas and discard water. Place peas and bacon in a large pot and add 8 cups fresh water. Bring to a boil over high heat, then turn heat down to gently simmer for 2 hours or until peas are soft and easily mashed. Add water if necessary to keep from burning. Serve with pilot crackers (the modern equivalent of ship’s biscuit) and beer for a true shipboard meal. Generously serves four hungry sailors. Table 1 -- DAILY UNION ARMY RATION 3 August 1861 –20 June 1864 CAMP AND GARRISON RATION: Meat: 12 ounces of pork or bacon, or 1 pound and 4 ounces of salt or fresh beef Bread: 1 pound and 6 ounces of soft bread or flour, or 1 pound of hard bread [hardtack] or 1 pound and 4 ounces of corn meal To every 100 rations: 15 pounds of beans or peas, and 10 pounds of rice or hominy 10 pounds of green coffee, or 8 pounds of roasted (Or roasted and ground) coffee, o 1 pound and 8 ounces of tea 15 pounds of sugar 4 quarts of vinegar 1 pound and 4 ounces of adamantine, or star candles 4 pounds of soap 3 pounds and 12 ounces of salt 4 ounces of pepper 30 pounds of potatoes. when practicable. and 1 quart of molasses Paragraph 1191: "Desiccated [dehydrated] compressed potatoes, or desiccated compressed mixed vegetables, at the rate of 1 ounce and ½ of the former, and I ounce of the latter. to the ration, may be substituted for beans, peas, rice, hominy, or fresh potatoes. MARCHING RATION; Meat and Bread; same as above Coffee, Sugar, and Salt; same as above Only when a march took them beyond the range of army wagons, as happened from time to time with the fast-moving cavalry, or when a battle separated them from their primary depots did Union soldiers go without food. The most famous example of the latter was the aftermath of the 1 863 battle of Chickamauga, Georgia. There, by luck and a Union command error, the Confederates routed the Federals from the field and chased the Northerners into Chattanooga, where a siege followed. For about a month, Union soldiers in Chattanooga went on half rations and even ate feed grain meant for the Army's starving animals. When the siege lifted in October, 10,000 horses and mules had died. Still, the Federal ration was more than ample in terms of quantity and calories. It was larger than that of the British, French, Prussian, Austrian, and Russian armies of the same period. The real trouble began when Billy Yank received the ration. On a march, it usually consisted of four parts: three-fourths pound of salt pork, one pound of hard bread (hardtack), coffee, and sugar. Few soldiers knew much about cooking, and the Army was still about a half century away from training cooks. Further, the soldier's issue of equipment did not include any cooking utensils beyond camp kettles and mess pans, for use by the company in camp or in garrison. Faced with few tools, little culinary skill, a hunk of pickled pork, and around ten thick and large hard crackers made of flour and water, Federal soldiers began to cook. As time went by, they acquired utensils such as cutlery and a tin plate and cup, fashioned boilers by adding a wire bail to an empty tin can, or rigged a frying pan from discarded canteen halves with a green stick to serve as a handle. They also discovered that by forming a mess of approximately five soldiers, preparing meals became a social occasion. The soldier who demonstrated the greatest culinary talent was often appointed the cook. This duty became the envy of other soldiers, because the cook was excused from all other camp chores. After much experimentation and many digestive complaints as a result, Federal soldiers settled on a few tried and true methods of food preparation. There was not much that could be done with salt pork beyond frying it, boiling it, or adding it to a stew. If there was no time for these small luxuries, it could be placed between two pieces of hardtack and eaten as a primitive sandwich. Salt beef, derisively labeled "salt horse" by the soldiers, was hardly fit for consumption. It was so heavily impregnated with salt that it had to be soaked overnight in a running stream. Even then, it was still often rusty from improper packing and gave off an incredible stench. Salt horse was so foul that upon occasion angry soldiers used it-as ammunition with which to pelt the commissary's tent, or staged a mock burial and laid the putrid stuff to rest, complete with feigned military honors. Fresh beef provided a welcome relief from salted meats. Special drivers directed by the chief commissary of the army herded beef cows behind the field armies. When the troops stopped for the evening, the cattle were slaughtered and issued that night or early the next morning so that soldiers could prepare the meat for that day's march. One Massachusetts artilleryman remarked that his typical issue of fresh beef reached him so quickly after slaughter that it was still "quivering from the butcher's knife." Most soldiers broiled their fresh beef on sticks over campfires. Hardtack, another basic part of the Union soldiers ration had a forbidding appearance and a consistency that belied its usefulness. Although it could be eaten as issued, alternative methods for dealing with hardtack were preferred. If broken up and soaked in the water left from boiling meat, then fried in pork grease, it produced a dish Billy Yanks called "skillygalee", a type of tasty crouton. Unfortunately most methods of dealing with hardtack were based on necessity, not on taste. Sometimes, because of improper packing or exposure to the weather, hardtack would get wet. As a result, a fine crop of mold would grow on the hardtack, or it would become host to weevils or, less often, maggots. Spoiled hardtack could be returned to the regimental commissary for fresh crackers, but circumstances didn't always allow this recourse. Union soldiers tried different means of freeing their occupied hardtack from its unwanted tenants. The most successful method was to drop the crackers teeming with weevils into hot coffee and skim off the drowned wildlife when it floated to the surface. The weevils left no discernible taste in the softened bread now flavored with coffee. Whenever the army camped in an area for an extended period, bakeries were usually built and soldiers received fresh bread. During most of the ten-month siege of Petersburg, Virginia (June 1864 to April 1865), Federal soldiers were issued bread still warm from the ovens at City Point, their base of supplies some eight miles to the rear on the James River. As related above, coffee was the most important part of a soldier's ration. Whenever Union armies halted on the march, even if only for an hour or so, rail fences in the area soon became firewood for brewing a large, Stout cup of coffee. Excess coffee was also used as a trade item on those rare occasions when Confederate and Federal soldiers met between the picket lines. Southern tobacco, not on the Union ration, was traded for Northern coffee, an increasing rarity in the Rebel ranks as the war continued. The beverage was in such demand that the Army developed something commissaries called "essence of coffee". It came packed in tin cans and looked like axle grease. Apparently, it tasted like the same. Before long it was removed from the ration and replaced by the genuine article. Few Federals drank their coffee with milk; it was not part of the ration and cost too much to buy from the sutler. (A sutler was an authorized vendor of non-issue supplies, something of a traveling grocer and dry-goods dealer.) They tempered the strength of their beverage with sugar, which most soldiers mixed with their coffee at the time of issue. This ensured a somewhat sweet cup of coffee each time it was made. Despite the regular issue and ample quantity, Union rations were deficient in nutrition and taste. One of the most persistent dietary problems was Vitamin C deficiency. This often caused scurvy, and could lead not only to the death of individual soldiers but could also impair the army's ability to campaign. The army recognized the problem and attempted to upgrade the nutritional value of the ration by issuing what Army Regulations called "desiccated [dehydrated] compressed potatoes" and "desiccated compressed mixed vegetables." Soldiers were to take the cubes of potatoes or turnips, carrots, and assorted greens and add them to water. In theory, they rehydrated and made a wholesome vegetable or vegetable medley. With few exceptions, Billy Yanks despised desiccated vegetables, which they labeled "desecrated vegetables" or "baled hay." A much better solution to the problem of scurvy and the general lack of vegetables was to issue dry-storable vegetables such as potatoes and onions, or processed foods such as pickles and sauerkraut. Unfortunately, those remedies were not always available, and soldiers had to try other ways to improve their ration. Army Regulations allowed commanders of regiments, corps, or separate detachments on campaign to appoint a sutler to the unit. Sutlers offered the soldiers such delectables as canned fruits, vegetables, meats, and milk, which had become available on the market during the 1850s. They also sold tobacco, pies, cakes, butter, and some army regulation clothing. These foodstuffs and dry goods carried a high price tag. As a result, Federal soldiers often went heavily into debt to sutlers, though Regulations permitted them only to be indebted up to one-half of their meager 14 dollar monthly salary. On occasion soldiers became so disgruntled with the business practices of sutlers that they attacked the sutler's establishment. At night, groups of soldiers would approach the sutler's place of business, level it, and carry way his goods in triumph. Such infractions often went unpunished when sympathetic officers turned their backs on the incident. Still, most sutlers, especially late in the war, were honest traders and provided necessary relief from the monotony and distaste of army fare. Union soldiers found other ways to augment their ration. They wrote home to relatives and friends asking that a package of food be sent to them. These boxes were delivered to the soldiers by the army, but only if it was in camp, not on the march. Billy Yanks therefore sent their requests home when they knew the army was about to encamp for an extended time, for example, winter, and the boxes usually arrived a few weeks later by the wagon load. In passing through the various levels of command on their way to the individual Federal soldier, these packages were often opened and searched for illicit alcohol. Occasionally a dishonest inspector would filch an article or two that he fancied, but that occurrence was rare. When the soldier received the box, even if opened and partly emptied, there was still enough left to fast royally on the cakes, relishes, pickles, meats, cookies, and whatever else relatives and friends had stuffed in it. Soldiers' letters overflowed with thanks for the generosity and thoughtfulness of home folk. The final means of supplementing the army ration was foraging. Though foraging occupies a prominent place in fictional and cinematic versions of the Civil War (witness Gone With the Wind,) the Union Army seldom resorted to it and then only with great care and planning. The most famous example is Major-General William T. Sherman's infamous March to the Sea and through the Carolinas that lasted from November 1864 till the end of the war. Sherman deliberately cut his army off from the sustenance provided by the railroad running back to Louisville, Kentucky. He set out through one of the breadbasket regions of the South right after fall harvest. He was certain he could live off the land, but just in case that effort proved difficult, he ordered his army's wagons filled with twenty days' rations and had a herd of 3,400. beef cattle driven along behind the troops. Along his way to Savannah, Georgia, and then through the Carolinas, Sherman systematically lived off the country. For the most part, his army's foraging was handled in a fairly orderly fashion under the watchful eye of officers. A major exception was the march through South Carolina. Sherman detested the secessionist movement that had first turned violent in Charleston, and his troops acted on their commander's hatred for disunion by stripping the state of food and destroying whatever might be of use to the dying Confederacy. Despite Sherman's late-war marches through the Lower South, foraging was not usually an effective means of obtaining food for the Federals. Not all of the South produced edible crops, and usually the Confederate Army was nearby to prevent the Union troops from dispersing enough to glean rations from the countryside. Notwithstanding, these efforts at augmenting the Union Army ration, Billy Yanks lived almost exclusively on army fare. While the ration was ample, and its issue regular, it remained deficient in taste and nutrition. The Union Army's experience in feeding its approximately two million troops offers insight for the U.S. Army as it develops and implements the Army Field Feeding System (AFFS), anticipating how and what to feed soldiers on the Airland Battlefield. Meat and Herb Pie For the pastry: 3 cups flour 2 eggs 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup oil About 1/2 cup water For the filling: 1/3 cup olive oil 3 cloves of garlic, chopped 2 onions, coarsely chopped 1 kg meat (beef, lamb, or game), minced 1 cup mixed herbs (parsley, rosemary, sage, hyssop) 1 cup red wine Salt, pepper 3 eggs To prepare pastry: Mix ingredients in a bowl to form a smooth, pliable dough. If necessary, add a little more water or flour. Cover and chill. Preparation of filling: Saut the garlic and onion in the olive oil until golden brown. Add the meat and brown. Add the herbs and wine, and cook till most of the liquid has evaporated. Remove from the pan, cool, and mix in the eggs. Roll out two-thirds of the pastry in a circle about 0.5 cm thick. Line a round baking dish with the pastry, and spread the cooled filling on top. Roll out the remaining pastry and cover the filling. Press the edges of the pastry together to seal the pie and remove excess pastry. Make a hole in the middle of the pie (to allow the steam to escape). The pie may be decorated with the remaining pastry. Bake at medium heat for 40-50 minutes, and serve. [1866] Sandwiches "These are made of different articles, but always in the same manner. Cold biscuit sliced thin and buttered, and a very thin slice of boiled ham or tongue, or beef, between each two slices. Home-made bread cuts better for sandwiches than baker's bread; a loaf baked for this purpose is best; take the size of a quart bowl, of risen dough, mould it in a roll, about three inches in diameter, and bake it half an hour in a quick oven. For bread and butter sandwich cut the bread in slices, not thicker than a dollar piece, spread it evenly with sweet butter before cutting it; let the butter be very thin, lay two slices, the buttered sides together, for each sandwich; when you have enough, arrange them on flat dishes, make them in a circle around the middle of the plate as a common centre, one lapping nearly over the other; put a spirg of parsley in the centre. Sandwiches may be made with cheese, sliced very thin between each two slices of buttered bread, also cold boiled eggs sliced, for luncheon; stewed fruit of jelly or preserve spread thin over buttered bread, makes a fine sandwich for lunhk. Any cold meat sliced thin may be made a sandwich; it is gerenally spread with made mustard; tho most delectable are those made with boiled smoked tongue or ham." Original San Antonio Chili 2 pounds beef shoulder, cut into ½-inch cubes 1 pound pork shoulder, cut into ½-inch cubes ¼ cup suet ¼ cup pork fat 3 medium-sized onions, chopped 6 garlic cloves, minced 1 quart water 4 ancho chiles 1 serrano chile 6 dried red chiles 1 tablespoon comino seeds, freshly ground 2 tablespoons Mexican oregano Salt to taste Place lightly floured beef and pork cubes in with suet and pork fat in heavy chili pot and cook quickly, stirring often. Add onions and garlic and cook until they are tender and limp. Add water to mixture and simmer slowly while preparing chiles. Remove stems and seeds from chiles and chop very finely. Grind chiles in molcajete and add oregano with salt to mixture. Simmer another 2 hours. Remove suet casing and skim off some fat. Never cook frijoles with chiles and meat. Serve as separate dish. THE AZTEC HERITAGE The Aztecs were a nomadic group who entered the Valley of Mexico about 1100 CE. They are believed to be members of the Chichimec group from the arid northern deserts. The Aztecs settled in the only area not otherwise occupied-- the marshlands surrounding a large lake upon which modern Mexico City is built. At that time, they ate anything and everything. Their diet consisted of edible animals and plants around the lake, including ducks, fish, snakes, frogs, flies, water bugs, bug eggs, lake shrimp, tadpoles, salamander larvae, worms, locust, and algae.[2] The Aztecs began a series of conquests creating a patchwork empire that eventually incorporated five to seven million people covering an area of about 125,000 square miles.[3] As their empire expanded, the Aztecs absorbed the rich culinary heritages of the people they conquered. Mesoamerican civilizations were based on maize. Various forms of maize constituted an estimated 80 percent of Amerindian diets, and Mayas, and other Amerindians considered maize a "sacred thing."[4] From a culinary standpoint, maize was an especially versatile food. Amerindians roasted it over a fire, ate it on the cob, parched it, and pounded into flour. Coarse flour was employed to make porridge, variously called mush, atole, hominy, samp, or pinole. Stone metates were used to grind fine flour, which was combined with water, rolled flat, and steamed under a cloth or baked on stones to make bread or tortillas. In addition to maize, the Aztecs ate beans, squash, and chilis supplemented with small quantities of game, turkey, fish, seafood, dogs, and guinea pigs. They also consumed sweet potatoes, manioc, avocados, tuna cactus, American cherries, American onions, American plums, tomatillos, tomatoes, amaranth, chia, mesquite beans, and numerous herbs. Upperclass Aztecs flavored their food with vanilla, chocolate, honey, and maguey syrup.[5] An average meal prepared for the Emperor consisted of "two thousand kinds of various foods; hot tortillas, white tamales with beans forming a sea shell on top; red tamales; the main meal of roll-shaped tortillas and many [foods]: sauce with turkeys, quail, venison, rabbit, hare, rat, lobster, small fish, large fish; then all [manner of] sweet fruits."[6] THE SPANISH HERITAGE Spain conquered Mexico in 1521. At the time, Spanish cookery was an amalgam derived from pre-Roman, Roman, Moorish, and Jewish sources filtered through regional styles, such as Basque and Catalonian. Diverse cookery techniques and ingredients thrived in Spain and were passed on by colonists to the New World. For instance, Arabic words, such as azucar (sugar) and arroz (rice), survive in the Mexican language. Olla podrida (rotten porridge), one of Spain's most important dishes consisting of meat stew from a cauldron, is thought to have had its origins as an Arab stew or perhaps from adafina, a Jewish dish composed of chicken or hard-boiled eggs Spain exported many foods to the New World, including wheat, sugar, rice, beef, pork, chicken, goat, lamb, vinegar, olives, and cheeses, as well as cooking techniques, such as marinating, pickling, and escabeche (cooking with acidic fruit). An important cooking technique imported by the Spanish into the New World was frying, which had been unknown in the pre-Columbian times. Some observers have claimed that the reason for this was that the New World was devoid of fats and oils. While this is accurate for some locations, it is not for others. Buffalo and avocados, for instance, have fat content that could have been used for frying. A more likely explanation for the lack of frying in the New World is the absence of metal pots and pans required for the high-heat frying. For most Mexicans, however, frying became an extremely important means of cooking that dramatically influenced their food, making possible crisp tortillas, refried beans, and many other products. Although the Aztec empire was extensive, it had not extended into what is today the American Southwest. The influence of Mesoamerica on North American, however, had been extensive.[7] Most domesticated foods consumed by pre-Columbian peoples in North America were Mesoamerican imports. Maize, the most important Mesoamerican food product, was cultivated in the American Southwest about 2,500 years ago. Maize did not rapidly spread into northern and eastern parts of the North American continent until day-neutral varieties became available and natural barriers were overcome.[8] When maize did arrive in northern and eastern America, it triggered the Mississippian emergence creating urbanized Native American civilizations a brief flowering probably destroyed by European-introduced germs.[9] Indigenous groups in southwestern America developed an extensive culinary repertoire. Maize, beans, and squash were the most important components of their diet, but the Pueblo Indians also made extensive use of wild plants, berries, fruits, and seeds, such as pine nuts or pinons, the fruit of the pinyon pine. Seeds were eaten raw or roasted, ground and shaped into balls or cakes, or used to season dishes such as atole. According to culinary historian Keith J. Guenther, the Pueblo Indians "gathered wild onions, seeds of mesquite, the fruit of the prickly pear cactus, the ground cherry acorns, wild grasses and weeds," and consumed turkeys, "rabbits, buffalo, deer, squirrels, field mice and prairie dogs."[10] Within twenty years of their conquest of Mexico, Spanish explorers launched expeditions northward. Beginning in 1540, Francisco Vasquez de Coronado led an expedition that described the culinary styles of the Pueblo Indians, including maize, beans, deer, hares, and rabbits. The Pueblo Indians made "the best tortillas that I have ever seen anywhere, and this is what everybody ordinarily eats. They have the very best arrangement and method for grinding that was ever seen. One of these Indian women here will grind as much flour as four of the Mexicans do."[11] Other accounts mentioned cactus foods, mesquite bread, turkeys, and pine nuts.[12] When the Spanish first settled what is today New Mexico, the Pueblos had a stable cuisine which was only mildly modified by the Spanish conquest. Alternately, settlers borrowed from local Native Americans creating a fusion cookery.[13] Along the Pacific coast, Spain established colonies in California beginning in 1769. Spanish missionaries and colonists were unimpressed with the food consumed by Native Americans in California: acorns supplemented with wild grains, berries, and fruits.[14] Hence, the foods consumed by the Californios were primarily imported from Mexico, including "peaches, apples, pears, plums, cherries, quinces, figs, dates, pomegranates, walnuts, olives, nectarines, apricots, paper-shelled walnuts, almonds, sugar-cane, coffee, Spanish grapes, oranges, lemons, and bananas as well as horses, donkeys, cows, sheep, chickens, and goats."[15] The Californios also introduced New World foods not previously grown in California, including maize, chocolate, tomatoes, and chili peppers. To a large extent, Spanish settlements in Texas, California, and the Southwest were isolated, especially from each other. Communication and contact was with the administrative hub in Mexico City. No compelling economic reason motivated the Spanish to colonize these regions. Northern Mexico offered better and closer opportunities. Hence, the North American Spanish-Mexican communities remained small. Spanish settlements were intended mainly to thwart possible foreign encroachments. Particularly, the Spanish discouraged interconnections between these communities and the United States. MEXICAN HERITAGE The Wars for Mexican Independence began in 1813. After independence in 1821, Mexico was racked with revolution and political instability. At this time, the culinary arts in Mexico flourished. The first Mexican cookbook was published in 1831. Mariano Galvan Rivera's Diccionario de Cocina, published in 1845, was a comprehensive compendium with more than a thousand pages of recipes, food commentary, illustrations, and diagrams. Early Mexican culinary works demonstrate a highly sophisticated cookery with traditional Mexican, Spanish, and international components. They also contained dishes that became common in the United States, such as tortillas, tamales, frijoles, quesadillas, chili peppers, enchiladas, and Spanish rice. Other items were conspicuous by their absence: tacos, chili con carne, burritos, corn chips, nachos, and Margaritas.[16] The culinary achievements noted in works published in Mexico City were not part of the culinary repertoire of the cookery of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona or California. Life was harsh on Mexico's northern frontier. On a trip to Texas in 1828, Jose Maria S½nchez reported that "Food is extremely scarce; the little corn which is cultivated by the inhabitants is planted near the city in tracts which are over-flooded by the river in time of high water because the scarcity of rain does not permit planting in other places." Beef, the only meat S½nchez saw, was "secured with great difficulty, because the animals must be brought from long distances, often at the risk of life from attack by wild Indians." Provisions consisted "of a sort of corn cakes resembling corn bread; toasted and ground corn with brown sugar, anise seed, or cinnamon, called pinole, which is used to make mush or may be taken with water during the hot part of the day; and dry beef, salted to keep it from spoiling."[17] AMERICAN CONQUEST AND OCCUPATION For the United States, Spain's loss of Mexico in 1821 meant the end of a potential European threat and the opening of potential new opportunities. Within a year of Mexican independence, the Santa Fe trail linked the Mexican state of Nuevo Mexico with St. Louis. Connections between the two countries expanded via overland trade as trappers and traders explored the Rocky Mountains. Simultaneously, Americans migrated to Texas and to California. By 1835, Mexican authorities became alarmed by the rapid increase in the Anglo-American population in Texas. Juan N. Almonte was sent to reconnoiter the Mexican province. On the food situation, he reported that the main diet of the Mexicans consisted of tortillas, beef, venison, chickens, eggs, cheese, and milk; and sometimes bread, chocolate, coffee, tea, and sugar. Among the Anglo-Americans, the most common was bacon, cornbread, coffee sweetened with bee's honey, butter, buttermilk, and sometimes crackers. According to Almonte, despite the cheapness of cattle, rarely did Anglo-Americans eat beef, except in Nacogdoches and San Antonio, where cattle were slaughtered regularly.[18] When the United States annexed Texas in 1845, conquered California and the American Southwest in 1846, and bought the Gadsden Purchase in 1853, it acquired a multi-cultural empire with thousands of Spanish-speaking people. The culinary traditions of these peoples were diverse, but they differed significantly from those of mainstream Americans. Anglo-Americans reported extensively on the new and unusual foods eaten by Hispanics. In San Antonio, Frederick Law Olmsted was served tortillas, tamales, and hashed meat in the 1850s.[19] While walking through Texas, Stephen Powers noted "long strips of beef, and large quantities of red and green peppers and garlic."[20] Pierre Fourier Parisot reported that tortillas and frijoles were the principal foods of the Mexican ranchero sometimes supplemented with chili, eggs, and chili con carne.[21] H. F. McDanield and N. A. Taylor reported that the Mexicans in San Antonio lived "principally on hash made of dried beef and rendered fiercely hot with red pepper. With this they eat pods of red pepper, raw onions, and cornbread made into crackers, which have a strong taste of lye. In summer they sometimes appear to live for days together on nothing but watermelons, for which their fondness is remarkable and really child-like and affecting."[22] Stephen Gould described San Antonio's Military Plaza as teaming with "Mexican lunch tables, where one can get a genuine Mexican breakfast with as good hot coffee as can be found in the city. Those who delight in the Mexican luxuries of tamales, chili con carne, and enchiladas, can find them here cooked in the open air in the rear of the tables and served by lineal descendants of the ancient Aztecs."[23] These stands sold "'chile con carne,' 'tamales,' 'tortillas,' 'chile rellenos,' 'huevos revultos,' 'lengua lampreada,' 'pucheros,' 'ollas,' with leathery cheese, burning peppers, stewed tomatoes, and many other items," according to John G. Bourke, a founder of the American folklore movement who carefully examined the lifestyle and foodways of Mexicans and Mexican-Americans living along the Rio Grande river.[24] The first clearly identified Mexican-American recipe was published in 1876 by women of the First Congregational Church in Marysville, Ohio. These women had set out to develop a cookbook celebrating the United States's centennial. In their quest to make their book truly national, they sent letters to the governor of every state and territory asking for culinary contributions. The households of twenty-six governors offered recipes. Anson Safford, the territorial governor of Arizona, presented one for enchiladas. At the end of the recipe, Safford proclaimed that "Any one who has ever been in a Spanish speaking country will recognize this as one of the national dishes, as much as the pumpkin pie is a New England speciality."[25] By the 1880s, Mexican dishes were incorporated occasionally into regional cookbooks. An 1881 cookbook published in Los Angeles included recipes for Spanish Hash, Stuffed Chillies, Spanish Wafers, and Spanish Cream. It also featured a "Spanish Department" including recipes for estofado (stew), chili and the first known American recipe for "Zalza."[26] An 1888 cooking pamphlet published in Santa Barbara also included a "Spanish Recipes" section. The book proclaimed that "Spanish" cuisine was "an entirely new feature in an American cookbook." The recipes were obtained "with much difficulty, as the culinary arts of the Spaniards, like the legends of the Orient, are handed down in families from generation to generation." The four-page section featured a variety of dishes, including stuffed chilis, stuffed onions, Spanish rice, Spanish beefsteak, chili sauce, enchiladas, "Quail a la Spanish," albondigas, tamales, "Preserved Pumpkins," "Havana Soup" (shrimp and rice soup with tomatoes, onions, and celery), "Pastel de Pescada" (fish in pastry), "Quimbombo con Arroz" (Quimbombo with rice), "Tallarin a la Italienne" (macaroni with a tomato, pepper, garlic and onion sauce), and "Pipan" (pepper chicken).[ 27] National cookbooks and cookery magazines featured Mexican recipes around the end of the nineteenth century. The 1896 Manual for Army Cooks Prepared under the Direction of the Commissary General of Subsistence included recipes for Spanish Stew, Spanish Steak, Hot Sauce, Dried Beef with Peppers, "Salza," Frijoles, Frijoles con Queso (beans with cheese), Stuffed Chiles, Brains (Spanish Style), Tamales, Tortillas, Chili con Carne, and fried Spanish Rice.[28] Mrs. Rorer's New Cook Book, published in 1902, featured "A Group of Spanish Recipes," including ones for tamales, "Chile Con-Cana," [sic] "Encilades," [sic] and "Frijoles."[29] Despite this diversity, relatively few Mexican foods thrived in Anglo-America. Those foods which derived directly from Mexican traditions were chili sauce, enchiladas, tortillas, refried beans, Spanish rice, and tamales. An early Texas recipe for chili sauce or chili colorado was composed of chili, tomato, and lard. Similar dishes were served in Sonora, New Mexico, and California, but occasionally the meat ingredient differed. William Watts Hart Davis reported that chili colorado was "a compound of red peppers and dried buffalo meat stewed together, flaming like the crater of mount Vesuvius." John G. Bourke opined that "No Mexican dish of meat or vegetables is deemed complete without it, and its supremacy as a table adjunct is conceded by both garlic and tomato, which also bob up serenely in nearly every effort of the culinary art."[30] Enchiladas were identified as "corn fritters allowed to simmer for a moment in chili sauce, and then served hot with a sprinkling of grated cheese and onion."[31] In 1921 Louise Lloyd Lowber described the first process for making enchiladas: first a tortilla was placed in the center of a plate, "then a flood of rich, red chilee sauce from a near-by kettle, a layer of grated cheese, anothertortilla, more chile and more cheese, sprinkled between in layer-cake fashion, and the whole topped with a high crown of chopped onions in which nestles an egg, which has been broken a minute into the hot lard. An artistic and cooling garnish of lettuce and behold an enchilada."[32] Tortillas were "corn cakes prepared by soaking maize in lime-water until the outer skin comes off, and then rubbing the softened kernels to a paste on a 'metate' or stone mill."[33] Some tortillas were large, thick, and white; others were small, delicate, and colored. They were served open or folded, and were filled with fish, fowl, meat, or vegetables. Pierre Fourier Parisot reported that Anglo-Americans learned how to use tortillas from "the poorer class of Mexicans." Hardened tortillas were used as plates to hold food and as spoons to convey it to the mouth. When the food was consumed, the plate and spoon were then consumed.[34] Refried beans were "Mexico's commonest dish."[35] However, the earliest located American recipe was not published until 1888. Under the title of "Frijoles," Mrs. Joseph Warner Maddox of San Antonio boiled the beans first, then fried them in lard.[36] Restaurants and cantinas likely offered refried beans on their menus well before this time. Several observers reported that meals were seldom served without them. For the poor, frijoles were "the mainstay of their diet both winter and summer." Frijoles were served "in a large dish from which you help yourself, dashing a spoonful of the nutty pellets on the side of your enchilada. Occasionally you will find them fried dry, and always you must flavor them with chile."[37] Frijoles were, said John G. Bourke, prepared "in a half dozen different ways; stewed or boiled to a pulpy paste, it appears at almost every meal, and well deserves its title of 'El plato nacional,' the national dish."[38] Tamales consisted of beef, pork or chicken encased in corn dough tied in corn-husks and boiled or steamed. Harris Newmark, an early resident of Southern California, claimed that tamales "took some time for the incoming epicure to appreciate all that was claimed for them and other masterpieces of Mexican cooking." Some Anglo-Americans never appreciated tamales. In 1893, Kate Sanborn advised visitors to San Diego, "whatever other folly you may be led into, let me implore you to wholly abstain from that deadly concoction, the Mexican tamale. Ugh! I can taste mine now." She reported that tamales were "a curious and dubious concoction of chicken hash, meat, olives, red pepper and I know not what, enclosed in a corn-husk, stewed until furiously hot, and then offered for sale by Mexicans in such a sweet, appealing way that few can resist the novelty." She warned without elaboration that the effects of eating tamales were "serious."[40] Tamales were not the only Mexican food that was unappreciated. Bourke reported that"The abominations of Mexican cookery have been for years a favorite theme with travelers." Regarding Mexican cuisine, Bourke pronounced that "as a general rule, there is an appalling liberality in the matter of garlic, a recklessness in the use of chili colorado or chili verde, and an indifference to the existence of dirt and grease, which will find no apology." He attributed these problems "directly to the illiteracy of the poorer classes, from which cooks are drawn, and to some extent to depravity of taste due to long usage." Yet, Bourke conceded, there remained "not a few excellences in Mexican cookery which occupy pleasant niches in the memory, and are deserving of preservation and imitation."[41] AMERICANIZATION OF MEXICAN COOKERY To better appeal to Anglo tastes, Mexican foods were adapted in America. Around the beginning of the twentieth century, tamale pie recipes dispensed with laborious procedures in making traditional recipes by eliminating the corn husks, tying, and steaming. Instead, chicken was placed on the bottom of a pot, a sauce of tomatoes, onions, and chili peppers were placed over the chicken, and finally a pie crust covered the concoction. Subsequent recipes placed layers of corn meal mush at the bottom of the dish and on top. This recipe was further modified into Tamale Loaf, Tamale Pudding and Tamale Casserole during the early twentieth century. Food historian Sylvia Lovegren reports that tamale pie was amazingly popular, proclaiming it "Slightly exotic, yet thoroughly American, easy to make, and amenable to sitting around in its baking dish for a good while, it was the perfect dish for luncheons, for covered-dish parties, for Sunday parties. So popular was it by the late Forties that one cookbook gave four very different recipes for it. Unfortunately, all of them were of the tricked-out variety, departing from the dish's simple beginnings."[42] The high point of tamale pie and tamale loaf cookery was achieved in 1956 with the publication of nineteen recipes in a single cookbook.[43] Chili con carne was another adapted dish. The first known publication of the term appeared in the title of an 1857 book written by an American observing food in Monterey, Mexico. The author, S. Compton Smith, defined it as "a popular Mexican dish literally red peppers and meat."[44] It is extremely likely that the dish Smith identified as chili con carne was consumed throughout Northern Mexico and Southwestern United States, but the term itself was an Americanization. Several subsequent sources reported that the proper Mexican term was carne con chili, emphasizing the meat and not the chili.[45] Whatever its actual name, descriptions of chili con carne abundantly appeared in nineteenth century travel accounts. John G. Bourke reported that chili con carne was "meat prepared in a savory stew with chili colorado, tomato, grease, and generally, although not always, with garlic."[46] Anglo-Texans adopted the term and hijacked the dish to such an extent that Francisco J. Santamaria, author of the Diccionario General de Americanismos, proclaimed that chili con carne was "a detestable dish identified under the false title of Mexican" sold in the United States from Texas to New York.[47] Despite Santamaria's comments, American food writers insisted that chili con carne was one of "the best known of Mexican national dishes," although some concluded that "the manner of its preparation in Mexico varies with the district, the mood of the cook and the means of the household, the basis always being chilis and several other kinds of peppers represented in the chili powder used in this recipe." Some cookbooks offered two recipes for chili con carne, one representing a Mexican version, and one representing a "border recipe for a richer, spicier chili with both Mexican and North American features, since we have adopted this dish for all time."[48] Chili con carne became closely associated with Mex-Tex cookery in 1939.[49] This term was later reversed to become Tex-Mex.. In addition to Tex-Mex, several other regional Mexican-American cooking styles existed. The first compilation of New Mexican cookery was Erna Fergusson's Mexican Cookbook first published in 1934. Ferguson included mainly Americanized versions of Mexican cookery with some New Mexican influence.[50] Fifteen years later, Fabiola Cabeza de Baca Gilbert's The Good Life: New Mexico Traditions and Food focused specifically on the traditional foods of New Mexicans. Gilbert had been raised by her maternal grandmother on a New Mexican ranch and became a home economist. The recipes she presented were an amalgamation of different influences which have been evident in the state since and before the Spanish conquest." Within her collection, Gilbert included traditional recipes for "Carne con Chile Colorado," salsa, tamales, chili rellenos, quesadillas, frijoles, tacos, and "Cocktail de Aguacate," but she also presented recipes not found elsewhere in the Mexican-American culinary scene.[51] The taco was the staple of Cal-Mex food.[52] The word taco meant a "wad" or "plug" purportedly "taken from the cotton used in ramming old-fashioned firearms."[53] Colloquially, taco referred to a light meal or snack. or antojitos little whimsies or small dishes. In Mexico, the word taco was a generic term like the English word sandwich. Mexican tacos are basically any food rolled, folded or fried into tortillas that are consumed by hand. The various fillings for tacos include chili sauce, beef (shredded or ground), chicken, pork, chorizo or sausage, egg, tomato, cheese, lettuce, guacamole, onions, and refried beans. Mexican tacos are usually soft-shelled, unlike the U-shaped crisp fried tortillas served in many American Mexican restaurants and fast food outlets. The first-known English-language taco recipes appeared in California cookbooks beginning in 1914. The author, Bertha Haffner-Ginger, reported that tacos were "made by putting chopped cooked beef and chili sauce in a tortilla made of meal and flour; folded, edges sealed together with egg; fried in deep fat, chile sauce served over it."[54] Another Californian, Pauline Wiley-Kleemann, featured six taco and tacquito recipes in her Ramona's Spanish-Mexican Cookery. These included recipes for Gorditos that came from Santa Nita or Xochimilco, Pork Tacos composed of snout, ears, jowls, kidneys, and liver, Cream Cheese Tacos, Egg Tacos, Mexican Tacos, and Tacquitos.[55] Not everyone was familiar with tacos by the 1930s. One author felt obligated to tell the reader that tacos were "the Mexican's Sandwich," and that they were composed "of roast meat or chicken, either sliced or minced but cheese and sweet fillings are rapidly gaining in popularity. The Mexican enjoys his Tacos and Hot Chocolate as does the American his Doughnuts and Coffee."[56] The following year Blanche and Edna McNeill defined a taco as a "tidbit, or Mexican sandwich," which was a "much decorated, highly spiced tortilla with any filling." They offered recipes for making tacos filled with pork sausage and shrimp. Their recipe for Tacos de San Luis was based on a recipe developed by "old Carmen" from the Alameda in San Luis, Mexico. For thirty-five years Carmen made tacos by filling them with goat cheese, onion and sausage. Just before the tacos were consumed, she poured hot lard over them.[57] Taco recipes often appeared under the names for Mexican locations from which they purportedly derived: Puebla-Style Tacos consisted of sausages, eggs, tomatoes, onions, peppers, and cream cheese; San Cristobal Tacos were filled with eggs, flour sugar and butter. Other taco recipes were named solely after their filling: Taco de Rajas were filled with sweet peppers.58 Perhaps unique in the Mexican-American cookery traditions was the seafood tacos served in California.[59] Also associated with Cal-Mex food was guacamole. Avocados or alligator pears are thought to have originated in Mexico, and their seeds have been found in archaeological sites dating to 6,000 BCE. The Aztecs made a sauce based on avocados called ahuaca-mulli or guacamole. According to culinary historian Sophie Coe, this consisted of "mashed avocados, with or without a few chopped tomatoes and onions." The Spanish probably introduced avocado- growing into what is today the United States. However, among Anglo-Americans, avocados did not become fashionable until the late nineteenth century. In 1895 John G. Bourke proclaimed that so much has been written about the avocado "that only a word seems to be necessary here. When the custard-like pulp is beaten up with egg, oil, vinegar, and spices, it makes a most delicious salad." Avocado salad or alligator pear salad recipes appeared in cookbooks by 1899. Standard recipes included tomato, green pepper, onion juice, salt, and lemon or vinegar. Avocados became so popular that Floridians began to compete with producers in the West Indies for the lucrative East Coast market.[60] While avocados were grown in both Florida and California during the early twentieth century, it was in California that avocado cookery took off. A recipe from Los Angeles dated 1905 consisted of chunky avocados, olive oil, and minced onions. It was placed on a bed of lettuce and eaten with a fork. The first known English-language cookbook recipe designated in an approximation of the Spanish word guacamole appeared in Fashions in Foods[91] in Beverly Hills under the name "Wakimoli" in 1930." The recipe was associated with Helen Twelvetrees (Helen Jurgens) who starred in several movies in the late 1920s. The second located recipe was published two years later under the title of "Avocado Hucamole," consisting of avocados, chopped tomatoes, and cayenne pepper. This mixture was spread over toasted tortillas or just plain toast. In 1936 Blanche and Edna McNeill recommended cutting tortillas into "2-inch squares, toast to light brown" to eat the Huacamole salad. According to the McNeills, Mexicans used "the toasted tortillas to carry the salad to his mouth" and then ate the tortilla. The 1933 Sunset All-Western Cook Book featured twenty-eight avocado recipes. It recommended eating them with a spoon or spread on buttered toast or crackers. After World War II, fritos and potato chips were recommended as guacamole dippers, mainly because corn chips had not yet proliferated across America.[61] Sonoran cookery developed in Arizona. Carlotta Flores maintains that the Mexican cookery in Tucson was "a unique cuisine not found in any other border town. Although you may recognize the names of some dishes tacos, tamales, enchiladas, burros, chimichangas, chile colorado our way of preparing them is different from anywhere else in the world."62 This cookery is exemplified by food served in restaurants, such as the food served at Tucson's El Charro CafÚ, which opened in 1922. In Mesa, Arizona, the El Charro Restaurant and Cocktail Lounge opened in 1919. Their Western Mexican Cook Book, published forty years later, featured many Sonoran foods.[63] The burrito, meaning literally little burro or donkey, became irreversibly linked to the tortilla-rolled packages. Burrito lovers David Thomsen and Derek Wilson believe that the modern burrito originated "in the dusty borderlands between Tucson and Los Angeles." The word burrito first saw print in America in 1934. It was sold at Los Angeles's famed El Cholo Spanish CafÚ during the 1930s. Burritos entered Mexican-American cuisine in other parts of the Southwest around the 1950s and went nationwide a decade later.[64] Migrant Mexican farm laborers transported their food traditions with them. Some farm laborers remained in the communities and established or worked in eating establishments. Before World War II, Mexican food was commonly served in Oklahoma and Missouri, where, Crosby Gaige reported, tamales were "sold on the streets in cooler weather, hot from the charcoal carriers. Mexican labor in the fields of these states was responsible for this culinary invasion, which has been so long established that Mexican food is now an accepted part of the gustatory achievement in these states."[65] Mexican foods introduced away from traditional Hispanic communities often went through unusual transformations. In Cincinnati, chili served on spaghetti became the accepted form. As has been previously noted, the connection of pasta and chili was a regular combination throughout Mexico and the Southwest from Los Angeles to Texas, but the combination became famous in Ohio. Cincinnati Red is credited to two local food chains, the Empress, owned by the Bulgarian Kiradjieffs family; and Skyline, owned by the Greek Lambrinides family. The Empress served chili shortly after it opened in 1922. The Skyline chain opened in the 1940s. Cincinnati Red comes five ways with various combinations of pasta, chili, grated Cheddar cheese, chopped onions, beans, and cinnamon.[66] Many "Mexican" dishes were concocted to please the American palate. Leftover tortillas could easily be cut up and used to scoop up sauces, beans and other foods. Salsa recipes were frequently published, but they were diverse and were usually intended "to bring out the best flavors for each particular dish" and they were usually a part of the recipe. As the salsa craze swept America, salsas based on tomatoes became the standard. Likewise, tortilla chips became a staple at Mexican restaurants in the United States, but never caught on in Mexico except in restaurants targeting American tourists. When Mexican-food doyen Diana Kennedy asked a restaurateur why tortilla chips were served at the beginning of the meal, he humbly reminded Kennedy of the market pressures: "I have to do it that way. Our customers expect it."[67] Another favorite "Mexican" food that burst on the American culinary scene was the nacho for which several points of origin have been suggested. Igancio (Nacho) Ahaya claimed to have created them and named them after himself. As the story goes, Ahaya was asked to prepare a snack for Anglo officers' wives while the cook was out. He "grabbed a whole bunch of fried tortillas, put some yellow cheese on top, let it heat a little bit, then put some sliced jalapenos on it."[68] Wherever they originated, nachos quickly spread throughout Texas, where they were served at a concession at Dallas's State Fair in 1964.[69] Within two decades were served throughout stadiums, airports, fast-food establishments. An early nacho disseminator was Victor J. Bergeron. Bergeron had founded Hinky Dinks restaurant in 1933 in Oakland, California. Four years later, he changed the name of his restaurant to Trader Vic's. In 1951 Bergeron opened his San Francisco restaurant that became the launching pad for a string of Polynesian-like restaurants employing Chinese cooks throughout the world. When this chain was developed, Bergeron looked around for other possibilities. He had always been charmed by the taste sensation of Mexican food, particularly the manner in which it was "fabricated and put together," but Bergeron believed that Mexican food was "primitive." It did not taste good to mainstream Americans because it "was greasy, hot, and not well prepared." Bergeron thought he could do better. To learn how to make good Mexican food, he spent a week in Texas, where he ran into nachos. Bergeron compiled recipes from Mexico and Texas and others he just made up based on a "Mexican slant." Based on these recipes, he taught his Chinese cooks how to make this food and opened his first Seöor Pico restaurant in San Francisco in 1964 and another one in Los Angeles three years later.[70] COMMERCIALIZATION OF MEXICAN-AMERICAN COOKERY Among all the Mexican foods, Anglo-Americans were particularly fascinated with chili peppers. The first chili recipes appeared as sauces in mainstream cookbooks prior to the Civil War. In addition to recipes in cookbooks, chili sauce was the first Mexican product commercially distributed. Tabasco Pepper Sauce, Railton's Chili Colorow Sauce, and Durkee's Essence of Chili were manufactured after the Civil War, although most were not specifically identified as "Mexican" in origin.[73] The first known explicit commercial exploitation of Mexican food occurred in the 1870s when an Anglo-Texan canned "Montezuma Sauce" filled with chili and goat meat. It was not an overwhelming success, and vanished after a short time in production. The second attempt to commercialize chili was that of William Tobin who purportedly patented recipes for chili sauce and chili. He launched the Tobin Canning Company of San Antonio in 1884. This effort also floundered. Then D.C. Pendry manufactured chili powder in 1890. At the time, Pendery operated a Mexican grocery supply company in Ft. Worth, Texas. His recipe ground the dry, hot, dark red chilis and blended them with garlic, oregano and cumin. Chili powder eliminated the need to acquire and handle raw chilis and simplified the preparation of chili con carne for any housewife or restauranteur in any part of the country. Pendery launched a sales campaign outside promoting his chili powder throughout the Midwest. To encourage its use by those unfamiliar with it, Pendry supplied recipes to cafes and restaurants.[74] Another commercial chili powder was developed by William Gebhardt, a German, who migrated about 1885 to New Braunfels, Texas. Gebhardt opened a cafÚ, which served chili imported from Mexico. To preserve them, he dried and crushed them into powder. Around 1894, he began bottling his powder which he marketed under the name of "Gebhardt's Eagle Brand Chili Powder." He moved his factory to San Antonio in 1898. For several years, Gebhardt marketed his chili powder regionally; it became an important ingredient to such an extent that recipes in Texas cookbooks specifically recommended its use. Shortly after the beginning of the twentieth century, Gebhardt began marketing his chili powder to a wider audience.[75] By 1908 Gebhardt commenced canning chili in San Antonio. Gebhardt sold his company to his brothers-in-law in 1911, who expanded their product line to include beans and tamales. During the 1920s, they introduced to the tourist trade Gebhardt's Original Mexican Dinner Package, consisting of cans of chili con carne, Mexican Style Beans, shuck-wrapped Tamales, Deviled Chili Meat, and a bottle of Chili Powder all for one dollar. Gebhardt combined this with cooking pamphlets distributed in several editions beginning in the first decade of the twentieth century. One of the Gebhardt Chile Powder Company's products was "Spaghetti and Chili with Cheese." By the 1930s, Gebhardt products were sold throughout the United States and Mexico.[76] Other companies produced chili powder and chili con carne. For instance, Walker Properties Association of Austin, Texas, manufactured 45,000 cans of "Walker's Red Hot Chile Con Carne" and 15,000 cans of "Mexene Chile Powder" daily by 1918. Supported by aggressive consumer advertising, these products were sold in every region of the United States. As part of its marketing campaign, Walker produced a Recipe Booklet with recipes for barbecue sauce, chili con carne, enchiladas, tamales, beans, and spaghetti with chili.[77] Emile C. Ortega began canning chilis in Ventura County, California. According to promotional brochures, the Ortega family was from Castile. JosÚ Ortega was a member of the Jean Bautista de Anza expedition which founded the presidio and mission on San Francisco Bay. Emile Ortega, purportedly a direct descendant of JosÚ Ortega, began the commercial preparation and canning of green chilis in 1898. Emile Ortega invented a method which allowed the whole chilis to be roasted while passing through a red-hot oven. He moved operations to Los Angeles in 1906. As a promotional gimmick, the company issued a cookbook in 1933 which featured their "California Chiles," but not all of the recipes were Mexican. By 1934, Ortega sold several million cans of chilis.[78] Chili's realm expanded slowly throughout the United States. Chili with or without beans won followers in New Orleans and St. Louis. By the 1890s, Mexican cookery had penetrated as far north as Chicago and New York City. In Chicago, a "San Antonio Chili Stand" was set up on the grounds of the Columbian Exposition in 1893. About the same time, "Tamaleros" plied Chicago's streets selling "Fresh Hot Chicken Tamales."[79] In New York, white-clad tamale sellers fanned throughout the streets at the behest of The Mexican Food Corporation. These tamale sellers eventually lost out to cheaper restaurants who sold tamales and chili con carne.[80] This impressed Mexican newspapers which proudly announced that New York restaurants served Mexican dishes. Not everyone positively evaluated them, however. San Antonio historian Frank H. Bushick proclaimed them "pseudo-Mexican restaurants serving nondescript imitations of dishes which have made the restaurants of San Antonio famous."[81] By the early twentieth century, chicken tamales and chili con carne were canned in Chicago by both Armour and Libby, McNeill & Libby.[82] By the 1920s, grocer Artemas Ward incorporated a description of tamales in his Encyclopedia of Food. Ward defined tamales as "a Mexican dish of cornmeal (previously cooked or scalded) or rice or other cereal or pumpkin-flour, meat of any kind, chilis (or sweet red peppers), garlic, etc., preferably steam-cooked together in an oil-dipped corn-husk, but also made into balls and cooked in hot fat. When cooked in the husk, the best method is to line the husk with a stiff dough of the scalded cornmeal and then fill with the mixture of the other ingredients."[83] Refried beans are believed to have been first canned by the Mountain Pass Canning Company. The company originated in 1918 in Deming, New Mexico, but records are unclear concerning the date when they first canned refried beans. Their products were aggressively marketed under the brand name "Old El Paso."[84] In addition to canning, commercialization occurred through corn chips. It is likely that cut-up, hardened tortillas were the original chips. The first-known commercial corn chip was the friotes, which were made from fried masa (corn flour) in San Antonio. Elmer Doolin purportedly bought a bag of friotes and then bought the recipe for one hundred dollars. In 1932 Doolin began manufacturing them under the name Fritos. His renamed product was a success, and his sales expanded as far as St. Louis. In 1945 Doolin met Herman W. Lay, the potato chip manufacturer. Lay agreed to distribute Fritos. From 1953 to 1967 the main target for Fritos were children, and Frito-Lay advertised the corn chips with the "Frito Kid." In 1963, with growing awareness of niche markets, the Frito-Lay Company switched to the "Frito Bandito," which appalled the Mexican-American community. The Frito Bandito soon disappeared. In 1965, Frito-Lay introduced Doritos, a chip they claimed tasted like authentic tostadas. They became popular nationwide as the era of the Anglo corn chip dawned.[85] The success of corn chips can be attributed in part to the related popularity of salsas, which are generally composed of various combinations of chili peppers, tomatoes, herbs and spices As previously noted, salsa has been around since Aztec days. Salsa recipes were published by the end of the nineteenth century in cookbooks. The first known manufacturer of salsa was Pace Foods of San Antonio. Dave Pace experimented with bottling salsa in 1947, and finally succeeded in getting the formula right the following year. Pace's initial market was regional. Other salsa products were produced by other manufacturers, including Old El Paso and Ortega. Only during the 1970s did sales skyrocket. Pace became the largest producer of Mexican sauces.[86] The fresh salsa market exploded during the 1980s and continued to increase during the following decade. By the 1990s salsa outsold ketchup. Another significant type of commercialization was the establishment of Mexican fast food. During the 1950s, several small fast-food operators established multi-unit, drive-in outlets near Los Angeles. Small Mexican-American roadside restaurants were often called "taco stands." The first fast-food Mexican franchise was launched in Downey, California, in 1962 by Glen Bell. Ten years previously, Bell began with a one-man hamburger and hot dog stand at San Bernardino, California. At the time, the McDonald brothers who also lived in San Bernardino were franchising their McDonald's hamburger outlets. Bell decided to experiment with the fast-food preparation of tacos. By 1956, he had three Taco Tia restaurants in San Bernardino, Barstow and Redlands, California. These establishments generated $50,000 per year, and Bell decided to franchise his operation. The resulting Taco Bell chain used the symbol of a sleeping Mexican sitting under a sombrero. Taco Bell quickly expanded around Los Angeles. In 1978 with 868 restaurants, Taco Bell sold out to Pepsi, who immediately replaced the company's symbol with a mission bell. By 1980, Taco Bell had 1,333 outlets in forty-five states and Guam. John Martin, who had already worked for several fast-food companies made Taco Bell's Mexican-origin dishes popular nationally through value meals and heavy discounting beginning in 1983. Today, Taco Bell has 6,700 outlets generating about five billion dollars in sales.[87] In addition to fast food establishments, more than 7,240 Mexican restaurants have proliferated throughout the United States. Mexican food is the third-largest restaurant cuisine in the United States, outnumbered only by Italian and Chinese restaurants.[88] However, not everyone was pleased with the cuisine served in Mexican restaurants in the United States. Diana Kennedy has been highly critical. In her The Art of Mexican Cooking, Kennedy writes: "many people outside Mexico still think of them as an overly large platter of mixed messes, smothered with a shrill tomato sauce, sour cream, and grated yellow cheese preceded by a dish of mouth-searing sauce and greasy, deep-fried chips. Although these do represent some of the basic foods of Mexico in name only they have been brought down to their lowest common denominator north of the border, on a par with the chop suey and chow mein of Chinese restaurants 20 years ago. These dishes can be wonderful when cooked with care and presented in their correct culinary context, but instead, they have been transformed into a cheap culinary 'fix.'" To be fair though, she does note "some significant, positive changes going on across the United States as a small, but growing, number of speciality restaurants are attempting and with no small measure of success to change this image by presenting Mexican regional foods, interpreted in an American or southwestern style."[89] May BOB"GILLIGAN"DENVER...REST IN PEACE..HE WAS 70... Please send ALL corrections to my manager George John McStarkey...at E MAIL Provided...thanx... Baby seals are called pups, but they're also referred to as "weaners." The average American male has seven erections per day. The White House, and its grounds, takes up 18 acres of land. It takes light eight and a half minutes to travel from the Sun to the Earth. One in five people on Earth are Chinese. In Spain, the TV drama Beverly Hills, 90210 is called Sensation of Living. According to the official rules of baseball, no umpire may be replaced during a game unless he is injured or becomes ill. The name for a teddy bear collector is "archtophilist." The ferret is the third most popular companion mammal behind the dog and cat. Captain Kangaroo was the first TV network kids show in the United States. The egg of the typical hen has 7,000 tiny pores in its shell. Snow White's sister's name is Rose Red. Catnip not only has an affect on house cats. It can also affect cougars and lions. The chocolate chip cookie was invented in 1933. The study of lightning is called "keraunopathology." Albert Einstein married his first cousin. P.T. Barnum was responsible for the very first international beauty contest. Hors d'oeuvre, translated literally, means "outside of work." If a lobster loses an eye, it will grow a new one. The foot is the most common body part bitten by insects. Elizabeth Taylor was seriously considered for the lead role of Nurse Nellie Forbush in the 1958 film version of Rodgers and Hammerstein's musical South Pacific. Taylor auditioned for composer Richard Rodgers, but she was so nervous that her normally sweet voice turned raspy – she lost the part to Mitzi Gaynor. There are 119 grooves on the edge of a quarter. » The Honours of Scotland are the Crown, the Sceptre, and the Sword of State. They are emblems of kingly power when Scotland was a separate kingdom » Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated by Canada Post on February 1, 1969. » In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes. » The Indian epic poem the "Mahabhrata" is eight times longer than "The Iliad" and "The Odyssey" combined. » Scarlett O' Hara, Margaret Mitchell's Gone With the Wind lead character, was originally given the name Pansy. » In trucking circles, a "bumper sticker" is a tailgater who is following another vehicle too closely. » Set in 175 acres of woodland in Yorkshire Dales, Britain's Lightwater Valley Theme Park has the longest roller coaster in the world, The Ultimate, as affirmed by the Guinness Book of World Records 2000. There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo. » There are 3 main groups/shapes of pathogenic bacteria: cocci (round), bacilli (rod-shaped), and spirilla (coil-like). » The initials M.G. on the famous British-made automobile stand for "Morris Garage." » There are 42 dots on a pair of dice. » The kerosene fungus can live in jet fuel tanks. If there is a minute amount of water in the tank, the fungus can use the fuel as food. » Should there be a crash, Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane as a precaution. There are 48 teaspoons in a cup: three teaspoons make a tablespoon and 16 tablespoons to a cup. » The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache on a standard playing card. » Since 1874 the mints of the United States have been making currency for foreign governments, whose combined orders have at times exceeded the volume of domestic requirements. » There are 640 acres in a square mile. » The kings in a deck of cards each represent a great king from history. The king of spades is King David, the king of clubs is Alexander the Great, the king of hearts is Charlemagne, and the king of diamonds is Julius Caesar. » Slime molds are half fungus and half bacteria. They live on the floor of South American rainforests and slither around like an animal in search of food while, like a plant, they scatter spores that will become more slime molds. » There are about 3,000 hot dog vendors in metropolitan New York. » The Leap-The-Dips roller coaster is the oldest roller coaster in the world. It is located within Lakemont Park in Pennsylvania. It was built in 1902, and replaced the Gravity Railroad which burned down in 1901. The Leap-The-Dips is the last known example in the United States of a side friction figure eight roller coaster. The roller coaster's configurations are 1,452 feet in length, 41 feet at the highest point, the largest dip is 9 feet, and the steepest dip descent is 25 degrees. The average ride time of Leap-The-Dips is 1 minute and the average speed is 10 miles per hour. Some microbes cause diseases, but most are harmless and many are actually helpful. For example, some microbes help clean up oil spills. » There are more than 40,000 characters in Chinese script. » The LEGO company was founded by Ole Kirk Christiansen in Billund, Denmark, in 1916. Today it has over 9,000 employees worldwide. The Danish words Leg and Godt were put together to make "LEGO." Later, it was discovered that in Latin, the term "Lego" means "I put together" or "I assemble." » Some Persian rugs may last as long as 500 years before wearing out. » There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos. » The little bits of paper left over when holes are punched in data cards or tape are called "chad." » Some toothpaste and makeup contain crushed volcanic stone. » There are odor technicians in the perfume trade with the olfactory skill to distinguish 20,000 odors at 20 levels of intensity. The longest name in the Bible is Mahershalalbaz (Isaiah 8:1). » Someone who faces the glare of publicity may be said to be in the limelight. American chemist Robert Hare discovered that a blowpipe flame acting upon a block of calcium oxide – which is lime – produces a brilliant white light that could be used to illuminate theater stages. » There are three sets of letters on the standard typewriter and computer keyboards which are in alphabetical order, reading left to right. They are f-g-h, j-k-l, and o-p. » The loop on a belt that holds the loose end is called a "keeper." » Sound waves move 1,100 feet per second in the air. They move even faster through solids and liquids. » The Lord's Prayer appears twice in the Bible, in Matthew VI and Luke XI. » Standard business cards are printed 3½ inches wide by 2 inches long. » Starch is used as a binder in the production of paper. It is the use of a starch coating that controls ink penetration when printing. Cheaper papers do not use as much starch, and this is why your elbows get black when you are leaning over your morning paper. » "Chopines" were platform shoes that became popular in Europe during the sixteenth century. Some chopines were over 20 inches tall. In the 1400s, a popular form of shoes called "crakows" sported extremely long toes. The length of the toes, which could measure over 20 inches, was an indication of the social status of the person wearing them. » "Erin go bragh" means "Ireland forever." » "Peanuts" has appeared in some 2,600 newspapers in 75 countries, and has been translated into 21 languages. United Feature Syndicate started the strip in syndication on October 2, 1950. Snoopy first appeared two days later, on October 4, 1950. » "The Star-Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, is ranked the most difficult national anthem on Earth to sing. » "The Washington Post March" by John Phillip Sousa was named after the newspaper, the Washington Post. » “Hoosier” Indiana’s state nickname came from a generic Southern word, meaning bumpkin or backwoodsman. » “Jingle Bells,” a popular Christmas song, was actually written for Thanksgiving. The song was composed in 1857, by James Pierpont, and was originally called “One Horse Open Sleigh”. » Kazatsky (also spelled kazatski and kazatska) is the popular, vigorous Russian folk dance performed by a man. It is characterized by a step in which, from a squatting position, each leg is alternately kicked out. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, written by Mark Twain, was the first novel ever to be written on a typewriter. » There is 1 mile of railroad track in Belgium for every one and a half square miles of land. » The Boston Nation, a newspaper published in Ohio during the mid-nineteenth century, had pages seven and a half feet long and five and a half feet wide. It required two people to hold the paper in proper reading position. » There is one slot machine in Las Vegas for every eight inhabitants. » The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity. » There is only one Q in a Scrabble game. » The minimum safe distance between a wood-burning stove and flammable objects is three feet. » Statistics show that at race tracks, the favorite wins fewer than 30 percent of all horse races. Thieves tried to break into the Millennium Dome at Greenwich, England during November 2000, to steal a priceless collection of diamonds. They failed, and even if they had succeeded they would have quickly realised the diamonds were all fake! » The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off. » Street Boulevard in Joplin, Missouri, was named for Gabby Street, the manager of the St. Louis Cardinals in the early 1930s. » Thornfield Hall is the setting for the famous novel, Jane Eyre. » The Mona Lisa measures less than 2 feet by 2 feet. » Studies of the Dead Sea Scrolls indicate that the passage in the Bible known as the Sermon on the Mount is actually an ancient Essene prayer dating to hundreds of years before the birth of Christ. » To clean tarnished copper bottoms of pots and pans, spread a little ketchup onto the bottom. Let it sit for about one minute. Wipe it clean and rinse. » The most common name for a pub in Britain is The Red Lion. Studies shown by the Psychology Department of DePaul University show that the principal reason to lie is to avoid punishment. » To keep a corpse’s lips shut, undertakers pass a suture through the nasal septum and tie it to the lower lip, or use an injector needle gun to place wires into the lower and upper jaws; these are then twisted together to close the mouth. » The most landed on square in the British version of Monopoly is Trafalgar Square. » Suzie Derkins is the only character in Bill Watterson's comic strip, "Calvin and Hobbes," to have a first and last name. Calvin's parents have no names at all. » To keep knives sharp, do not cut on glass, porcelain, or metal surfaces. » The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad. » Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces after eating. » To prevent some numbers from occurring more frequently than others, dice used in crap games in Las Vegas are manufactured to a tolerance of 0.0002 inches, less than 1/17 the thickness of a human hair. The most requested photo from the National Archives is a shot of Elvis offering his services as a drug enforcement agent to Nixon. » Tarzan’s mate Jane’s last name was Parker. » To see how many children a newlywed couple will have, the Finns count the number of grains of rice in the bride's hair. Czechs send off the newlyweds under a barrage of peas. Italians throw sugared almonds. An African tradition is to throw corn kernels (to signify fertility). » The most visited cemetery in the world is Cimetière du Père Lachaise. Established in 1805, the lush grounds contain the tombs of over one million people, including such luminaries as composer Chopin; singer Édith Piaf; writers Oscar Wilde, Molière, Balzac, Marcel Proust, and Gertrude Stein; artists David, Delacroix, Pissarro, Seurat, and Modigliani; actors Sarah Bernhardt, Simone Signoret, and Yves Montand; and dancer Isadora Duncan. Cimetière du Père Lachaise's most visited tomb, however, is that of the Doors' lead singer, Jim Morrison, who died of an overdose in Paris in 1971. » Taxi drivers in London, England, are required to pass a training test based upon "The Blue Book." Preparation for this test takes between two to four years. Of ten who start, eight or nine drop out before completion. » The name "piano" is an abbreviation of Cristofori's original name for the instrument: piano et forte, or soft and loud. » The "Sandcastle Effect" was identified by researchers at the University of Notre Dame, Indiana, and first published on June 18, 1997. It explained why sandcastles do not collapse after the sand in them has almost totally dried out. » The Associated Press reported in December 1985, in Eugene, Oregon, a 6-month-old kitten set a Christmas tree on fire while batting at the lighted bulbs. The heat of the fire cracked a nearby fishbowl, and water from the bowl doused some of the fire. Firefighters arrived within minutes of the fire starting and put out the fire, which had spread to the carpet. A goldfish named Clyde was found lying prone in the cracked bowl, and when put into another bowl with water, was quickly revived and survived the ordeal. The water in Clyde's bowl had prevented the fire from getting out of control Tony the Tiger, cartoon mascot of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes since the early 1950s, was called “Tom-Tom the Tiger” in the island nation of Grenada. » Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult. » The name of the broken-down, partially blind old horse Ichabod Crane rode in Washington Irving's Legend of Sleepy Hollow was Gunpowder. » Turning a clock's hands counterclockwise while setting it is not necessarily harmful. It is only damaging when the timepiece contains a chiming mechanism. » The name of the camel on the Camel cigarettes pack is Old Joe. » Twenty kinds of kisses are described in the "Kama Sutra," the classical Indian text on eroticism. » The name of the first airplane flown at Kitty Hawk by the Wright Brothers, on December 17, 1903, was "Flyer." The maiden flight of Flyer, however, was less than a flight — the plane stayed in the air only 12 seconds. The brothers flew three more times that day, with their final flight covering 852 feet in 59 seconds. » Two chapters in the Bible, 2 Kings and Isaiah 37, are alike almost word for word. The name of the legendary Lady Godiva's horse was Aethenoth. » Two million years ago, the first truly humanlike creatures appeared on Earth. They were called Homo habilis or “handy man.” » The name of the statuette atop the hood of every Rolls Royce car is The Spirit of Ecstasy. » U.S. congressmen expressed surprise on learning in 1977 that it takes 15 months of instruction at the Pentagon's School of Music to turn out a bandleader, but merely 13 months to train a jet pilot. » The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye. » Undertakers report that human bodies do not deteriorate as quickly as they used to. The reason, they believe, is that the modern diet contains so many preservatives that these chemicals tend to prevent the body from decomposition too rapidly after death. » The names of the six Gummi bears are Gruffi, Cubbi, Tummi, Zummi, Sunni, and Grammi. » Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia. The New York-to-Paris Cup is believed to be one of the largest sporting trophies ever made, weighing 1,600 pounds (725.7 kg). » Violins weigh under 16 ounces yet resist string tension of over 65 pounds. » The Nike "swoosh" logo was designed by University of Oregon student Carolyn Davidson in 1964 — four years after business undergrad Phil Knight and track coach Bill Bowerman founded the company they originally called Blue Ribbon Sports. Ms. Davidson was paid $35 dollars for her design. » The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders. » We hear the sound of the seashore inside large seashells because the shell echoes surrounding sounds, jumbling and amplifying them. » What happens to goods seized at international The oldest known map is carved on a clay tablet that dates to about 2300 B.C., which now resides in the Fogg Art Museum in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Excavated at Nuzi in northern Iraq during the early 1920s, the clay map portrays the river Euphrates flowing through northern Mesopotamia. » When a military contractor referred to a "manually powered fastener-driving impact device," he was talking about a hammer. » The oldest piano still in existence was built in 1720. » When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. To photograph the event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second. » The only House in England that the Queen may not enter is the House Of Commons as she is not a commoner. » When the Duchess of Windsor's jewels were going on the auction block in 1987, Sotheby's sold 24,000 of its pricey, detailed catalogs. Whether or not you are relaxed or braced during a car accident makes little difference in the injury department according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. What makes a difference is being properly restrained in the vehicle. » The penny and the Sacajawea dollar are the only coins currently minted in the United States with profiles that face to the right. All other U.S. coins – the half dollar, quarter, dime, and nickel – feature profiles that face to the left. » A "funambulist" is a tight-rope walker. » The pharaohs of ancient Egypt wore garments made with thin threads of beaten gold. Some fabrics had up to 500 gold threads per one inch of cloth. » A balloon released into the jet stream would take two weeks to travel completely around the globe. » A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel. » A bronze cat, believed to be 2,300 years old, was one of the most popular sculptures in the Egyptian Wing of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City. Despite its popularity for nearly 25 years, a few museum officials had reason to doubt the statue's authenticity. After X-raying the 15-inch-high figure and scanning a small portion of it with an electron microscope, the museum reluctantly declared in 1987 that the sculpture was “in all probability a modern forgery.” » A bubble is round because the air within it presses equally against all its parts, thus causing all surfaces to be equidistant from its center. A car that shifts manually gets 2 miles more per gallon of gas than a car with automatic shift. » A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile. » Whether visiting Zimbabwe, Botswana, South Africa, or Swaziland, most big game areas offer safari by horse. The adventure offers a more one-on-one experience with nature than that available from a vehicle-driven safari, and the drone of camouflaged Land Rovers’ engines don’t spoil the solitude. Safari outfits offer two-hour rides as well as day trips and overnight camping rides. Novices as well as accomplished riders are welcome. Experienced guides lead the ride. Each and every day begins exactly at midnight, and each A.M. begins precisely thereafter. Similarly, each P.M. begins immediately after noon. No meaning can be assigned to 12:00 A.M. (00:00 A.M.), or to 12:00 P.M. (00:00 P.M.). They are merely reference points meant to simplify timetables for us. Along the same line, the Universal Day, established by the International Convention in 1884 in Washington, D.C., U.S.A., operates according to World Time, or Universal Time at Greenwich, England. The logic regarding Midnight and Noon also applies to Greenwich Mean Time, commonly referred to as GMT or Zulu time; Midnight and Noon represent markers, or "page breaks" in the day and in the night, and may be represented by 00:00 o’clock. Greenwich, England also holds the distinction of being at the point of zero longitude, where East meets West. The 1884 international agreement also recognized this line of zero degrees longitude as the prime meridian, a point from which all points on the earth’s surface are measured. The orange thread traditionally used to sew Levi Strauss blue jeans was intentionally selected to match the copper rivets that doubled the durability of the jeans. Levi Strauss, however, neither envisioned this particular use for copper riveting, which the orange thread complemented, nor the unique stitching on the rear pockets of the jeans. Jacob Davis, a Russian immigrant, and a tailor, who plied his trade in Reno, Nevada, formulated the idea for the riveted seam, an idea that would vastly extend the life of the jeans, and would revolutionize the garment industry. Alas, due to financial constraints, Jacob could neither afford to obtain a patent for his invention, nor to produce the new garment. Out of necessity, Jacob approached the wholesaler he purchased his denim from with a proposal that he sell him the West Coast rights to the riveted blue jeans, in exchange for the $68 required to obtain a patent for them. The wholesaler whom accepted Jacob’s proposition was none other than Levi Strauss. Levi gave Jacob a position with his Company in 1873 and, during his tenure, Jacob ensured that the orange thread be used in all stitching on the jeans, and that the curved, formally named "arcuate," stitches adorn the rear pockets of the jeans. Initially the fancy, unique stitching on the rear pockets of the jeans served a purpose. The rear pockets of the first Levis the Company produced were lined with cotton, and the orange stitching prevented the padding from buckling. The Company dropped the cotton lining early on, but the stitching remained, and was registered as a trademark in 1942. Only once did it appear as if the orange stitching on the rear pockets would become a thing of the past. The material shortage during World War II prompted Levi to contribute to the war effort by temporarily ceasing production of jeans with the trademark stitching on the rear pockets, as this was considered frivolous and wasteful. To avoid a break in continuity of the Levi tradition, the Company had the design hand painted on the rear pockets of each pair of jeans produced. To this day, the copper rivets, matching orange thread, and ornate stitching on the rear pockets still adorn all Levis produced. The legend of Levi Strauss lives on, while Jacob Davis has been lost in the annals of history. While it took American settlers six months to reach the west coast by wagon between 1840 and 1850, today the trip can be made in less than five hours by plane. » Whirly Girls is the name of the International Association of Women helicopter pilots. » White light is a mixture of every other color in the spectrum. A heart attack most often occurs in the morning when mental and physical stress are at their peak. » A jet or turbo-jet powered aircraft uses more fuel flying at 25,000 feet than 30,000 feet. The higher it flies, the thinner the atmosphere and the less atmospheric resistance it must buck. » A kelpie (or kelpy) was a water spirit of Scottish folklore reputed to cause drownings. » A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun's surface. » A lion was the symbol for Dr Pepper’s earliest ad campaign. It was used with the slogan “King of Beverages.” » A love seat is a wide chair. It was first made to seat a woman and the wide skirt of her dress. Later, the love seat (also called courting seat) was made with two sections, often in an S-shape. In this way, a young couple could sit together, but not too closely. A mile on the ocean and a mile on land are not the same distance. On the ocean, a nautical mile measures 6,080 feet. A land or statute mile is 5,280 feet. » Winnie, from Winnie the Pooh, was named after a bear at the London Zoo. The animal had been born in Canada but brought to London in 1914 as the mascot of a Canadian regiment. » A nanosecond is one billionth of a second. With an exchange rate running at an average of 428,287.55 Ukrainian Karbovanets to the dollar, total assests of just six American dollars will qualify a person as a Ukrainian millionaire. » A perfectly clean fire produces almost no smoke. Smoke simply means that a fire is not burning properly and that bits of unburned material are escaping. » With U.S. trademark registration number 2,347,676, the "sad" emoticon ":-(" gets the same trademark protection as a corporate logo or other similar intellectual property. The mark is owned by Despair — an "anti-motivational" company that sells humorous posters about futility, failure and depression to "pessimists, losers and underachievers." » A person uses more household energy shaving with a hand razor at a sink (because of the water power, the water pump, and so on) than he would by using an electric razor. » A person who is lost in the woods and starving can obtain nourishment by chewing on his shoes. Leather has enough nutritional value to sustain life for a short time. » A photographer for the "Sports Illustrated's" swimsuit issue will take as many as 25,000 pictures during the magazine's typical six-week shooting schedule. The shoots almost always take place in the autumn. » A Polaroid emulsion transfer is an image made by "cooking" a Polaroid in hot water until the image separates from its paper backing. The emulsion of the image can then be placed on practically any surface. » A quality, fully-faceted round brilliant diamond has at least 58 facets. These are important for the maximum sparkle and brilliance of the stone. A quarter has 119 grooves on its circumference. A dime has one less. » A quart-size pail holds 8 million grains of sand. » Both Shakespeare and Cervantes died on the same day – April 23, 1616. » Brontology is the study of thunder. » Buttons were used for the first time in political campaigns in the election of 1896. The presidential race was between McKinley and William Jennings Bryan, whose campaigns were fought over gold and silver coinage ratio; many of the buttons luxuriously reflected this. » By the end of the Civil War, between one-third and one-half of all U.S. paper currency in circulation was counterfeit. This served as the catalyst behind the creation of the U.S. Secret Service. On July 5, 1865, the Secret Service was created under the U.S. Treasury Department. In less than a decade, counterfeiting was sharply reduced. » Candles burn more slowly and evenly with minimum wax drippings if they are placed in the freezer for an hour before using. » Castor oil is used as a lubricant in jet planes. Charles Dickens’ initial choice for Scrooge's statement “Bah Humbug” was “Bah Christmas.”Charles Dickens’ initial choice for Scrooge's statement “Bah Humbug” was “Bah Christmas.” » Charles Lindbergh was not the first man to fly the Atlantic. He was the sixty-seventh. The first sixty-six made the crossing in dirigibles and twin-engine mail planes. Lindbergh was the first to make the dangerous flight alone. » Children playing on a beach made the first discovery of a South African diamond. » China was the first country to introduce paper money in 812, but it wasn't until 1661 that a bank (Banco-Sedlar of Sweden) issued banknotes. » A rawhide with the hair removed by soaking it in water and lye is called a parfleche. » A scalene triangle is one with unequal sides and angles. » A small nick in the rim of a glass can easily be smoothed out by using an emery board. » A study of American coins and currency revealed the presence of bacteria, including staphylococcus, E. coli, and klebsiella, on 18 percent of the coins and 7 percent of the bills. A supertanker (fully loaded) traveling at normal speed of 16 knots needs at least 20 minutes to stop. » A systemic infection is one that spreads throughout the entire body; such as measles, colds and the flu. » A tanka is a Japanese verse form of 31 syllables in five unrhymed lines, the first and third having five syllables each, and the others seven. » A ten-gallon hat holds less than a gallon of liquid. » A vamp is the upper front top of a shoe. » A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood. » Christendom did not begin to date its history from the birth of Christ until 500 years after his death. The system was introduced in 550 by Dionysius Exigus, a monk in Rome. » Cockney rhyming slang began in London around the 1850's as a statement of independence felt by those who prided themselves on having been born within the sound of Bow Bells. The Kentucky Supreme Court has ruled that the prosecution must throw its files wide open to the defense if the accused is suffering from amnesia. » Jaguar images and costumes were outlawed by the Catholic church in the seventeenth century because of their association with Indian religion, militia, and politics. » The minimum age for marriage of Italian girls was raised by law to 12 years in 1892. » Japanese bowing carries different meanings at different angles. - A bow at an angle of five degrees means "Good day" (simple greeting). - A bow at an angle of fifteen degrees is also a common salutation, a bit more formal it means "Good morning." - A bow at an angle of thirty degrees is a respectful bow to indicate appreciation for a kind gesture. - A bow at a forty-five-degree angle is used to convey deep respect or an apology. » The New York Board of Education barred the whipping of children in its schools on March 4, 1908. » Japanese rules for the proper use of chopsticks are many. Improper use includes wandering the chopsticks over several foods without decision, and is called mayoibashi. The unforgivable act of licking the ends of chopsticks is called neburibashi. Lack of chopstick etiquette is strictly taboo. » King James VI and the Privy Council issued an edict in 1603 banning the use of the surname MacGregor. » The penalty for conviction of smuggling in Bangladesh is the death penalty. The people of Hamamatsu, Japan, take part in a kite-fighting custom dating from the 1500s. It is believed that a kite was flown to honor the birth of an ancient prince. Another legend suggests the sport began when a ruler told his people to fight with kites instead of with one another. The annual custom honors the first-born sons of each family, and some of the enormous kites bear the names of the boys. Today, the kite-fighting festival draws nearly two million people to Hamamatsu. » The Royal Flag of Scotland, the Lion Rampant flag, should now legally only be used by the monarch in relation to her capacity as Queen in Scotland. However, it is widely used as a second national flag. However, it is not allowable to fly the flag without permission, on a flagpole or from a building. The Lord Lyon once threatened the town councilors of Cumbernauld with an Act passed in 1679 which demanded the death penalty for misuse of the royal flag. » The sale of chewing gum is outlawed in Singapore because it is a means of "tainting an environment free of dirt." » The Soviet Union banned Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's 1892 The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes because of the book's references to occultism and spiritualism. » The State of Nevada first legalized gambling in 1931. At that same time, the Hoover Dam was being built and the federal government did not want its workers (who earned 50 cents an hour) to be involved with such diversions, so they built the town of Boulder City to house the dam workers. To this day, Boulder City is the only city in Nevada where gambling is illegal. Hoover Dam is 726 feet tall and 660 feet thick at its base. Enough rock was excavated in its construction to build the Great Wall of China. Contrary to old wives' tales, no workers were buried in the dam's concrete. » The state of New York instituted the nation's first mandatory seat-belt law on July 12, 1984. » The taboo against whistling backstage comes from the pre-electricity era when a whistle was the signal for the curtains and the scenery to drop. An unexpected whistle could cause an unexpected scene change. » The U.S. Congress passed a law in 1832 requiring all American citizens to spend one day each year fasting and praying. For the most part, people ignored the law, and no effort was made to enforce the legislation. The U.S. Congress passed laws in 1999 to discourage the practice of registering popular or trademarked Internet domain names for the sole purpose of resale or profit, although it is legal to do it with generic words or surnames. » Ichigensan okotowari is a custom developed in ryotei (restaurants which serve authentic traditional Japanese cuisine) in Kyoto. It means that you must be introduced by someone to be welcomed. The reason for this is it enables the restaurant to give its warmest hospitality and services to all its customers. Business cards are preferred to credit cards. Most establishments will only accept cash. » Time magazine reports that in Russia, buying carnations or roses is a prerequisite for a first date. They must be given in odd numbers, because flowers given in even numbers are reserved for funerals. » A 1989 law in Florida forbids the release of more than ten lighter-than-air balloons at a time. This is to protect marine creatures that often mistake balloons for food and can suffer intestinal injuries if they eat the balloons. » A 1993 Florida law levies fines against anyone caught intentionally littering with plastic fishing gear or lines. » A bride stands to the groom’s left at a wedding so that his sword hand would be free. Apparently Anglo-Saxon brides were often kidnapped before a wedding and brawls were common. That’s also why the best man stands with the groom; the tribe’s best warrior was there to help the groom defend the bride. » A charming wedding custom in early Yorkshire, England, involved a plate holding wedding cake. It was thrown out of the window as the bride returned to her parental home after the wedding. If the plate broke, she would enjoy a happy future with her husband. If the plate remained intact, her future was bleak. » A couple living together for two years in Russia is considered married. This is called a citizen marriage. A dinner party consisting of 13 people in England during the Middle Ages was the worst of omens. It foretold of the impending death of one in the group. This was associated with the Last Supper, and also with a witches coven, as both had 13 members. » A few years back, a Chinese soap hit it big with consumers in Asia. It was claimed in ads that users would lose weight with Seaweed Defat Scented Soap simply by washing with it. The soap was sold in violation to the Japanese Pharmaceutical Affairs Law and was banned. Reportedly, the craze for the soap was so great that Japanese tourists from China and Hong Kong brought back large quantities. The product was also in violation of customs regulations. In June and July 1999 alone, more than 10,000 bars were seized. » A law in Illinois prohibits barbers from using their fingers to apply shaving cream to a patron's face. » The U.S. interstate highway system requires that 1 mile in every 5 must be straight. These sections can be used as airstrips in a time of war or other emergencies. » The United States Supreme Court once ruled Federal income tax unconstitutional. Income tax was first imposed during the Civil War as a temporary revenue-raising measure. » The Wodaabe, sheltered from the influences of the outside world, have unusual customs. When Wodaabe greet each other, they may not look each other directly in the eyes. During daylight hours, a man cannot hold his wife's hand in public, call her by name, or speak to her in a personal way. » There are many theories of how tipping came to be, but the most prevalent story goes back several hundred years to England. When people traveled by stagecoach, they often sent a servant ahead to make arrangements for their arrival. The servant would give the service providers money “to ensure promptness,” which was shortened by initials to be “tip.” Today a tip is more of a thank you after good service than a bribe to get good service. » There are more than 100 offenses that carry the death penalty in Iran. There are some driving differences in Japan that tourists should know. Motorists drive on the left side of the road and the steering wheel is on the right, like in the United Kingdom. In areas where there are few police, people routinely speed 30 km over the speed limit (50 kph), and taxi drivers are notorious for their aggressive driving. The pedestrian always has the right of way, and drivers can not turn on a red light. » There is meaning behind the wedding custom of “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” The “old” thing was a personal gift from the bride’s mom to make a bond to the bride’s old life. The “new” item symbolized hope for the future and the newly formed family. The “borrowed” item was a gift from a happily married woman that would carry some of the woman’s happiness into the new marriage. The something “blue” came from two sources that had similar meanings. To ancient Romans, maidens wore blue to show fidelity and modesty, and to Christians, blue was linked to the purity of the Virgin Mary. » Tourists need to be aware that, when traveling in Germany, a screwing gesture at one's head is a strong symbol, meaning "You're crazy." Often used by drivers on the autobahn to comment on the driving skills of other travelers, this gesture can get you arrested. The same gesture is used in Argentina. » Trap regulations in California for lobster fisherman require an escape port for undersized lobsters. » Twenty-two inches is the minimum legal length for commercial sale of California halibut. » A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Connecticut, prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak. » A new law passed in the fall of 2000 gives e-signatures the same legal standing as handwritten signatures. » A richly embroidered veil, or "burga," festooned with buttons and pendants cloaks the faces of the young girls of Sudan's Rashaida. Their interpretation of Islamic law dictates that females wear the veil starting at the age of five. The covering must be worn even at mealtimes. It can be removed only in the strictest of privacy. A superstition of yore involved a young unmarried woman taking a sprig of rosemary and a sprig of thyme, sprinkling them three times with water, and placing each herb in a shoe. She would then put the shoes at the foot of her bed. This ritual was to guarentee that she would dream of her next beau. » A U.S. federal law passed in 1994 requires that plastic six-pack ring holders disintegrate after use. Birds and marine life can get tangled in them and die. » About 10 percent of the workforce in Egypt is under 12 years of age. Although laws protecting children are on the books, they are not well enforced, partly because many poverty-stricken parents feel forced to send their children out to help support the family. » About a hundred years ago, it was the custom of sailors to put a tattoo of a pig on one foot and a rooster on the other to prevent drowning. » According to “Emily Post’s Etiquette,” a tip at a family restaurant should be 15% of the bill without tax. For a buffet a 10% tip is sufficient, but never leave less than a quarter even if you only have a cup of coffee. » According to law, no store is allowed to sell a toothbrush on the Sabbath in Providence, Rhode Island. Yet, these same stores are allowed to sell toothpaste and mouthwash on Sundays. » According to the Recruitment Code of the U.S. Navy, anyone "bearing an obscene and indecent" tattoo will be rejected. » According to U.S. law, a patent may not be granted on a useless invention, on a method of doing business, on mere printed matter, or on a device or machine that will not operate. Even if an invention is novel or new, a patent may not be obtained if the invention would have been obvious to a person having ordinary skill in the same area at the time of the invention. Almost every weekday morning, free Kleenexes are handed to the commuters in front of Japan's rail and bus stations. The tissues are distributed by workers of the companies whose messages and advertisement are printed on the packages. The reason for this. . . most public bathrooms do not have paper towels or toilet paper. » Among the Danakil tribesmen of Ethiopia, when a male dies, his grave is marked with a stone for every man he had killed. » An old Ethiopian tradition required the jewelry of a bride be removed after her wedding. Its likeness would then be tattooed on her skin. » An old folk custom for selecting a husband from several suitors involved taking onions and writing each suitor's name individually on each. Then all the onions were put in a cool dark storeroom. The first onion to grow sprouts would determine which man the undecided maiden should marry. » An old law in Delaware allowed public whipping for 24 crimes--and more than 1,600 people were publicly whipped. » As is their custom, the natives of the Turkish village of Kuskoy communicate through whistling. This unique language allows the Kuskovians to communicate over distances of up to one mile. » Bad weather on the way to the wedding is thought to be an omen of an unhappy marriage; some cultures, however, consider rain a good omen. Cloudy skies and wind are believed to cause stormy marriages. Snow, on the other hand, is associated with fertility and wealth. » Baked goods made on Good Friday were thought to contain many virtues. A cross bun kept from one Good Friday to the next was considered a lucky charm. It was not supposed to grow moldy, and it was used as a charm against shipwreck. "Good Friday bread," when hung over the chimneypiece, was supposed to guarentee that all bread baked after that would be perfect. Because of heavy traffic congestion, Julius Caesar banned all wheeled vehicles from Rome during daylight hours. » Because orange roughy grows slowly – the average fish is between 30 and 50 years old – the New Zealand government has imposed fishing restrictions. Consequently, the fish is not as abundant in stores as during the 1980s. » Before eating, Japanese people say “itadakimasu,” a polite phrase meaning “I receive this food.” This expresses thanks to whoever worked to prepare the food in the meal. » Before the enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets, approximately 40 million pounds of dog excrement were deposited on the streets every year. » Belgium is the only country that has never imposed censorship laws on adult films. » Body language differs from one country to another. For instance, grasping one's ears is a sign of repentance or sincerity in India. A similar gesture in Brazil – holding the lobe of one's ear between the thumb and forefinger – signifies appreciation. » Britain is a Constitutional Monarchy. The ultimate power in the country lies with Parliament, not the Prime Minister or Monarch. » By photographing the eyes of murder victims, early students of forensics hoped to see a reflection of the murderer lingering in the victim’s eyes. Boogers are mucus (myoo-kuss). Mucus is the thin, slippery material that is found inside your nose. Many people call mucus snot. Your nose makes nearly a cupful of snot every day. Snot is produced by the mucous membranes in the nose, which it moistens and protects. When you inhale air through your nose, it contains lots of tiny particles, like dust, dirt, germs, and pollen. If these particles made it all the way to the lungs, the lungs could get damaged and it would be difficult to breathe. Snot works by trapping the particles and keeping them in the nose. After these particles get stuck inside the nose, the mucus surrounds them along with some of the tiny hairs inside the nose called cilia. The mucus dries around the particles. When the particles and dried-out mucus clump together, you're left with a booger! Boogers can be squishy and slimy or tough and crumbly. In fact, boogers are a sign that your nose is working properly. A fart is a combination of gases (nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide) that travels from a person's stomach to their anus. When a person swallows too much air or eats foods that the human digestive system cannot digest easily gas becomes trapped in his/her stomach. The only way for this excess gas to exit the body is through the anus. The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur which causes farts to have a smelly odor. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs. A scientific name for a fart is flatus or flatulence. The word fart is just one of many different terms used to describe the release of gasses from the human body. Other popular names for farts or farting include: gassers, stinkers, air biscuits, bombers, barking spiders, rotten eggs, and wet ones. You can pass gas, break wind, blast, beef, poof, rip one, let one fly, step on a duck, and cut the cheese. Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Pee-eeew!!! Did you know? • On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day. • Hey guys, don't be fooled by girls who tell you that they never fart. Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males. • Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most. • People fart the most in their sleep. • Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable. Size is not a criterion in our definition of what constitutes a country. A country need only be an independent state, with distinct territorial boundaries, and its own government. This is a true blessing for Vatican City, as, weighing in at a mere 0.17 miles, it holds the title of being the smallest country in the world. Prior to 1870, however, political control by papal governments in central Italy spanned approximately 16.000 square miles. In 1870, the Kingdom of Italy, in a shift of political power, established Rome as the national capital of Italy, wrested political power from the papal governments, and absorbed the so-called "Papal States" into its territory. A 1929 Agreement hammered out by the Italian government and the Pope, established Vatican City as a country... all 0.17 square miles of it! Gradually the country has gained recognition as such, by establishing diplomatic ties with other countries, and by receiving dignitaries from other nations. Vatican City is the official seat of the Catholic Church, and its head, the Pope, rules through a civil governor. As with any other country, this miniature country sports its own flag, coins its own coins, runs its own postal, transportation, telephone systems, and radio broadcasting station. Vatican City is all grown up. This pint-size powerhouse of a country primarily supports itself through contributions from Catholics around the world, and through tourism. Safely ensconced within Vatican City lie some of the worlds' most precious of treasures; the Gardens, St. Peter's Basilica, and the Vatican Palace, which houses the Vatican Library, and...the Pope himself. In 1765, the sandwich was invented by John Montagu, the fourth Earl of Sandwich, who gave the food its name. The Earl used to order roast beef between pieces of toast for a snack while he was at the gaming tables, it allowed him to keep one hand free to play while he ate. » Caviar, or fish eggs, contain the same healthful omega-3 fatty acids as salmon. » In 1889, Aunt Jemima pancake flour, invented at St. Joseph, Missouri, was the first self-rising flour for pancakes and the first ready-mix food ever to be introduced commercially. » Celery has negative calories — it takes more calories to eat and digest a piece of celery than the celery has in it initially. » Cellophane noodles must typically be soaked before using, as must dried porcini mushrooms and most dried beans. » Centuries ago, men were told that the evil effects of coffee would make them sterile; women were cautioned to avoid caffeine unless they wanted to be barren. » Nutella is a hazelnut spread made with skim milk and cocoa. It is virtually unknown in America, but European children have happily smeared it on breakfast croissants for decades. » Of about 350 million cans of chicken noodle soup of all commercial brands sold annually in the United States, 60 percent is purchased during the cold and flu season. January is the top-selling month of the year. Of all cheese customs, one of the more unusual was that of the "groaning cheese." Years ago in Europe, a prospective father would nibble on a huge chunk of cheese while awaiting the home birth of his child. Instead of pacing outside the bedroom door, the father would eat from the center of the cheese until a large hole had been gnawed out. Later, his newborn infant was ceremoniously passed through the hole. » In 1893, Milwaukee's Pabst beer won a blue ribbon at the Chicago Fair, and was sold thereafter as Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. » Of all the major brewing nations, England remains the only one in which ale is the primary beer consumed. This is in contrast to lager, which is the world's overall dominant beer style. » In 1918, Welch's developed its first jam product called "Grapelade." The initial quantity of Grapelade was purchased in its entirety by the U.S. Army. It was an immediate hit in the military lower ranks, and became a demanded product by doughboys when they returned to civilian life. » Of all the potatoes grown in the United States, only 8 percent are used to make potato chips. Special varieties referred to as "chipping potatoes" are grown for this purpose. » In 1928, William Dreyer and Joseph Edy opened a small ice cream factory at 3315 Grand Avenue in Oakland, California. "Grand" has been part of the Dreyer's Grand Ice Cream company name ever since: as a memento of the company's birthplace on Grand Avenue and a declaration of the magnificence of their ice cream. » Official FDA guidelines allow whole pepper to be sold with up to 1 percent of the volume made up of rodent droppings. » In 1938, a comic strip was used to advertise Pepsi-cola. It was titled "Pepsi and Pete." Often a child’s first solid food, one of every 11 boxes of cereal sold in the United States is Cheerios. » In 1948, it was common to see carhops serving those who wanted to order food from their car. Harry Snyder of Baldwin park, California had the idea of a drive-thru hamburger stand where customers could order through a two-way speaker box. Harry opened California's first drive-thru hamburger stand, named "In-N-Out Burger". Today In-N-Out remains privately owned and has 148 stores in 3 states. » Okonomiyaki is considered to be Japan's answer to pizza. It consists of a potpourri of grilled vegetables, noodles, and meat or seafood, placed between two pancake-like layers of fried batter. » In 1954, Trix breakfast cereal was introduced by General Mills. The new cereal, a huge hit with kids, was 46.6 percent sugar. » Olive oil is made only from green olives. Nearly the entire production of green olives grown in Italy is converted into olive oil. » In 1963, Kellogg's launched a new cereal, Froot Loops, and introduced cereal character Toucan Sam. The colorful toucan talked in Pig Latin (called "Toucanese") and wore a towering hat of fruit. While Sam still graces boxes of Froot Loops, he's gone through many changes since his debut, including dropping the Pig Latin and hat. » On food, writer Barbara Costikyan notes, "In the childhood memories of every good cook, there's a large kitchen, a warm stove, a simmering pot, and a mom." » In 1965, a collection of eight bottles of Chateau Lafite Rothschild was sold at auction of $2,200. » In 1976, the first eight Jelly Belly® flavors were launched: Orange, Green Apple, Root Beer, Very Cherry, Lemon, Cream Soda, Grape, and Licorice. » In 1984, Britons ate 41 pounds of beef per person per year, according to the Meat & Livestock Commission. By 1994, the figure dropped to 35 pounds. In March 1996, "Mad Cow Disease" in Britain lowered the consumption figure even more, although many Britons continued to eat roast beef despite the food scare. » "Big cheese" and "big wheel" are Medieval terms of envious respect for those who could afford to buy whole wheels of cheese at a time, an expense few could enjoy. Both these terms are often used sarcastically today. » "Colonial goose" is the name Australians give to stuffed mutton. » "Court bouillon" is a broth made by cooking various vegetables and herbs, traditionally used for poaching fish, seafood, or vegetables. » "Destroying angel," one of several poisonous Amanita mushrooms that grows wild in forests and fields, has an innocent appearance. It is, however, highly lethal. Even a small bite of this beautiful white mushroom can cause, hours later, violent stomach-ache, a breakdown of blood cells, and finally death. » "Grunt" and "slump" are two names that refer to a fruit dessert with a biscuit topping. » "Sherbet” is Australian slang for beer. “Baby-cut” carrots aren’t baby carrots. They’re actually full-sized ones peeled and polished down to size. And there’s nothing small about their current popularity: about 25 percent of California’s fresh carrot crop is turned into “babies.” » “Poached egg” means “egg-in-a-bag,” from the French word poche. When an egg is poached, the white of the egg forms a pocket around the yolk; hence, the name. » On the average, each American consumes 117 pounds of potatoes, 116 pounds of beef, 100 pounds of fresh vegetable, 80 pounds of fresh fruit, and 286 eggs per year. » Cook's Illustrated conducted blind taste testings of vanillas, and the staff was surprised to find that, in baked goods, expensive, aromatic vanillas performed almost exactly the same as the cheaper brands of real vanilla. The differences virtually disappeared during cooking. » On the average, there are eight peas in a pod. » Food & Wine magazine reported that in Japan, squid is the most popular topping for Domino's pizza. » On the Italian Riviera in Viareggio, there is a culinary tradition that a good soup must always contain one stone from the sea. This stems from the days when an Italian fisherman's catch was scooped up in nets; fish and stones frequently ended up together in the same cooking pot. » In 1996, Chicken Alfredo was introduced as one of the new flavors of Gerber Baby Food. Once an orange is squeezed or cut, the vitamin C dissipates quickly. After only 8 hours at room temperature or a scant 24 hours in the refrigerator, there is a 20 percent vitamin C loss. » In 2000, the National Chicken Council reported that the average American consumes 81 pounds of chicken a year. » One bushel of corn will sweeten more than 400 cans of soda. A single bushel of corn can produce: 32 pounds of cornstarch, 1.6 pounds of corn oil, 11.4 pounds of 21 percent protein gluten feed, or 3 pounds of 60 percent gluten meal. » In 4000 B.C., Egyptians discovered yeast's leavening abilities and turned out more than 40 types of bread. » One has to eat 11 pounds of potatoes to put on 1 pound of weight — a potato has no more calories than an apple. » In a 1999 National School Lunch Program survey, nearly 70 percent of American grade-school students surveyed said they liked pizza was their favorite entrée, corn their favorite vegetable, and cookies their favorite dessert. » One of the fattiest fishes is salmon: 4 ounces of the delectable fish contain 9 grams of fat. » In a single production shift, 30 miles of string is used on the Barnum's packages, which runs into 8,000 miles of string per year. As many as 25,000 cartons and 500,000 animals are produced per hour in the Nabisco bakeries. One of the top-selling Girl Scout cookies, Samoas, uses caramel made the old-fashioned way. It's cooked at 230 degrees in copper kettles. » In a traditional French restaurant kitchen, a "garde-manger" is responsible for salads. » One pound of wheat will make about three cups of flour. » In Alaska’s Matanuska Valley, the long hours of sunlight are used, by some farmers, to grow giant vegetables. One such farmer grew a 100-pound cabbage. » One tablespoon of most brands of ketchup contains 4 grams of sugar, 15 calories and 190 grams of sodium. There is no fat in ketchup and processed red tomatoes are supposed to be a good source of lycopene, which may reduce the risk of cancer and other diseases. » In ancient China and certain parts of India, mouse flesh was considered a great delicacy. » In ancient Egypt, onions were an object of worship. The onion symbolized eternity to the Egyptians who buried onions along with their Pharaohs. The anatomy of the onion suggested a circle-within-a-circle structure, symbolizing eternal life. » In ancient Greece, where the mouse was sacred to Apollo, mice were sometimes devoured by temple priests. The custom of serving a slice of lemon with fish dates back to the Middle Ages. It was believed that if a person accidentally swallowed a fish bone, the lemon juice would dissolve it. » The darker the olive, the higher the oil content. High oil content means a richer flavor. » The deletable dessert parfait's name comes from the French word for “perfect.” » Onions are usually eaten in such small amounts that they make very little difference nutritionally, but the most nutritious ones are scallions, with four times the vitamin C and 5,000 times the vitamin A as other onions. If you enjoy eating onions by the pound, one pound has about 175 calories. » The dish Boston baked beans is so named because it was made and baked by Puritan Bostonian women on Saturday to be served for dinner that night. Because cooking was forbidden on the Sabbath, the leftover beans were served with Boston brown bread for Sunday breakfast or lunch. The dish is a mix of navy beans or pea beans (the latter is preferred by New Englanders), salt pork, molasses, and brown sugar, baked in a casserole. » Only men were allowed to eat at the first self-service restaurant, the Exchange Buffet in New York, opened in 1885. Customers ate standing up. » The dish sukiyaki was originated by Japanese peasants who prepared it secretly in the fields, in violation of dietary taboos against meat or fowl. The word in Japanese means literally “grilled on a plowshare.” » Over 180 million Cadbury's Creme Eggs are sold between January and Easter each year — that's more than three Creme Eggs for every man, woman, and child in the United States. In ancient Rome, flamingo tongues were considered a great delicacy. Their existence was threatened by hunters. The Romans made a law making it illegal to hunt flamingos but, it failed. » The drink Ovaltine was made of milk, malt, egg, and cocoa, and was developed in 1904 in Berne, Switzerland. It was originally named Ovomaltine. A clerical error changed it when the manufacturer registered the name. » Oysters Rockefeller were created in 1899 at Antoine's Restaurant in New Orleans when a European snail shortage prompted chef Jules Alciatore to turn to local oysters. This was a daring move, as the creatures were usually shunned at the time. Alciatore created a sauce of unsurpassed richness, and so he named the dish after the immensely wealthy Rockefeller family. The famed oyster dish remains one of history's great culinary creations, and its recipe remains a closely-guarded secret at Antoine's, though it has been imitated countless times. » In ancient Rome, it was considered a sin to eat the flesh of a woodpecker. » The early eating bars of chocolate were made of bittersweet chocolate. Milk chocolate was introduced in 1875 when Henry Nestlé, a maker of evaporated milk, and Daniel Peter, a chocolate maker, got together and invented milk chocolate. Today milk chocolate is preferred by 80 percent of the world's population. » Oysters were a major part of life in New York in the late 1800s. They were eaten for breakfast, lunch, and dinner; they were pickled, stewed, baked, roasted, fried, scalloped, and used in soups, patties, and puddings. Oystering in New York supported large numbers of families, and oyster theft was a prevalent problem. » In ancient Rome, oysters were so highly prized that they were sold for their weight in gold. » The early Indians of the southwestern United States only ate the organs of the animals they hunted for food, and left the muscles for predatory animals. Their meat-eating habits were changed by European influences. Drink » Papaya leaves and unripe papaya have an enzyme called papain that breaks down protein in meat to make it tender. That’s why papaya can be used as a meat tenderizer. » In ancient times, parsley wreaths were used to ward off drunkenness. » The edible fruit of a passion flower is called a maypop. » Paper can be made from asparagus. » In Australia, the Number 1 topping for pizza is eggs. In Chile, the favorite topping is mussels and clams. In the United States, it's pepperoni. » The eggplant has many names worldwide. In addition to "eggplant," it is called aubergine, brinjal, melanzana, garden egg, and patlican. » Parsley is a common herb of the Mediterranean area and was well known to the ancient Greeks. They considered it too sacred to eat. Romans did serve it as a garnish and to improve the taste of food. They believed it had special powers and would keep them sober. » In Australia, the popular McOz Burger combines 100 percent Australian beef, cheese, tomato, beetroot, lettuce, and cooked onions on a toasted bun. This burger was created by Australian McDonald's restaurant owners, and became a permanent menu item after a successful promotional period in 1998. Peanut butter accounts for more than 50 percent of all peanut consumption in the United States. » In Australian slang, a container for boiling tea is called a billy. » Peanut oil is used for underwater cooking in submarines. Undersea fleets like it because it does not smoke unless heated above 450° F. » In British India, a “tiffin” is a light lunch. » In cooked poultry, bones that have dark splotches merely indicate that the bird has been frozen. When poultry is frozen, the blood in the bone marrow ruptures. Upon thawing, the ruptured cells leak, which causes the discoloration. Cooking turns the red splotches dark brown. » In cooking, the term chiffonade means to slice into very thin strips or shreds. Literally translated from French, chiffonade means "made of rags." » The eggplant was domesticated in Southeast Asia more than 4,000 years ago. It belongs to the same family as the poisonous deadly nightshade (as do potatoes, tomatoes, and petunias). In the Middle East and then in Europe, doctors blamed it for all sorts of things, from epilepsy to cancer. In the fifth century, Chinese women made a black dye from the eggplant skins to stain and polish their teeth. And some people in medieval Europe considered eggplant an aphrodisiac. » The Egyptians ate mustard by tossing the seeds into their mouths while chewing meat. The first 12-ounce aluminum soda can was introduced in 1964 by Royal Crown Cola. Coke didn't start using aluminum until three years later, and that same year Pepsi came out with a seamless can. » Pears are a member of the rose family. » The first beer brewed in England was made by the Picts about 250 B.C. The beverage was made from heather and may have had hallucinogenic properties. » Pears ripen better off the tree, and they ripen from the inside out. » The first bottles of Coca-Cola sold for a mere 5 cents per bottle in 1899. There are now more than 1,000 Coca-Cola bottling plants worldwide. » Peas will lose their bright green color if cooked in a covered pot with acidic ingredients, such as lemon juice, wine, or tomatoes. » In days of yore, the British were avid consumers of mustards. One thirteenth-century household listed expenses for seven to ten gallons of mustard monthly, according to the Association for Dressings and Sauces in Atlanta. » The first chocolate chip cookie was developed in the kitchen of a Whitman, Massachusetts, country inn in 1937. Simple experiments led to a recipe combining bits of chocolate candy with a shortbread type cookie dough Pecan crops need a freeze to help loosen the nuts from their shucks. » In early 1999, General Mills launched an "Around the World Event" promotion with internationally known marshmallow shapes in its Lucky Charms cereal. These shapes included a purple Liberty Bell, pink and white Leaning Tower of Pisa, green and yellow torch, gold pyramid, blue Eiffel Tower, orange Golden Gate Bridge, green and white Alps, and red and white Big Ben clock. » The first known pizza shop, Port 'Alba in Naples, opened in 1830 and is still open today. Gennaro Lombardi opened the first pizzeria in North America in 1905 at 53 1/3 Spring Street in New York City. » Pecans vary in size, from thirty to ninety nuts per pound. No nuts are produced until the trees are at least five years old. » In Ecuador, encocados are seafood dishes prepared in coconut milk. » The first macaroni factory in the United States was established in 1848. It was started by Antoine Zegera in Brooklyn, New York. » Pepsi-Cola's advertising slogan in 1903 was "Exhilarating, Invigorating, Aids Digestion." » In England, a "bap" is a hamburger bun. The first tea farm in the United States was created in 1890 near Summerville, South Carolina. » Per a "New Yorker" story, a small amount of a pot of homemade fish stock made by poet Allen Ginsberg a few days before he died in 1997 was saved by one of Ginsberg's friends. The friend froze a bit of the unusual soup, thinking it would someday be a cultural icon. Several museums in 2001 competed to secure the frozen stock. » In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. In old England, when customers became unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own "pints and quarts" and settle down. From that, we got the abbreviated phrase "mind your P's and Q's." » The five favorite U.S. school lunches nationwide, according to the American School Food Service Association, are, in order, pizza, chicken nuggets, tacos, burritos, and hamburgers. » Per food experts, stirring rice while it simmers mashes the grains and makes the rice gummy. » In France and Italy, a mix of salad greens is known as mesclun, a combination of baby greens and wild plants, tangy and tart with sweet. » Per reports written by Captain John Smith, the first eggnog made in the United States was consumed in his 1607 Jamestown settlement. "Nog" comes from the word "grog," which refers to any drink made with rum. » In France and Russia, there are no counterparts for America’s French and Russian salad dressings. The Russian dressing gets its name because at one time it had a Russian ingredient in it, caviar. Per the Barbecue Industry Association, at least 63 percent of gas-grill owners and nearly half of charcoal-grill users continue using their grills during the winter. » In France, an apple turnover is called a “chausson aux pommes,” which means, literally, “slipper with apples.” » In France, chocolate was initially met with skepticism and was considered a barbarous, noxious drug. The French court accepted chocolate after the Paris faculty of medicine gave its approval. » In general, Italian brands of pasta are thicker than their American counterparts. » The flesh of the puffer fish (fugu) is considered a delicacy in Japan. It is prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government to prepare the flesh free of the toxic liver, gonads, and skin. Despite these precautions, many cases of tetrodotoxin poisoning are reported each year in patients ingesting fugu. Poisonings usually occur after eating fish caught and prepared by uncertified handlers. The end result, in most cases, is death. » The Food and Drug Administration advises pregnant women to avoid soft cheeses, including queso blanco, feta, Brie, Camembert, and blue-veined cheeses, such as Roquefort. Certain soft cheeses can carry the bacterium Listeria, which poses a risk to an unborn child. » The food term à la king refers to a dish comprised usually of chicken or turkey in a rich cream sauce containing mushrooms, pimientos, green peppers, and sometimes sherry. » Per the British Cheese Board, cheese appears in 32 percent of British lunchboxes and sandwiches. Cheese on toast and other bread uses account for more than 60 percent of all meal occasions featuring cheese. The fortune cookie was invented in 1916 by George Jung, a Los Angeles noodlemaker. » Per the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Americans are heavily into French fries, eating an average of 30 pounds per person in 1995, more than triple the amount consumed in 1965. » The freeze-dried ice cream astronauts take on space missions has most of its water content removed. Freeze-drying makes ice cream lighter and removes the need for refrigeration. » Philadelphia druggist Townsend Speakman, invented the world’s first soda pop in 1807. The drink consisted of carbonated water mixed with fruit flavors, and was called a Nephite Julep. » The French are known connoisseurs of truffles, of which they are very proud. These wild black mushrooms usually grow under oak trees. They are grown in the rural areas of France and are a rare delicacy. » Pizza now ranks as the top fast food in America, but is only Number 4 in Canada, where hamburgers are the Number 1 fast food. » The French call bread pudding pain perdu, or "lost bread." » Plain old vanilla is the favorite flavor of ice cream, accounting for 29 percent of all sales. The Germans do not typically serve potato salad cold, but warm or at room temperature. This reportedly aids in digestion. According to cooking show TV host Ursula, one way to rid yourself of a houseguest who has overstayed his welcome is to serve him ice-cold potato salad straight from the refrigerator. She claims it will upset his stomach, prompting him to think something is wrong with your food, and he'll leave sooner than intended. » Pluck is the heart, spleen, liver, windpipe, and lungs of a meat animal. » The government of Finland is in charge of manufacturing all of the nation's vodka, a role the government has performed for centuries, even though Finland is now a democracy. » Poi, a Hawaiian/Polynesian dip, is made by cooking breadfruit, sweet potatoes, bananas, or taro root until it is soft enough to mash with water in a bowl. Cooked taro is very firm and has to be mashed with a strong hand. In earlier times, a stone and a pounding board would be used to mash it. Traditionally, Hawaiians preferred to let poi stand for a few days until it fermented and turned sour. » The grapefruit was named for the way it grows in clusters, much like grapes, on the tree. » Popcorn purchases went into a slump during the early 1950s, when television became popular. Attendance at movie theaters dropped and, with it, popcorn consumption. When the public eventually began eating popcorn at home, the new relationship between television and popcorn led to a popularity surge. » Popcorn was banned at most movie theaters in the 1920s because it was considered too noisy. » Popular in Chinese cuisine, jellyfish is sold in Asian markets in a dried, salted form, which must be reconstituted by soaking it overnight in warm water. The greater the skin to volume ratio of smaller grapes make for intensely flavorful Cabernets, Merlots, Chambourcins and other red wines. » The groom's cake dates back to the mid-nineteenth century. At that time, the traditional wedding cake had evolved from a popular single-layer fruitcake into a stacked pound-cake shaped like a church steeple. But guests still wanted fruitcake. To appease the masses, newlyweds would serve two cakes — the wedding cake and the fruitcake. The wedding cake was eaten at the reception; the fruitcake, or the groom's cake (as it soon became known), was sliced and boxed for guests to take home. Legend was that an unmarried woman who placed her slice under her pillow would dream of her husband-to-be. Two cakes — especially in the southern United States — continued to be offered to wedding guests until after World War II. » The herring is the most widely eaten fish in the world. Nutritionally, its fuel value is that equal to that of a beefsteak. » Popular in the Netherlands is a mixture of string beans and navy beans. The Dutch call the dish a “blote billetjes in bet gras,” which translates as, “bare buttocks in the grass.” » The Hershey Foods Corporation can produce 33 million Hershey's Kisses in one day of production. » Post Grape-Nuts, the cereal that is neither a grape nor a nut, is made from natural wheat and barley. This unique, naturally sweet cereal was created in 1897 by C.W. Post who named it GRAPE-NUTS: "Grape" because it contained maltose, which C.W. called "grape sugar," and "Nuts" because of its flavor. » The higher the fat content in a cheese, the faster it will melt. » Potato chips are the Number 1 selling snack in the United States. Statistics show that they accompany lunch 32 percent of the time and dinner 18 percent of the time. The highly seasoned stew of meat or fish called ragout (rhymes with “blue”) is prepared without vegetables. The name is derived from French and means “to restore the appetite of.” » Potatoes are the most popular vegetable among Americans. Second and third place go to head lettuce and onions, respectively. » The huckleberry has ten small, hard seeds in its center. » Potatoes were banned in Burgundy in 1910 because it was believed "frequent use caused leprosy." » The ice cream cone was introduced in 1904 at the St. Louis World Fair when a waffle vendor rolled waffles into the shape of a cone for an ice cream vendor at an adjoining booth. » Prepared mustard can be stored for at least 2 years. » The Inca Indians of Panama tie a string of chiles behind their boats and lower it into the water to repel sharks. » President Ronald Reagan made the gourmet Jelly Bellys a staple in the Oval Office and on Air Force One. Reagan’s passion for these jelly beans was an advertiser's dream come true, and inspired the company to produce the flavor blueberry. It was invented so red, white, and blue jelly beans could be served at Reagan's inaugural party. The Indians of the eastern United States had a particular liking for meats served with fruit sauces. The ripening of cranberries and the Thanksgiving holiday coincide, which is one reason why cranberry relish is traditionally served with roast turkey. » Proper dining etiquette in Japan demands that one not use their chopsticks to skewer food, move dishes around, and never dish out food to another person using the same ends from which food was eaten. » Prune dumplings and noodles with poppy seed is a favorite dish in Poland, as is beet soup. » Pumpernickel bread is thought to be named for the German words meaning “devil fart.” In German, “pumpern-” means “to fart,” and “-Nickel” means “devil, demon or goblin.” Supposedly the bread causes gas as powerful as that which the Devil experiences. » While orange-colored carrots predominate the world market now, there was a time in ancient western Europe and China that the root vegetable was plentiful in purple and yellow. Red carrots are grown today in a number of countries, including Japan, Turkey, India, and China. » While the Europeans discovered the soybean plant in the early eighteenth century, the Chinese relied on it as a food source 5,000 years ago. The reigning Chinese emperor called it "Ta Teou," which translates to "big bean." » While there are hundreds of species of sharks, only about seven are marketed and eaten with any regularity in the United States. Europe has its own favorite species — most of which never make it to U.S. kitchens. » The Italian name for the tomato is pomodoro, which translates to “apple of love” or “golden apple,” because the first tomatoes to reach Europe were yellow varieties White chocolate does not contain caffeine. » The Jack in the Box company introduced a series of fast-food “firsts,” including being the first chain to open a drive-thru restaurant. It was the first to offer the first chicken sandwich in the western United States and the industry's first breakfast sandwich and portable salad. » White mustard seeds are used to make yellow mustard; the color comes from turmeric. Spicy mustards are concocted from brown mustard seeds. » The Japanese adore beef, but cannot get enough because the country is too small for large-scale cattle raising. An exception are the cows of Kobe, who live the good life: they drink beer, are massaged three times a day to keep their meat tender, and are sung to, making them feel serene. Kobe beef is world-famous for its flavor, although chances of finding any outside Japan are almost nil. A few restaurants in the United States import the rare commodity, charging more than one hundred dollars for a 16-ounce, one-inch-thick steak. » Pumpkin flowers are edible. » Whole, unopened coconuts can be stored at room temperature for up to six months, depending on the age of the nut. » The Japanese word for chef, itamae, literally means "in front of the cutting board." » Pumpkin seeds were used as a traditional diuretic and as a cure for tapeworms and roundworms by American Indian medicine men. The Jell-O company came out with a cola-flavored gelatin for kids in 1942. It was discontinued the following year. The largest pumpkin ever grown and recorded weighed in at 1,061 pounds. The second largest fruit to be recorded was a 50-pound watermelon. » Quakers sang the praises of chocolate drinks as a healthful substitute for gin in the early 1700s. » The largest wine cellars in the world are near Capetown, in the center of the wine district of South Africa. They cover an area of 25 acres and have a capacity of 36 million gallons. The largest blending vats have a capacity of nearly 55,000 gallons. » Radishes were considered a remedy for sexual problems in historical Egypt. » The leafy vegetable bok choy translates from a Chinese dialect as “white vegetable." » Ramen, those dried corkscrew noodles which are popular with college students as a cheap, quick meal, were invented by Momofuku Ando in 1948. Ramen noodles are now widely consumed in more than 80 countries. The Japanese eat about 45 portions of ramen per capita yearly. Americans, introduced to ramen in 1970, eat four to five servings per year. Ranch, beginning as a fledgling salad dressing, is now among the five most popular flavors of potato chips, tortilla chips, and corn chips, according to the Snack Foods Association. » Raw broccoli, cup for cup, has twice as much vitamin C as an orange and almost as much calcium as milk. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma in an emergency. This was discovered by doctors in Fiji during World War II. The macadamia tree was first grown only for ornamental purposes. It is native to Australia and was named for John McAdam, the Scottish-born chemist who cultivated it. The buttery, slightly sweet nature of the nut was eventually discovered and has been prized for over a hundred years. In the 1890s, the macadamia tree was cultivated in Hawaii, now its largest exporter, and California. » Real Roquefort cheese is made from sheep’s milk under strict regulations. It must be aged for at least two months in the limestone caves of Cambalou in the South of France. » Wine experts caution to never serve wine in a glass with a flared lip, which dissipates its aroma. A slight incurving is the most desirable. » The Mai Tai cocktail was created in 1945 by Victor Bergeron, the genius of rum, also known as Trader Vic. The drink got its name when he served it to two friends from Tahiti, who exclaimed "Maitai roa ae!" In Tahitian, the phrase means out of this world — the best! » Records show that U.S. president Dwight D. Eisenhower’s favorite soup was vegetable soup with beef, lamb, and nasturtium stems. » Wine tasters never drink the wine they taste. They sip it, swish it about in the mouth, gargle with it, and then spit it out. Swallowing wine is believed to dull the palate, not to mention the brain. » The mango and the pistachio are in the cashew family. Red or pink grapefruit is higher in vitamin C than white grapefruit. » Wine will spoil if exposed to light; hence, tinted bottles. » The Manhattan cocktail — whiskey and sweet vermouth — was invented by Jennie Jerome, the beautiful New Yorker who was the toast of the town until she went to England as the wife of Lord Randolph Churchill, in 1874, and later gave birth to baby Winston. » Red wines have about five times more tannin than white wines. » Winter radishes can grow to more than two feet long, and are measured in pounds, not ounces. They can be round or elongated. One oriental radish type is long and pale, and it resembles a giant white carrot. » The Manhattan cocktail began at the Manhattan Club in New York City in 1874. Mixed specially for a party in honor of new governor Samuel J. Tilden, the drink was named for the club. » Red-eye gravy is made of ham drippings and coffee. Its heavier ingredients settle in the bottom of the bowl in the shape of a red eye, giving the gravy its name. » With the continued emphasis on fresh ingredients, more American home cooks are growing their own basil, mint, and oregano. The National Gardening Association reports that nine million U.S. households have herb gardens. The Margarita’s origins remain a mystery. The only common factor to all the legends is the drink was named for a beautiful woman named Margarita who thwarted a murderer or a lover, and always overcomes a bartender who names the drink after her. » Redhaven, fairhaven, elberta, desert gold, and sunhaven are varieties of peaches. » The mints, particularly peppermint, have a history of use in herbal medicine dating back to the ancient Egyptians. The Greeks and Romans also used mint varieties medicinally. British apothecary shops in the late 1600s kept dried mint, mint water, spirit of mints, and syrup of mints on the shelves. Peppermint tea or tincture can be taken for indigestion, intestinal gas build up, nausea, and fevers accompanied by colds. » Regardless of the species, the meat of the female turtle is much more tender than that of the male, and is more desirable. » The modern dinner plate is a fairly recent development. Until the fifteenth century, it was customary to eat on a thick slice of stale bread, called a "trencher," that soaked up the juice. » Removing an olive pit will diminish the flavor of the olive. » Rennet, a common substance used to curdle milk and make cheese, is taken from the inner lining of the fourth stomach of a calf. » Reportedly, India grows more peppers than any other country. You can lengthen the life of olive oil by adding a cube of sugar to the bottle. » You have to break a lot of eggs to serve breakfast in Las Vegas. At Caesars Palace alone, an average of 7,700 are prepared each day, with 2.8 million eggs delivered each year to that one resort. Caesars serves over 427 pounds of coffee each day and pours more than 3,000 ounces of orange juice every 24 hours. » You need approximately 2,000 berries to make one pound of coffee. » The more than 362 billion OREO cookies sold to date would fill up the world's largest freight train, consisting of 660 freight cars, over 62 times. » The most popular ice cream topping in the United States is hot fudge. The other favorites, in order, are chocolate fudge, caramel, butterscotch, and strawberry. Forty percent of American households use ice cream toppings. » The most valuable nutrients of the potato are in the skin. » The Mushroom Council of California recommends cooking shiitake mushrooms before they're eaten, although it is fine to eat all other cultivated mushrooms raw. The shiitake has an enzyme that may cause an upset stomach, depending on how much is consumed and a person's sensitivity to the enzyme. » The name "celery" comes from the French name celeri. The name pumpkin originated from pepon, the Greek word for "large melon." However, some believe it came from the French word pumpion meaning "to ripen." » The Nicaraguan national snack is the nacatamal, banana leaves surrounding layers of mashed potato mixed with lard and corn meal, plus garlic, onions, and green peppers. This is topped with pieces of pork, chile seasoning, tomato paste, and white rice. » The nickname of Mary I, Queen of England (1553-58), was "Bloody Mary" because of her notorious, violent persecution of Protestants. The Bloody Mary, a vodka and tomato juice drink, was named after her. » The Number 1 food choice among U.S. restaurant patrons in 1995 was hamburgers, despite trends to cut back on beef consumption. That year, one out of five American diners ordered a burger, and 5.2 billion of them were consumed. » The number of hamburgers the McDonald’s fast-food chain has sold is 12 times the world's total population. » The nutmeg tree – an evergreen – produces two spices. The aromatic nutmeg is from the inner seed, and mace comes from the covering that separates the seed from its outer husk. » The nutritional value of squash and pumpkin seeds improves with age. These seeds are among the few foods that increase in nutritional value as they decompose. » The octopus's rich diet of clams and scallops gives it a highly flavorful meat. Although the texture is rubbery, octopus is an extremely popular dish in Japan and Mediterranean countries. The official beverage of the state of North Carolina is milk. » The official beverage of the state of Ohio is tomato juice. » The official soft drink of the state of Nebraska is Kool-Aid. » The official state dessert of Massachusetts is Boston Cream Pie. » The official state mushroom of Minnesota is the morel. » The oldest registered food trademark still in use in the United States is the red devil on cans of Underwood's deviled ham. It dates back to 1886. » The olive is the fruit of one of the world's oldest plants. Olive oil was used to light the candelabra in the ancient Temple of Jerusalem in 164 B.C. Today at Hanukkah, Israelis still light their oil lamps with the finest olive oil, and cook potato latkes and other traditional holiday foods with the aromatic oil. » The origin of coffee can be traced back to East Africa. Legend has it that an Ethiopian shepherd noticed that his sheep stayed awake all night after grazing on coffee cherries. When the shepherd ate them, they had the same effect on him. The original name of Pepsi-Cola was Brad’s Drink. » The packaged salad industry began in 1989 at Fresh Express in Salinas, California. The family-owned company introduced an iceberg salad in a patented “Keep-Crisp” bag. The bag was designed to regulate oxygen to keep lettuce fresh for up to two weeks without preservatives. » The peach is a member of the rose family and will have a sweet fragrance when ripe. » The peanut isn't a nut. It is a legume, a member of the pea family. » The pharaohs of Egypt declared the radish a divine food. » The phrase “fortified with iron” means there are actually pieces of metal in your cereal. If you ran a powerful magnet through fortified cereal, tiny black specks of iron would appear on the flakes. Don’t worry, the body needs iron and this is a good way to get it. » The Popsicle was invented by 11-year-old Frank Epperson in 1905. He left a container of soda and a stirrer outside overnight, and in the morning discovered them frozen together. » The popular beverage 7-Up was originally a version of a "lithiated" patent medicine, containing small amounts of lithium. An irony here is that it was introduced to the U.S. markets during the 1930s — the height of the Great Depression. The potato was damned as an evil food in early Europe. The Scots refused to eat it because it wasn't mentioned in the Bible. » The potato was not known in Europe until the seventeenth century, when it was introduced by returning Spanish Conquistadors. » The potato yields more nutritious food more quickly on less land and in harsher climates than any such major crops as wheat, rice, or corn. A spud will mature in about 90 to 120 days, faster than any of those staples. » The purpose of the indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle is to strengthen the structure of the bottle and to trap the sediments in the wine. » The rich flavor of dark turkey meat is especially valued in soup and stew recipes. Dark meat holds up better than white meat in rich marinades. » The Romans called broccoli brocca, which means “pointed stick.” » The Romans were so fond of eating dormice that the upper classes raised them domestically. The rodents were kept in specially designed cages and were fed a mixture of nuts. » The rude act of raking foods into one’s already full mouth with chopsticks is disdainfully called komibashi in Japanese. The rutabaga gets its name from the Swedish word “rotabagge,” or baggy root. » The screw-top cap on most brands of vanilla extract equals one teaspoon. When in a hurry baking something, the cap can be used to measure. » The seeds of cherries, apples, plums, almonds, peaches, apricots, and crabapples contain substances known as cyanogenetic glycosides, which release hydrogen cyanide gas through an enzymatic reaction when being digested. These can be deadly. » Centuries back, the wealthy English were known for the "surprise" pie. This odd culinary creation was a main dish, and was brought to the banquet table with great fanfare. It was opened ceremoniously, and out of the pie leaped all sorts of live creatures: frogs, squirrels, terriers, foxes, and as the nursery rhyme claims, four-and-twenty blackbirds. At one grand party, a dueling dwarf reportedly popped out and cavorted on top of the banquet table. The serving of "surprise pies" was a gala affair for years, until Oliver Cromwell came into power. He banned the eating of pie in 1644, declaring it a pagan form of pleasure. For 16 years, pie-making and eating went underground. In 1660, the Restoration leaders lifted the ban on pie. » Cereal box mascots come and go. Tusk the Elephant represented Kellogg's Cocoa Krispies in 1971, and lived on the box front for ten years. Tusk was more scholarly than previous cartoon characters, and wore glasses. » Ceviche, an Ecuadorian seafood dish marinated in lemon and onions, is always dished up with popcorn. » Champagne should be refrigerated for only about 2 hours before serving, according to Sharon Tyler Herbst's The Food Lover's Tiptionary. Herbst maintains that refrigerating champagne or other white wines for more than a few hours can dull both the flavor and bouquet. » Chanterelle mushrooms cost as much as $35 a pound, one of the most expensive of the fungi world. This is because they can’t be grown commercially – they depend on forest trees for their nutrients. Charles Alderton, a Texan pharmacist, created a soft drink and named it after his prospective father-in-law, Dr. Charles Kenneth Pepper. The doctor was unimpressed, so Alderton dropped the period after the abbreviation for doctor and made his fortune with "Dr Pepper." » Chase and Sanborn was the first coffee to be sold in sealed tin cans in the United States in 1879. » Cheddar varieties account for 57 percent of volume of cheese sold in England. » Cheddar, often sold as "American" or store cheese, constitutes about two-thirds of the cheese sold in the United States. » Chewing gum reached the United States in the late 1800s when Santa Ana was exiled to New York after the Mexican revolution, bringing chicle (gum) with him. Chicle is a gum taken from the sapodilla tree, which grows in the Yucatan desert of Mexico. » Chicago isn’t just a city in Illinois; it is also a slang term for a pineapple. So a Chicago sundae is a dessert made with pineapples. » Chicken á la King, a dish of diced chicken in a cream and sherry sauce, was originally chicken á la Keene, and only later was corrupted to suggest a royal provenance. Several parties lay claim to the dish's name origin, the most prevalent being London's Claridge's Hotel claim that the Keene in question was equestrian J. R. Keene and said its chef had created the dish to memorialize his 1881 Grand Prix victory. » Chicken drumsticks have a lower ratio of meat to bone and skin than the other parts of a chicken. Chicken feet are an extremely popular dim sum dish in Asia. Not surprisingly, they aren't popular with Americans. Simply prepared, chicken feet are cooked in a black-bean sauce. The proper way to eat them is to put the entire foot in one’s mouth, suck off the meat, and spit out the bones. » Chicken mole can be made with a range of complicated sauces, often including many kinds of chiles plus unsweetened chocolate. “Mole” (pronounced MO-lay) meant “concoction” in the Aztec language. » Chickpeas were believed to be a powerful aphrodisiac, especially for men. The Romans fed them to their stallions. » Chili is the official state dish of Texas. » Chips Ahoy! cookies are baked in ovens which are as long as a football field. More than 4,000 cookies exit the oven each minute. » Chocolate can be lethal to dogs. Theobromine, an ingredient that stimulates the cardiac muscle and the central nervous system, causes chocolate's toxicity. As little as two ounces of milk chocolate can be poisonous for a 10-pound puppy. » Chocolate contains the same chemical, phenylethylamine, that your brain produces when you fall in love. But don't have too much — an excess of phenylethylamine makes people very nervous. » Chocolate contains two types of stimulants: caffeine and the alkaloid theobromine, purine. Chocolate has more than 500 flavor components, more than twice the amount found in strawberry and vanilla. » Chocolate was once considered a temptation of the devil. In Central American mountain villages during the eighteenth century, no one under the age of 60 was permitted to drink it, and churchgoers who defied the rule were threatened with excommunication. » Chocolate, as a drink, was a favorite of Montezuma, emperor of the Aztecs. In the early 1500s, Montezuma drank as much as 50 glasses of chocolate every day. Hernando Cortez, the Spanish conquistador, brought the drink back to Spain in 1529. It remained a favorite of the Spanish royalty for many years before becoming consumed widely throughout Europe. Three hundred years later in England, chocolate was first used as a non-liquid confection. » Coca-Cola that is bottled in Mexico and other countries outside the United States lists sucrose or sugar instead of corn syrup among its ingredients. Many American Coke enthusiasts claim that the soda bottled in Mexico tastes better, more like that which they drank during their childhoods. Mexico Coke is now the drink of choice at many shops in the southwestern United States, even though it costs a little more. A Coca-Cola spokesman, however, says that Coke is intended to "taste identical worldwide." » Coca-Cola was originally billed as an "esteemed brain tonic and intellectual beverage" when it first appeared on the market in 1886. » Coca-Cola would be green if coloring weren’t added to it. » Coca-Cola's singing commercial with the New Seekers singing "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" became a Top 10 hit in 1972. » Coffee beans are not beans, but the pits of a fruit that resemble beans. Coffee was imported into Europe for the first time in 1517. » Coffee was twice as likely as fruit to be on the breakfast menu of adult Americans in 2000, despite concerted public-health efforts to increase consumption of fruits and vegetables. » Coined about 1930, the popular Greek dish moussaka consists of layers of seasoned ground lamb and eggplant, and is usually topped with a custard or cheese sauce and baked. » Collard greens and oranges are sources of calcium. » Colonial housewives served popcorn with sugar and cream for breakfast. Popcorn was the first “puffed” breakfast cereal eaten by Europeans. » Consumers spend more than $7 billion a year on chocolate. » Cooking and freezing do not diminish the heat of a chile pepper. » Crushed red peppers have a shelf life of about two years. Curry sold in American grocery stores is a blend of cumin, coriander, turmeric, cayenne, and cardamom. The formula was concocted by the British as an easy way to replicate the taste of Indian cooking. » Dairy products account for 29 percent of all food consumed in the United States. » Danish pastry in Denmark is known as Vienna bread — Wienerbrod, in Danish. » In her 1985 autobiography, Elvis and Me, Priscilla Presley recalled the lack of dining etiquette of Elvis's buddies when she was the teenage bride of "The King": "Elvis's father, Vernon, resented the regulars acting as if Graceland was their personal club. They'd go into the kitchen at any hour and order anything they wanted. Naturally, everyone ordered something different. The cooks worked night and day keeping them happy... What was really outrageous was that the regulars were ordering sirloin steaks or prime ribs while Elvis usually ate hamburgers or peanut butter and banana sandwiches. I wasn't too popular around Graceland when I started reorganizing the kitchen. I set down a policy of having one menu per meal, and anyone who didn't like what was on it could go to a local restaurant." » In Iceland, Domino's Pizza has a reindeer sausage pie on its menu. » In Irish pubs, inexperienced travelers who want to order a small beer should know to ask for "a glass." If they request “a beer, please” in Ireland, they'll get a full pint. » Darker green lettuce leaves are more nutritious than lighter green leaves. » In medieval England, beer was often served with breakfast. Despite its popularity as a seasoning, basil has a controversial history. Basil was a sacred plant in ancient Hindu religion, and it was handled warily by European herbalists of the Middle Ages, who feared it as a scorpion breeder. » In Middle Eastern legend, the banana was widely considered to be the forbidden fruit. » Despite its reputation for fine regional dining, Paris has reluctantly given in to the demands of tourists and locals for quick, inexpensive eating. McDonald's isn't the only American fast-food establishment in Paris. The French capital has many Pizza Huts, TGI Friday's, Chili's, and Chi-Chis restaurants springing up, and there's even a Burger King on the Champs-Elysees. » In October 1995, the potato became the first vegetable to be grown in space. NASA and the University of Wisconsin, Madison, created the technology with the goal of feeding astronauts on long space voyages, and eventually, feeding future space colonies. » Dining etiquette in Japan is tricky. It is considered extremely impolite to pour one's own drink when eating with others – you pour your companion's drink and your companion pours yours. On the other hand, it is considered normal and nonoffensive to make loud slurping sounds when eating noodles in Japan. » In order to get the Naples Pizza Association seal of approval, pizza must meet stringent requirements. Approved, authentic pizza must have a thin crust and be made of Italian flour. The sauce must made from scratch with fresh, not dried, basil. The mozzarella must be snow-white, made in Italy, and worked by hand: A knife can cause a metallic flavor in the cheese. Pizza can not exceed 12 inches in diameter. Traditional pizza is nothing like the stuff devoured by millions of Americans – nor by many Italians, either. » Dioscorides, a Greek physician in the first century A.D., noted several medicinal uses of onions. The Greeks used onions to fortify its athletes for the Olympic Games. Before competition, athletes would consume many pounds of onions and drink onion juice. Furthermore, they rubbed onions on their bodies in preparation. » In Port Lincoln, Australia, oyster eaters seldom try to gulp down whole specimens; oysters there are as big as a large dinner plate – a foot in diameter. Dried bananas are four times as nutritious as fresh bananas. » In Russia, imported American hot dogs are big favorites. They are eaten at lunch, dinner, and even breakfast. Wienies are often sliced lengthwise, fried in butter and dished up with bread, cheese, and smoked fish. In 1996, Russian imports of American cured-meat products totaled nearly $76 million. » Drinking chocolate mixed with milk, wine, or beer was considered a must at fashionable social events in the seventeenth century. » In soda fountain slang, a "bucket of mud" is a bowl of chocolate ice cream. » Drugs taken with grapefruit juice may be absorbed by the body more easily. People who drink great quantities of grapefruit juice with their pills can make themselves gravely ill. » During the Alaskan Klondike gold rush, (1897-1898) potatoes were practically worth their weight in gold. Potatoes were so valued for their vitamin C content that miners traded gold for potatoes. » During the eighth and ninth centuries, the Roman gourmet Apicius is credited with writing one of the first cookbooks. His writings included many references to onions. » In some parts of the world, sea cucumber soup is prized for its aphrodisiac qualities. When can I see you again? A Romanian man filed more than 100 lawsuits because he had fallen in love with a judge and wanted to keep seeing her. Sandhu Gurguiatu, 47, said, "I fell in love like a fool and when I heard she was married I didn't know what to do to keep seeing her. Then it came to me. The only solution was to see her in court. I started over a hundred lawsuits and thus I could see her almost every week." Gurguiatu never had the courage to tell the judge about his feelings, and he only spoke to her about matters of law. But Judge Elena Lala was not impressed. "I feel pity for this man," she said. "I am not amused at all, I am surprised to hear this." Meanwhile, in Fuerth, Germany, a lovesick man with a crush on a woman police officer phoned the police station and told them he had witnessed a drug deal at the train station. Then, hoping that the object of his affections would be sent to arrest him, he said the drug dealer had escaped in a Fiat (his car) and gave them his own license plate number. But he was left disappointed when six police cars caught up with him after a five-mile chase and the woman officer was not involved. He was charged with faking a crime Struck by Cupid's marrow A clinical trial in Pittsburgh sug-gested that bone marrow stem cell therapy might heal broken hearts. Hold the phone! Malaysian men desperate for love have resorted to dialing the 991 emergency number so they can talk with female emergency operators. Last year, 98 percent of the 671,667 calls to the number were not genuine. INDIA In Bhubaneshwar, where government leaders announced a crackdown on snake charmers, hundreds of them took their snakes to the capital and threatened to release them on officials. AUSTRALIA In the Sydney suburb of Surry Hills, police officers rescued a 35-year-old man in a mini-skirt found wedged head-first in a charity clothing bin. The man said he got stuck while donating clothes. ROMANIA In Iaisi, a man complained to the local consumer protection agency when the strychnine he bought to poison his neighbor's dog didn't work. GERMANY According to police in Bochum, the reason motorist Julia Bauer lost control of her car and crashed into a parked car and a lamppost was that she was preparing her breakfast of cereal and milk on the passenger seat while driving to work and tried to catch her bowl as it was falling. PUERTO RICO A cigar maker in Puerto Rico spent four days rolling an 18.6-meter-long stogi NORTH KOREA State-run Pyongyang television is urging men to get a "proper socialist" crewcut every 15 days, saying that long hair represents a "corrupt capitalist" lifestyle and "consumes a great deal of nutrition" and could thus rob the brain of energy. AUSTRALIA After a cowboy fell off his horse and hit his head in the outback, sparking a worker compensation fine against the cowboy's ranch, the ranch's owner said he would require all his cowboys to wear helmets instead of cowboy hats. UNITED STATES The school district in Spurger, Texas, ended its decades-old Homecoming Week reverse-roles day in which girls dress as boys and vice versa, after one parent complained that the tradition promoted a homosexual life-style. In its place, the school urged kids to dress in military camouflage. • At a grade school in New Orleans, an 8-year-old second-grader was suspended for bringing in treats for her class Christmas party. They were 30 vodka-laced Jell-O shots. • In Shenyang, northern China, after someone reported seeing a man in red beneath the ice of a frozen lake, rescuers dove in and found a life-sized dummy dressed as Santa Claus. • As part of Thailand's vigorous anti-drug campaign, dozens of police officers in Bangkok raided the trendy Q Bar late on a Saturday night, passed out plastic cups and forced each of the nearly 400 customers to submit an on-the-spot urine sample. Said the bar's manager: "It's pretty much an annual event. It's a little bit like Christmas." AND CAN I GET THAT WITH EXTRA PICKLES? HELLO? HELLO? HELLLOOO!!! WHY WON'T ANYONE ANSWER ME??? In Manchester, Conn., police became suspicious that Frank Hersha, 28, was driving drunk when they spotted him trying to order from the drive-thru window of a local restaurant that was obviously closed. HOLD THE HANDCUFFS In Carroll County, Md., a man robbed a convenience store at gunpoint, then rushed out, ran across the street to a pizza restaurant and ordered a takeout pizza. Police found him there, patiently waiting for his pie. DOOFUS du jour After the robbery of a jewelry store in Bloomington, Ill., police arrested Donald R. Hilger and brought two of the robbery's witnesses to the arrest scene to see if they could identify him. According to police, however, as soon as the witnesses arrived, Hilger pointed at one of them and blurted out, "That's the one I robbed!" LOOK OUT FOR NUMBER ONE In Kirov, Russia, a man was arrested and charged with vandalism after he walked into a plumbing fixtures shop, unzipped his trousers and began urinating in a toilet in the middle of the showroom floor. The man told police he had assumed customers would be allowed to try out the products before buying them. STOP THAT SMORGASBORD! A young woman went into a store in Wrexham, Wales, and put four pack-ages of frozen lamb, three fresh chickens, three packages of soup cubes, a pack-age of ground beef, garlic, peppers and five pounds of oranges and apples, into her clothing and then was careful to act nonchalant as she walked past the cash register, police said. YEAH, WE'LL GET RIGHT ON IT In Callaway, Fla., a couple called police to report that some- one had stolen four ounces of marijuana from them and told police they needed it back soon because they were planning to sell it. WALES In the small town of Newtown, police had to use pepper spray and batons to break up a mass brawl after a holiday fun run featuring 4,200 people dressed as Santa Claus turned into a free-for-all with about 30 Santas swapping punches. Five of the Santas were arrested. GERMANY Police in Eschwege have arrested three Santas who stole a Christmas tree. Officers noticed the three men dressed as Father Christmas dragging the tree through the streets. ITALY In Milan, a man who believes he's a cat was rescued by firemen after he got stuck up a tree. Shoppers saw the man, 46, "mewing in distress" and called for help after attempts to coax him down with a saucer of milk failed. FRANCE An elderly motorist driving on an expressway in France crashed, narrowly avoiding serious injury, after he followed the advice of his GPS computer, which, he told police, told him to "make a U-turn immediately." AUSTRIA Two far-right Austrian Freedom Party members fought a duel with swords after one claimed the other had offended the honor of party mentor Joerg Haider. Party insiders said both men were injured in the duel, but refused to say who "won." COLOMBIA In Bogota, a stand-up comedian set a new world record by telling nonstop jokes for 65 hours UNITED STATES A Texas hunter announced he is offering hunting on the Internet for about $80 an hour. John Lockwood has hooked a system of guns with cameras mounted on them to the Internet, enabling people to use their computer mouse to fire at animals that he lures onto his Texas ranch with a game feeder. Kitty Litter Cake Ingredients: • 1 18.5-ounce package spice cake mix • 1 18.5-ounce package white cake mix • 2 4-serving packages instant vanilla pudding mix • 1 12-ounce box vanilla wafer cookies, crushed • 6 to 10 Tootsie Rolls • Confectioner's sugar • 1 brand-new kitty litter pan • 1 brand-new plastic pooper scooper • Green food coloring • Plastic flies (optional) Prepare the cakes and pudding accord-ing to package directions. Crumble the baked cake into the kitty litter pan, then add the pudding and mix. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of the cookie crumbs and set aside; mix the rest into the pan. Soften the Tootsie Rolls by placing in the micro- wave for 10 seconds on high and shape to resemble cat droppings. Arrange the Tootsie Rolls on top of the cookie-pudding cake mixture; sprinkle all with green cookie crumbs. Decorate with plastic flies, if desired. Serve with pooper scooper. Dallas police officer Raymond Dethloff Jr. was suspended for eating a McDon-ald's chicken sandwich he took from a crashed car at an accident scene. The 16-year-old girl to whom it belonged had been taken away in an ambulance with minor injuries. Dead man jaywalking A Czech traffic police officer fired two shots -- and missed -- at a pedestrian who crossed a street against a red light. One of the bullets hit the side of a passing car, but no one was injured. • A Miami man known as the city's parking meter fairy has been seen roller-skating around the trendy Coconut Grove area wearing a pink curly wig, a lavender tutu and diaphanous angel wings, putting change into meters about to run out. • In Ann Arbor, Mich., a man dressed as Superman jumped out from behind some bushes and into an idling car, grabbed a man's cell phone and stomped on it. • Dozens of students wearing red Spider-Man masks took over buildings at Peru's National Engineering University to demand removal of the dean for misusing funds. Kermit the Frog is left-handed. A woodpecker can peck 20 times a second. You spend six years of your life dreaming. The average American eats 193 sandwiches a year. Genuphobia is the fear of knees. Every three minutes, someone slips and falls on the floor in Britain. The Chinese invented toilet paper 3,395 years ago. T. Rexes liked ribs. Panda bears do handstands to pee on trees. Crocodiles keep up to 15 pounds of rocks in their guts to help aid digestion. The Bank of England was founded by a Scotsman. The Bank of Scotland was founded by an Englishman. The average speed a flying fish "flies" at is 35 mph. In Web site addresses, http stands for "Hypertext transfer protocol." A group of owls is called a parliament. The skin you peel off after a bad sunburn is called blype. The average adult has between 40 billion and 50 billion fat cells. You produce a quart of saliva a day. The word disco means "I learn" in Latin. The men's underwear known as "BVDs" was named after the company's founders, Bradley, Voorhees and Day. You can major in bagpiping at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. COULDN'T GET AWAY CLEAN To avoid capture after robbing a jewelry store, a Taiwanese man hid in an attic with a stockpile of bread and water. But after a month he climbed down and turned himself in to police, saying he could no longer stand his own body odor. "NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT THE 'H' STANDS FOR!" In Wasilla, Alaska, Niccolo Rossodivita, 62, shot Billy Cordova, 40, twice in the chest after Cordova followed him around their house prolonging their argument over Jesus Christ's correct name. GREAT STORY, CRAPPY ENDING In St. Johnsbury, Vt., troopers arrested a 27-year-old man after he took them on a high-speed chase down the highway, then turned onto a rural road and slammed into a manure pile. DOOFUS du jour In Sacramento, Calif., Joshua Wilkins drove to a Sears store and offered to trade the clerk some marijuana for two new tires. When told that Sears didn't swap tires for pot, Wilkins got upset and took a swing at the employee with a baseball bat. He then grabbed two tires, put them in his car and began to drive away, but the Sears employee grabbed a rock and hurled it at Wilkins' car, breaking the rear window. Now comes the part that sets Wilkins apart from your average stupid criminal and wins him the title of Dufus du Jour: He was arrested a short time later when he returned to the store to complain to the manager about his car's broken window. I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD LAUGHS -- IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE STUPID! In Memphis, Tenn., three thieves who broke into a house and robbed it were arrested when they returned to the scene of the crime to steal Marshmallow, a parrot, because one of the thieves realized that the bird had heard him using the nickname "JJ" for one of his accomplices and had started repeating it. Said a police spokesman: "They were afraid the bird would stool on them." 106-pound Sonya Thomas, who wolfed down 7 3/4 pounds of yams, green beans, cranberry sauce and turducken (turkey stuffed with duck, chicken and sausage) to win last year's Thanksgiving Invitational eating contest in New York City Four percent of Americans think Thanksgiving commemorates "the defeat of the Canadians You can burn off the calories of your Thanksgiving dinner if you go out and run 20 miles after dessert. The Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus generates 5,700 cubic feet of manure each week. As the World Toilet Summit winds up today in Beijing, with papers being offered on such topics as "Toilet Urbanization," and "The Start-Up of a Toilet Association," archaeologists near Wittenberg, Germany, announced they may have found the toilet-like device where Martin Luther -- said to have suffered from severe constipation and spent many hours in contemplation on a toilet seat each day -- began the Reformation of the 16th century. HE METHED UP In Lacombe, La., a long-haul trucker called police to report that he thought someone had planted illegal drugs in his truck, adding that the meth in the cab, however, was his. Q: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? A: TO HOLD UP THE GROCERY STORE! In Columbus, Ohio, Donald Haines, 39, admitted that he was the one who had put on a bright yellow chicken suit with orange chicken feet, walked into a Kroger grocery store last January and robbed it. He was arrested when police found the chicken costume at his home. DOOFUS du jour In Richland Hills, Texas, Charles Monk put $3 worth of gas into his car and then told the clerk he didn't have the money to pay for it, but left his drivers license as a promise to come back and pay. He did return, but not to pay. Instead, he walked up to the attendant, said, "Hey, remember me?" pulled out a gun and robbed the place. I'LL GIVE UP IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO CALL SPIDER-MAN! In Lethbridge, Alberta, Thomas Borders, who allegedly stole two bottles of wine from a liquor store, was surprised when he was confronted by a 6-foot-3, 260-pound off-duty police officer dressed as Shrek -- complete with green painted skin and a stuffed donkey at his side -- on his way to a Halloween party. Borders promptly surrendered. HOLD THE COMMON SENSE A man who robbed a convenience store at gunpoint in Caroll County, Md., then ran across the street to a pizza restaurant and ordered a takeout pizza. UHHH, CAN I USE MY MILEAGE POINTS FOR A GOOD LAWYER? In Council Bluffs, Iowa, a man who robbed a credit union and used a rental car as his getaway vehicle suddenly realized he'd left his rental-car receipt back at the scene of the crime, as he later explained to rental car clerks when he went to return the car. • The first poll ever taken by George Gallup was a survey to find the prettiest girl on campus at the University of Iowa, where he was editor of the student newspaper in the early 1920s. Gallup ended up marrying the winner. • John Kerry's cousin was a close friend of Lee Harvey Oswald. • President Harry S. Truman's laundry was sent to Missouri to be washed. • President Benjamin Harrison was afraid to touch light switches. • The only car Ralph Nader has ever owned was a 1949 Studebaker, which he sold 30 years ago when he was a Harvard Law School student. • Plymouth Rock weighs about 4 tons. • Neil Armstrong's salary in 1969 (when he walked on the moon) was $30,000. • Ephebiphobia is the fear of teenagers. • Most parrots are left-handed. • The easiest sound for the human ear to hear is "ah." • The sun's surface is transparent. • James Madison weighed 100 pounds. • George Washington had a dog named Drunkard. • Adolf Hitler was Time magazine's Man of the Year for 1938. • The patient in the "Operation" board game is named Cavity Sam. • Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. • Mosquitoes prefer blondes to brunettes. • The Egg McMuffin was invented by a man named Herb Peterson. • The asteroid that was believed to have killed the dinosaurs was named Chixalub. • Accounting is a great field for those whose idea of a good time is trying to figure out if the fourth debit on Page D41 of the ledger is supposed to be $438.43 or $484.33. • Art history involves four years of looking at slides and going to museums, and 45 years of working the 3 to 11 shift at Domino's. • Biology is a good major for those who aspire to be doctors. Biotech-nology is a good major for those who aspire to be Dr. Frankenstein. • Computer science used to be a great way to get on board the gravy train. Now it's a great way to wind up eating Gravy Train. • Engineering students spend four years in agony, taking brutal math and science classes. Many would-be engineers wash out and wind up in easier fields, like Middle East peace negotiations. • English was in danger of dying out as a field of study due to lack of lunatic interpreta-tions around which to structure doctoral theses. Then along came the twin demons of decon-structionism and semiotics, ensuring that Ph.D. candidates will never lack for thesis material again, since it just might be possible that "Julius Caesar" is actually about Shakespeare's deeply sublimated fetish for root vegetables. • Geography: If you've ever thrown a handful of pocket change on the table and spent three hours staring at the patterns it formed, you may be a bud-ding geographer. Either that or you just drank a full bottle of cough syrup. • History is based on the idea that, if I know the winning lottery numbers for the past five years, I stand a better chance of picking tonight's winning numbers. • Mathematics majors find employment as teachers, statisticians, actuaries and stadium gate-keepers. Police have caught a man in a gorilla suit who was terrorizing elderly hikers by leaping out of bushes at them near the towns of St. Margarethen, Rust and Oggau. He said the place was so boring he wanted to give people something to talk about. Thailand, attempting to acquire fighter jets from Russia, offered to pay for them with chickens. Officials in Zhengzhou, Henan province, refused to let a father name his son '@'. The town of Creston, B.C., has decided against putting up a bronze statue of Bigfoot carrying a case of beer. Meanwhile, the nearby town of Nelson has scrapped its plans to erect a monument honoring U.S. draft dodgers. A misbehaving monkey was sentenced to life in an official monkey prison, joining a dozen other monkeys declared incorrigible AUSTRIA Police have caught a man in a gorilla suit who was terrorizing elderly hikers by leaping out of bushes at them near the towns of St. Margarethen, Rust and Oggau. He said the place was so boring he wanted to give people something to talk about. Thailand, attempting to acquire fighter jets from Russia, offered to pay for them with chickens. CHINA Officials in Zhengzhou, Henan province, refused to let a father name his son '@'. CANADA The town of Creston, B.C., has decided against putting up a bronze statue of Bigfoot carrying a case of beer. Meanwhile, the nearby town of Nelson has scrapped its plans to erect a monument honoring U.S. draft dodgers. INDIA A misbehaving monkey was sentenced to life in an official monkey prison, joining a dozen other monkeys declared incorrigible. ENGLAND At an animal shelter in London, a dog learned how to free himself nightly from his kennel, then open the bolts on the other kennels and release his canine buddies so they could raid the kitchen. Red, a greyhound mix, was caught when staff set up cameras to find out how the dogs came to be running free when they arrived each morning. Philip John from south Wales has won his third straight World Bog Snorkeling championship, a bizarre title which involves swimming through a weedy, muck-filled trench. UNITED STATES After 6 inches of rain from the remains of Hurricane Frances flooded many of the streets in Nyack, N.Y., a 22-year-old man on his way home from work got out of his car, threw out a fishing line and caught a 20-inch bass swimming down the middle of U.S. 59. In Lakewood, Ohio, following the robbery of a bank earlier in the day, Stephen C. Jackson, 35, was spotted standing calmly at the Ultimate Car Wash, his pants bulging with quar-ters, feeding one red-dye-stained dollar bill after another into the coin changer. When police arrived, Jackson ran, only to discover it is more difficult to run with more than 1,800 quarters in your pockets. DOOFUS du jour During a robbery in Calgary, Alberta, a 17-year-old boy was holding a knife to a woman's chest and rummaging through her purse when he came upon her recent eviction notice, at which point he gave her his phone number and asked her if she would like to rent the basement apartment in his home. BOUND FOR COURT An Omaha man who jumped bail in Iowa was delivered to the Harrison County Jail in Logan, Iowa, -- beaten and wrapped in duct tape -- by the woman who had originally posted his bail. The Omaha woman had forfeited $5,000 after the man failed to appear at a court hearing on an attempted burglary charge. RANSOM FOR YOUR KIDNAP VICTIM: $690,000. YOUR OVERHEAD: $11,500. LOOK ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU'RE ARRESTED FOR EGREGIOUS STUPIDITY: PRICELESS In Sao Paulo, Brazil, a gang of kidnappers seized a businessman and held him for $690,000 ransom before he escaped. The next day, the businessman received a phone call from one of the kidnappers asking him for $11,500 to help defray the cost of the kidnapping. The kidnappers agreed to meet the businessman, but when they showed up for the meeting they were arrested. I'LL BE SAFE HERE AMONG MY ANIMAL FRIENDS! In Jackson, Mo., a man facing animal abuse charges bolted from a courtroom and was found later hiding in a nearby doghouse. 96 percent of the matter and energy in the universe is completely unknown. The average person owns 25 T-shirts. Your brain can record about 86 billion bits of information per day. Charlie Chaplin once came in third in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest Sigmund Freud charged $25 per session of psychoanalysis in 1925. The FBI had 23 pages on Lorne Greene (from "Bonanza") on file. Fish cough. The moon's orbit moves about 1.5 inches farther from Earth every year Abe Lincoln signed the first federal income tax into law. The spots on dice and dominoes are called "pips." The Wright Brothers' first flight was shorter than the wingspan of a B-52 bomber. The message successfully transmitted in the first public demonstration of the telegraph, at Morristown, N.J., in 1838, was "A patient waiter is no loser." Andrew Jackson bought 20 spittoons for the White House. Woody Woodpecker had a girlfriend named Winnie. Caesar salad used to be known as "aviator's salad." 1 percent to 2 percent of Americans have an extra nipple somewhere on their body. A titmouse is a bird. Fire away! The city of Grand Rapids, Mich., announced that, at an upcoming performance of the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, it will still allow performer Tina Miser to shoot her husband, Brian, aka "The Human Fireball," out of a cannon but it won't let her do use him with lighter fluid beforehand because it might send the wrong message to children on the eve of Fire Prevention Week. • MILKSHAKE RAGE: In North Lakeland, Fla., three brothers who got a "bad milkshake" at a McDonald's restaurant went home, made an "acid bomb" out of toilet bowl cleaner and aluminum foil, then returned to the restaurant a few days later, put their "bomb" on a table and left. No one was hurt when the device eventually went off. The brothers face felony charges. • MEMO RAGE: An Omaha, Neb., mental health therapist got upset when he received a memo saying only the manager of his office would have the key to certain supply drawers, so he took out a .22-caliber handgun and shot the memo several times. • BIBLE VERSE RAGE: In Eugene, during an argument over the exact number of Bible verses, a woman was accused of pouring boiling oil over her boyfriend's face. • BIG PIZZA RAGE: At a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in Macon, Ga., a woman who said the Chuck E. Cheese mascot wasn't paying enough attention to her son pelted the pizza mascot with pizza slices. • EGG SANDWICH RAGE: A 20-year-old Long Island, N.Y., man who didn't like the egg sandwich his grandmother made him chased her with an ax and then, as she barricaded herself in her bedroom, flung the ax, embedding it in her bedroom door. • HOLD THE MAYO RAGE: Waynetta Nolan, 37, angry because she didn't get mayo-nnaise on her McDonald's cheese-burger, threw the cheeseburger through the drive-through window and then ran over the manager of the restaurant, breaking her pelvis. Nolan was sentenced to 10 years in jail. • LEAFBLOWER RAGE: In Landrum, S.C., a man said he saw his neighbor blowing leaves onto his property, so he blew them back with his leaf blower. The two neighbors then blew the leaves back and forth for a while and then started blowing air in each other's faces, until one of the men head-butted the other. Germany's state-run radio has announced it will begin translating their broadcasts into Klingon on their Web site. An Indian man is aiming to get into the record books by running a live cobra through his nose and out of his mouth. He said he has been practicing the stunt at his home with a harmless garden snake. In Sydney, a disgruntled voter hurled a bag of cheese at Prime Minister John Howard during a campaign speech. A member of parliament threatened to place a death curse on all ministers if the government doesn't do more to fight corruption. The Home Affairs minister announced that the government has no plans to cancel Christmas after a newspaper ran a story saying a task team was considering banning the holiday. A man in Kanpur claims he can't survive without eating a kilogram of grass every day. The man says the grass not only provides him with a lot of energy, but also gives him the feeling of being close to the environment. The Royal Pigeon Racing Association announced it will begin random drug tests on racing pigeons after complaints some birds have been given performance-enhancing drugs such as anabolic steroids. In Bristow, Okla., a man who heard there was a fugitive on the loose stuck his .22-caliber handgun into the waistband of his shorts with the hammer pulled back, just in case, and accidentally shot himself in the buttocks. • World's Fastest Talker: Canadian Sean Shannon, who, in 1995, recited Hamlet's "To be or not to be" soliloquy, 260 words, in 23.8 seconds. • Most Consecutive Pogo-Stick Jumps: In 1990, Gary Stewart did 177,737 in California. • Hairiest Family: Mexicans Victor and Gabriel Ramos Gomez have 98 per-cent of their bodies covered in fur. • Longest Attack of Hiccups: American Charles Osborne, 1922-1990. • Longest Time With a Nail in the Head: Robin Han-shaw of Stoke Poges, Bucks, England, had a 1-inch rusty nail stuck between his ear and eye for 22 years. • Most Lightning Strikes Survived: Roy C. Sullivan from Virginia was struck for the seventh time in 1977. • Most Feet Sniffed: In a 15-year career, American Madeline Albrecht sniffed 5,600 feet while working for foot-care experts Dr. Scholl's. • Heaviest Train Pulled With Beard: Ismael Rivas Falcon of Spain pulled a 6,069-lb. train with his beard in 2001. • Orange Nose Push: Alistair Ross pushed an orange with his nose along Brighton beach in England for one mile in 2003. • Most Watches Eaten: Kim Seung Do from Seoul, South Korea, ate five in 1 hour, 34 minutes in 1998. • Longest Time Trapped in an Elevator: Cypriot Kively Papajohn, 76, was trapped from Dec. 28, 1987, to Jan. 2, 1988. She lived on the food in her shopping bag. • Strangest Diet: Frenchman Michel Lotito has been eating metal and glass since 1959. • Most Compulsive Swallower: In 1927, a Canadian woman had 2,533 objects removed from her stomach, including 947 pins. • Most Con-secutive Foot Juggling Flips With a Human: In 2000, Iranian Ali Bandbaz juggled his brother Massoud for twelve 360-degree revolutions using his feet. • Farthest Eyeball Popper: American Kim Goodman popped hers 1 mm beyond her sockets in 1998. TRIAL AND ERROR In Austin, Texas, accused bank robber Adam Martin, 38, acting as his own lawyer, inexplicably called his brother Michael as a character witness and then, even though he knew that Michael had already pleaded guilty to being Adam's partner on four robberies, asked if Michael had ever committed any crimes. Michael responded, "Yeah. You were with me on four different bank robberies, Adam. You know that." GO TO JAIL, GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL In Copenhagen, a 57-year-old Danish man was sentenced to 25 days in jail after he tried to buy a pizza with Monopoly money. DOOFUS du jour In Shawnee, Okla., a man placed a bag containing a hand-gun, baggies full of drugs, a smoking pipe and several pills on top of his car and then, forgetting it was there, took off. Unluckily for him, the bag didn't fall off and everything was fine until a policeman spotted the bag on his car and stopped him to alert him. BUT I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP... A 27-year-old man arrested after he tried to rob a bank in Enid, Okla., told police he intended to help repay the national debt. Meanwhile, in Tomah, Wis., an 18-year-old man, when charged with trespass after a woman awoke at night to find him holding her arm, said he had simply found the woman's keys in her apartment door and was only trying to return them. DUDE, WHERE'S MY WALKER? In Martinsville, Ind., an 81-year-old man was arrested for driving while intoxicated after he crashed his pickup while doing doughnuts in a school parking lot. TAKE IT TO THE BANK A Boston bank robber went into a copy shop by mistake and passed his holdup note across the counter. After being told that he was in a copy shop, not a bank, he asked where the nearest bank was and then headed there after being given directions. • Today's humans have smaller brains than Neanderthals had. • In Oklahoma, you can be fined for making funny faces at dogs. • A group of coots is known as a covert. • George Washington liked to explore caves. • The motto of Honolulu's police is "Serving and Protecting with Aloha." • President James Garfield could write Latin with one hand and Greek with the other. • Only 16 percent of the able-bodied males in the 13 American colonies actually fought in the revolution. • In ancient Rome, wedding guests wished a bride good luck by smashing the cake over her head. • There are 19 living politicians who have received electoral votes. • Al Capone's business cards said he was a used furniture dealer. • You have to walk almost 10 miles to work off the calories in a Big Mac Meal. • Lyndon Johnson liked to give electric toothbrushes as gifts. • Ulysses S. Grant sometimes smoked as many as 20 cigars in a day. • The scientific name for the small pale area at the base of your fingernails is lunula. • On average, every square meter of the surface of the Earth receives 240 watts of sunlight. Ratio of a typical salary of a paid gladiator in ancient Rome to the salary of a doctor or lawyer: 10:1 Minimum number of Americans who registered to vote at strip clubs since May : 4,000 Percentage of the universe that is hidden from view by dust and stars: 20 Percentage of Britons between the age of 16 and 24 who believe the Spanish Armada was defeated by Gandalf: 6 Percentage of Americans who don't know how many stars are on the American flag: 30 Percentage of Americans who think they have good-looking feet: 25 Number of tattoos of Disney characters 50-year-old George Reiger Jr. of Bethleham, Pa. has on his body: 1,643 Number of days per month the average American feels sad: 3 Number of words in the first sentence of Bill Clinton's memoir: 49 Number of words in the first sentence of George W. Bush's memoir: 5 Percentage of pages in Hillary Clinton's memoir that mention her husband: 45 Percentage of pages in Bill Clinton's memoir that mention Hillary: 20 Number of different color combinations possible on a Rubik's Cube, according to Stuff magazine: 1,929,770,126, 028,800 Number of minutes per day the average American woman thinks about politics: 12 Number of minutes per day the average American man thinks about politics: 6 Number of Portland white page directories Ed Charon of Sutherlin tore through to win the title of world's telephone book ripping champion: 39 in 3 minutes Useless fact o' the day: 3 percent of Americans don't use toilet paper. An Indian man is carrying his elderly mother on his back on a 17-year pilgrimage from their home in the north of the country to Banglore in the south. 32-year-old Kailashgiri Brahmachari, who carries his blind mother in a basket on one shoulder, has already covered more than 3,750 miles since he began the journey eight years ago. If all goes well, they plan to reach the end of their quest in 2013. Surely you jest For the first time since 1649, England is advertising for a court jester. According to the ad, the successful applicant "must be mirthful and prepared to work summer weekends in 2005. Must have own outfit (with bells). Bladder on stick provided if required." In Enid, Okla., an ice cream man fired two shots at a customer during an argument over ice cream. One of the shots hit the woman in the shoulder area, but her injuries were not serious. The ice cream man was arrested in his van a short distance from the incident. According to researchers at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Fla., the perfect nose is "not too prominent, with a modest scoop at the bridge and a slightly upturned tip." • PUTTING THE FUN IN FUNGUS Czech composer Vaclav Halek has composed more than 2,000 melodies that, he says, come directly from mushrooms. Says Halek: "I record music that mushrooms sing to me." • KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS THONG In Scottsbluff, Neb., two men were arrested on public indecency charges after they walked through a Wal-Mart wearing only T-shirts and women's thong underwear. The city prosecutor, however, decided to drop the charges because the men said they were only responding to a "triple dog dare." • COOL YOUR JETS Among the beach amusements on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten: bracing oneself in the sand at the beach at the end of the runway at Princess Juliana International Airport and trying to remain upright as airliners take off. One report described the giddiness of a tourist who was "tossed in the air like a human shotput." • ALL OF A SUDDEN I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! In Boston, a 21-year- old man emerged from a five-month coma when his father promised to buy him a Corvette if he woke up. • YOU WANT A PIZZA ME? At a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant in Macon, Ga., a 31-year-old mother pelted the Chuck E. Cheese mascot with pizza slices and threatened to beat him up because she didn't think he was paying enough attention to her child. • YEAH, BUT THEY'RE PROBABLY WRONG Researchers at the University of Utah say that having a pessimistic outlook can have beneficial health aspects. • OK, YOU FIRST On a British easyJet flight from Alicante to Bristol, a drunk passenger invited another passenger to "step outside" for a fight at 25,000 feet. • LET THE STORMY CLOUDS CHASE EVERYONE FROM THE PLACE At Bear Creek Park Amphitheater in Medford, the sprinklers went off in the middle of a showing of the movie "Singin' in the Rain." A holy man in northern India says he has to touch live electric wires every day for a "kick." Sadhu Mangal Das, alias "Current Baba," touches a naked wire at least three times every day to become "intoxicated." It's reported he brushed against a live wire some time ago and found the sensation to be so good he got hooked Three flight attendants on a domestic Russian flight got drunk and when a passenger complained about the poor service they beat him up. Officials in the town of Monza have made it illegal to keep goldfish in bowls. One council official said fish get a "distorted view of reality" if kept in a bowl instead of a filtered, rectangular tank. The Democratic People's Republic of Korea says that Kim Jong Il's "Let Us Reunify the Country Independently and Peacefully Through the Great Unity of the Entire Nation" is now out in paperback. A German eyeglass designer has begun offering sunglasses and prescription glasses with detachable frame arms that double as chopsticks. The Canadian Embassy in Mexico said that women wishing to enter Canada to work as strippers must provide naked pictures of themselves to qualify for a visa. Policemen in central India are growing large mustaches meant to intimidate criminals. Officials said that criminals grow big mustaches to intimidate their victims, and police hope to fight fire with fire. Officers will even be offered a special allowance for the upkeep of their mustaches. In Indianapolis, after buying a python that wrapped itself around her 10-year-old son and "tried to kill him," a woman sued the pet store, alleging it should not have sold her a "deficient" snake. The world's hairiest man, Chinese rock singer Yu Zhenhuan, underwent surgery in Shanghai to remove hair from his ears. Doctors said Yu had complained of constant earaches and nausea and had lost one-third of his hearing. Yu's body, except the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet, is covered with an average of 41 hairs per square centi-meter. Approximate size of a black hole, dubbed Q0906+6930 by the team of astronomers who recently discovered it: 10 billion times the mass of the Sun Number of people who belong to the Church of SpongeBob: 700 Amount MetroNaps, a New York City company, charges to take a 20-minute nap on the 24th floor of the Empire State Building: $14 Cost to hire a naked butler from the English company Butlers in the Buff: $83 an hour for the first two hours, $74 an hour for every subsequent hour Number of American men who say they have trimmed their chest hair: 1 in 10 Percentage of Canadian teens who think the United States is "evil": 40 Number of Americans who pee in the shower: 4 in 10 Percentage of Americans who say they never bathe: 7 Pints of beer it takes for a person to appear 25 percent more attractive to you: 2 Germs per square inch on a toilet seat: 49 Germs per square inch on your office telephone: 25,127 Number of spoons in New Jersey's spoon museum: more than 5,400 Number of U.S. airline passengers who lost luggage in 2003: 2.2 million Amount NBC's parent company, General Electric, stands to earn from Iraq's reconstruction: $600 million Percentage of Germans who say "the point of drinking is to get drunk": 17 Percentage of Americans who read a book in 2002: 57 Percentage of American fourth-graders who don't know what the U.S. Constitution is: 73 Price a Chilean cemetery charges for an alarm built into coffins to ensure against mistaken live burial: $462 GATOR AID A Port Orange, Fla., man was arrested after an argument with his girlfriend, during which he went into the bathroom and returned wielding a 3-foot alligator and began swinging it at the woman. DUDE, THAT'S GOOD GOAT! In Menzies Bay, Australia, burglars broke into a home and tried to get high snorting the ashes of the family's pet goat. In Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, a man was trying to put some screens back on his windows and the job wasn't going quite as fast as wanted, so he sawed off a .22-caliber rifle, loaded it with nails and used it as a make-shift nail gun until a neighbor noticed him shooting his house with a rifle and called the police. HELLO! ARE YOU INTERESTED IN PURCHASING ... UHHH, NEVER MIND A man selling counterfeit DVDs door to door in Chelmsford, England, knocked on the door of the local Trading Standards office, which polices the sale of counterfeit DVDs. ROPE-A-DOPE In East Lansing, Mich., a cat burglar who succeeded in breaking into an art gallery through a skylight and lowering himself down a rope had to call police for assistance when he couldn't climb back up again. ...AND HERE'S ONE OF BOBBIE-SUE WITH UNCLE GEORGE AND THE TRIPLETS AT THE HOOVER DAM... In San Francisco, a man who broke into an elderly grandmother's home and tried to rob her fell asleep on her couch after she began showing him her family photos. BUZZ OFF A man intending to rob a Springfield, Minn., bank that had installed a security system requiring that customers be buzzed in put a stocking mask over his face, walked up to the bank and pushed the buzzer to be buzzed in. The earth's magnetic field is collapsing. Turtles can breathe through their butts. If you flip a coin 10 times, the odds of getting all heads or tails is one in 1,024. The longest paper-airplane flight on record is 27.6 seconds. A taste bud has a life-span of 10 days. 1 in 3 American men own an electric nose-hair trimmer. It would take 288 years to spend a night in every hotel room in Vegas. Scientists have genetically modified butterflies to have glow-in-the-dark eyes. The speed of the average snail is 691,200 inches per month. The Statue of Liberty's fingernails weigh about 100 pounds apiece. The double popsicle-stick was introduced during the Depression, so two people could share it. Danny DeVito once studied to be a hairdresser. Human DNA and jellyfish DNA are 90 percent identical. The comic book character Aquaman's partner was Aqualad. If you live in the U.S. and went out in your back yard and dug through the center of the Earth, you would not come up in China, but in the Indian Ocean, somewhere near Australia. Oil from the ground is actually dark green, not black. Opossums do not play dead. They actually faint. A London restaurant is offering free meals to anyone descende d from Genghis Khan, and free DNA testing to customers to see if they're related to the Mongol chief. In North Korea, hamburgers are called "gogigyeopbbang" and Coca-Cola is called "cesspool water of American capitalism." In Williamsport, Pa., a 27-year-old man walked up to a police officer and said he wanted to be arrested for "being stupid." When the of ficer told him that wasn't a crime, the man took him to his apartment and showed him his stash of marijuana. He's now being held on $10,000 bail. • A "Star Trek" fan in Nanjing, China, had plastic surgery to give himself pointy ears like Mr. Spock. He told surgeons he was bored with the shape of his ears and wanted to make them a "more interesting shape." • Ronnie Crossland of Sharlston, Eng-land, has traveled more than 200,000 miles in 15 years taking pictures of cement mixers. He has more than 1,000 photos of cement mixers and says, "People think I'm crazy, but mixers are things of incredible beauty to me." • To mark its 10th anniversary, a Latvian vegetable processing company has made a 7,210-pound potato salad. • Englishman Ciro Gallo broke a world record when he had 37 concrete blocks (total weight 520 pounds) placed on his chest and broken with a 14-pound sledgehammer while he lay on a bed of nails. • In Alexandria, Ind., Michael Carmichael has created the world's largest ball of paint. Carmichael started his project more than 27 years ago, when a base-ball accidentally landed in some paint. He figures it now has thousands of coats of paint on it and weighs close to 1,300 pounds. • In Rolling Meadows, Ill., a patrolman from Wisconsin won the Dunkin' Donuts World Cop Donut Eating Champion-ship by eating nine donuts in three minutes. • Singaporean student Kimberly Yeo, 23, broke the world record for high-speed text messaging when she sent a 160-character text message in just 43.24 seconds. Yeo placed first in a contest with 125 competitors, who all had to send the same message. It read: "The razor-toothed piranhas of the genera Serrasalmus and Pygocentrus are the most fero-cious freshwater fish in the world. In reality they seldom attack a human." NOW I CAN GET THAT 12 GALLONS OF GAS I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT! In Norristown, Pa., Andre Lamar Henderson, 30, walked into a bank and handed a note to a teller that read: "Give me all your hundreds and fifties FAST." He left with one $50 bill and was later arrested. As the teller later explained, "there was lots of money in the drawer, but no hundreds and only one fifty." ALL I NEED IS THE AIR THAT I BREATHE AND TO ROB YOU During the robbery of a convenience store in Kenmore, Ohio, the robber struggled with a clerk, dropped his gun, began breathing heavily and screamed out: "Can you please get my oxygen tank out of the car!" A man who robbed a bank in Gadsden, Ala., read a report in the local paper saying he had fled the scene in a green pickup. He then drove to the newspaper to point out that his pickup was in fact burgundy, not green. THAT'S MY NAME, DON'T WEAR IT OUT Stephen Cairn of East Kilbride, Scotland, robbed two students in the middle of the day in front of a security camera at a shopping center while wearing a shirt with "CAIRN" printed on its back, police said. KEEP TALKING... KEEP TALKING... In a Miami court-room, while the lawyer for defendant Raymond Jessi Snyder argued that Snyder didn't need to be locked up pending trial because he wasn't a flight risk, Snyder slowly eased from his seat and bolted out the door. STEP 1: FIND A VICTIM In Monterrey, Mexico, a gunman was hospitalized after he took a shot at a Mexican boxing champion outside a gym and the boxer beat him up. And in Beaumont, Texas, a woman was arrested after she stole the bank account numbers of Houston's chief district attorney and chief criminal prosecutor. Useless fact o' the day Leeches are good parents. Pro-marijuana activists in Nevada gathered 6,000 signatures on petitions for a ballot initiative but then forgot to file the petitions An Indian man claims to have grown the world's longest moustache. Badamsingh Gurjar Khatana claims to have a 13.5-foot-long moustache and says he hasn't shaved or trimmed it in 26 years. The current record is held by Kalyan Sain, whose mustache measures 11.1 feet In Canada, it is against the law to go to a polling place during an election, vote, and then eat your ballot. During Canada's last federal election, in 2000, three members of the Edible Ballot Society were arrested for eating their paper ballots. In Malaysia, a woman on her way to an anti-purse-snatching rally had her purse snatched. And firefighters in a Dallas suburb returned to their station to find it on fire after they left some potatoes cooking on a stove. Percentage of Americans who don't know all the words to "The Star-Spangled Banner": 61 Average number of Americans injured by fireworks accidents each year: 10,000 Dollars in damage incurred annually by fireworks in America: 8 million Average cost of a 20-minute professional pyrotechnics display: $40,000 Number of blows from a cane you'll receive for smuggling fireworks into Singapore: 6 Percentage change since 2002 in the annual number of attacks by pirates on ships worldwide: +20 Minimum number of months Bill Clinton spent sleeping on the couch after telling Hillary about his affair with Monica Lewinsky: 2 Base yearly salary for a NASA astronaut: $50,000 Number of restaurants in China that were closed by police after it was found they were ensuring customer loyalty by mixing opium into their soups: 215 Percentage of men who say they drive more carefully when they have a woman passenger: 65 Price of a bleepinator, a device for TV broadcasters that "surgically removes indecent words and phrases": $9,995 Average number of "smoking incidents" per hour in major U.S. films in 1950: 10.7 Average number in 2002: 10.9 Rank of Florida on the list of the sunniest states in America: 5 Number of days it takes the average American to feel relaxed on vacation: 2.6 Estimated amount of tea in China: 508,000 metric tons Cost of a new high-tech toilet that can massage, dry and spritz your buttocks with deodorizer: $5,000 Angry at a referee's call in a Belgian Football Association match, a 20-year-old player ran out onto the field and pulled down the ref's shorts and pants. Said the embarrassed official: "I will never dare to show up for another match. They can look for another idiot who is prepared to stand with his [rear end] naked for 20 euros a game." John Kerry is a distant cousin of Queen Elizabeth of England President Bush is the son of the fifth cousin twice removed of Franklin Pierce European astronomers have discovered what they call a "Super Earth," a planet about 14 times the mass of the Earth, orbiting a nearby star. According to experts, you are never more than three feet away from a spider. Recently married in Independence, Mo.: Katie Boring and Nathan Bland. She will take her husband's name, and not hyphenate. Cats watch more TV than dogs do. A 49-year-old man in Jackson, Tenn., who was told his mother had a tryst with a young man with wavy, black hair one summer night in 1954, announced he was seeking DNA testing to see if he is Elvis' son. In Aiken, S.C., a man wearing sunglasses and a mask held up a bank with a pitchfork. Meanwhile, while leading the Cheyenne Frontier Days parade in Cheyenne, Wyo., the parade marshal, riding on horseback, *THE TERRIFYING CLOGGED TOILET THREAT At the Canadian border crossing at Port of Sweet Grass, Mont., a border agent accused a 19-year-old college student of intentionally clogging a toilet. Said the accused, Jesse Huffman, "I've never been arrested before or anything like that, and I get arrested for taking a dump." *THE FURRY HOPPING SHARK THREAT A new species of "furry" shark, which hops like a frog, has been discovered in a German aquarium. *THE DRUNKEN PERVERT THREAT In Stuttgart, Germany, a drunk man caught having sex with a blow-up doll in a busy shopping mall had to be physically parted from his rubber lover and escorted away. *THE CELEBRITY NIPPLE RING THREAT In Reno, Nev., Nicole Richie, who stars with Paris Hilton in the reality show "The Simple Life," had to show her breasts to airport security staff after her nipple ring triggered metal detectors. Said Nicole: "What am I gonna do -- poke someone in the eye with it?" *THE HORRIFYING LOSS OF CHEST HAIR THREAT A London insurance underwriter was recently asked to draw up a policy to protect an unnamed celebrity against the loss of his chest hair. passed a car being towed and lassooed the tow truck driver, yanking him away from the car Star Wars guru Yoda was based on Albert Einstein. Attorney for Michael Chartrand, Walt Disney World worker who was suspended after being accused of shoving two people while he was in a Goofy costume. Chartrand was earlier acquitted of charges he fondled a 13-year-old girl while dressed as Tigger The average person's skeleton weighs about 29 pounds. Villagers in Cristinesti, Romania, fled the town in panic, thinking they were being invaded by aliens when they saw bright, multicolored lights in the sky. The lights turned out to be coming from an open air disco in a nearby town. A University of Idaho anthropology professor says that volcanic ash spewing from Mount St. Helens could coat the ground well enough to provide footprints that will prove the existence of Bigfoot Visitors to this year's Oktoberfest in Munich left behind underwear, classified government papers, prosthetic limbs, a set of false teeth with one tooth made of gold, a shop window dummy, a wheelchair and a glass eye. According to a study by Dr. John Stanley, a lecturer at Oxford University, if you eat a chicken tikka and mango salsa sandwich before an important business meeting, it will help you stay alert, while an apple and peanut butter sandwich is ideal before a workout. Legend has it that, while living in Vienna, John Kerry's grandfather, Fritz Kohn, picked the new family name after closing his eyes and pointing a finger at a randomly chosen map, hitting Kerry County in Ireland. Vocabulary analysis of the first presidential debate shows that President Bush and Sen. John Kerry spoke at sixth-grade and seventh-grade levels, respectively. The 1858 debates between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas ranked at the 11th-grade and 12th-grade levels, respectively. Meanwhile, the 1960 debates between John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon averaged around the 10th-grade level. A 16-year-old Muskego, Wis., student is facing juvenile assault charges after he gave another student a wedgie. Passengers paying $150,000 to go into space on the first commercial space flights will hear David Bowie's "Space Oddity" on the way up. A Davenport, Iowa, man drove into his housing community at 10:30 p.m. to discover about 500 14-inch-high, ceramic-faced Ronald McDonald dolls neatly lined up in the middle of six streets, two to three feet apart, with no witnesses or explanation as to how they got there or why. Woodchucks don't chuck wood. An orangutan at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo, who has been overweight all her life, is "dating" again after more than a year of diet, exercise and thyroid medication. Cheeta, the retired chimpanzee star of a dozen Tarzan movies, is 72 years old and living in Palm Springs Jose Aliaga, 22-year-old Chilean man who won a new car in a competition sponsored by a radio station after he kissed the car for 54 hours and 22 minutes nonstop. Aliaga was handed the keys to the car after his last competitor fainted An astronomer in Virginia reconstructed the sound made by the big bang and concluded that it began in silence, then rose to a "majestic" major third chord before diminishing, over the course of a million years, into a more melancholy minor third. ENGLAND A suspected thief who tried to take cash from a shop in Somerset was caught after a mile-long chase involving 47 people. Said one police officer: "It started off with just a handful of people after him, but as the chase continued it looked more like a scene out of Benny Hill. When he ran across a school field there were about 40 pupils after him." GERMANY In Berlin, a 77-year-old prostitute was mugged after leaving a brothel at the end of her night shift. CANADA A car- jacker made off with a Honda Civic following a struggle at a mall outside Edmonton, but he left behind his colostomy bag, which fell off in the fight. NORWAY A woman who careened out of a grocery store in Sandnes by driving her motorized wheelchair through a plate-glass door turned herself in to face shoplifting charges. NEW ZEALAND Five men in Hamilton broke into a house and stole furniture, carrying it by hand to a home about 10 houses down the street, which took several trips while neighbors watched, police said. IRELAND A priest in Ferns took a second job as a bartender in a local pub. CAMBODIA The country's first-ever escalators have become an overnight sensation, with people traveling hundreds of miles to the five-story Shopping Center Sorya in Phnom Penh to ride them. "I've been here for two weeks just to tell people how to use the escalator," said attendant Thy Da. "At first people were afraid to use it. Some of them fell over." WHAT IF????..(A Story)...last names were protected..to protect the the insane.. It all started when our hero, Bill, woke up in a forest. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly relieved, Bill grabbed a salt shaker, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Almost immediately, he realized that his beloved Paycheck was missing! Immediately he called his friend, Chuck. Bill had known Chuck for (plus or minus) 2,000 years, the majority of which were striking ones. Chuck was unique. He was clever though sometimes a little... insensitive. Bill called him anyway, for the situation was urgent. Chuck picked up to a very unctuous Bill. Chuck calmly assured him that most marmots turn red before mating, yet bunnies usually scandalously sneeze *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Bill. Why was Chuck trying to distract Bill? Because he had snuck out from Bill's with the Paycheck only five days prior. It was a flamboyant little Paycheck... how could he resist? It didn't take long before Bill got back to the subject at hand: his Paycheck. Chuck belched. Relunctantly, Chuck invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Paycheck. Bill grabbed his microwave and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Chuck realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Paycheck and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Bill took the truck, he had take at least ten minutes before Bill would get there. But if he took the company van? Then Chuck would be very screwed. Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Chuck was interrupted by six selfish Dereks that were lured by his Paycheck. Chuck grimaced; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling displeased, he recklessly reached for his paper clip and deftly grabbed every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the company van rolling up. It was Bill. As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of spoons, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Bill was out of the company van and went indiscriminately jaunting toward Chuck's front door. Meanwhile inside, Chuck was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Paycheck into a box of pencils and then slid the box behind his television. Chuck was frustrated but at least the Paycheck was concealed. The doorbell rang. 'Come in,' Chuck indiscriminately purred. With a skillful push, Bill opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless retard in a Daewoo,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Chuck assured him. Bill took a seat right next to where Chuck had hidden the Paycheck. Chuck panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Bill was distracted. Almost immediately, Chuck noticed a dimwitted look on Bill's face. Bill slowly opened his mouth to speak. '...What's that smell?' Chuck felt a stabbing pain in his neck when Bill asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Paycheck right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Bill's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's forks from when she used to have pet wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Bill nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Chuck could react, Bill fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Paycheck was plainly in view. Bill stared at Chuck for what what must've been eight nanoseconds. Soon afterward, Chuck groped surreptitiously in Bill's direction, clearly desperate. Bill grabbed the Paycheck and bolted for the door. It was locked. Chuck let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Bill,' he rebuked. Chuck always had been a little funny-smelling, so Bill knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Chuck did something crazy, like... start chucking forks at him or something. Without warning, he gripped his Paycheck tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels. Chuck looked on, blankly. 'What the heck? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Bill. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Bill. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Chuck walked over to the window and looked down. Bill was gone. Just yonder, Bill was struggling to make his way through the cornfield behind Chuck's place. Bill had severely hurt his thigh during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dereks suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Paycheck. One by one they latched on to Bill. Already weakened from his injury, Bill yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dereks running off with his Paycheck. mana esto es verdad... en mi opinión... que esta fuerza de la estación tiene que moverse porque la característica somos encendido es bonita infectados mucho con el molde... porque los propietarios anteriores Tina y Fred Rogers de Líbano Oregon... nos dejaron con conocimiento y rápidamente alquilar este hogar y pintados sobre el molde. y pintado sobre el molde... la fabricación de mi enfermo de la familia... y de esta característica que nos estamos sentando en... es un sitio ilegal y ésa el dueño actual tiene no dicho condado del linn que la casa no esté allí el condado no sabe tan sobre esta casa en el camino del fairview de 30439 el 1/2 en Líbano Oregon...Gracias!! AM RADIO 1610 IS NOT A PIRATE STATION....BUT A PART 15 FCC LOW POWER AM STATION THAT SERVES THE ALBANY OREGON AREA....UNDER PART 15 FCC RULES THAT ARE VERY STRICT...AND THIS STATION FOLLOWS...THIS STATION HAS BEEN INSPECTED AND HAS BEEN APPROVED... I AM THE OWNER/GM/MANAGER...I OWN IT 100%...AND I HAVE NO EMPLOYEES...I DO IT ALL..OWN IT ALL AND RESERVE ALL RIGHTS...TO DO SO CHANGE ANYTHING WITHOUT NOTICE...IT ONLY COSTS ME ELECTRICITY TO RUN IT...NO OVERHEAD....I OWN THE EQUIPMENT...AND I HAVE HAD THE EQUIPMENT SINCE 1976...THERFORE I DO NOT OWN A THING...I DO NOT GIVE TOURS...I DO NOT MIND...BUT I HAVE NO TIME TO DO IT...AND WORK ON THIS STATION 6 DAYS A WEEK.... THE RANGE IS DUE TO TOWER HEIGHT...35-40' HIGH...WITH THE TRANMSITTER MOUNTED TO IT...BUT STILL FALL UNDER PART 15 FCC RULES(3 METERS)INCLUDING TRANSMITTER/ANTENNA AND TRANSMISSION LINE..ALL LEGAL...I AM NOT A PIRATE..I JUST HAVE A GOOD TRANSMITTER/HEIGHT AND GROUND(BARE COPPER WIRE)TO A COPPER ROD.....WITH 80 FEET..IF I WANT I COULD GO 10 MILES UNDER GREAT CONDITIONS...A STATION IN CALIFORNIA DOES IT....GROUND WAVE PROPERTIES HERE IN THE NORTHWEST IS A 4...THE BEST IS 30 FOR GROUND CONDUCTIVITY....THE REASON I WENT TO 1610..BECAUSE KFBK(50,000 WATTS)IN SACRAMENTO CALIFORNIA...WOULD CAUSE PROBLEMS..I DID MY HOME WORK...NO APPLICATIONS ON 1610 AND 30 KHZ AWAY FROM KGAL 1580..... Frijoles 2 cups dried pinto beans 1 large onion -- chopped 2 cloves garlic -- minced 1 teaspoon ground comino 1 chile ancho (canned) -- mashed to a paste 3 tablespoons bacon drippings salt and pepper -- to taste Pick over beans carefully; cover with cold water and let stand overnight. Before cooking, add more water, covering beans again. Combine in heavy pot with onion, garlic, comino, chile and drippings. Simmer until tender, adding a little more water when needed. When the beans are done, however, virtually all the liquid should have cooked away. If some of the beans are mashed during cooking, so much the better. Add salt and pepper to taste when done. The longer the cooking, the better your beans so cook over the slowest fire possible. Serves 4 to 8 depending on the portion size. Red Fire 4 cups red kidney beans 1/2 pound butter 1/2 pound mild cheddar cheese -- grated 4 canned jalapenos -- chopped very fine 1 teaspoon juice from jalapenos 1/4 cup onion -- grated or scraped 1 clove garlic -- pressed salt -- to taste paprika -- optional Cover beans with cold water, bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer until tender. Drain and puree through sieve or food mill. Place in large double broiler or saucepan over hot water, add remaining ingredients and cook until cheese is melted. Paprika may be added if desired for a redder red. When serving, keep hot over candle warmer or in chafing dish with tostados or fried tortillas; or serve on small individual plates over fritos; or as a filling for split broiled hot dogs. This is also delectable over very rare hamburgers. The Best Chicken-Fried Steak South of Omaha 1 6 ounce round steak cutlet -- machine tenderized flour 4 eggs 1 can flat beer 1 tablespoon Adolph's meat tenderizer salt, pepper, and garlic salt -- to taste Bill Maxwell, former Texas restaurateur, originally claimed his chicken-fried steak was the "best found south of the Rio Brazos." Subsequent chicken-fried steak contests proved him truthful, so he extended his claim to include all lands south of the Arkansas River. In another conversation with Bill, we found his "boundary" had crept north to Omaha, Nebraska. Well, eventually he's gonna have to stop at the North Pole ... we hope. Sprinkle salt, pepper and garlic salt on both sides of tenderized steak to taste. Put steak onto a tray that is well-covered with flour. Then "pound the hell out of it (the steak) with stiff fingers, working from the center out, until it reaches the size of an L.P. record." (That's those things they used to make before compact discs). Flip several times and repeat pounding. Mix eggs, beer, 1 teaspoon salt and Adolph's meat tenderizer in a shallow bowl. Add enough flour to make a thin, watery batter. Beat mixture smooth. Dip meat into batter. "Flop" back onto flour tray and cover with four. Pound again with fingertips until moisture is absorbed. Cook in deep fat at 350 degrees until golden brown. Serve with French fries and cover with white gravy. Mrs. Owen's Cook Book Chili (1880) lean beef -- cut in small dice oil onions 1 clove garlic -- chopped fine 1 tablespoon flour 2 tablespoons espagnole 1 teaspoon ground oregano 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 teaspoon ground coriander dried whole peppers cooked beans This may be the earliest printed recipe for chili con carne and it is surprisingly authentic, save for the suspect addition of "espagnole", white sauce seasoned with hame, carrot, onion, celery, and clove. The words are Mrs. Owen's own. This might be called the national dish of Mexico. Literally, it means 'pepper with meat' and when prepared to suit the taste of the average Mexican, is not misnamed. Take lean beef and cut in small dice, put to cook with a little oil. When well braised, add some onions, a clove of garlic chopped fine and one tablespoon flour. Mix and cover with water or stock and two tablespoons espagnole, 1 teaspoon each of ground oregano, camino, and coriander. The latter can be purchased at any drug store. Take dried whole peppers and remove the seeds, cover with water and put to boil and when thoroughly cooked pass through a fine strainer. Add sufficient puree to the stew to make it good and hot, and salt to taste. To be served with a border of Mexican beans (frijoles), well cooked in salted water. Frijoles or Mexican brown beans. Boil beans in an earthen vessel until soft (four to eight hours). Mash and put them into a frying pan of very hot lard and fry until comparatively dry and light brown. Sometimes chopped onions are put into the lard before the beans are added and sometimes pods of red pepper or grated cheese. Walker's Red Hot Chile Con Carne (1918) 1 pound beef -- cut in small pieces 1/4 pound beef suet -- ground fine or lard 2 tablespoons Walker's Mexene 1 medium onion -- minced water In 1918, Walker Austex was producing 45,000 cans of Walker's Red Hot Chile Con Carne (with beans) and 15,000 cans of Mexene Chili Powder a day in their new factory in Austin, Texas. But Walker had already been selling canned Mexican foods for over a quarter century and may have been the first to can chili. Gebhardt's didn't start canning chili (as opposed to making chili powder) until 1911. Walker's 1918 recipe booklet had recipes for "chile huevos" and "chili mac" -- plus something called "combination chili con carne" -- one can chili mixed with one can tomatoes. Genuine Mexican Chile Con Carne. One pound of beef cut in small pieces; 1/4 lb. beef suet, ground fine (or you can use lard). Add two tablespoons of Walker's Mexene, one medium sized onion minced; add water and boil until thoroughly cooked. The gravy from this chili con carne is fine for macaroni, spaghetti and vegetables. If beans are wanted, use any good red bean. For instance -- California Bayous, California Pinks or Pinto Beans. When these are not convenient, use French Red Kidney Beans. Boil the beans separately and add beans when serving. Texas Jail Chili (Circa 1950) 1/2 pound beef suet -- ground 2 pounds coarse ground beef 3 garlic cloves -- minced 1 1/2 tablespoons paprika 3 tablespoons chili powder 1 tablespoon cumin seeds 1 tablespoon salt 1 teaspoon white pepper 1 1/2 teaspoons ground dried sweet chile pods 3 cups water Texas prison chili got its good reputation from Sheriff Smoot Schmid's truly fine recipe for the Dallas County Jail. Recently, however, a Texas prison chili contest was won by Huntsville Penitentiary with a godawful recipe that called for twice as much cumin as chili powder and "2 handfuls" of monosodium glutamate. In Texas, this is called crime deterrence. Dallas County Chili Fry suet in a heavy kettle. Add meat, finely diced garlic and seasonings; cover. Cook slowly for four hours, stirring occasionally. Add the water and continue cooking until the chili has thickened slightly, about one hour. Serve plain or mixed with equal portion of cooked pink or red beans.

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